First and foremost, I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. Second, I hope you are all staying SANE. Starting to realize I took people, in general, for granted. I can't tell you how many times I wrote and then rewrote and then deleted and wrote this chapter again. It was very difficult as I was trying to adhere too strictly to the oneshot it was before. I essentially broke it up into two parts. This is the first part, the next will be at least 40% lemon.


JULY

If nothing else, Sasuke found himself to be most proficient when it came to creating distractions to avoid his problems. He most certainly was not always successful, but with his new responsibilities, he found it an almost effortless task to produce these distractions. In fact, he had designed a near perfect regimen for his new life at the palace. His day to day activities no longer hinged on the expectations of his evenings with her and he had almost convinced himself that he was better off for it.

Wake up.

Eat.

Train.

Eat.

Train.

Eat.

Train.

Sleep.

Wake up.

Eat.

Train.

Eat.

Train.

Eat.

Train.

Sleep.

Wake up.

Eat.

Train.

He can feel her eyes on him again.

Eat.

Train.

Eat.

Train.

He should avoid the gardens on his way back to the barracks.

Sleep.

Dream.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun!"

Wake up.

Don't eat.

Train.

Must she stare so unabashedly?

Train.

Train.

Train.

Avoid the gardens.

Lay awake in bed.

Don't sleep.

Just think. . . Think of her.

"I would have you fuck me," that trace of humor present in her smile as she crawled forward suggested that this beguiling woman held more control over him than he had ever hoped to possess over himself. Her fingers spread over his abdomen and hooked beneath the waistband of his pants. She pulled them down until his length sprang free. That teasing smile vanished as she pursed her lips to kiss the vein that pulsed and ran along the underside of his member, "I would have you fuck me, over and over again."

Sasuke jolted upright, cot creaking under the sudden shift in his weight, but not a single recruit stirred; he envied them for that. These past months he had been most ineffective when it came to exhausting himself for the purpose of achieving a good night's sleep. He slipped off his bed, standing quietly, and felt the uncomfortable bob of his cock in his cotton pants. With a stifled groan of frustration, he tucked it into his waistband and wandered outside.

The air was humid, torrid and oppressive against his skin like a blanket he could not shed. He had never much favored one season over another, but as the summer days wore on with no end in sight he found himself longing for the frosty bite of winter. And between the constraint of the heat and the smother from his own thoughts, he felt as if he'd been set adrift on a perpetual sea with nothing to sate his hunger nor quench his thirst. He knew there were worse things to be plagued with, but it did not stop him from dwelling in his suffering on a night such as this.

Turning from the corner of the barracks, he started on the trail through the gardens. The sky was clear, the moon shining down on the sprawling pond that once more housed Sakura's koi. He caught glimpses of their shimmering scales as he passed by, while, in a tree somewhere, he could hear the soft croon of a bird. He found the tranquil splendor of the palace in the middle of the night to be truly an arresting sight. If he had any other reason to be out at such an hour, he might even enjoy it. But, Sasuke had taken many walks like this in recent months; his midnight maladies were a stubborn recurrence that allowed him no reprieve. She was always there, in every contour of the shadows that lurked around him, laying in wait in the crevices of his mind, entwined within his very being.

Stopping short just before the willow tree, he almost thought of turning back. He could attempt another try at sleep, despite the obvious relief this shameful action would provide him. Sasuke shifted uncomfortably on his feet, the stiffness of his member still yet to abate. He was growing tired of this routine, physically, mentally - emotionally. How many more nights like this could he endure?

At least one more, he thought.

Bowing his head, he slipped under the willow tree for an attempt at secrecy. In an adept manner, he pulled his cock out and began stroking himself right there. He pumped his fist quickly, squeezing the head with every movement up his shaft. Though his eyes were shut tightly, he could see her so clearly at the forefront of his mind. Her supple pink lips were wrapped around his painfully hard member, her nails digging into his thighs as she worked her mouth up and down. Kami, he missed her mouth; the way her tongue would taunt him from base to tip, the way her lips would squeeze him at the base, and - fuck - her eyes, the way she would look at him. So greedy, so wanton -

Sasuke hissed as he felt the heat of his release rise through him and he spilled his seed on the ground at his feet. He took a moment to collect himself, leaning back against the trunk of the tree as perspiration ran down his feverish skin. Raking a hand through his hair, he exhaled in long shuddering breaths, then tucked himself back into his pants.


Sakura fingered the edge of the parchment as she read the passage yet again, while, absently, her right index finger twirled around a stray strand of hair that tickled her chin. Though it was nighttime and the candle had burned almost to its wick, she did not move to light another. With a long exhale through her nose, she tossed the letter onto the pile that cluttered her table by the window. There were so many sentiments, such elaborate and eloquent words gracing each page.

While most were written by Hibiki, entreating her affections, it seemed that her appearance at her party had sparked interest from a number of courtiers that she had scarcely spoken a word to. There was little to be done about it, so she amassed a collection of these doting words like a curator of fine art. She had enough to fill her sitting room, her bedroom, and her lonely nights. She brought her feet up on the chair, drawing her legs against her chest, chin coming to rest on the tops of her knees. All meaningless, she thought with a bereft sigh, at least to her.

There came a soft knock at her door, causing Sakura to rise to her feet.

"Come in," she called and one of her guards entered.

"Haruno-sama, I am assuming my post for the evening. Do you require anything?"

"No, thank you," she offered a smile, "I think I will turn in now."

The guard nodded and bowed before taking his leave. Since the cold nights had ceased, there was no reason for her soldiers to shelter in her sitting room while they kept watch, and Sakura was grateful for that addition to her privacy. As the door shut, Sakura blew out the candle and retreated to her bedroom. Drawing her curtains closed, she began to remove the many layers from her kimono. It was a task she now found to be much less enjoyable without him to undress for.

Although, it had not stopped her from imagining he was still there, watching her. So she stood amongst the heap of silks on her floor, slipping her hands over her shoulders and between her breasts. She closed her eyes as her fingertips glided over her abdomen. There was a familiarity in the places that she touched herself, in traversing the same paths he had on those many frigid nights. Sakura squeezed her breast and rolled her nipple between her thumb and forefinger, sighing softly.

But in the back of her mind, she knew it wasn't the same.

"Sakura."

She slipped a finger between the lips of her cunt. She was wet already - just thinking about him had her aching. When she had seen him on the grounds this morning, training the new soldiers - Kami, he was magnificent to look at. A moan escaped her as she thought of his chiseled torso glistening with sweat. How often had she run her hands down his chest? Felt the sharp outlines of his muscles? Or seen that same fierce determination in his eyes when he made her come? Her fingers dipped into her eager passage; she had to work two in just to simulate the feel of one of his.

"Sakura."

She could hear his voice, the desire laced within it, but she could not see him. Dropping the hand kneading her breast, she began circling her clit. She tried to recall the way he pressed upon that hive of sensitive nerves just right to coax her out onto the edge, as though she could will the sensation into existence.

But her hands were not his; the pads of his fingers were rough from years of brutal training. They had always added a pleasurable texture to his ministrations. Skura was too soft, too delicate, uncertain and fragile as she explored her own body. What's more, she could not hold a candle to his thirst for her. She opened her eyes slowly as the fire of her fortitude slowly faded.

He was still not there and in his absence, he had left her an ever churning tempest that threatened to breach the shores of the world around her, decimating anything in her course.


Naturally, Sasuke found his only moments of relief to be when he was locked away in the Emperor's study with Kizashi and Hatake-san to devise their plans of attack or in the endless hours spent sparring with his recruits out on the grounds. It was the only time he did not have to think, but he could hear the soldiers complaining about how unfair he was, how he pushed them beyond their breaking points and exhausted them beyond reason. He supposed he was taking his own frustrations out on them, abusing his authority to help distract him from the crippling reality of the last few months, because maybe if he wore himself to the brink of collapse, then he would be too tired to seek her out or speak her name or give her even so much as a single thought.

But these were notions that he now knew to be futile; he had predicted he would miss her, but he could never have imagined it would feel like this.

Sasuke dared to glance up from his troop of soldiers to the other side of the lake. At such a distance, he could not clearly see her face, but he could still see her. She sat beside the willow tree with her ladies in the sweltering heat as they lounged under their wagasas and fanned themselves. He looked away quickly, hoping the brief slip of his control went unnoticed by her.

But of course it didn't, because she always watched him, and Sakura's heart had skipped when she saw his head turn in her direction.

"Sakura-chan," Tenten waved the letter in front of her face.

"Apologies," Sakura's eyes snapped to Tenten's, "I was lost in my thoughts."

"This is from Hibiki. He bade me give it to you when I saw you next," she said with a wry smile. Sakura took the letter from Tenten's hand and folded it in her lap.

"Thank you."

"Are you not going to read it?" Ino asked incredulously.

"Do not keep us in suspense!" Karin said excitedly.

"Ladies," Sakura rolled her eyes, "I doubt it is much different from the others he has sent me. I think I have enough letters to stoke my fire through the next three winters."

"Must be nice," Ino scoffed and looked over to the many shirtless guards brawling with one another, "Karin, do you have any letters?"

"No," Karin shook her head vehemently.

"Perhaps we should go get some then?" Ino raised her brows in a most suggestive manner. Karin shot to her feet and looped her arm with Ino's.

"I do believe we should," she giggled and with that, they went off to go bother the new palace soldiers. Sakura looked after them with a wistful gaze, while Tenten tutted as they walked away.

"If they spent half their time furthering a pursuit that did not involve pining after men, I am certain they would have husbands already," she said briskly. Hinata, who had watched the whole scene in apt silence, laughed aloud at that.

"Then what is my excuse?" Sakura asked pointedly.

"Stubbornness," Tenten nodded without a second's thought. Sakura sighed; she could not argue with that. It was quite stubborn of her to desire only one man when she had the whole court at her disposal, "I should return to your mother. She is expecting me for tea."

"Do enjoy yourself," Sakura said to Tenten as she bowed and set off on the path. Glancing at Hinata out of the corner of her eye, Sakura remarked, "You may leave if you wish."

"It is quite alright, Sakura-chan," Hinata beamed, "I like it out here."

Sakura cracked a smile and turned her attention back to the soldiers.

"I appreciate your company."

As soon as he saw her head shift, Sasuke faced his recruits once more; stolen glances only succeeded in fueling his evening woes.

Motioning for one of the recruits to come forward, he decided he would swap places with him. It was rare that he engaged in combat with his troops, not because he felt himself above it, but between his duties as their general and the level of his skill, it was not always sensible. It was his responsibility now to watch over them and, though they were progressing quickly, it at times remained an unfair fight.

Sasuke knew this. But he needed a distraction.


Lee was beginning to think himself a fool. Naive for a man of his age and stature; ignorant and utterly senseless when it came to the ways of women. Granted, she was not a particularly common woman. Being full of whimsy and unparalleled in eloquence, she could be quite intimidating to the most stalwart of men.

Yet at the same time, she could be just as perplexing. Lee had found his efforts to understand her upset not only by her temperament and fickleness, but by other, unforeseeable factors as well. When Hibiki-san was not occupying her time, Sakura situated herself on the stone bench by the lone willow tree and looked out to the fields beyond her gardens that bordered the forest. Her gaze was fixed, but often far away, like a widow staring out at the horizon by the sea, searching for someone that would never return. Although, Lee knew exactly who Sakura was looking for.

He was out there everyday, from sunrise to sunset, training with the other soldiers. When Lee tried to pull her away, to distract her with his company, she became most resilient, drudging up one excuse or another. He was willing to admit that he perhaps had not handled their encounters with expertise or grace, but he could not understand her desire to sit and pine for the man across the gardens. Did she not understand the fruitlessness of her efforts? What did she see in him anyway? A lowly soldier could never hope to provide for a woman of her stature. What she needed in a husband was a future ruler, someone of wealth and prestige; a husband that could offer something to the Haruno legacy. How could she allow herself to fall in love with somebody like him?

Although, to his credit, the soldier had heeded Lee's words. There had been a regular rotation of guards at her doors the past few months and not a single one had been the Uzumaki. Still, Lee had to wonder what other obstacles he would have to endure just to achieve a fair chance with her.

As though triggered by that thought, Hibiki came sprinting towards Sakura and her ladies with a small wooden box in hand - no doubt another gift he wished to bestow upon the Emperor's daughter.

Hibiki had become a most generous suitor. He had taken monumental strides to ensure Sakura had the finest jewelry, the most expensive silks, and the most luxurious treasures. With a loathsome frown, Lee considered how fortuitous Hibiki's tragedy now appeared to be; he must have inherited a mighty fortune with his father's passing.

Sakura laughed at Hibiki's remark and threw her head back, catching sight of Lee just at the threshold of the gardens. He offered a smile, but she turned her head as though she had not seen him. He sighed heavily and reversed on his heel; it did not seem she wanted much to do with him lately anyways. As difficult as it was for him to fathom, Lee had to wonder if that was something he would never be able to remedy.


When it wasn't a letter, it was a new necklace or a new coat or an ivory handled brush. Sakura sat by the window of her sitting room as the candle before her wavered and flickered. The gold so delicately weaved into a luxuriant chain danced in the warm light. Her fingers glanced the emerald stones that Hibiki remarked had reminded him so much of her verdant eyes.

Perhaps it was customary in these situations, when one was receiving such bountiful gifts, to inform one's parents. After all, gifts such as these would most surely suggest a marriage proposal was on its way. Yet, seeing as neither her mother nor her father had said so much as a word to her about the newly returned suitor, Sakura had decidedly kept her mouth shut for fear of inciting any suspicions.

Furthermore, she had gone so far as to hide the jewelry so that they would not raise questions when anyone visited her rooms. Still, she felt obligated to make the occasional appearance in public with one of his tokens of affection prominently displayed on her neck or in her hair. She only hoped that no one would notice, least of all Sasuke. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she had forgotten him.

Sakura squeezed the necklace, letting it bite into her palm as her heart constricted. Why did she still hold such hope for him?

Standing sharply, she stormed to her bedroom and, with little care, tossed the necklace into the drawer of her bedside table.


That morning, he decided he needed a day away from the gardens, away from her magnetic presence and piercing stare. It being a particularly scorching day, he thought the coverage of the trees might serve them well. So, Sasuke led his recruits into the forest outside of the palace, set on a familiar path that looked almost like an entirely different world in the light of day. He stepped into the clearing, his troops fanning out before him to occupy what he now realized was an almost sprawling expanse of space; it had seemed so much smaller on those cold winter nights when it was just the two of them -

He quickly shook off that thought and turned to face his soldiers. It had been a clumsy first month as he acclimated to the prospect of telling other people what to do. Now, he had resolved himself to the fact that it might never be something he would ever be comfortable with, but it was his duty. As he looked out over their ranks, he felt a trickle of fear run down his spine at the thought; he was responsible for every one of their lives.

For a moment, he allowed himself to feel the profundity of that notion, because, as far away as it had seemed for so many months, they would be shipping out soon - the Emperor need only give the word - and there would be no time to think or feel or worry over these things.

So he let himself revel in that fear, clinging to it almost with a certainty that he may never experience an immense dread such as this again.

Nor belonging, or happiness, or. . .

Sasuke broke them into their divisions and started them on basic drills. As he marched across the clearing, watching for their form and execution, he supposed he could make use of the environment for the day. He imagined they could find ways to camouflage themselves in the towering trees around them; he might even be able to make a game of it.

As he took another step, something snapped beneath his foot and the sound drew his attention to the ground. A slew of felled branches lay haphazardly on the grass before him. With furrowed brows he approached the nearest tree. He could see the fresh marks on the trunk where its arms had been hacked off with fury. Sasuke raised his hand, running his fingers over the notches in the bark; elongated, spirited strokes, most likely from a blade, had lacerated its entirety. They did not look like the marks of an animal and they were certainly not the marks he and Sakura had left from their nights of training.

He frowned; it had to have been accomplished with a sword.

Could this be her doing? No, she would not be so reckless as to -

He huffed and clenched his fist.

Of course she would be.

Bristling, he turned back to his recruits.

What was she thinking?


The sun was sweltering above them and Sakura did not even have the reprieve of looking upon Sasuke as he trained with the other soldiers that day. If not out on the grounds, where could he be?

"Sakura-chan, please," Ino whined, "It is too hot to stay out here."

"Then go inside," Sakura snapped, barely sparing a glance in her direction. Ino looked startled, taken aback by her sharp tone. Sakura winced; she knew she was being rude and she started to apologize, but Ino didn't give her the chance. She stood abruptly to begin marching down the trail. With a curt nod from Sakura, Karin and Tenten scurried after Ino, both having a desire to attend to their friend as well as to get out from under the glare of the sun. Hinata, however, stayed by Sakura's side, dutiful if not a bit concerned by her recent behavior. Sakura sighed and looked out over the shimmering lake. She could just make out the silhouettes of some of her koi from where she sat as they swam about without a care.

She had not imagined it would be like this. She thought she might feel pain or sorrow or anger or anything that was not the empty hope that swallowed her every morning. But she supposed that in itself was enough to make her angry, cause her sorrow, and inflict pain upon her. Each sunrise had brought with it new hope that he might change his mind, realize the mistake he made, and each nightfall reinforced the permanence of his decision, the loneliness that was her life now.

"You may go inside if you like," Sakura turned her eyes on Hinata, who waved her fan in a motion so delicate that Sakura doubted she were getting any relief at all.

"I am all right, Sakura-chan," she smiled sweetly, "The sun will set soon."

"Have we been out here so long?" Sakura almost balked, but she restrained herself. How had she lost track of yet another day?

"Sakura-chan," Hinata took a seat beside her on the bench, tentative in a way that was surprising even for her, "Y - You seem distracted lately," she hesitated before murmuring her next words, "Troubled even."

"I am sorry," Sakura lowered her eyes, shoulders slumping, "Perhaps I have been - ,"

She paused for a long moment, long enough for Hinata to prompt her,

"You've been what?"

Sakura put her head in her hands, embarrassed for herself and everyone else who had had to witness her unbecoming behavior.

"I suppose everyone has taken notice of my demeanor?"

"Your mother - might have mentioned it to me," her cheeks flushed as she revealed that, "But the girls and I have wondered for some time now. Lee, as well."

Sakura was sure some involuntary expression had crossed her face at the mention of his name, because Hinata was quick to assuage her.

"He wants only what is best for you, as we all do," she smiled sweetly, "He can not always express himself correctly at times. He's just like Naruto-kun in that way. They are both such happy, carefree people that they often do not understand how to be sad."

Sakura was quieted by her words. Hinata was wise beyond her years, speaking truths that Sakura had yet to even consider as such. Hinata provided a soothing presence that she supposed she'd been taking for granted lately.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" Sakura asked; she thought maybe they could both use the company. Surprised as she was, Hinata beamed,

"That would be lovely."


Sasuke had dismissed his recruits for dinner when night began to fall. He stayed behind, making up an excuse about wanting to train some more before retiring for the evening; a notion that was not unheard of to them. They knew Sasuke only to be a ruthless soldier, a man obsessed when it came to his quest for strength. Not the lovesick fool who was currently hiding out in the forest trying to get a glimpse of the woman that haunted his every waking and dormant hour.

Sasuke slumped against a tree. Maybe he was being paranoid. What if it was just an animal? A very angry animal. Maybe it was one of his recruits getting in some additional practice after hours. Maybe he was just looking for an excuse, any reason to see her, even if only to tell her off for being so impulsive.

With a glance to the horizon, he realized he wasn't sure how long he would have to wait to be certain. He should have been perturbed by how little that bothered him, but watching the last rays of the sun disappear, he found himself accepting of the fact that he did not give a single care.

It would be worth it if he got to see her.


It was a pleasant change for Sakura to have somebody seated opposite her to dine with after so long, and Hinata seemed quite enthusiastic about it as well. In fact, it caused Sakura to feel some guilt for what she was about to ask her.

"How long has it been since you last saw Naruto?"

"Mm," Hinata chewed her food slowly before she responded, "Since his deployment, it has been over two years now."

"Hinata-chan, may I," Sakura cleared her throat and set her utensils down. She stared at her plate, though she knew Hinata's eyes were on her, "May I ask you a rather intimate question?"

"An i-intimate question?" Hinata was puzzled, brows furrowing.

"Mhm," she nodded.

"O-Oh, of course."

"Have you and Naruto," Sakura frowned as the words spilled out in erratic increments, "Have you - ever - together - ?"

Hinata choked and dropped her utensils on the plate.

"Oh, no I'm sorry," Sakura scrambled to take the words back.

"Y - You mean - ?" Hinata's cheeks flushed as she gasped for a breath, "That?"

When she was certain Hinata would not pass out from shock, Sakura nodded. All the sleepless nights bared naked in front of Sasuke could not have prepared Sakura for the embarrassment she would feel upon asking her friend about what she did in the comfort of her own bedroom.

"Yes - That. Have you ever done - that?"

"Oh, S-Sakura-chan, I do not think - ,"

"Of course, forgive me," Sakura shook her head, "I should not have - ,"

"No," Hinata said with a shake of her head, "It is all right. I just -," she laughed, "It is not something I find myself discussing so openly."

"Naturally," Sakura gave a wry smile.

"No, we have not, but," Hinata looked away then, a modest blush overcoming her cheeks, "There were times when things became quite, um, carnal."

Sakura raised a curious brow, but quickly composed herself,

"Do you miss him? In that carnal way, I mean?"

Hinata flushed scarlet, her eyes snapping back to Sakura's. There was a deep curiosity, an earnest desire, or rather a need, to explore such a topic made plain in her gaze. Hinata suspected it might have something to do with her recent behavior. Had something happened between Sakura and Hibiki? Or was it Lee?

"Y-Yes," she bowed her head as she quietly admitted it to Sakura, and herself, "Every night."
"I see."

They sat in silence for a long while, Hinata fidgeting as her thoughts churned. Finally, she blurted out,

"Might I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"You seem to spend a great deal of your time in the gardens now. Why is that?" There was no taking it back, so Hinata pushed forward, "You are quite pensive most days and it appears you do not much care for the company of others."

Sakura was stunned, in part by the topic of the question, but even more so by her audacity. It took a moment to collect herself, a moment in which Hinata feared she had made a fatal overstepping.

"This past winter was so harsh," Sakura clutched a hand to her chest, feigning an air of malaise, "I could scarcely stand it. I am grateful to be able to bask in the sun once again."

"Oh," Hinata seemed to think for a moment, as though another question burned on her tongue, but she nodded her head, "Yes, the weather has been most pleasant."


Sasuke had laid upon the grassy floor to look up at the stars as the hours passed. He was beginning to doubt himself. Maybe he had been too hopeful, too desperate. He looked over to the tree missing its branches and the bark that had been scarred with ferocious incisions. Maybe it was something more sinister. Sasuke pulled himself into a seated position.

Or maybe it was nothing at all and simply to imagine that it might be, was enough to save him from the peril of his own despair. He sighed heavily, ruffling his hair with agitated hands. Just a moment more, he told himself, and then he would return to the barracks.


It was hours before they bid each other good night. Both Hinata and Sakura had refrained from further intrusive questions for the remainder of their dinner, but had found an agreeable median of conversation. When she had finally shut her doors to the world, Sakura knelt beside her bed and reached underneath it for her brother's sword. She had housed it there for the last near five months. There was dirt on the hilt now from the many excursions she had taken with it into the forest and the scabbard had more than a couple new nicks at its opening.

From her wardrobe, she pulled out a sash and tied the scabbard around her waist, then grabbed her black cloak and draped it around her shoulders. This, too, had taken its fair share of abuse in the recent months. The edges were becoming tattered and soiled, the luster of the silk dulled at the hem. These were blemishes she could not easily explain away, so when not in use, the cloak remained at the bottom of her drawer like the terrible secret it was.

Securing a tie around her hair, she drew her hood up and reached for the book beside her bed. Sakura grabbed the folded piece of parchment she kept between the third and fourth page, before rushing to her window to unlock it. She gripped the bottom of the frame and pushed it gently up. By now she knew to tilt the left side just so to avoid that slight squeak that might give her away. One leg at a time, she slipped through the opening, then drew her curtains closed behind her. Setting the parchment on the sill, she gently lowered the frame and stepped away quietly towards the rear side of her rooms.

She would take the long way around to the forest, avoiding the open area of the gardens and sticking close to the palace structures so that she might hide in the shadows until she hit the trees. Every so often, as was the situation that night, a guard would leave his station to patrol and she would wait with bated breaths until he passed, then she would be on her way once more. She was practiced at this route now, knew the rotations of the guards, and was familiar with the areas of the palace that saw the least activity at night.

When she reached the border of trees, she traveled through the forest to the clearing that she and Sasuke had trained in on many a nights. Sakura did not have the weapons he used to supply her with, but she remembered all he had taught her and had been most astute when watching him teach his recruits.

Sakura took a breath and unsheathed her brother's sword. Planting her feet in the cool dirt, she shrugged the cloak off her shoulders and widened her stance. With a sharp swing, she sliced the blade through the thick air. It was just as she'd seen Sasuke do many times before. Then, she jerked back, dodging an imaginary foe, to parry and lunge forward.

It was not so easy without an opponent, but she made do, twisting her form, flowing with the current of the wind. Sakura thought of everything he had taught her, of everything he had yet to teach her, of every day she had watched him impart upon his soldiers techniques she could only dream of mastering.

Her fluid motions hid the fire that burned under her skin. Yet as her blade struck the trees, bark flying around her, she let slip the scale of her fury. With vicious enthusiasm, Sakura hacked away at the trees around her, massacring branches that fell at her feet.

But in her mind, she was striking down the man that had held the blade to her throat.


He had not even managed to wake from a salacious dream as he had not yet succeeded in capturing one minute of sleep. He could not shake the image of the tree in the forest from his mind. It had to be her. Truthfully, he wouldn't put it past her to endanger her own life just for the chance to use a sword. She did steal her brother's from the gallery without regard for any punitive action.

Before he could formulate the thought, he was on his feet and dashing out of the barracks. Sasuke tore off in the direction of her rooms, winding behind the palace buildings to avoid being seen by the other guards. He had no desire to explain why he was running with such fervor so late in the night.

It wasn't until he approached the back of her bedroom that he slowed to a brisk walk, keeping close to the outer walls. Rounding the corner, he inched towards her window. He would just peak inside, and ensure that she was asleep in her bed. This was not for his own curiosity, he was simply doing his duty as a palace guard. This was for her protection, he reasoned. Flush to the wall, he turned his head to look into the window, but saw the curtains were drawn closed. He grimaced and scooted closer. He tried to peer through the small opening between the drapes when he noticed the parchment wedged between the sill and the frame.

He slipped his fingers under the window and wiggled it up, cringing when it squeaked. As he stepped inside, sliding between the curtains, he snatched the paper off the sill and shut the window quietly. Sasuke flipped the latch into place.

If she wanted to get back in, she would have to face him, he thought arrogantly.

He turned to take in the expanse of her private room and suddenly felt intrusive standing in such an intimate setting without her. It had not changed much from his last visit, yet it may as well have been a foreign land given the length of time he had been away.

Her wardrobe occupied the same space, as did her bed, and it was the same with the little table to the right of it. He did, however, note the large stack of letters that had not been there before. He approached them slowly, eyes skimming the pages. He did not need to read them to know what they said. What had caught his eye, though, was the drawer she had left somewhat ajar and the jewel that, even in the low light, had gleamed with a brilliance he had never seen before. He reached a hand inside and pulled up an intricate gold necklace, meticulously fashioned with a multitude of sparkling green gems. He pulled the drawer out completely to see that there were many more pieces of jewelry just like it, all of varying craftsmanship and design, but each one just as valuable as the last.


Sweaty and exhausted, Sakura made her way back to her rooms. Though it would never be the same without him, she found a certain contentment and satiation during these training sessions. It offered her some comfort and peace of mind in his absence, most especially when she found that she could not even relieve herself in the same physical ways that he had.

She shoved those thoughts down as she approached the outer wall of her bedroom. She felt for the seam of her window sill, but found nothing. Her fingers slipped along the edge of the frame, searching for the piece of parchment.

There was nothing.

Panic seized her and she cursed. How was she supposed to get back in without alerting her guards?

Just as she attempted to conjure an excuse they might believe, her window was shoved upwards and Sasuke stood before her, scowling.

"You should be more careful," his voice had a subtle cheek to it, but his eyes narrowed at her, chastising.

"Around you?" She sneered.

"What's under your cloak?" He asked, ignoring her snide question. Sakura swallowed harshly, then proclaimed haughtily,

"You know, if you wish to see me undress you need only ask."

"I doubt I would even need to do that," he snapped, causing Sakura to smirk and straighten herself,

"As though you are not desperate to strip me of every piece of clothing right here with little more than a glance from me."

"Hn," he chuckled, but as he opened his mouth to speak, they heard the crunch of footsteps nearby. Without a word between them, they reached for each other and he yanked her inside. They fell to the floor as the window slammed shut. Hastily, he pulled Sakura behind her bed and they crouched there as one of the guards passed by her window. With their hands laced together tightly and their hearts racing to the same unsteady beat, they waited with restrained breaths as the footsteps slowly faded away. They exhaled together.

"You should be more careful," Sasuke said, releasing her to stand. He offered her his hand, but she came to her feet on her own, defiantly.

"I know how not to get caught, Sasuke-kun," she turned away from him, pulling at the buttons of her cloak until it fell to the floor. He saw the scabbard at her hip and seethed.

"I am not talking about getting caught. The guards do not patrol the forest," he struggled to keep his voice level as he chastised her, "There is a war going on outside of this palace. You could have been taken, hurt, killed even."

Sakura untied the sash at her waist and the sword fell with a clatter.

"Then perhaps you should accompany me," she turned to face him, pulling at the laces of her coat without batting a lash, "For my own safety," his eyes flashed dangerously. She was pushing him close to an edge that even he was uncertain what would happen if he went over it, "I am not helpless, Sasuke-kun."

"You are not a soldier, either," he said sternly, his gaze remaining on the incredibly impassive expression on her face even as she undressed before him.

"You are not my guard, you are not my father, and you have made it very clear that you are not my lover," she said emphatically, "Why should I listen to your words?" She left herself in only her silk slip, almost as if in invitation, "You have always sought to place one of us above the other, whether it is my status as heir to this empire or your aptitude as a warrior, why is that?"

He lowered his gaze shamefully and her heart ached then. Despite her tone, seeing him standing in the room they had inhabited for most of winter, the same room they had filled to the brim with cries of desperate passion, was a devastating vision and one that she found she had difficulty reconciling within herself. It was almost too much for her to bear. She took a step towards him, hands coming up across her chest; a protective stance.

"Tell me," she whispered, probing eyes unabashed in their regard of him. She gave a small little shrug as she pushed the words out in a listless huff, "Tell me you still think of me."

"Sakura," he began, but she cut him short.

"Tell me I am not the only one laying awake at night."

"Do not do this," he pleaded, shaking his head.

"Tell me I am not the only one feeling this anguish!" She pressed him, her anger causing tears to gather at the corners of her eyes.

"Sakura," he said fiercely, "Stop it."

"Lie to me if you must," she spat furiously, advancing on him, "But tell me I am not the only one who has suffered these past months."

She peeled her thin, trembling fingers from their hold on her arms. He could see the marks left there from how tightly she had gripped them in her ire. Stepping closer to him, close enough that she was within a hair's breadth, she reached out, fingers dancing in front of his chest, but not meeting. She seemed to be tracing an intricate map in the space between them of all the places she might touch him, the places she once had on many a nights. Sakura's eyes grew hazy as a pleasant reminiscence overcame her. She smiled; a rare, intimate admission of happiness.

"I have been plagued by you. My mind races with the thoughts of your lips," her cheeks flushed in the dim light, her lilting voice quieting, "I have dreamt of you every night. I awaken with a terrible ache between my legs and my heart calls for you, but you do not answer me."

"Stop," his eyes snapped to hers as she studied him astutely, "Please."

"Do you remember our first kiss?" She refused to let him out from under the heat of her stare now, "Under the willow tree. I did not feel the cold that night for I had your warmth to keep me."

How could he forget? Her lips were a phantom syndrome he was certain he was doomed to be tortured with until the end of his existence.

"I can still feel your lips, at times," she pulled her hand back, placing her forefinger upon the prominent dip of her upper lip, "Here," his gaze dropped as she followed the slope of her neck, "Here," her hand crossed over her clavicle, "Here," her fingers slipped lower, approaching the valley of her breasts that just peaked from the trim of her gown, "Here," his eyes widened, "And - "

Sasuke snatched her wrist before she could traverse further. He was well aware of where he had kissed her. He knew everything he'd done to her for he played it in his tormented mind more often than he ever wished to admit.

"Do you remember?" she questioned him fiercely.

"No," he released Sakura's hand before the touch of her bare skin could burn yet another imprint of her upon him.

"You do not remember the pleasure we gave to one another?" she had the cunning to look hurt, demeaned, before him, and he realized then that she was toying with him. That perilous wrath just moments ago had shifted into a vengeful passion, something that excited him more than it should have.

"You must stop this," he said firmly. Though his large frame appeared imposing, she did not back away.

"I am unable to," she sighed and clutched her hands to her heart, "You are in my thoughts always. You have forced me to attend to myself at night and I fear I do not know my body quite so well as you do."

An aspiration to display just how properly he knew where to touch her had come to life within him. The bed was only a few paces from them, the wall - equally as sturdy - was still behind him. He could push her against it so easily, feel her shudder in his arms as he slipped his fingers along her entrance.

His hands twitched at his sides.

Sakura stepped towards him again, looping her arms around his neck to twist her fingers through his messy hair. She was so close that, instinctively, his hands found her waist. He gripped her there, desperate to keep her in place, aching to pull her closer.

"Sakura," he swore their mouths brushed when he spoke her name, but the movement was too subtle for him to be sure. She shook her head as she looked up at him.

"I can not stop these feelings, do not ask me to," her bottom lip quivered as she looked at him through half-lidded eyes, "I could not bear it."

"It is not right to feel these things," he mumbled, yet still she remained tight in his hold.

"Then I fear for what it means to be right," her hands lowered to his heart and he froze. He was certain she could feel its discordant beat and it terrified him, though Sasuke knew he had already given himself away by coming to her that night. He had not been able to help himself, the temptation proved too great. While it was not fair to take from her something she both could not give and something he was not meant to have in the first place, perhaps they were both too late. She cooed softly, "Tell me, Sasuke-kun. Tell me I am not alone in this."

There was a moment of bereft silence, a moment where the world around them quieted in reverence of their sacred exchange. And then he spoke with a heavy whisper,

"It will pass."

Mustering every ounce of his strength, he stepped away from her.

"What?" Her arms were still outstretched from where he had just been in her grasp.

"This is only temporary."

"How can you say that?" Sakura clenched her fists and stared up at him. Her wide eyes were so open, so vulnerable, "After everything, how can you say such a thing?"

"It is the truth," He insisted, keeping his voice soft in an attempt to placate her, "It must be."

"Then your feelings have changed, have they?" She questioned with a glare.

"They will," he narrowed his eyes, "With time."

Sakura was stricken as she looked at him, unable to swallow the weight of his words. There was a raw pain in her eyes, betrayal etched across her undeniably beautiful face, and she clutched her hands over her heart as if she could keep the already broken pieces from falling into the abyss he had just opened beneath her. With a shaky breath, she drew herself up, straightening her form to look at him with a devastating chill.

"Leave," she said coldly, turning her back to him. But Sasuke didn't move. He was rooted to that spot in her bedroom, fixed on her, immobile as he attempted to stomach the harsh command she had just given. Once more, he found that he had managed to butcher every thought that entered his mind as it left his mouth, "I do not wish to subject myself to your torments further."

He took a step toward her, reaching a hand out, the floor beneath him groaning in protest. He watched her tense at the sound, bracing herself against the possibility of his touch, and that was enough to thwart any hope of reconciliation within him. He lowered his hand. Sasuke had always been a man of few words, but now he found himself at a staggering loss. Even if he had the means, he knew no amount of letters nor jewels nor opulent gifts could ever begin to make this right.

But maybe a touch.

Maybe a kiss.

Maybe, if he went to her -

"I beg of you," her voice trembled now, wrought with grief and longing, "Just leave me be."

With heavy footsteps, he proceeded to the window. It squeaked as it opened and he climbed out.