Jumin handed her a thick folder filled with documents.
….
Ran wasn't sure if she should be worried or amused.
Worried because it was strange to receive documents on your 100 day anniversary?
Amused because it was probably something only Jumin would ever do?
She took out the documents but nearly dropped them as soon as she got to the core of what these documents entailed.
Ran's Fundraising Association.
Her fingers tightened around the paperwork, her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she bit down trying to maintain a straight face, and her focus became hyper aware—her eyes slowly moving across each sheet one after the other; shuffling the documents with shaky hands. A sense of unease began to pervade her body.
It was a proposal to create an organization. The basic mission was to help those in need or at risk and to help raise their standard of living, but the more detailed idea was to facilitate networking between homeless shelters, orphanages, job placement agencies, training programs, schools, volunteers and even large companies that had large turnover rates. The concept was to not only provide assistance to those in need, but to lend a hand to those who were willing to put in the effort to help themselves better their future.
It didn't stop at simply helping with networking people. There were even plans on building housing and facilities with graphs projecting donations needed for sustaining all the properties as well as including a percentage which would be set aside to be used to improve low income communities. The staggering amount of information was not only detailed, but well thought out. It was after all highly ambitious for a brand new organization with no current foundation, no existing chain of command and no patrons to support it. And yet there were already plans to expand in the future to encompass the country. The organization even has a proper logo.
As the name of the organization suggests, she would be the leader.
It was an extremely lofty position.
Jumin's idea was to give her this organization, this power. Judging from the paperwork, there were already volunteers and employees, it was already active.
How was it being funded currently? By their largest and only donor so far, C&R.
The unease grew heavier as it gripped her heart as if choking it.
She…
She didn't want this.
Not like this.
There had been a small spark of recognition in her mind as she read through the papers; this was something she used to dream of achieving when she was little. To be able to help people. To see less people struggling and living on the streets in the rundown neighborhood in her childhood days. It was an innocent and idealistic dream. She had nearly forgotten it as she became older. Becoming more jaded with the world over time.
She wasn't the same innocent girl with those pure hearted dreams anymore. She wasn't a kind person. She wasn't a selfless person.
These days she only cared about taking care of herself and the people she loved.
Ultimately she believed herself to be a selfish person.
Could someone like that be in charge of taking care of so many people? Even if she could support the existence of such a wonderful organization, the reasons were arbitrary. She would only be supporting it because it was common human decency, because she didn't like to see other people suffer. Shouldn't someone that truly cared for the people be running this? Someone truly selfless? Someone that was actually admirable?
Or was this for something else?
Was this just to put her in contact with affluent people? It would make sense then to give her this kind of position. Something she didn't earn. Something she didn't deserve.
Was this something to be used to elevate her status? To make it so it wouldn't look wrong for her to be by Jumin's side?
After all, alone, she wasn't that capable.
Could she really stay by Jumin's side after realizing this?
"...top… Stop."
Something soft touched her face.
Ran looked up to see Jumin. He had an odd expression. His thumb lightly brushed across her jaw.
"You're bleeding…"
She hadn't realized it until he said it. There was a taste of iron in her mouth. She had bit down so hard it had cut into her lip.
He had been sitting across the table from her. When did he suddenly appear in front of her?
There was an icy cold sensation being pressed against her lip and her hands immediately went up to touch it, brushing against Jumin's hands and a familiar soft fabric. It was Jumin's handkerchief—it was wrapped around some ice.
When did he...
"I apologize. I did not expect you to react so negatively to this."
She blinked at him slowly as her brain tried to become more aware. To pay attention to this man in front of her.
Jumin looked...
Pained.
"I was being presumptuous. I had been under the impression you would be happy with this. I had thought I would be fulfilling one of your childhood dreams, but instead it seems I have caused you emotional turmoil."
Ran didn't know what to say.
Wasn't she simply being ungrateful then?
Jumin was being kind. He was being thoughtful.
He cared about her. He was trying to make her happy.
And here she was being stupid about it.
He wasn't trying to chain her to him by giving her this.
He wasn't trying to add weight to her conscience.
He was doing it because it had been her dream.
He was doing it because he loved her.
He's so pure.
So lovable.
And she was being an idiot.
"I…"
She should tell him. How she feels.
Because she loves him too.
"I'm scared."
"Scared?" Jumin sounded puzzled.
"Scared." Ran affirmed.
"Why would you be scared, my love?" Jumin's voice was light. Soft. It calmed her.
"Aren't you giving me too much credit? I've never even been part of a charity fundraiser, much less running one, and you're basically giving me an entire organization. You've even used my name for the organization itself… Are.." Ran hesitated. Should she really say it out loud? Her voice came out small and slightly trembling. "Are you trying to elevate my status to be able to be by your side..?"
Jumin was silent, as if stunned, and didn't speak. As the silence carried on, it made Ran feel uncomfortable.
It made her feel cold and heavy.
The weight of uneasiness wrapped tighter around her heart and words came out of her.
To attack herself.
To attack their pure and blissful relationship.
"To be honest, I'm nobody. I don't have much money. I'm not particularly successful nor am I beautiful. There aren't any qualities worth mentioning about me. I'm not exceptional. I'm simply average. There are probably millions of other women just like that. How can I be worth anything by your side? Do I need to be given things to become exceptional? Do I need to change myself to become more exceptional? To be worth something more?"
Why had she been so confident it would last?
That things could always be blissful between them?
When she had thoughts like this?
A musky scent brushed against her nose as strong arms wrapped around her; a small weight softly fell upon her head, petting her hair. There was a soft rumble underneath her ear as Jumin started to speak.
"To be honest. Those thoughts have never come across my mind in the slightest. Thinking back, I should have been more aware of such things especially due to my father. I did not realize I was perhaps falling into the same vein. After all I am well used to being given projects for the sake of all his lovers, which were all business ventures to accumulate wealth for those women. They were all selfish endeavors; whereas this project was your wish to give charity to others. It was already different in that sense. I did not take into account how it would have make you feel outside of the fact it was something you had long desired. I apologize. I should have been more conscious of it."
There was a sense of frustration, as Ran felt a prickle in her nose, she wasn't going to cry over this. "It's not your fault… I'm the one having stupid thoughts."
"...Your concerns are not stupid, though I am saddened they exist. For the most part, by what standards are you measuring your worth? The standards of Korea—the country we reside in? The United States—your home country? The world? Exactly, who or what dictates the standards of worth or success for that matter? Society? Different societies have different standards.
There are no universal world standards, hence 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. I believe this concept doesn't only apply to beauty, it applies to everything else in life.
What do people constitute for success? The amount of money one has? The amount of recognition received? In that sense, I could be viewed as being successful since I was born without having to lift a finger. I was successful for simply being born into wealth with a large conglomerate waiting for me to inherit. However, to me, it is not as such. How could that be seen as success when I have done nothing? To me, in order to be successful, I'd rather receive recognition based on my own merits. I care little for what others truly think of me so long as they are able to acknowledge my ability. This is what would give me the fulfillment I desire. Therefore, rather than basing success on what others think it to be. It would be more accurate to say, what have you accomplished to fulfill your desires? How happy are you? Money. Recognition. Being exceptional. Those should be secondary to your overall happiness. We are fortunate enough in which money is not an issue, therefore, what is it that you want to achieve to make you happy? Nothing else matters. What I can give you. What others can give you. It is all meaningless. It may be selfish, but so long as you are happy. What does it matter—the ease in which you obtained it? If I can provide the platform for you to obtain your own sense of fulfillment—your happiness—then I will do so regardless of what others think."
Ran was looking up at Jumin in shock. "I… I'm a little surprised. It's a bit emotional of you…"
"Why wouldn't I be emotional when it comes to your happiness?"
"... I still feel like I'm just using you… It makes me uncomfortable… Plus I don't think this is something I can do by myself..."
"If that is your worry, then it would be a simple matter of us running the charity together."
"...But you're the one that did all the work to start it up…"
"Ah. You fail to realize my love. Without you. It would not even exist."
Ran wrapped her arms around Jumin's waist, burying herself further into his arms. "...I guess you're right. Though maybe we could change the name… I really don't want to make it sound like I'm the owner or main person behind this."
Jumin smiled, "Of course, if that's what you want."
"We should still keep the logo though… It looks nice."
Jumin made a noise of agreement. "Hm. This wasn't the only gift I had for you."
Ran pulled away, looking up at Jumin giving him a wary expression. "What else is there…? I really don't need any more shocks to my heart."
Jumin took her hand, bringing her to the living room where a large box was laid out. Ran hesitated as she went to open the box.
Her eyebrows jumped up in shock before her lips quirked up.
Jumin felt satisfied, "I've read many couples liked to do this and felt it wasn't such a bad idea."
Ran laughed.
"Min Min. I love the thoughtfulness behind this, but I'm not going to wear a feminine version of your suit."
.
.
.
They ended up renaming the charity, Revitalization Fundraising Association.
