Author's Note: ...


"Say cheesy weesy for me!" Sarah cheered before snapping a picture of Nazz and Rolf next to the fireplace in the foyer. Jonny stood next to her with an Eddo puppet in his hand to encourage their fellow party goers to smile for their couples dance photos so that they could all remember this later on when they were all washed up forty-year olds going through their mid-life crisis. The rest of the dance couples stood in a line across the wall, each of them trying their best to forget about the awkward dances and conversations they shared on the dance floor.

"Thank you, shakes-and-bakes Nazz-girl, for allowing Rolf to become Suzette to spare his soul and eye sockets!" Rolf said as he removed the Suzette mask and placed it half-way over Nazz's head. She was still standing there with swirly red spinning circles in her eyes, both of her hands throwing up V's for victory.

"Cheesy weesy..." Nazz mumbled out before tumbling away and falling into a recliner in the corner, the footrest kicking out from the impact so she could recover in peace from the flash.

"Great first photo, Sarah!" Jonny cheered as Sarah finished waving the picture and they stopped to admire her work. "Can't wait until we get through the rest of them so we can take our photo together!"

"You really let that dance go to your big fat head!" Sarah replied before tapping the Eddo puppet in Jonny's hand. "You can take your photo with your dumb puppet because I'm posing with Traffic the Wondercone!"

"Are you trying to say you don't want to remember that dance we shared when we grow old?!" Jonny whined pathetically.

"I'm hoping I don't remember it by this time next week!" Sarah spat back, the two of them now choosing to bicker instead of continuing with the photo shoot.

"Those two babydorks have been wrapped up in their angry small talk ever since they danced together!" Kevin complained as he continued to swat away Dutch's hand every time it crept up next to his. "It took them like ten damn minutes to even take Rolf and Nazz's photo, bet it's gonna be twenty before we get ours!"

"It'll be worth the wait to receive your picture with your lovely date Dutchette, won't it?" Dutch said as he bit the end of his tongue and looked up at the juiced-up jock.

"Fuck the only photo memory I'll have of this party is doing the hokey pokey with you! My old man will think I'm a gameless dork and disown me!" Kevin panicked before looking at the three dance couples behind him. The Eds were all looking off into corners of the room while the Kankers stared at their faces with pleased smiles from next to them. None of Eds or Kankers had said a word to each other after they stopped dancing, so Kevin figured that meant it was prime to time to catch a pic that wasn't with Dutch in Valentine's Day drag.

"That's not what I think will happen! If anything, I think your dad will be proud that you so bravely stepped out of the closet and-" Dutch began when Kevin shoved a basketball into his mouth to shut him up and approached the six dorks behind him.

"Alright now I really don't want to have break up such obviously perfect couples, but I ain't walkin' away from this party until I get a photo with someone who actually looks like a woman!" Kevin announced as the Eds and Kankers shifted their attention to the flustered football star.

"Very well, if I must..." Edd muttered.

"Not you, wrestlegeek! I'm talking about the Kankers! I'm finally calling in all my credit as the host of this party to force one of you to take a picture with me!" Kevin demanded before crossing his arms.

"*Snort* no way we need these photos lmao we gotta prove to our mom the eds are real and not our imaginary boyfriends," May responded before wrapping her arms around Ed, who began trying to pry the fat patty butt cunt off him with his flipper.

"Yeah the f*** right! Time to listen to mommy, May, because it's all in your imagination!" Eddy taunted before pulling his arm away from a grabby Lee and gesturing toward her as part of his incoming sales pitch. "If you're lookin' for a gal to show off to Big Daddy Shovelchin, you can't go wrong with Lee! Sure, your dad might think you hired an escort but he'll be proud because escorts put out!"

"An escort?!" Lee asked as Eddy shot her an angry smile. "That's real sweet of ya, shortround, but escorts get paid! So where's my check at?"

"I'll get your fuckin' check myself, just get your gingerdork ass over her so we can-" Kevin began when suddenly Edd escaped Marie's stranglehold and threw himself before the host with the most chin.

"As magnificent as Eddy's deal may seem, I have a far more tempting offer!" Edd claimed as he grabbed onto Kevin's leather jacket. "Here I present Lee's much more attractive half-sister Marie!" he began before pointing over at the amused girl. "Your dad would be enraptured to hear about how you both bonded over your shared love of chrome spinners and hydraulic shock absorbers!"

"I can also enrapture your dad by helping him test the shock absorption of his bed springs," Marie added in to sweeten the deal.

"Shit if you did that he might just unground me! Let's go take that photo so-" Kevin started when Ed shuffled over to Kevin with May still hanging off of his neck like a piece of cheap bling he picked up from a mall booth.

"*Guffaws* listen not to the words of these peons ahahaha," Ed suggested before grabbing Edd by his plunger handle and tossing him into the waiting hammock of Marie's arms. "*Guffaws* missus may can impress your daddo with her teaching degree ahahaha plus she holds da world record for longest continuous ear nibble," he bragged, prompting to May to stop hanging from his neck and instead turn to wrap her arms around Kevin's neck.

"*Snort* lend me ur ear lobe lol and ill help u hear the sounds of the pacific," May purred as Kevin realized she was the accessory necklace his costume was missing all along.

"Watch those teeth and you can you deepthroat my fuckin' ear for all I care! It's photo time so-" Kevin forced out when Edd and Eddy appeared at his side with desperation written all over their faces in crayon.

"Ed's shooting gravy up your a**! Why waste your time with this ear nibbler when you can have a spit swallower like Lee?!" Eddy pleaded as he started a shoving match with Ed and Edd.

"Mind that sort of language, Eddy! But since he opened the door for it, Marie can swallow a lot more than your spit!" Edd argued before shoving Eddy into Ed.

"*Guffaws* i hear marie cant git her head in the game ahahaha but may has the best head game around," Ed announced before shoving Eddy into Edd, who knocked into Kevin and knocked May off of him. She tumbled away and her head played a knock knock joke on the floorboards.

"Stop fuckin' around bitchgeeks and let me choose one of these bitchdorks!" Kevin complained as he joined the shove match. May picked herself up from the floor and backed up to join her sisters as the Eds and Kevin all shoved each other every which way.

"I was offended for a while there that we were gettin' auctioned off, but now it's worth it to see the boys fight for our honor! Not that Marie has any honor to fight for!" Lee joked as she elbowed Marie in the side.

"It's not worth it at all. May's fall didn't even put her into a coma," Marie replied as she elbowed May in the side.

"*Snort* a coma isnt all bad lmao i wish eds sister was in one so i didnt have to share him with any other girl," May quipped as she elbowed Sarah in the mouth.

"Ow! What the heck?! I was just walking over to ask who wanted their picture next!" Sarah complained as she tucked her bottom lip in to suck on a freshly made cut.

"As ya can see, the boys are pretty busy testin' their balance so it looks like it's time for a family photo!" Lee stated before slipping her arms around her sisters' waists. "We can always wait until later to snap some softcore porn pictures with the Eds to prove we ain't crazy to our mom!"

"I'm still waiting on proof of that too!" Sarah said before giving a fake smile. "Now let's go take a picture for your rockabilly scrapbook or whatever!" She led the Kankers over to the fireplace, leaving the Eds and Kevin to pitch each other around the room.

"You call that a f***ing shove, Ed?! Take these hands and shove it!" Eddy raved before shoving Ed into oblivion.

"Why don't you just shove off, Double Disco!" Kevin raged before shoving Edd into kingdom come.

"*Guffaws* i will show you why eddy calls u shovelchin ahahaha," Ed said angrily before shoving Kevin into next Tuesday.

"Drat! Thanks to all of you, there's no more shove puns left for me to utilize!" Edd shouted before shoving Eddy so hard it kicked up a wind that blew up Nazz's skirt from across the room. The four shove champions stopped their excitingly mindless violence when a flash erupted from near the fireplace, illuminating the Kankers all standing with their backs turned while peeking over their shoulders.

"Damn it! Thanks to you shovegeeks there's no more girls left for me to grab a pic with!" Kevin complained before stamping his foot.

"*Guffaws* u mean sarah isnt a girl ahahaha wow ive had a baby brother this whole time," Ed pondered, Kevin snapping his fingers in response.

"I'm shoving off to take a photo with your sister!" Kevin declared while running away before the shoving madness came upon them again.

"If there's a silver lining here, it's that we managed to shove ourselves away from the Kankers ," Edd commented as Ed and Eddy iced their shove wounds with cans of beer.

"That's a f***ing diamond lining! I had enough of hearing Lee's big mouth on the dance floor!" Eddy replied before cracking his beer open on his beak and taking a sip.

"*Guffaws* wat did u guys talk about ahahaha leg waxing procedures," Ed asked, causing Eddy to crush his beer can and shoot alcohol all over his face.

"I just kept telling her to f*** off! Why, what did you talk about with May?!" Eddy questioned, causing Ed to squeeze his beer can and send it shooting between Edd's gap and down his throat.

"*Guffaws* we discussed our alien abduction experiences ahahaha but im sure double dee and marie had a better conversation," Ed claimed, causing Edd to cough up the beer can and send it rolling across the floor. Dutch slipped on the beer can and slammed into the back wall, shooting the basketball stuck in his mouth into the fireplace and winning the game for the home team.

"We talked about the best way to remove grass stains from linens!" Edd proclaimed. The three boys fell into silence.

"Wow so we all had some boring a** conversations. We need to work on our small talk game or we're looking forward to a lot of failed dates," Eddy commented, his two friends nodding while wiping the sweat from their chins.

"I'm all dolled up and ready for my photo, Sarah!" Dutch exclaimed while rubbing at the stretchmarks the basketball left on the sides of his mouth.

"You might be ready but you're missing a big dumb jock! Where's Kevin at?" Sarah asked as Jonny petted his Eddo puppet beside her.

"I'm right here and ready for our photo together, Sarah!" Kevin answered before grabbing her arm.

"You think I'd take my picture with you after that rejection earlier?!" Sarah raged as she tried to pry her arm out of his grip.

"That's fine, you can just take your photo with Jonny or one of the Eds!" Kevin said smugly, Sarah's eyes going wide.

"Wait a minute, Dutch said he wanted to capture a cupid kiss between us!" Sarah reasoned, prompting Dutch to throw an arm over Jonny's shoulder.

"That was until Jonny said he wanted to take me on as his new sidekick, the Tricksy Pixie!" Dutch replied before chuckling nervously. "We need to take a picture for the cover of our first comic book issue!"

"That should settle it! Or do you wanna go ask your brother to change your shitty diaper for your party picture?" Kevin asked impatiently.

"Here's your promotion from puppeteer, Jonny!" Sarah said before quickly shoving her camera into Jonny's hand and holding onto Kevin for life support. Jonny threw the Eddo puppet to Dutch before petting his camera.

"From throneslave to waiter, and now from puppeteer to cameraman! At this rate I'll be running the jawbreaker factory!" Jonny said in excitement as Kevin led his bratty little cupid next to the fireplace for their picture together. Dutch reluctantly held up the Eddo puppet and Jonny lined up a shot.

"B-By the way, little babe... you didn't hear it from me, but you look pretty good tonight..." Kevin whispered bashfully as he and Sarah posed holding hands for their picture.

"W-Well this isn't something I said but... I heard that you really fill out that jacket..." Sarah whispered back as her face turned pink.

"Say awkward teen years!" Jonny exclaimed before snapping a picture of the two redheads with redhot faces.

"Rolf requires a copy of this picture to prove to his Nana that his friend Kevin does indeed have game!" Rolf cheered as he clapped from the arm rest of the recliner. Nazz rubbed the haze from her eyes as she sat up on the recliner next to him.

"What planet did I land on, dude?" Nazz asked as she looked over and saw Kevin and Sarah blushing while eyeing each other.

"You landed on the planet where Kevin dumps your ass for a younger girl," Marie quipped from the other side of the recliner, her sisters yucking it up next to her.

"Yeah well, Kevin doesn't realize all this gorgeous he just missed out on, Kanker-dude," Nazz replied bitterly before crossing her arms and pouting.

"But catch-you-on-the-rebound Rolf will pick up where he left off!" Rolf interjected before falling backward onto Nazz's lap. "This is the position we shall assume when you feed Rolf grapes!" Kevin and Sarah finally let go of each others hands and walked over to the recliner to join Rolf in humiliating Nazz.

"If the Kankers can get a picture together to rep the white trash nation, that means me and the boys are taking one together to rep Club Ed!" Eddy exclaimed as he, Ed, and Edd approached Jonny and Dutch.

"Sounds good to me! Just make sure not to get too close to that fireplace or you guys might fall inside and burn up to a crisp!" Jonny replied eagerly as Dutch beamed next to him. "None of us want that to happen!"

"I'm all about public safety, Jonny boy! Now let's go strike a bada** pose, guys!" Eddy replied before leading Ed and Edd into position for their glamour shot. Eddy mulled over Jonny's words in his head as he and his friends turned to face the hippie in question holding the camera. He was sure someone at this party wouldn't mind if all three of them were lit up like a flaming taco stand. That is, if Lee was actually telling the truth about one of his neighbors seeing what May and Marie had done to him in the woods. He knew he should probably worry about it tomorrow, but he felt like he had to investigate tonight and find out who it was. After all, everyone was here together and he might not have another opportunity like this while the iron was hot.

"*Guffaws* how should we pose guys ahahaha we could throw up sum urban ranger salutes to pay homage to rolfs marriage," Ed suggested as Edd and Eddy rubbed their chins.

"I have a splendid idea! We can stick with a classic!" Edd replied before giving two thumbs up and smiling.

"Works for me, sockhead!" Eddy exclaimed before throwing up his own thumbs.

"*Guffaws* how many thumbs is two ahahaha," Ed asked as he held up three fingers.

"Say what you didn't read, didn't happen!" Jonny cheered before snapping the photo. He pulled the picture out of the slot at the bottom and started waving it as Dutch strangled the Eddo puppet next to him for trying to scam him out of a quarter.

"Since we're the only two who haven't gotten our picture, Jonny, we should take one together!" Dutch suggested as Eddo's head popped off.

"I'm on it!" Jonny replied before wrapping his arm around Dutch's shoulders and turning the camera around to face them. Dutch grinned and slapped his hand over Jonny's ass cheek as the camera flashed to life for the second to last time that night. Everyone else clapped in celebration as Jonny and Dutch shuffled all the photos from the night into an ordered stack.

"Bring those bomb ass photos over and we can get to the last big event of the night!" Kevin said as Dutch and Jonny walked over to everybody.

"What's the last thing on the agenda? Everyone getting face tattoos to match Dutch?" Eddy joked, eliciting chuckles from a few of the kids and a blush from Dutch.

"If we all did that shit, we'd all be stuck working as truck stop janitors," Kevin joked back as he took the photos from Jonny and looked through them. "You weren't there when I invited everyone to the party, Eddy, but your buddy Ed gave me the idea to make it a costume party."

"*Guffaws* i will be checking my mailbox for thank you letters tomorrow ahahaha," Ed interjected as he patted himself on the back.

"I also said I would judge every one of your asses to see who dressed the best," Kevin went on before picking out a photo from the pile. He took a push pin out from a pocket on his jacket and turned to the wall behind him. "But even though I'm the host, I figured I couldn't hog all the glory so we're all gonna judge each other." He pinned the photo of the Kankers showing off their backsides to the wall before flicking through the stack for another photo.

"I see he decided to put the best picture up first! No surprise there, it's a view any man would commit murder to see in person!" Lee said before slapping May on her ass, causing her to jump and yelp.

"As if, Lee dude! I have a totally awesome feeling everyone will be voting for the Cobblers to finally win their first season in a century!" Nazz responded as she shook her pom-poms above her head and Rolf left the safety of her lap to perform fifty back-to-back push ups on the floor.

"How will the votes be counted for each contestant? And naturally I have to ask for Eddy's sake, can you vote for yourself?" Edd questioned, Eddy giving him a playful punch on the shoulder.

"Only if you're an honest enough geek to vote for a person in the photo with you! As for how the votes will be counted, we're gonna have our two costumed cupids over there shoot arrows at the pictures!" Kevin stated as he finished putting up the picture of Rolf and Nazz and pointed over at Sarah and Dutch. "Each of us will tell them who we think looked the best and they'll fire a shot at their picture! Each arrow is one vote!"

"Sweet, I've been itching to fire this thing all night!" Sarah cheered as she and Dutch bumped their prop bows together.

"That is pretty f***ing sweet, but why did we take the d*** group photos then?" Eddy asked, a bit puzzled. "You can't really pick one person when they're standing next to someone else!"

"That's because whichever picture has the most arrows decides how the last big event is gonna go, bro!" Kevin answered as he put up his picture with Sarah. "I figured since we've all known each other since we were dorky kids, we oughta play one last game from our dorky childhood before we're all too old to get away with that shit!"

"Far out! Is it a game of Uno? I wanna show everyone Melonhead's mad skills when I bust out the draw four!" Jonny said in excitement.

"*Guffaws* u could never defeat lothar in such a contest ahahaha just ask the masked mumbler over here," Ed exclaimed as Edd gave him a non-playful punch on the shoulder that had no effect.

"Uno is fun for all ages so no, bro!" Kevin said before putting up the picture of Dutch and Jonny. "We're all gonna play a good old fashioned game of hide and seek! Whoever is in the picture with the most arrows stuck in it gets the honor of being the seekers while the rest of us will be hiding!"

"A rousing game of hide and then go seek will be harrowing at such a late hour!" Rolf pointed out, frightened that he might fall into Victor and Wilfred's shit pit again.

"We don't have to run around the neighborhood to play when we're standin' in the arena right now, Rolf!" Kevin answered before placing the final picture of the Eds on the wall. He turned to face everyone and dusted off his hands. "I know we all stuck to two rooms so far, but this big ass house has a shit ton of places to hide in it! As long as we watch out for rotten floorboards, we should be able to have a cool as fuck time!" Everyone else looked around at each other, exchanging thoughtful expressions as they took in everything Kevin had said.

Almost all at once, bright, innocent smiles appeared on their faces as they were overtaken by memories of their childhood.

"You said it, dude! This is going to be so fucking fun!" Nazz cheered as she jumped from her recliner and bounced up and down.

"Seeking or hiding, Rolf will show you why the wolves of his old country knew by instinct to fear his name!" Rolf declared as he flexed his arm muscles.

"Gee, I might need to hide with one of you if I don't win the vote! This place gives me the creeps!" Dutch sputtered out as he looked around at some of the dark entrances to other rooms.

"Don't worry, we'll probably end up sharing a hiding spot so I don't pee in my diaper either!" Sarah comforted, Dutch nodding happily for once at the prospect of being close to her.

"It's gonna be a tight fit tryin' to squeeze this melon into some cranny!" Jonny worried as he felt the sides of the melon casket wrapped around his noggin.

"*Snort* guess we better find a trash can lmao the stink will keep the seekers away," May said giddily as she clapped her hands together.

"I'm not hiding next to you, I don't need you poking me in my ribs with that stupid ruler," Marie said as she prodded at May's hair bun with the end of her golf saber.

"Says the sea witch with the slicer! I say we take it way back and hide in a giant music box!" Lee suggested as both of her sisters poked at each other with their weapons.

"F*** with our luck I know we're gonna end up hunting down everyone else!" Eddy complained before crossing his arms.

"Don't be so sure, Eddy! Our luck certainly has been much better as of late!" Edd stated as Ed rubbed his mittens together eagerly next to him.

"*Guffaws* i liek being the seek person ahahaha lothar would never hide from a fight," Ed said, overflowing with excitement.

"Glad to see everyone is down with the game! The sooner we all cast our votes the sooner we can get to playing!" Kevin said as he put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Now feel free to grab some snacks and drinks while the voting is going on! Don't want any of you geeks to starve while hiding out under a staircase or some shit!"

Everyone began to excitedly chat about the upcoming game, and Sarah and Dutch took this chance to giggle sugar sweetly before taking practice shots with their bows at the picture of the Kanker sisters. The two shots missed their marks and hit dead space on the wall. Kevin walked over to Sarah and Dutch, who were now busy looking around at everyone excitedly chatting about the coming game.

"Guess you're gonna cast the first big vote, huh?" Sarah asked as she cocked an eyebrow at the dorkinator.

"Big surprise, I know. Lucky for me, the three dorks of honor ended up in one picture so I don't have to make a tough choice," Kevin replied quietly before whispering his vote into Sarah's ear.

"Oh goody, just who I wanted to fire my first shot at," Sarah said before nocking an arrow and aiming at one of the pictures. She drew her bow and fired an arrow that planted right in the middle of Eddy's face on his group picture.

"Damn you have good aim," Kevin complimented as Lee walked over to them with a knowing smile.

"Looks like I get dibs on that second vote!" Lee said before grabbing Dutch's head and pulling his ear to her mouth.

"Thanks to you, sister, he'll have a second arrow to match!" Dutch said before drawing his bow. He launched an arrow that struck right beside the other on Eddy's face.

"With our votes outta the way, we should go whip up that special surprise," Lee suggested to Kevin who gave a grin.

"Now it's all adding up, trailerdork. I'm right behind you," Kevin replied, the two of them walking toward the dining room while everyone else was distracted.

"Guess we'll go next, diaper dudes!" Nazz exclaimed as she and Rolf approached from their recliner of romance.

"Give us a name and you'll be impressed with our aim!" Sarah rhymed as she grinned at the two.

"But we will both go nuts if we have to shoot the Kankers' butts!" Dutch sung out, Rolf's eyes bugging out a bit.

"Rolf will cast his vote but aim for his butt and he will crush your nuts!" Rolf threatened before leaning toward a now frightened Dutch to give his vote.

"I totally know who I'm voting for, little dude!" Nazz said before putting her mouth to Sarah's ear.

"Watch our arrows fly to make hearts cry!" Sarah and Dutch sang simultaneously as they drew their bows and Rolf spazzed out next to them. Two arrows whizzed through the air - one arrow hit Kevin right in the chin while the other shot firmly planted itself into May's left butt cheek.

"What the Hell, dude? You actually did vote for one of the Kankers?!" Nazz wigged out as Rolf tugged at the collar on his football jersey.

"Do not gaze at Rolf with such scornful eyes! She reminded Rolf of the alluring English teacher who gave him a failing grade at the end of school season!" Rolf explained nervously. "Nazz-girl should not cast stones at Rolf's glass shed when she cast a vote for a man who was not Rolf!"

"We're gonna need to take a second to talk this over if this whole arranged marriage thing is ever gonna work out!" Nazz nagged before pulling Rolf away from the two cupids to have a lover's spat.

"Looks like I'm up next!" Jonny said as he walked over, the camera wiggling around his neck. "I wonder who out of all these fine lookin' party peeps I should vote for..."

"Three arrows is the charm!" Dutch said knowingly as he and Sarah grinned at Jonny deviously.

"Here's the last cup we need for the toast," Kevin said as he finished writing Eddy's name on the side of a plastic cup with a permanent marker. Lee took it and placed it on a big platter stained with Kanker burger juice next to eleven other cups with names on them.

"Great now get to pouring some punch in all these cups while I grab a lil somethin' to give a few of these drinks some serious kick," Lee replied before walking over to the end of the table and groping around under it. As Kevin began to eagerly fill each of the cups to the top, Lee's hand wrapped around a bottle of pills stuck to the bottom with sticky tape.

"Are you sure those sleeping pills Jonny swiped are gonna get those dorks groggy enough to walk into anything we throw at them?" Kevin asked as Lee walked back over with the bottle in her hand and she popped off the top.

"Oh, I have a feeling these kinda sleeping pills are gonna have the Eds practically sleepwalkin' by the end of the night!" Lee answered before dropping a roofie into Eddy's drink.

"Me and May are ready to pick someone for you to fuck up with an arrow," Marie said as she and her sister stopped next to Sarah and Dutch.

"Like you even need to tell us who you two are going to pick!" Dutch pointed out to an offended May and Marie.

"*Snort* whats that supposed to mean rofl we have hidden depths u could never understand," May scoffed before turning up her pig nose.

"Absolutely true. You never know what two names we're gonna whisper in your ears," Marie added, Dutch and Sarah giving them testy looks before sighing. They aimed their bows and launched their arrows, each one impaling Ed then Edd's crotches. May and Marie looked at the results for a moment while furrowing their brows.

"*Snort* for your information lol my vote was for double dee," May claimed.

"Big Ed was mine suckers," Marie stated as Dutch and Sarah rolled their eyes. The four of them turned their attention to Eddy and his two faithful puppies strutting over to them.

"Now that butt pirate and the creature teacher wrapped up their votes, it's time for the votes that actually f***ing matter!" Eddy declared before looking over at the pictures on the wall. He panicked a bit when he saw that the picture of him, Ed, and Edd already had five arrows jutting out of it. "Holy s***, we got five votes already?!"

"*Guffaws* gosh eddy ahahaha guess we shoulda dressed in our crappy pest control overalls," Ed said, although he was clearly excited by the results so far.

"Dressing down for the occasion wouldn't have been in our nature, Ed! I can safely say we three are very dramatic souls!" Edd laughed out as Eddy continued to stare at their picture while adjusting his Elvis sunglasses.

"And I think it's safe to say that you three are gonna end up having to sniff us out after all!" Dutch said with a smile as Eddy approached he and Sarah.

"D*** at this point my vote doesn't even matter then!" Eddy said before looking at all the other pictures.

"Of course it still matters, Eddy spaghetti! You're supposed to vote for whose costume you liked the best and that's what really counts!" Sarah explained to the bitter boy.

"Well I was really countin' on not having to stumble around this dark a** house again!" Eddy replied as his scowl deepened.

"Need me to grab some ice for that blasted ass of yours, Eddy?" Marie asked with an evil grin, Eddy gritting his teeth.

"*Snort* i know what will make u feel better lmao put ur big arrow shaft into lees butt," May chimed in before snickering. Now Eddy was extra Swiss pissed, but also thankful that his two clueless friends behind them took it as nothing more than more rude taunting.

"Maybe that's exactly what I'll f***ing do!" Eddy replied before grabbing Ed and Edd's shoulders. "Alright listen up, we need to make our votes count! If we vote for one of the Kankers, Kevin, or Sarah all together, we can almost tie this s*** up!" he whispered to his friends.

"Come now, Eddy, already trying to rig the vote?" Edd asked quietly in disdain.

"*Guffaws* a voter should have maximum privacy ahahaha my vote cannot be bought," Ed said as Eddy tightened his grip on their shoulders.

"Do you guys really want to have spend the end of this d*** party scoping out this haunted house?" Eddy pleaded. "Cause I know I sure f***ing don't." His two friends looked at each other and smiled.

"Okay, you've convinced us. But I'm afraid between those options, we should definitely settle for Kevin and Sarah. I would rather not have the Kankers hunting everyone down..." Edd replied with a shudder.

"*Guffaws* yeah i bet they know this house liek they know the back of our hands ahahaha they would completely dominate," Ed added in.

"Good s***, now let's get to casting our votes," Eddy said cheerfully before turning back around. He walked over to Sarah, who was tapping her foot impatiently.

"Finally made up your mind on who you're gonna picky wicky?" Sarah asked as she placed an arrow against the string of her bow. Eddy nodded before leaning toward her ear.

"I picky wicky you," Eddy whispered hotly in her ear, causing Sarah to misfire her bow in a fluster. The shot hit Lee in the right temple.

"May said to aim for Lee's ass but we know from experience you prefer the face," Marie quipped as May cackled like a mental patient next to her.

"What the f***, Sarah?!" Eddy complained as Sarah breathed in and out a few times to calm her nerves. "That's the complete opposite of what I wanted and it's f***ing Friendship Day not opposite day!"

"I-I didn't mean to do that, okay?! I-It was on accident! Y-You just had to say it like that!" Sarah complained, trying her best to stop imagining Eddy whispering sweet nothings in her ear all night long.

"That is one very, really, extremely, superbly, monumentally unfortunate accident," Edd commented wryly, although it was definitely in line with their life long bad luck streak that was rearing its ugly head again.

"*Guffaws* oopsie daisy ahahaha guess my vote is cast before i even say it," Ed stated before bumbling over to Dutch and grabbing his shoulders. "*Guffaws* okay angel of love ahahaha ready ur ballot box"

"Ready to fire it up, big guy!" Dutch proclaimed. Ed whispered his vote into his ear and Dutch nocked his arrow. "She must have a been a really swell dancer for you to change your opinion on her that quick!" He fired a shot that landed on the center of May's forehead.

"*Snort* sweet i got two shots lol i will now take that teacher of the year award swinging between ur legs big ed," May teased, Ed hopping away from her to Eddy's side like a scared bunny.

"Time to participate in the democratic process," Edd muttered before shuffling his feet over to Sarah. "I've fully prepared myself to give you my horrible pick for best costume now, Sarah!"

"Alright, Double D, but just say a name and don't try to add any flair to it!" Sarah demanded as Eddy huffed behind her and rolled his eyes. Edd cupped his hands around her ear and said a name. "Gross." She raised her bow and fired. The last shot hit Marie in her left eye.

"Did you see that? I didn't even blink," Marie quipped before running her palm across her bandanna. Sarah and Dutch looked at the results so far with bated breath. Five arrows on the Eds. Four shots on the Kankers, with two misses on the wall on either side. One arrow on the barn-sized target that was Kevin's chin.

"This is a treat so sweet, Sarah! We get to be the deciding votes!" Dutch proclaimed as he and Sarah pulled one more arrow from each of their quivers.

"Looks like this turned into more of a damn competition over positions for the game than judging best costume!" Kevin exclaimed as he walked out of the dining room carrying a tray of drinks.

"Were we really that obvious about it?" Edd asked wearily as Nazz and Rolf returned after a heated conversation in the corner about checking out people who weren't your spouse.

"What's with all the drinks, Big K?" Nazz asked as she and Rolf stopped next to them, fresh red hand prints on both of their cheeks.

"I went ahead and prepared everyone a drink since all of you were too busy dorkin' around in here!" Kevin replied before chuckling smugly. "But seriously, I wanted us to all have a toast before the big game to remember that this dorky ass shit is all in good fun!"

"I'm all for a toast to my victory when I disappear like a phantom!" Jonny cheered as he jumped up from the recliner he was napping in and joined the group.

"Disappear? Ha! An old man with cataracts could spot that big ass head from a mile away, funky lumps!" Lee quipped when she walked out of the dining room. Eddy looked from Kevin to Lee and then back to Kevin. He scooted over to Kevin and cupped one side of his mouth.

"Yo Kev were you f***ing hitting on Lee Kanker in the dining room?" Eddy quietly asked an instantly pissed Kevin.

"Fuck you Eddy," Kevin whispered.

"D*** I didn't mean it in a bad way, if you want a piece of that premium Kanker a** I won't get in your way ever. And I mean ever," Eddy whispered back.

"She's your fucking problem bro, I don't want a speck of that freakdork anywhere near me," Kevin shot back.

"So like, are we gonna totally toast now or what?" Nazz asked in confusion. The two bickering boys looked around and realized everyone was staring at them. Kevin cleared his throat and Eddy slid away from him.

"We're gonna totally toast right after Sarah and Dutch take their picks of the litter, babe!" Kevin responded, the cupids preparing their shots.

"Oh f*** I can't watch!" Eddy panicked as he covered his eyes with his arm.

"W-What happens if there's a tie, Kevin?" Edd asked nervously.

"We'll use that fucking traffic cone in the dining room as a tie breaker, dude, but I have a feeling we won't need to," Kevin answered smugly. Everyone watched in anticipation as Sarah and Dutch pointed their bows slowly across the pictures, the two fairy assholes deciding to make this suspenseful for dramatic effect.

"Obviously we're not both shooting the Kankers, right?" Dutch quietly asked his sister in arms.

"Pick whoever else you want, you already know where my arrow's going," Sarah whispered back, Dutch nodding quickly as they both shut an eye to take aim. Dutch loosed his arrow that implanted itself into Kevin's stomach.

"*Guffaws* down to the wire ahahaha hope my baby cupid brings it home," Ed said nervously as his teeth chattered against the end of his spatula. Sarah grinned before launching an arrow that struck true into her older brother's heart.

"S***," Eddy cursed when he peeked to see the results. Ed threw up his arms in celebration and Edd sighed in relief now that the excitement was over. The rest of the kids all hooped and hollered as they looked over at the big winners of the night.

"Look on the bright side, seekgeeks! This toast is gonna be dedicated to you now!" Kevin announced as he lifted the platter up in between all of his guests. "Everyone take the cup with your name written on it, but don't take a damn sip of it until we're all ready to toast!"

"Yeah and besides, at least you guys got all those votes! Me and Dutch didn't get a single one!" Jonny complained as he took his cup off of the platter.

"These ruffians truly don't appreciate angelic beings like me or carefree heroes like you!" Dutch stated before snatching his cup.

"I feel the same way, dudes! I'm surprised none of the boys voted for a sexy cheerleader!" Nazz said while taking her punch.

"Rolf feels it is only right to point out that the she-who-commits-domestic-abuse was beaten by all three Kanker-girls!" Rolf taunted as he grabbed his drink.

"*Snort* that isnt a shock to me rofl naughty cheerleaders are so overrated," May claimed while claiming her cup.

"*Guffaws* almost as overrated as naughty teachers ahahaha bragging rites for life because we won," Ed exclaimed while pulling his drink from the platter.

"And winners like us do deserve to treat ourselves to a refreshing celebratory mead, Lothar!" Edd stated as he slid his cup into his hands.

"Enjoy your big win because you three will be losing this game," Marie teased before whisking her drink away.

"Won't just be them losing out, girls! I bet we'll be the only three to make it to home!" Lee said as she took possession of her cup.

"Not when me and Dutch will have the best hiding spot ever!" Sarah proclaimed while gripping her drink.

"I'm sure I can find a dorkout bunker that's even better!" Kevin declared as he took his cup from the platter and then pushed it toward Eddy, whose drink was the only one left.

"It's a good thing I'm the f***ing hide and seek champion or I'd be feeling pretty intimidated right about now," Eddy said before lifting his drink from the platter and pulling it against his chest.

"What should we say when we toast the Eds, dudes?" Nazz asked as she looked to the other kids for advice.

"Well it is Friendship Day so it should be something special!" Sarah interjected as Kevin lowered the platter to his side.

"Good point, little babe, so how about we all say on the count of three 'To our new friends Ed, Edd, n' Eddy'!" Kevin suggested as the kids all nodded.

"That's so cheesy that it warms my heart!" Edd laughed as he and Ed blushed.

"Cheesy as h***, sockhead, but those are my kinda words!" Eddy replied smoothly.

"*Guffaws* i cant wait any longer ahahaha lets do the toast right now," Ed said giddily, Kevin clearing his throat.

"Then I'll start the count and we'll toast to you guys and start this fun little game!" Kevin exclaimed as everyone readied themselves. "One..." he began before giving a quick look at the crowd.

"Two..." they all said together. "Three!"

"'To our new friends Ed, Edd, n' Eddy!" all the kids save for the Eds themselves cheered as they lifted their cups for the toast. The rims all tapped against each other gracefully until one of the cups struck the side of Eddy's and dislodged it from his hand.

"Oh s***!" Eddy cried as Jonny knocked the cup away. It landed at Kevin's feet and spilled all over his shoes. There was a moment of stunned silence as everyone stared at the puddle around Kevin's feet and then all looked at Jonny, their arms all still raised in the air.

"You just had to do it a fourth time, Jonny..." Kevin complained as everyone quickly lowered their arms. Jonny's eyes moved across the Kankers and his Anti-Dork Colleagues, who all shot fierce expressions of disappointment at him.

"It's no big deal, dudes! I can just go grab Eddy another cup and he can still drink with us!" Nazz offered as Eddy recovered and put his hands on hips.

"Why bother, Nazz? It's no big deal like you said, so you guys go ahead and knock back those drinks so we can get this game rollin'!" Eddy interjected confidentially. Kevin, Sarah, Dutch, and Jonny all darted their eyes over to Lee. Her mouth was a thin line as she rubbed her lips together. Suddenly she smiled and giggled a bit.

"The little man is right, we shouldn't stall this game for another second!" Lee exclaimed before lifting her drink to her mouth.

"Then we shall all drink to a merry hunt for the Ed-boys!" Rolf added, he and the other kids taking a swig of their cups.

"*Guffaws* merry is this little lamb ahahaha," Ed said before drinking his fill.

"We can always share my drink, Eddy!" Edd suggested as he held the cup between them.

"No way, that cup is dedicated to your plunger-headed a** so it's all yours!" Eddy replied before pushing it back toward him.

"Then I'll drink for us both!" Edd stated before steadily drinking the contents of his cup.

"That coulda gone better..." Jonny whispered to himself as Kevin lifted the platter back up for everyone to put their empty cups on. One by one the kids put their empty containers on the platter as they finished and soon it had eleven bright red cups sitting on it.

"Now is everyone ready for a game none of us will ever forget?" Kevin asked, some of the kids nodding and others putting their thumbs up. "Choice. So here's how this is gonna go down..." he began before walking over to the table with the boombox on it. He placed the platter of cups on the table before turning to face the eleven kids before him. "The front door is gonna be home base! As long as you have a hand on it, you're safe and can't be tagged out by the Eds!" he explained while pointing over at the front entrance of the house. Everyone else nodded. "And as for you coolgeeks, you're gonna count to sixty so everyone has plenty of time to find a place to hide!" he finished as he jabbed a finger at the Eds.

"*Guffaws* i dont know what a sixty is ahahaha but whatever it is double dee can count it for me," Ed exclaimed as Edd rubbed his temples and practiced breathing exercises next to him.

"Got it! And what happens when we win and this whole game is over?" Eddy questioned, already looking forward to getting this ordeal finished.

"I dunno, bro, maybe we'll take one more picture and say our goodbyes? Sound good everyone?" Kevin asked, his guests all giving their approval. "Then let's stop fucking around down here and let the Eds get to their countdown!" he proclaimed before stepping away from the table and walking toward his fellow hiders. Without further ado, the Eds went to take their positions.

"I'm ready to do this gents!" Edd stated as he finished his mental preparations while following Eddy toward home base.

"Same here! Let's get to countin' and show all these scrubs there isn't a d*** place in this entire house we can't find 'em!" Eddy responded as he lead his two friends over to the front door. Kevin joined the rest of the group as they all watched the Eds stop in front of the door.

Kevin looked to his left and saw that Nazz and Rolf were rubbing their hands in excitement.

He then looked to his right and saw Sarah, Dutch, Jonny, May, Marie, and Lee looking at him sideways with nervous smiles on their faces.

The Eds all covered their eyes with their hands.

All they saw was the dark of the backs of their eyelids.

The pitter-patter of feet sounded off behind them instantly.

The stairs squeaked a few times in rapid succession.

Doors creaked open and closed shut.

Clattering sounded out from somewhere in the confines of the house.

Silence.

All the kids were in their places.

The game was about to begin.

"*Guffaws* its too bad u dont have those cyclops goggles on ya mumbler ahahaha we could really use our crutch rite now," Ed complained in a low whisper to break the silence.

"Crutch or no crutch, lumpy, we need to stick with each other while we're lookin' for all these smug f***ers," Eddy replied in a hushed tone.

"Why would we search for the others as a team? Sticking together really doesn't make a whole lot of sense, Eddy," Edd responded quietly as he continued his count in his head. "We can cover a lot more ground if each search different rooms."

"Because if we split the h*** up, one of us might find the f***ing Kankers first. I dunno about you guys, but I ain't trying to tag those b****es out by myself," Eddy explained, Ed and Edd shivering at the thought of running across their hot harassers in some dark corner of the house while all alone.

"*Guffaws* lothar will stick to you so close ahahaha u would think he was made of sticky tape," Ed replied quietly as they neared the end of their countdown.

"And I shall be as a sticky note to you both," Edd added as the last few numbers ticked down in their heads.

"Zero. Now let's get to seeking," Eddy whispered as the three Eds turned around to face the room behind them. All they saw was a couch, a couple of bean bag chairs, a recliner, the boombox table, and a fireplace with cinders floating out of it. The kids were nowhere in sight. The Eds all moved quietly to the center of the room and looked around them. Ed couldn't make out anything strange through the doorway of the dining room. Edd stared into the darkness of an adjoining bedroom and couldn't spot a thing out of place. Eddy scanned the second floor landing above them, pausing for a second to raise an eyebrow at the banner as he read over it. He shook it off before turning to face his friends.

"Hate to state the obvious here, but none of the kids would've have hidden in such plain view of the foyer," Edd said quietly as Eddy scratched the top of his head.

"Man, sticking together really is gonna make this hard as h***. At least I know for a d*** fact that some of them went upstairs because those steps were speakin' to me," Eddy pointed out before pointing out to the staircase.

"*Guffaws* but if we all go upstairs our front door is all by his lonesome ahahaha easy access," Ed said fearfully as he stared over at their home base.

"D*** you're right, Ed..." Eddy muttered before putting a hand on his chin. He didn't want them to separate at all. This might seem like just a fun game of hide and seek to Ed and Edd but he had this eerie feeling about the situation. He knew that none of them trusted the Kankers so didn't have to worry about Ed and Edd falling for anything they would pull, but there was still the question of which one of their neighbors knew about his little secret.

"Eddy, we're not going to make any progress standing around down here..." Edd whispered to Eddy as Ed continued to scan around them to make sure none of the kids were trying to sneak to home base.

"Gimme one sec, Double D..." Eddy replied as he closed his eyes and thought about each of the kids and what had transpired over the past week.

Kevin wouldn't have followed them after they broke him out of his house. He had walked the opposite direction.

Sarah was missing at the time but she had such a big mouth. Everyone would've known about the little secret if she knew it.

Dutch was missing too but he was as much of a tattletale as Sarah was. Ditto on everyone already knowing.

Rolf liked to camp in the woods but he would've come to Eddy himself by now. He was helpful like that.

Nazz seemed pretty damn angry at the Kankers when she pulverized that fence in the lane. She would've tried to speak to Eddy in private about it by now though.

Jonny. All those days ago he had seen Eddy on his way back from the trailer park. Then suddenly he decides he doesn't need Plank anymore.

There was his prime suspect. Eddy let out a breath of air and opened his eyes. He had made his decision.

"We're gonna have to f***ing split up after all. But you guys should stick together and I'll be the odd man out," Eddy revealed as Ed and Edd nodded at him. "You guys search the first floor and I'll head up to the second."

"But Ed and I are much more familiar with that floor. Shouldn't we take the second story?" Edd asked before shooting a glance at the top of the stairs.

"We'll take the risk, we're gonna need at least two people down here to guard those creepy a** stairs and search at the same time," Eddy reasoned, Edd seeming satisfied with his answer.

"*Guffaws* then off u go heartbreaker ahahaha me and double dee will see ya when u cleared the coast," Ed assured before nudging Eddy toward the staircase.

"Indeed, we'll whistle or find some other way to call out to you if we find one of them and they slip away," Edd added in as Eddy backed away from them and toward the stairs.

"We got this in the f***ing bag, boys," Eddy whispered before turning around and walking toward the stairs. He began to quietly climb them, only one of the steps squeaking slightly as he made his ascent. He stopped at the second floor landing and looked back down behind him. He saw Edd peaking into the dining room and Ed standing behind him to make sure no one was trying to steal home base. Eddy turned his attention back to his new surroundings. The second floor landing stretched out above the foyer and there were a couple of doors on the wall and a third at the very end. He looked to his right and saw two more doors. He decided to try his luck there.

Eddy tip toed down the hall and his eyes landed on each of the doors as well as a pitch black window at the end of the hall. He didn't know which one to try at first, until he spotted something laying in front of the door on his left. He inched closer to it, trying his best not to make any noise. He bent down to look at it and realized it was an acorn. "Bingo," he whispered to himself before standing back up. He reached his hand out and twisted the doorknob before stepping inside.

"*Guffaws* ur such a slowpoke double dee ahahaha we got other rooms to lookie loo in too," Ed whispered out to his friend as Edd moved around the dining room.

"We have to be sure none of them hid in here first, Ed. This is the closest room and if it's clear, our home base is a lot safer," Edd replied quietly as he searched inside cupboards and cabinets. Ed sighed and looked back out into the foyer behind him. Still no one there. He looked up at the second floor landing. He saw a shadow creep across it from left to right. He prayed that was Eddy and not the fucking Phantom of the Ear Wax.

Eddy quietly closed the door behind him and scanned the new room with his eyes. It was some sort of recreational room with a billiard table and a few furnishings in it. A second fireplace was against the wall and obviously hadn't seen any use in a long time. He began to creep into the heart of the room, his eyes sliding along the gloomy features on the walls.

"There's not a soul in there..." Edd mumbled as he stepped out of the dining room to join Ed at his side. He paused his train of thought when he realized Ed was staring at the top of the stairs. "What is it, Ed?"

"*Guffaws* double dee i think i see someone watching us," Ed whispered back, prompting Edd to take a closer inspection for his own clarity. He could see the shape of someone staring down at them from around the corner at the second floor landing.

"It would appear someone thinks they can slip past us..." Edd said quietly before giggling under his breath. "Shall we get the jump on them?"

"*Guffaws* on my mark ahahaha lets go git em," Ed answered before the two brothers in hide n' seek arms launched themselves across the room toward the staircase. The figure at the top twitched in surprise before disappearing back around the corner. Ed and Edd raced to the top and peered down the hallway to see a door on the right soundlessly snap shut.

"Now we have them cornered," Edd yawned out before blinking a few times.

"*Guffaws* do ya need to lie down for a bit chum ahahaha i can take care of this," Ed asked before rolling his shoulders and shaking his head to fight off a sudden spell of drowsiness.

"I think we're both getting a little tired, it is a tad late after all. However, we do have a game to finish first before either of us can get some rest," Edd replied before leading Ed toward the door.

"I was sure that superhero wannabe f*** would be in here..." Eddy complained quietly while sticking his head up the fireplace. He reached an arm up and patted around inside to make sure no one was stuffed inside. He removed himself from within the hearth and searched for another possible hiding spot.

Ed and Edd slipped inside of the library and closed the door behind them. They took a gander around at the bookshelves that glowed in the moonlight that beamed from a large window on the side of the room.

"Darkness and drowsiness... a terrible combination when playing hide and seek..." Edd mumbled as they advanced into the room and shut the door behind them. A few tables with books stacked on them were placed around the room. They walked past an old floor lamp thick with cobwebs. They spotted the shape of a chair under a ratty old blue sheet. Ed threw his arm across Edd's chest to stop him when he spotted another sheet a couple of yards in front of them beside the back wall bookshelf.

"*Guffaws* i think thats one of them double dee ahahaha," Ed whispered as they both studied the pale sheet shaped like a person.

"You... you don't actually think one of the kids would be so bold...?" Edd eked out as the pair gazed at what they hoped was a sheet with a mannequin under it.

"*Guffaws* i dunno but sarah told me a white sheet wasnt a scary costume ahahaha yet i am shakin in my bacon," Ed jittered out, neither of them wanting to approach what could possibly be one of the kids in the shittiest hiding spot on the planet.

"I-I am as well... you and I will have to do this together..." Edd whispered fearfully before motioning for Ed to follow him. They took measured steps toward the sheet, which was unnaturally still if there really was someone hiding under it. Edd reached a trembling hand out toward the ghost white sheet as Ed stood breathless behind him. His fingers dug into it and he ripped it away to reveal the shadowy silhouette of Rolf.

"*Guffaws* oh boy ahahaha looks liek ur our first victim rolf now put ur hands up," Ed whispered in a shaky yet happy tone. Rolf's shadow just stood there.

"R-Rolf? Y-You didn't gouge your ear drums with a potato peeler this time, did you?" Edd added as he and Ed stared at the figure.

Suddenly two other figures stepped out from behind the shadow and there were now three very familiar silhouettes in front of them instead.

Moonlight glinted from the three toothy grins that appeared on the figure's faces.

The air froze around Ed and Edd.

The game had begun.

"Uh oh..." Ed sputtered out as all sense of wonderment drained from his mind and his skin turned a stark white.

"Boo," Lee whispered as she, May, and Marie took a step into the light.

"F-Fuck..." Edd mumbled meekly before reaching up to wipe the sleep from his eyes. He and Edd stood there before the Kanker sisters, watching the girls through half-lidded vision.

"What's wrong, Double D? We can be your three first victims," Marie said in a hushed voice.

The two seekers continued to stand a short distance in front of them and took no action.

"Aren't ya gonna tag us out, Ed?" May asked, her goofy demeanor having seemingly vanished despite her smirk.

"Y-You guys get a free pass to home..." Ed whispered in fear before huddling up beside a motionless Edd.

"That's not in the spirit of the game, boys," Lee stated as the sisters claimed another step toward Ed and Edd.

"I'm not so sure we're playing a game anymore..." Edd choked out as he and Ed slid their hands into each other's for comfort.

"We're still playing a game. You win when you reach those hands out and touch us," Marie replied as she and her sisters waited in expectation. They made no further moves toward Ed and Edd and remained silent.

Behind the pair a tile on the ceiling slid out of place and two interlopers lowered a few feet into the room by ropes tied around their bodies. The two hanging watchers overhead spied the scene under them before readying their tools of revenge.

"And now the cupids descend from above loaded with bountiful arrows of love..." Sarah whispered as she stared with a scornful expression at the two shivering boys below.

"Their eyes set upon their targets below for which their disdain did grow..." Dutch sang quietly as they placed the wooden shafts of their arrows against the front of their bows.

"We read the nasty things you had written so now you both will be smitten..." Sarah rhymed as they raised their weapons at their unsuspecting targets with a tinge of sorrow.

"Forever to the three sisters you hate for whom these shots we do dedicate..." Dutch finished as they drew back their strings and took careful aim at both of their foes.

The weariness infecting Ed's eyes cleared up for a moment when he heard the bow strings draw tight at their apex.

"Incoming!" Ed shouted before ramming his body into Edd's and sending them spilling into a bookcase. Two arrows whizzed by where they once stood and planted into the floor at the Kankers' feet.

"Was that Ed?" Eddy asked no one as he climbed away from the underside of the billiard table. He heard the crash and clatter of objects falling to the floor in the room across from the rec room. "Better check that out!" he said to himself to force action from words. He bolted across the room and twisted the doorknob on the exit to the hallway. The door exploded open in his face and bashed him backwards where he landed on his backside. He rubbed the sore spot where the door smacked him and turned his gaze to the intruder.

"Captain Melonhead is here to make sure you don't check out a thing, Eddy," Jonny grumbled angrily while taking a step into the room.

"What the fuck is the big idea, Jonny?!" Eddy shouted, choking up after his attacker's name slipped out of his mouth. Something didn't seem right about that sentence but he didn't understand what it was.

"You tell me, you're always so full of big ideas!" Jonny replied before placing a hand on the edge of the door and swinging it shut behind him to prevent any escape attempts. Eddy grimaced and bared his teeth a bit. Here was the knife in his back.

"What in heaven's name happened?" Edd asked as he pushed himself slightly off the floor, books sliding from his back and shoulders. As Ed struggled to push piles of literature away next to him, Edd stole a glance at the Kankers, who watched him with their mouths parted and eyes widened.

"Duck and cover!" Ed yelled before stumbling forward to Edd's exposed side and holding up a thick thesaurus. Two arrows sunk into the front cover and the very tips pierced out the back.

"Stop ruining all of our shots, you big idiot!" Sarah screamed from overhead as she and Dutch readied another volley. Edd looked up from behind his defender and spotted the boy and girl with red faces hanging above them.

"Why are you attacking us?!" Edd shouted in confusion before Ed shoved him behind a reading table. Ed swatted books from the surface before flipping it onto its side and stopping another pair of arrows short when they punctured into the worn wood surface.

"You have the nerve to ask that, you coward?! Come out from there and take your punishment!" Dutch raved while nocking another arrow for his assault.

"Move out of my damn way! I think Ed and Double D are in trouble!" Eddy demanded, Jonny not listening to a word he said.

"Maybe they are, but they aren't the only ones who are in trouble right now!" Jonny yelled before slamming a sandal down on the floor. Eddy didn't have time to deal with this - he had the sickening feeling that Ed and Edd had run across the exact three people he did not want them to bump into alone. Yet here was this lunatic blocking his way to make sure he couldn't do a thing about it.

"You're gonna be in a shit load of trouble too if you don't let me out of this room!" Eddy shouted as he took a daring step toward him.

"You'll leave this room after you face the music for driving away the one thing that brought me any happiness in this neighborhood!" Jonny ranted before slamming his sandal on the floor again, his fists vibrating violently at his sides.

"Please stop, Sarah! Whatever I did to make you mad, I'm sorry!" Ed cried before ducking his head back behind the table to dodge two arrows that carved their way into the wall on either side of the floor lamp.

"You are sorry, Ed! Always sorry for everything you do! If you were really sorry, you would quit screwing everything up for me!" Sarah retorted violently as another arrow met the string of her bow.

"What is this all about?!" Edd shouted from the safety of his cover, his back pressed against the moldy wood of the table. "Moments ago we were all coming together in friendship! Now you're suddenly at our throats! This makes no sense at all! It doesn't add up!" he piled on as an arrow clanged off the edge of the table and spun around in the air.

"That's what you're good at, Double D! Adding things up! Figuring out how to manipulate us! Trying to make everyone dance to your little tune like a pied piper!" Dutch shouted in rage, placing his thumb and forefinger on a new arrow tucked in his quiver. "But we shouldn't be surprised, you are Eddy's friend after all!"

"You guys need to stop yelling and shooting things at us! We aren't trying to fool you! We want to be friends!" Ed pleaded to no avail as an arrow whistled by his fingers curled around the table edge.

"Don't pretend like you weren't trying to fool us! Did you think we wouldn't find out what you idiots were up to?! We always find out!" Sarah spat venomously before ceasing fire, unable to focus her shot with so much wrath pulsing through her. "It doesn't matter if it's a stupid scam to steal our money, a dumb prank you try to pull on us, or a mean little notebook filled with lies to help you get on our good sides! We will know about it!"

"Oh lord..." Edd breathed in agony as he experienced a quick spasm in his shoulder muscles. He was wrong. It all added up perfectly. His notebook didn't go missing briefly because he simply misplaced it. That notebook wasn't even at his house - it was in the hands of his neighbors who poured over everything he wrote about them. The brutal truth he could never speak in public about them but he could write down in private about them. And with his real thoughts about them exposed in the open, they had laid a trap to exact their vengeance on him and his two friends.

"So that's what this is about?! You're gonna make me pay over a fucking block of wood!" Eddy shouted as he shuffled slightly from side to side, trying to find an angle to slip past Jonny.

"Shut up! Shut up, you jerk!" Jonny yelled before thrusting his foot against the floor again. "I get it! I know all of you think Plank was a piece of plywood! He is just a piece of plywood! But he wasn't only that to me! He was the only frickin' friend I had in this heartless town! None of you ever gave me the time of day so I had to make due with what I could!"

"Jonny..." Eddy seethed before falling silent, trying to ignore the sounds of the struggle he could hear across the hallway. He had to let Jonny go on - he would make a mistake eventually and that would be his chance. It didn't help but that he was feeling sorry for Jonny now. However, he couldn't let that weakness stop him from doing what he needed too.

"That all changed the morning I bumped into you, Eddy! You couldn't help but feed me and Plank a big fat lie when we asked you what you were really up to! I wanted to believe you and trust you just like I put my faith in Plank! He didn't believe you, though! He kept telling me that you were nothin' but a bad person!" Jonny heaved out. Eddy could see tears welling up at the bottom of his eyes. "So I chose you over him like the weird idiot I am! Because you're a real person and he isn't! But then I learned the hard way what I get for ever thinkin' I could trust anyone but myself! Because that was when Plank did become a real person too - he abandoned me just like any real person would!"

"Jesus, man..." Eddy groaned as he stopped plotting ways to escape Jonny. This had finally gotten to him and he had no choice but to face it and pray his foe would understand. "I didn't know if I could fucking trust you, alright?! I didn't know if you would even understand what was happening! If you think what you saw in the woods was anything I chose to go through, then you're-"

"I'm weird, not dumb! I wasn't born yesterday! I know like everyone else how evil those girls are to you! So I knew that abuse in the woods wasn't somethin' you chose!" Jonny berated before jabbing his finger at a shell-shocked Eddy. "You did choose to abuse me, though! If you had been honest to me, I would've helped you just like Ed or Double D would! But you're a dirty liar like those Kanker sisters, so now I'm gonna hurt you just like they would!" he screamed with fury before stomping his foot as hard as he could.

Something rattled to life in the rafters above them and then there was silence briefly. Then there was a slow creaking as an object tipped over.

"What in the fu..." Eddy mouthed as he turned his head skyward. A crock pot with a lid on it was sliding off a beam near the ceiling above him. He moved his foot to the side.

"Don't you budge a muscle, liar!" Jonny demanded, almost leaping forward to hold down Eddy himself but halting out of caution.

The crock pot slid from its perch and the lid tumbled off to release the sticky orange contents within.

"Fuck that!" Eddy shouted as he dove to the side and narrowly avoided the concoction that rained down where he was formerly standing. The crock pot and lid slammed into the floor and bounced off into the corners of the room. Eddy hit the floor hard but he didn't have time to recover.

Jonny was upon him with frightening speed.

"Double D wrote those things to help us understand you guys! He wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, Sarah!" Ed begged as he and Edd cowered behind the table that had been transformed into a hedgehog with arrows for spines.

"Double D never cared about my feelings! All this time I thought I only had to worry about you and Eddy taking advantage of me, but now I see even the ones I thought I could actually love don't care about me either!" Sarah roared out through the tears raining from her eyes and splashing far below on the library floor. She fired an arrow that ricocheted off the plunger handle of Edd's costume and it whirled through the air to the feet of the Kankers. Still the sisters stood there, not intervening but simply watching the meltdown only grow worse in front of them.

"Please cease this insanity!" Edd sobbed before ripping the plunger from his head to reveal his sock hat underneath. He couldn't think straight with it on, but now he realized he couldn't think straight with it off either. He felt like he was going crazy - his mind screamed at him to close his eyes and drift away but his soul begged him to find a way to solve this before it got any worse. Then he thought - what could possibly be worse than this?

"That's all you can do is beg us to stop but you haven't given a single good reason why!" Dutch yelled as he fought back waterworks of his own. "You broke my best friend's heart and that shattered my heart to pieces too! I didn't have it in me to help her after that! And that left her with no one at all! Who was she supposed to turn to comfort her?! Her brother?! He doesn't know the first thing about giving real care and neither do you!" Arrows flew from the ceiling and once again missed their marks as Ed and Edd struggled to think and act.

"Don't you dare accuse me of not really caring, Dutch!" Edd lectured from behind the barrier. "I wasn't playing pretend all the times I tried to reach out to you, Sarah, and everyone else! I care about all of you and thought you all cared for us no matter how little you showed it!"

"Double D is right! I love you, Sarah! I stink at loving you and I always mess things up! But I never stopped my stinky love even when you got angry! Or when you hit me! Or when you broke my stuff! All that didn't matter because I love you!" Ed shouted up at his little sister.

He had placed the final straw. Now the back had snapped.

"I can't take this anymore! You're both so high and mighty! You both think you can twist this around and make us the bad guys?! Then you both are gonna get it worse than we've ever given it!" Sarah went ballistic before shooting shot after misplaced shot at her two targets, Dutch soon joining in now that there were no more words for them to shoot instead.

"We can't talk our way out of this one, Ed! We need to do something right now! We need to get help!" Edd pleaded as he looked to his friend for some way out.

"But Eddy isn't here to help us! I never know what to do but he always does!" Ed replied before shrinking back behind the table when another arrow threatened his safety. He knew they couldn't solve the anger that Sarah and Dutch had for them without their friend. He always had a plan to get out of any situation, even if it wasn't the most clean one. However, Eddy wasn't here and Ed feared it was because he was in danger just like they were. "We're all alone right now, Double D! I don't think Sarah and Dutch are gonna stop on their own and I don't how to get them to!"

"Alone...?" Edd mumbled before turning his head away from his friend and toward three people who had done nothing but stand there and gawk at the chaos. He looked at their faces - they all wore masks of fear. That was a rare occurrence when it came to the Kanker sisters. It was what he needed to see right now though. It meant that they most likely had nothing to do with this. For the first time in their lives, they could actually help he and Ed instead of abuse them. He simply had to break through to them to snap them out of their trance.

"If you won't take it standin', then you can take it layin' down!" Jonny spat as he held one of Eddy's hands hostage behind his back. He had his other hand on the back of Eddy's head as he pushed him down toward the liquefied puddle of rubber cement.

"Get the Hell offa me, Jonny!" Eddy strained out before falling to his knees next to the puddle. He shot his hand out and pressed his palm against the floor at the edge of the puddle to fight back against Jonny's mad assault. Eddy's costume sunglasses fell from over his eyes and straight into the cement, where they splashed with hardly a sound before slightly sinking down into the mass. The two boys jilted back and forth, grunting as they fought over every inch between them and that puddle.

"It'll be easier if you just let it happen!" Jonny simmered while twisting Eddy's arm further up his back. "Then you can lie still until I'm finished with ya!"

"If you wanted to help me so bad..." Eddy hissed as he squinted in concentration. "You still have a chance... you can't get Plank back... but you can help me save my friends..." he managed to say in between breaths of hardship.

"My costume must be foolin' you! I'm not here for heroics! Especially not for someone like you!" Jonny mustered the energy to say back before digging his fingers into Eddy's purple wig for a better grip.

"Then you're being a selfish asshole like I was... you ain't better than me, Jonny..." Eddy forced through his lips as he managed to slide his knee across the floor and plant his foot against it and his knee against his chest. His attacker was losing his concentration, he could tell. Jonny was getting more desperate with every passing sweaty second. Neither of them seemed to be stronger physically, but Eddy knew that wasn't his advantage. He had to press the gift of gab that his opponent didn't possess.

"Maybe I'm not! But at least I never took my friend Plank for granted like you take your friends!" Jonny cried before putting all the strength he had left into the struggle. Eddy had never been proven so wrong so quickly before. That actually stung more than anything he was planning to say to Jonny. But it did remind him of the other advantage he had. Anger. Raw and unyielding. No matter how pissed off this boy was at him, it was pebbles compared to his boulders. His face face turned red as he drilled Jonny's words into his head. He bared his teeth.

"My friends are real fucking people! You were friends with a damn plank! And that chunk of wood was just you talkin' to yourself! Easy as shit to not take yourself for granted, you egotistical dumbass!" Eddy screamed with everything he had left. Jonny lost control and tried to use his body to tackle his hostage. Eddy jerked his head to the side and Jonny was momentarily stunned when the only thing he had in his hand as he toppled over Eddy was the boy's costume wig. The hair piece was sucked into the cement, taking Jonny's curled fist with it. Eddy slipped out from under him and crawled away across the floor. He shakily stood up before turning to watch as Jonny simply studied the tangle of hair and cement sticking his hand to the floor.

"Holy smokes! This can't be happening!" Jonny sobbed before grabbing his captured forearm with his hand and yanking as hard as he could. The sticky substance yielded momentarily but his hesitation had cost him - it snapped his hand back to the floor. He was stuck but good.

"You're lucky I don't shove you all the way in, asshole!" Eddy shouted in fury before wasting no time in huffing and puffing toward the tightly closed exit.

"You think this is over?! This is how it's gonna be from now on!" Jonny cried after him while continuing to try and pry his arm from the muck. "Tomorrow and the day after! Me versus you until I think you've had enough of what you deserve!" He listened to Jonny continue to struggle against his sticky prison behind him. Eddy knew he probably he deserved a lot of things. He didn't think he deserved this. He took hold of the doorknob. He didn't deserve his two friends either but he was going to save them anyway. Because they deserved to be saved.

"I-If any of you have a shred of real respect for Ed and I, you'll intervene!" Edd finally found the words to beg his unwanted girlfriends from his hiding spot. More arrows dug in around them. It felt unreal to Edd how prepared their two attackers were for this moment. The Kankers continued to observe almost unblinking. They didn't even seem to hardly be breathing.

"They won't help you! I bet deep down they know you're getting just desserts like we do!" Dutch yelled from his suspended perch before loosing another arrow. It passed straight through Edd's hat, ripping a hole from front to back. "That's why they're not lifting a finger to drag you out of this!"

"H-He's right, Double D! W-We can't waste time with them!" Ed bumbled out before an arrow clanked against his costume helmet and flung it from his head. As it much as it pained Edd, he couldn't listen to his friend about this, particularly if he had sunk to the point where he was listening to any advice from Dutch or Sarah. It was clear Ed was even more panicked about this whole sordid affair than he was himself. It was a frightening prospect, but at this moment the Kankers were the only ones who could help them sort this out.

"Remember the dances we shared earlier this evening?! Did that mean anything to you?! If that didn't matter, then think back to everything that has ever happened between us! Did any of it mean a thing to you?! Every memory is painful for us but please tell me you'll give us one good thing to remember you for!" Edd pleaded with his all his might at the Kankers.

Each of them opened their mouths briefly as if to reply, but snapped them back shut. He wasn't getting through to them. He had to go further. He had to push them as hard as he could. He had to make them help or he and Ed would be goners. More arrows whizzed by to give Edd his own push he needed.

"You love us, don't you?! You called us your boyfriends and however you treated us, I at least believed you meant that! It doesn't matter right now that we don't return your affection! Prove to me that at least one half of our damned relationship was real!" Edd screamed to them before snapping his head back behind the table when an arrow lightly grazed his cheek. He didn't have anything left to say to them. His mind was a muddled mess now. He peeked over to the Kankers from behind the table. Each of the sisters jolted in motion but stopped before continuing. Why were they hesitating? What more could he say to get them over the hurdle that was apparently in front of them?

"All that damn screaming, I need to get the fuck in there..." Eddy uttered desperately before stumbling from the open rec room door. As soon as his foot hit the center of the hallway, lights burst to life from in front of the black window at the end. He shielded his eyes as heard the commotion in the next room continue to unfold without him. He lowered his arm a tad and saw a boy sitting on top of a bicycle, four lights shining from above his head like a halo. Eddy couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses, but the sneer across the boy's lips told him exactly what to expect. "Fuck off, shovelchin! You're not stoppin' me if Jonny couldn't!"

Kevin didn't say a word in reply to Eddy - he didn't even tell Eddy to run, but that's exactly what Eddy did when the jock spun the peddles with his feet and lurched toward him with blinding speed. Eddy twisted on his heel and began sprinting down the second floor hallway. He could hear the wheels behind him bouncing across loose floorboards like speed bumps.

"Eddy?! He is in trouble, I knew it..." Ed lamented groggily when he heard Eddy shout from outside the door and the sound of heavy footsteps charging down the hall.

"Worry about yourselves! You're good at that!" Sarah shouted before reaching for another arrow. Her fingers felt the air - she had run dry. Her head whipped over to Dutch, who was digging around inside of his empty quiver as if he expected to find something else to shoot at their targets.

"Quick, Sarah! We have to get down before they get away!" Dutch suggested in alarm, the two of them tossing their bows down to the floor before grabbing hold of the ropes that held them aloft. They both began to yank on the ropes, each tug lowering them a few inches toward the floor. The clatter of the discarded weapons was the signal for Edd that he and Ed would be safe for only a moment more before there really was no hiding from harm.

"We have to move, Ed! Right now! I think Eddy was just outside!" Edd ordered his friend as he grabbed the fur of his costume and tried to hoist him to his feet. He looked over his friend in worry when he noticed he was hardly responsive, only muttering a few meaningless words in response. When he realized he almost felt the same way as Ed, he understood this shooting gallery wasn't the only part of this elaborate trap. They must have done something to him and his friend to ensure their escape was all but impossible. He didn't know what to do now. He couldn't leave his friend like this. His head swiveled away from his efforts to wake his friend when he heard a floorboard creek at the end of the room. His heart skipped a beat when he saw May move away from her sisters and pluck the ruler from her hair.

Without an utterance, the blonde reared her arm back and threw the ruler spinning through the air like a boomerang up toward Sarah and Dutch. The two were so focused on their work they didn't even see it whirling toward them. It sliced through the ropes holding them to the ceiling and for a second it seemed like they were suspended in midair without aid. It didn't last but that second. They both let out a shriek before beginning their rapid descent - Marie stepped away from Lee's side and drew her twisted golf club before raising her foot. She fell forward on her foot and chucked the golf club like a javelin and it soared through the air.

"Ah!" Sarah yelped, her and Dutch shutting their eyes for impact when they saw the piece of sports equipment traveling to meet them on their way down. It tore through the folds of their costume diaper pieces and carried them with it to a bookcase where it busted through and to the wall. Book covers and shredded pages exploded from the impact and showered in the air.

As the carnage settled, Sarah and Dutch were left swinging while hanging from the golf club with their hands covering their eyes.

"You're fucking crazy!" Eddy shouted to Kevin before barreling through a door at the end of the hall. He fell into a bathroom and slid across the tiles before hitting the wall under an old sink. Kevin spun his bike to the side and each wheel hit a side of the door frame. The impact propelled him from the seat and it carried him through the air toward Eddy's resting place. "Shit!" Eddy cried before scrambling from underneath the sink. Kevin's fists crashed through the porcelain of the sink and struck empty floor.

Eddy tried to make for the exit but Kevin whirled around and grabbed him by his costume jacket before tossing him toward a filthy bathtub. Eddy tripped over his own feet but managed to catch himself on the edge of the tub. He put his back to the tub and rested his other hand on its edge. Kevin stood across the bathroom from him panting with his fists at his sides.

"Fuck..." Eddy whispered when he saw the cuts on Kevin's hands. The jock raised his fists and looked down at the damage through his sunglasses. He grunted almost humorously before swiping the sunglasses from his face and dropping them to the floor. Now that Eddy could see his eyes, he got the full gravity of how enraged his attacker was. Kevin reached his hands to his body and undid his leather jacket before taking it off and letting it fall with a soft thud onto the tile behind him. He rolled up the sleeves on his green sweater. He crackled his knuckles and a drop of blood fell onto one of his shoes.

"Hold on a fuckin' minute-" Eddy began when Kevin sped toward him and threw a punch aimed right for his face. Eddy moved his head to the side and Kevin's chest hit the edge of the tub, his fist beating empty space. He wrapped his arms around the jock's body and tried to wrestle him down but Kevin grabbed Eddy's shoulders and forced him into the corner where the tub met the wall. Eddy grasped Kevin's shoulders and they dug their fingers into each other. "You're not even gonna give me a damn explanation for this shit?!"

"I don't have to tell you a thing, Eddy," Kevin whispered bluntly. That was true. Eddy didn't need a reason for why Kevin wanted to hurt him like Jonny tried to. This was normal compared to everything so far. The only thing that made it different was that twenty minutes ago Eddy had actually started to trust Kevin. Maybe even respect him. So much for that.

"What the heck didya do that for, you dunderheads?!" Sarah screamed as she and Dutch struggled to free themselves from their hammocks fastened to the golf club. Edd watched from behind the table next to a semi-conscious Ed as the Kankers walked over to Sarah and Dutch. Both of the kids clammed up when May and Marie stopped short but Lee halted right next to them.

"What... what are you doing?" Dutch managed to squeak, feeling utterly betrayed.

"What we planned to do all along," Lee revealed quietly before smacking them across the faces. The two prisoners held their stinging cheeks and fresh tears welled in their eyes. The Kankers left the pair swinging limply before approaching the table. Edd cradled Ed's head as the sisters stopped on the other side, the backs of the arrows lodged in the surface almost touching their midsections.

"Th-Thank you..." Edd whimpered in appreciation when he looked up to them. He really was thankful, but he hoped he and Ed hadn't traded two foes for three worse ones. He watched as the Kankers exchanged slightly sour expressions with each other before glancing back down to him.

"You don't need to. Let's get the Hell out of here, Double D," Marie replied flatly before rounding the table. She grabbed hold of his arm that was gripping onto Ed but he refused to let her take it. "You can't carry Ed around when he's like that. May will handle him." Her younger sister walked around the table on cue and wrapped her fingers around Ed's arm to try and heave him to his feet.

"This isn't necessary..." Edd muttered weakly, almost feeling like he was going to collapse. He still refused to let the girls assist him or Ed, though he knew his resistance was likely pitiful to behold.

"You're a funny little man, Double D. You ain't walkin' out of here like this, and neither is big Ed," Lee commented before crossing her arms.

"That's true, it's just..." Edd began but trailed off before looking back to Ed's confused and weary face.

"We went and saved your sorry asses, but you still can't trust us to walk ya to the front door?" May snorted in a fluster, continuing her efforts to pry Ed away from Edd all the while. The teenage boy once again was at a lost for direction. He and Ed certainly couldn't stay here, but after all those things he said to the Kankers to spur them into action, he wasn't sure he wanted to go with them. There was also the matter of Eddy, but he wasn't quite sure what had happened to him while they were trapped in this library.

"None of us have time to stand around debating this, do we?" Marie interjected, waking Edd's tired mind back from his flurry of thoughts.

"Help us to the front door then," Edd replied before he could fully regret the decision. He finally allowed Marie to assist him onto his feet, and she looped his arm around her shoulders so that the crook of his elbow was resting against her neck.

"About time. Maybe I was wrong, you do need to thank us if we have to put up with this," Marie stated before cracking a pained smile to Edd. He couldn't help but smile back at that small bit of warmth.

"Up and at 'em, big Ed," May said as she managed to hoist Ed to his feet. He immediately fell backward into her arms and she struggled to keep him standing with her arms wrapped under his armpits.

"May told ya to get up, not down," Lee complained before putting her hand in front of Ed's face and snapping a few times. Ed's eyelids rose a bit and he scanned the room. He honestly had no idea what happened in the past few minutes.

"Is it over already?" Ed asked, a tinge of fear in his husky voice. He glanced over at the wall when he saw movement, and he saw Sarah and Dutch hanging by their costumes with their hands on their cheeks watching him bitterly.

"Not yet, we still gotta get you and Double D outta this house," May answered, Ed twisting his head behind him when he realized who it was that had helped him up. His arm and leg muscles jolted for a moment but he couldn't find the energy to jump away. "Don't be like that, we're trying to help you for once," she stated, prompting Ed to look over to Edd for confirmation.

"That appears to be the case," Edd assured as Marie adjusted his arm against her neck.

"Okay, but where are you helping us to?" Ed questioned as he allowed May to straighten him. She placed his arm over her shoulder and wrapped her arm around his midsection.

"Back to home base," May teased playfully, getting a drowsy smile out of Ed. The five of them then began to move toward the exit of the library, and Sarah felt her rage rekindle at the sight.

"Get back here and let us down, you dumb jerks!" Sarah yelled after them before renewing her struggle against the golf club.

"They're not gonna listen to you, Sarah... let's get ourselves down," Dutch said in a defeated tone before tugging at his costume. Lee threw her hand up to stop May, Marie, Ed, and Edd behind her before quietly opening the door and peaking outside. The door across the hall was open and she could see Jonny falling all over himself trying to pry his hand from the floor next to a billiard table.

"Gimme one sec to make sure the coast is clear," Lee whispered back, getting a nod from the others. She stepped out into the hallway, making sure to leave the door cracked behind her. She walked carefully to the rec room door and put her hand on the handle. When it rattled at her touch, Jonny twisted his head behind him and stared at her mournfully. She lifted a finger to her mouth and he nodded. She reached into the neck of her costume and pulled out Ed's spatula. She tossed it through the air to him and he caught it so it never made a sound. She gave him a thumbs up before quietly shutting the door.

"I-Is there anyone out there?" Edd asked nervously when Lee peeked through the door in front of them.

"I didn't see anyone else. It was just those two brats playing a trick I think," Lee answered before shooting a glare over at Sarah and Dutch as they continued to twist back and forth while panting.

"This library must have concrete walls..." Ed muttered, May squeezing her arm around his body to wake him back up a bit. Lee motioned for them to follow her out into the hallway.

"Too bad... the Kankers wrecked your motorcycle... or you might've been able to run me over..." Eddy choked out as he and Kevin wrestled around with each other in front of the bathtub. He had kept a good hold on Kevin's arms so far so he couldn't take any swings, but after having that struggle with Jonny, he was plain exhausted. He wouldn't be able to keep this up for long, but he kept steeling himself by thinking about how badly Kevin's punches would sting if he lost the tussle.

"I'm gonna wreck you... dork..." Kevin seethed as they rolled across the floor and settled in front of the shattered sink across from the open doorway.

"You're the damn... dork here..." Eddy wheezed as Kevin began to get the upper hand. They suddenly both stopped their struggle as if reaching a silent gentlemen's agreement when they heard the creaking of floorboards from up the hallway.

Eddy sucked in a breath of frigid air and locked up when his eyes stared through to the outside and far down the hall. It was May, Marie, and Lee. They had Ed and Edd in tow.

His worst nightmare right in front of him that he worked so hard to prevent.

Before Eddy could call out, Kevin elbowed him in the belly and knocked the air out of him. The jock then twisted Eddy onto his stomach before before pinning his arms down in front of him and slapping a hand over his mouth. Eddy began to kick his legs against the floor but Kevin forced his kneecaps against the back of Eddy's thighs. He couldn't make a single noise now. He could only watch as the Kankers led Ed and Edd to the top step of the staircase.

"That must suck, Eddy. Having to watch your two old friends walk off like that and leave you behind," Kevin whispered brutally into Eddy's ear as they watched the Kankers make off down the staircase with Ed and Edd. "Good thing they have your three new friends to keep them company." Eddy tried to pry open his mouth so he could bite Kevin's hand, but the jock wrapped his fingers around his chin and lips to snap him shut.

"Careful on these steps, girls, I almost busted my chops running up 'em," Lee cautioned as she led her four followers down the staircase. Lee reached the bottom and then turned around to make sure her sisters didn't trip at the bottom while guiding Ed and Edd.

"Almost there, Double D, don't make me leave your ass on these stairs," Marie whispered as she and Edd made it off the staircase and she started to pull him toward the door.

"I should hope not... I don't think they would make a very pleasant bed..." Edd grumbled before squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds and then opening them again.

"I can see home base from here..." Ed muttered as he was led by May closely behind Marie and Edd.

"I can picture it in my mind too, Ed," May whispered before digging her teeth into her bottom lip.

"Hurry it up before those two twerps catch up to us," Lee ordered quietly before moving past her sisters to open the front door. She held it open for them and shooed them out with her hand.

Marie and Edd passed through the doorway.

May and Ed passed through the doorway.

"You can't just run off with Ed and Double D like that! We weren't finished with them!" Sarah shouted from the top of the stairs before charging down them. Lee stopped in her tracks before she could exit the house and turned around.

"Sarah, calm down!" Dutch yelled after her before rounding the corner and following her down. "We scared the crap out of them, isn't that good enough?!"

As May and Marie led Ed and Edd across the lawn of the house, the two boys squeezed their eyes shut as they tried to fight back tears. Neither of them had cried while it all actually happened. Hearing Sarah and Dutch's voices ring out from the house brought it all back to them and their imagination was worse.

It didn't seem like either Sarah or Dutch regretted what they did.

"Stop with the screamin', I'm listening!" Lee shouted after slamming the front door shut. With Ed and Edd out of the equation, the time for playing pretend was over. Sarah and Dutch halted their chase in the middle of the foyer, neither of them expecting Lee to actually stay and talk.

"You never mentioned taking the Eds away! The whole point was to get back at them, not save them and take them back home!" Sarah shouted, her temper far beyond any point of control.

"Oh, I'm still angry about it too!" Dutch huffed at the missed opportunity for real revenge on Edd for ruining everything between him and Sarah. "Did you and your sisters start feeling sorry for them halfway through?! We all agreed to this plan!"

"Both of you shut the Hell up already!" Lee shouted back to quiet them down. Sarah and Dutch stewed but obeyed. "It's like you said while blastin' down those stairs, you scared the shit outta them and made your point. You two brats got your revenge, now it's our turn to take ours. Got that?"

"We didn't get our revenge at all... I don't feel like it anyway..." Sarah forced out to Lee. The three arguing conspirators suddenly turned their attention to the second floor landing when they heard someone yelp in pain. After a few seconds, they saw Eddy come charging from the left side of the landing, Kevin close behind him trying to take hold of him with one hand.

"Get back here and take your fucking lumps!" Kevin shouted before grabbing at Eddy and missing. Footsteps erupted from the right side of the landing and Jonny launched himself across it to tackle Eddy. The two of them struggled for a moment before Jonny pushed him against the banister. Kevin quickly helped him hold Eddy down with one hand while holding the other balled up in a fist against his chest.

"Let go of me you bastards!" Eddy demanded while trying to fight them off.

"I'm glad I got to stay after all, woulda missed out on a bit of the show!" Lee cackled out, Eddy freezing up and snapping his head to look over the banister and down at the three people below.

"You stupid bi-" Eddy began when Jonny slapped a hand with bits of rubber cement and wig hairs stuck to it over his mouth.

"That's enough out of you! I'm tired of your big lying mouth!" Jonny seethed in rage.

"See that up there, ya brats?" Lee asked before pointing a finger up at Eddy for Sarah and Dutch. "If you want more of your silly revenge, just take it out on him! Consider him the grand prize since it breaks my heart to have to leave him behind!"

"Fine! But what about Ed and Double D? What in the world are you gonna do to them?" Dutch asked, hoping whatever they had in store could make up for his own loss. Sarah seemed less convinced it would make up for anything and fell into a bitter silence.

"Don't worry about that! We ain't gonna hurt them too bad! We're gonna play our own dumb game once we get them back home!" Lee replied to Dutch. She wasn't looking at Dutch when she said it. She was looking up at Eddy. "Now you four enjoy showing Eddy what you really think about him! It was nice doin' business with ya, but I'm outta here!" With that Lee swung the door open, stole one last heated look up at Eddy, and shut it behind her when she left.

"What was that all about?!" Kevin shouted down to Sarah and Dutch, who turned away from the front door and looked up at him.

"Just those stupid Kankers making off with Ed and Double D before anything even happened!" Sarah shouted back up at him. Jonny's grip on Eddy loosened a bit, the guilt at having to think about it finally getting to him. Eddy's arm suddenly rocketed out and his fist struck Jonny in the mouth, knocking him backwards and the costume helmet falling from his head.

"Jonny you dumbass-" Kevin began to complain when Eddy swung up and hit him on the chin, finally freeing him from his two captors.

"You motherfuckers are the stupid ones!" Eddy screamed before fleeing from the banister and making for the staircase. "I can't believe I ever trusted any of you! But this is a new goddamn low!" he shouted before dashing down the stairs. "Now stay the Hell out of my way so I can-" he began to yell once more when he reached the first floor. The rest of the sentence remained unspoken when Sarah and Dutch threw themselves at Eddy and pushed him up against the closed door to the basement.

"No one is staying out of your way, you brute!" Dutch cried as Eddy struggled against his two newest attackers. Sarah reared her fist back and thrust it forward, narrowly missing Eddy's head and blasting a hole straight through the door. Kevin and Jonny began to run down the stairs after recovering to help their two younger allies take back control of Eddy. They bounded from the bottom of the staircase and toward the altercation.

"If you don't let go of me those fucking Kankers are gonna-" Eddy yelled when Kevin and Jonny tackled into him, Sarah, and Dutch, sending the five of them plowing through the door. They all yelped as they rolled down the staircase and spilled into a disordered mess of bruises at the bottom. The five of them rested there on the basement floor for several seconds, each of them groaning at the sharp pains covering their bodies and heads.

"Son of a bitch..." Kevin moaned as he sat up and rested a hand on the bottom step. He searched with his eyes around him in the darkness of the underground laundry room. Jonny was trying to pull himself to his feet against a wall but kept slipping back down. Sarah and Dutch were helping each other to their feet. Eddy pulled himself onto his knees and rubbed his shoulders and sides.

"Is your stupid revenge... worth all this bullshit...?" Eddy asked in between pained breaths.

"It will be once we're finished with you..." Kevin winced before climbing to his feet and beginning to stumble toward Eddy.

"What... what the Hell did we even do...?" Eddy questioned, momentarily forgetting any sense of urgency about this night. He was in so much pain he could hardly feel or think.

"You... you thought you could trick us..." Sarah replied as she and Dutch held each other steady on their feet, trying to recapture her anger but unable to at this point.

"Trick you... we weren't trying to trick anybody into being friends... just figure out how to do it..." Eddy shot back weakly, figuring this had to be about that notebook of Edd's. Kevin and the others must have found out about it. He wasn't sure how they pulled that off but he had locked himself away for so long, it could've happened at any point since then.

"Normal people don't plan out how to make friends... it just happens, you damn idiot," Kevin countered before grabbing Eddy by his shoulders.

"Get off... I need to go get Ed and... Double D..." Eddy stated as he started to feel some strength return to him.

"Not until this is over, then you can go do whatever the Hell you want," Kevin forced out before hoisting Eddy to his feet. Before he could react, Kevin jostled him forward by his costume and he went spilling into the darkness of the basement. Eddy felt his leg his something rubbery and before he knew it, he was face first in the middle of thick liquid. His hands shot out through the liquid and hit a solid bottom. He forced himself to the surface and took a deep breath when his head was free of the muck. He heard two clicks behind him and twin lights illuminated everything in front of him up to the back wall.

"What...?" Eddy whispered when he saw spray paint tagged on the back wall next to a large oak linen closet. He read over the words carefully.

"And they both started laughing"

He didn't understand what that meant. It didn't seem to make any sense.

"Over here, Eddy," Kevin taunted from behind him, forcing him to slosh around in the middle of the kiddie pool he found himself in. He saw Kevin and the others illuminated by two flashlights they had placed against the wall pointed to face him. They were covered in painful looking bruises and scrapes but despite their injuries, it appeared their former anger was slowly returning. The scowls on their faces told him that.

"Is this all you got for me, Kevin?" Eddy asked before laying a hand on the side of the kiddie pool. It slipped off the surface and he found himself hanging over the edge.

"Actually you have something to give me: one last picture of this night. We need our own personal reminder about you," Kevin replied in cold fury as Jonny handed a camera over to Sarah behind him.

"To remind you of what? How miserable you make me and my friends?" Eddy asked. It was an honest question from him. What else would he need this picture for?

"I make you miserable?" Kevin asked, his scowl almost twisting into a grin.

"Yeah. You really do." He stared at Kevin who lowered his arms. Eddy could tell this was the breaking point for the jock. It had taken longer than the others, but he had reached it.

"Me?" Kevin asked in disbelief, his face turning red. "Dude, I have news for you because you never got it over all these years - you make everyone in this neighborhood fucking miserable! Don't you get that?!" he yelled at Eddy, whose face sunk. "That's why I've always called you and your two stooges dorks! It was supposed to remind you every week that we couldn't stand your bullshit until you assholes got it through your thick skulls that it was time to change!" he bellowed at Eddy, who was still hanging over the edge of the pool with a forlorn expression. "Stupid me for giving you dorks that much credit! You never did change, but you expected all of us to! The funniest part is that we did try to, Eddy! We tried being nice to you guys so many times over the years but you always blew your fucking chances!"

The room fell silent once Kevin's tirade ceased. The jock panted to release his adrenaline. The others stood behind him, each of them red in the face like Kevin. His words had even gotten to them.

"We all gave you too many chances," Kevin said to break the silence before motioning for Sarah to step forward. She hesitated for a moment but joined him at his side. "The least you can do for us is let us have this picture. To remind all of us to never give a dork like you a second chance again."

Eddy closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.

Sarah lifted the camera in front of her face and pointed it at Eddy.

"Smile at me, Eddy."

A flash enveloped the room.

Sarah pulled the picture from the slot on the camera and held it up in front of herself so that Kevin, Jonny, and Dutch could see it with her.

It slowly developed in front of them.

They saw Eddy come into focus sitting in the middle of the pool with his eyes closed and face flush red.

They saw the spray paint tagged on the back wall.

They saw the open linen closet with Nazz and Rolf inside.

Sarah gasped and dropped the photo. The four of them looked at the linen closet.

Eddy opened his eyes and looked at his captors in confusion. He followed their gaze and froze up when he saw Nazz and Rolf step out of the closet.

The two stood there with catatonic expressions a foot in front of the closet. The air in the room was still.

Eddy, Kevin, Sarah, Dutch, and Jonny didn't know how to react. They all wordlessly seemed to agree to allow Nazz and Rolf to make the first move now that they had revealed themselves.

Nazz and Rolf began to walk slowly away from the closet. They robotically turned their heads down to look at Eddy.

He stared back at them and studied them both closely. He could see a spasm in their chests every other second. They kept opening their lips slightly but closing them. Their arms were straight at their sides and their fingers were twitching. The pair looked away from him and settled on all of their friends.

Kevin's rage had all but disappeared and he looked sickly.

Sarah's eyes kept darting away from them and toward the floor.

Dutch's arms were held against his chest and he seemed afraid to even take a breath.

Jonny's hands wrung together slowly with his head lowered like he was trying to hide his eyes under his brow.

Nazz and Rolf stopped near an open doorway to another room of the basement. From here, they could watch everyone at once.

A low whimper started to come from them simultaneously. The beginnings of what sounded like hard sobbing. They raised their hands up to their faces and held them slightly in front of their mouths. Everyone else braced themselves.

Rolf and Nazz then let it loose.

The game was about to end.

And they both started laughing.

It was light at first. It quickly grew at a fever pitch. Their arms shot down to their sides.

The others watched in morbid amazement as Rolf and Nazz cackled in innocent delight at everything before them.

Eddy's mouth fell open a bit. He thought that Nazz and Rolf had gone fucking insane. He looked over at Kevin and the others. They seemed to feel the same way.

Or they seemed to at first. Until they bit their lips. Tears welled in their eyes.

And they started laughing too. They kept laughing harder and harder until they were yucking it up as hard as Nazz and Rolf were. Eddy was about to lose it.

"What the fuck is so funny?!" Eddy screamed out. Everyone stopped laughing and looked over at him shock.

The air was still for another moment.

Nazz suddenly burst out in a hysterical shrieking fit of laughter and soon the others joined her once again. They all were laughing so hard there were tears streaming down their faces now. They were clawing at their sides and Rolf even fell down to his knees. The tall boy started slamming his fist into the basement floor it had overtaken him so hard. This was getting so crazy Eddy felt like could fucking laugh too.

"Are you two assholes in on this too?" Eddy shouted from the kiddie pool over at Nazz and Rolf, this time his outburst not putting even a dent in their hysterics. Rolf held onto his stomach for dear life and seemed to be trying to say something. He beat his fist into his chest instead of the floor to steady himself.

"You are... ohohoho... the..." Rolf managed to get out in between his mad cackling.

"I am the what?" Eddy pressed wrathfully before slipping out of the kiddie pool, spilling the contents across the floor. The muck slid across the floor and stopped when it splashed against Kevin's shoes.

"No please..." Nazz chirped before grabbing onto Rolf's shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut to bust out a belly laugh. Eddy stood up next to the kiddie pool as he listened to the crazed fits in front of him.

"Would one of you pieces of shit just spit out what's so funny?!" Eddy pleaded, starting to get concerned at this point.

"You are the only one not in on it, Ed-boy!" Rolf finally cried out as he raised his hands to wipe the tears off his cheeks.

"Yeah the fuck right! As if Ed and Double D would be in on this garbage!" Eddy retorted before taking a few steps toward him. His concern was already turning back into violent rage.

"But they are in on it, dude!" Nazz sputtered as she gripped Rolf's jersey so hard that Eddy swore she would tear it off. "We all are! Everyone except for you, apparently!"

"Wait what are you all in on?! We're not even talking about the fucking revenge shit anymore, are we?" Eddy asked in cold panic. He had absolutely no clue what was going on.

Rolf and Nazz looked at each other side-ways, tears spilling from their eyes as they bared their teeth to try and stop the laughter.

"This is a parody!" Nazz and Rolf shouted simultaneously before bursting with another streak of cackles.

"A parody?" Eddy asked as he stared at the boy and girl, who were now rolling around in place on the floor. "What the fuck does that mean?!"

"A joke! Oh it's all a joke!" Rolf forced out before clawing at the basement floor while laying on his back and letting the laughter spill out.

"E-Eddy..." Nazz choked out before crawling across the floor to him, chuckling every few inches. "Th-This is all a parody story! D-Don't you get that?" she quivered as she drug herself to her kneecaps by gripping onto Eddy's costume. "It's all a big joke like Rolf said!" she revealed again inches from Eddy's face. They stared into each other's eyes.

"But-" Eddy began when suddenly Nazz wheezed with laughter right in his face, sending her spit flying all over it. He grabbed hold of the collar of Nazz's cheerleader outfit and shook her. "But what the Hell does that mean? This is a parody?" he asked, the blonde too busy squeezing her eyes shut and yucking away without a care to even answer.

"Easy on her threads, dorky! The coach told me those outfits ain't cheap!" Kevin interjected while fighting off his own fit of laughter.

"You don't fucking order me around, asshole!" Eddy roared at him, still holding up Nazz with one hand.

"Cool off already, silly billy!" Sarah called out while holding onto Dutch's shoulder for support before she collapsed from her own exhausting laughter. "It's all a prank! A word prank or something! All this stuff wasn't for serious!"

"Y-Yeah!" Dutch screamed out in between two mad giggles. "It was all just ridiculous fun for all of us!"

"There was nothing fun about all the bullshit you guys just did to me and my friends!" Eddy yelled at him before looking over at Jonny. "Come on, Jonny, are you already forgetting the shit you said to me like ten minutes ago?!"

"Th-That was part of the parody too!" Jonny stammered as he rolled back and forth across the basement wall, squeezing his hands into his cheeks to try to silence his laughter. "All that harsh stuff was!"

"No..." Eddy whispered as he just stared around at all the kids and their red laughing faces.

"N-Now stop totally freaking out, dude! We got a mess to clean up!" Nazz cackled as she pried herself from Eddy's grip and fell onto her backside into more laughter, although it was clear to Eddy she could hardly be trusted to handle even a sponge in her crazed condition.

"Fuck you this is not a prank! Or a parody! Or whatever the Hell you're calling it!" Eddy shouted before storming like a whirlwind toward Kevin and socking him right in the face.

The laughter ceased as Kevin stumbled backwards and hit the wall.

"Holy cow, Eddy! Chill out, brother!" Jonny demanded as he watched Eddy bolt past Dutch and Sarah and tackle Kevin into the wall.

"Listen to him, man! Cool your beans already!" Kevin protested as Eddy crushed him against the wall.

"Stop acting like a jerk, Eddy!" Sarah demanded before grabbing him by the shoulders. He turned away from Kevin and shoved her backwards to send her to the floor.

"Don't you push Sarah around like that!" Dutch cried before wrapping his arms around Eddy to try and pull him to the floor.

"You all did nothing but push me around tonight, dumbass!" Eddy retorted before elbowing Dutch in the face to send him next to Sarah. He backed away from the battered three kids and looked over at Jonny, Nazz, and Rolf, who cocked their eyebrows at him.

"Was the parody not funny to you, Eddy?" Nazz asked. That was it. Eddy began to tear at his costume until it fell to pieces to reveal his street clothes underneath. He dug into his pants pocket and felt the very thing he needed.

"Nothing is funny about this, you dumb blonde ditz," Eddy shot back, Nazz's mouth slapping shut. "You all think this is hilarious? Well there is nothing hilarious about what those evil bitches are going to do to Ed and Double D."

Everyone stared at him.

"And what are they going to do to them?" Kevin asked, any trace of humor gone from his voice.

Everyone waited expectantly for Eddy to fill the sudden dead air.

Eddy closed his eyes.

"Rape them."

The kids all turned cold and distant.

The sound sucked back into the room.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ed-boy! Nothing of the sort could happen in a story such as this!" Rolf declared before all the kids started laughing again.

"Fuck all of you dumb bastards!" Eddy screamed with all his fury before storming up the basement stairs to leave the insane laughter of the kids behind.

He didn't have to prove a thing to all of those kids.

He was going to put a stop to this once and for.

He was going to save Ed and Double D.

He was going to save them.