Tadfield. Mary Hodges' office at Tadfield Manor. Mary is behind her executive desk, Crowley lounging in a luxurious armchair opposite the desk, Karen sitting upright in another. Crowley is speaking.
Karen, we've made arrangements for your move to a flat just outside Oxford this weekend. I understand your courses begin Monday?
Yes.
Karen's excitement and anticipation are obvious. Mary continues:
We'll send a lorry around to your home at nine tomorrow morning, if that will work for you?
Oh yes. I don't have much to move, really. Mostly my tool boxes.
The flat is furnished. Notify us if there's anything you find lacking or that needs replacement and we'll see to it.
Crowley growls:
No parties. You must maintain as low a profile as possible. You know why.
Mary continues:
Your bodyguard will have a car. A used grey Ford Fiesta. To blend in and not attract attention.
A bodyguard?
Crowley gives Karen a keen look.
I've hired a body guard for your security. Who is also enrolled in the same courses as you. And will be living with you. The flat has a second bedroom. I trust you'll understand the need for this infringement upon your privacy?
Karen looks uncertain. So close to living independently. Now this.
I . . . well, I was rather looking forward to being on my own. But I can get along with just about anyone.
You will not attempt to evade your body guard, such as when going on dates or having sex?
Karen's embarrassment is obvious. She turns a deep pink.
I . . . I don't think that will be an issue, Mr. Crowley.
I do. You're an attractive young woman.
Not really, Mr. Crowley.
Crowley regards her silently. Decides refuting body shaming of plump, plain young human females is not his job.
Well then. Let's get on with this and introduce your body guard.
Mary taps her phone. Soon footsteps sound in the hall, and Disposable Demon Manny enters the room.
Or, saunters into the room would be more accurate. Copping Demon's Crowley's demeanor, hands jammed into pockets of skinny black jeans, thumbs pointing to crotch. Dark glasses. Inky hair in loose silky waves, two curls oddly upturned in a semblance of small horns. Coffee skin. Unshaven.
Take of the glasses, Manny.
Wordlessly, and with a vague air of insolence, Manny flips off his glasses. To reveal black, half-lidded eyes in a visage with a remarkable resemblance to a lean twenty-something Lenny Kravitz.
Karen is speechless. The demon turns, extends his hands and gives her a courtly bow. She turns scarlet.
Crowley and Mary lock eyes. Crowley uncoils from his chair, heads for the door.
You two take off to the café and get acquainted over coffee or something. Mary has work to do. I gotta go. Ciao.
Tadfield Manor. The small office of the two Disposable Demon Erics. They chat back and forth over their shared desk.
One of the Mannys is going with Karen to helicopter school.
I wish we could go.
Demon Crowley says we're needed here.
Yeah. Management training full time from now on.
All those properties he's acquiring. Mary says we're going to be really busy with staff and accounting.
I like computers better than cars anyway.
But we'll miss being around Karen every day.
Yeah. I loved touching her.
When we rescued her from that lecherous human?
Uh huh. She let me put an arm around her waist.
And I got to hold her shoulders.
The two sit in wistful silence for some moments.
She's only going as far away as Oxford.
Maybe we can visit?
Or maybe she'll come home on weekends and holidays.
Do you ever wonder what she looks like without her clothes?
All the time.
More moments of contemplative silence.
We can't have sex with a human, of course.
We don't even have sex with demons.
Wouldn't want to be an incubus.
No! 'Course not. [Extremely disgusted sneer.]
But I'd still like to hold her and be close to her.
Yeah. I'll bet that would feel nice.
Would it be wrong, do you think?
What the fuck? We're demons. We're supposed to do wrong.
More thoughtful silence.
Lucky other Eric, seducing that angel.
Do you think she realizes what's going to happen when he gets discorporated?
Dunno. Guessing they're not talking about that much right now.
Let's take a break and practice "Blood Sweat & Tears" in the conference room.
How about "Black Swan?"
Yeah. You're right. That one would be better.
Tadfield Manor. Karen and Manny are seated across from one another at a small table in the otherwise empty café, each having a cappuccino. The counter attendant has gone off into the kitchen to rummage through the supplies closet.
So, where are you from, Manny?
Hell.
Tch. Seriously. Are you from London? Or some foreign country?
Mr. Crowley says to tell humans I'm from Brazil.
"Humans?" What, are you an alien or something?
I'm a demon.
You know, if you're going to be hanging around me all the bloody time, you're going to have to cut the bullshit.
No bullshit. Mr. Crowley's orders are to not lie to you.
You really expect me to believe you're a demon from Hell?
Manny shrugs. Then snorts.
Humans! You believe all sorts of ridiculous shit. And ignore what's staring you right in the face.
Karen silently regards him. A lightbulb goes on.
Are the two Erics also demons?
Yes.
And let me guess. So is Mr. Crowley.
Yes.
Bloody hell. Whatever happened to guardian angels?
There's only one in Tadfield right now. Mr. Crowley's lover.
Mr. Fell? The bookshop owner?
The angel Aziraphale.
There were others?
One other. She is Eric's lover. They are now working at a horse farm in the Cotswolds.
All those Erics who helped Mum and I move from London weren't sextuplets? There are lots of them?
Yes. Lots of me, too.
Karen digests all this for a long moment, then grimaces.
Great. I get saddled with a smoking hot guy and he turns out to be a demon.
Smoking hot? Am I doing that?
Manny looks around.
No. "Smoking hot" just means you're good-looking. Sexy.
Oh. . . . I can't have sex with you.
More orders from Mr. Crowley?
No. Having sex with humans is the punishment for incubi and succubi.
"Punishment?"
The disgust on Manny's face is all too plain.
They are considered the filthiest of all the ranks of demons.
So having sex with humans is a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it? Just not you?
Manny nods.
Karen rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Takes a sip of her coffee. Sits back in her chair and sighs.
Manny gives her a look.
Would you rather I were female?
He transforms into a sultry dark brunette.
Oh lord. Don't do that. There'd be a line following you down the street. You'd have to fight off the men.
He morphs back.
You think so? As a woman I would be followed and get into fights with human males?
I was using a figure of speech. Just like when I said you're smoking hot. I meant how men think they're entitled to pester women and make nuisances of themselves. You would attract them.
The London DeeDees say they have to smite human males all the time.
Probably true, in London. DeeDee is a demon, too? That little mop of a girl can wreck someone?
More than one.
Karen looks thoughtful.
Did the Erics tell you about that guy in the shop a few weeks ago?
Yes.
Well, if you can move in a fight like they did, I guess you'll do as a bodyguard.
I can pin Eric two falls out of three. Mr. Crowley says we are not to use our knives, though.
Knives?
Manny reaches out a hand, into which an obsidian dagger appears.
Omigod. No. You mess someone up with that, the police will come round for sure. You know, this is really depressing. Let's talk about something else. What do demons do for fun?
We like to drink alcohol. You humans have been very inventive with that substance. And dancing. We like hip hop.
So. We can go clubbing in Oxford, you think?
Manny grins.
Hope so.
You'll have to show me some dance moves.
I can do that.
