A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting but hey! Perks of working from home is now I have time to sit down and write. So fingers crossed I can get some more chapters out in the near future. Stay safe, everyone!
Ch 94 - I am Suffering
"Oy, you shitty mosshead. Where's Robin-chan?"
Zoro lifted his head to glare at Sanji from his seated position. The swordsman sat in front of the mast, facing it with his knees crossed and his arms folded across his chest but in no way was the swordsman relaxed. "Why do you keep asking that?" he growled, "Are you a broken record or something? I haven't seen her since she left to go shopping with — Oh. Chopper, you're here. Do you know where Robin is?"
"No!" Chopper wailed, "I lost her when I went into the bookstore and then I found Sanji when I was looking for her around the city. We thought she had come back here."
"Whatever," Zoro grumbled, "She's probably off doing...womanly things. We have something more important to deal with."
Sanji took offense to the swordsman's attitude. "What?! Nothing can be more important than the safety and well-being of R-"
"A shipwright came and he gave an assessment on Merry," Zoro said curtly, "And it's not good."
"What?" Sanji and Chopper cried.
The cook took a step back to compose himself. He cleared his voice before speaking. "Is it going to take a long time to fix? A lot more money than we have?"
Zoro shook his head. "Merry cannot be fixed. Her damage is too great. Something about a broken keel, which is basically the spine of the ship and it holds everything together. He said it was a miracle that we even were able to stay afloat right now, let alone the whole time we've been here."
"Is that true?!" Sanji asked.
"That's what the shipwright said," Zoro said.
"But...this ship can no longer be fixed? Even if we pay lots of money?" Chopper asked, "Then-Then what's going to happen to Merry?!"
"Beats me...in the end, it depends on how Luffy and the others decide after hearing the outcome of the assessment," Zoro said with a shrug which enraged Sanji again.
"Oy! How can you have such a blasé attitude about this? You just said this was an important —"
"I wasn't referring to Merry," Zoro said and then he lifted a hand and banged his fist against his heart. "Do you guys not feel that?"
Sanji and Chopper looked at him like he had gone mad and Zoro scowled. "Forget Robin and even Merry for a second. Clear your mind and tell me that you feel it too!"
Sanji and Chopper shared a look of incredulousness but then they each slowly closed their eyes and tried to do as the swordsman said. Then, after a long beat of silence, they gasped. Down in the pits of their heart was a feeling of deep sorrow. It was a dull ache that was too weak to stand out but it's existence was undeniable.
"What is that?" Chopper asked, tears collecting between the folds of his closed eyes, while Sanji's eyes flew wide open.
"Where's Emmy-chan?" he demanded.
Zoro's lips pressed into a thin line and he wordlessly pointed at the opened hatch door that led down to the men's room. He said nothing as Sanji and Chopper went over to it and poked their head down. He did not warn them for the sight they were about to see because it was too hard for him to even think about much less voice aloud.
There, curled up on the floorboards that Kaku had kindly reattached before he left, was the first mate. Her hair and tears spilled out across the wood and she had a hand flattened against one of the floorboards.
"Feel Feel...Pain Trade...Feel Feel...Pain Trade..." she whispered over and over again in a hollow chant.
"Emmy!" Chopper cried but Emmy didn't react or respond.
Sanji jumped down to the floor and tried to pull Emmy off the floor but she just pushed him aside and crouched onto the floor with her palms to the boards.
"No. I need...I need to take care of Merry-san...It's my duty," she murmured, "Feel Feel...Pain Trade...Feel Feel...Pain Trade."
Sanji reached for her again. "Emmy-chan, you should —"
"Save your breath. She won't move," Zoro called down from above, "I gave up after trying for an hour. I tried everything short of tying her up or hurting her."
Sanji let out a shaky breath and he slowly climbed back up to the deck. "We...we need to get Luffy."
"Ah," Zoro agreed, "Although, I'm worried about how he's handling the news with Usopp."
A somber hush fell over the group. "Yeah…" Sanji said slowly, "If Emmy-chan is already taking it this hard, I can't imagine what it would be like for Usopp. Merry was made in his town, right? A gift from his friends?"
Zoro nodded.
"FIrst Robin and now this…" Sanji sighed as he pulled out a cigarette, "What a restless afternoon."
"Everyone!"
They looked over the side of the ship and saw Nami running towards them with a briefcase in hand.
"Nami!" Chopper exclaimed, "Did you hear —"
"We can talk about Merry later!" Nami shouted as she climbed back on board, "We have another problem."
Zoro winced. "Don't tell me Usopp —"
Nami's eyes widened. "Yes. How did you know?!"
"Because Emmy is the same way," Zoro said and flicked a hand towards the harch.
"What? Emmy got beaten up by the Franky Family too?" Nami asked.
"WHAT?!"
The navigator quickly explained to the men about how 200 million bellis had been stolen while Luffy and Nami weren't looking. They had brutally attacked Usopp up and dumped him on a side street.
"Franky Family?" Zoro repeated, "Those are the guys who came to the ship earlier. They were trying to catch us and get our bounties. They must be starving for money."
"Go!" Nami said and shoved a map into Sanji's hands, "All of you! I marked on the map where I left Usopp. He's too injured for me to move him so I thought it best for you guys to go with Chopper. Go get him and then go to the Franky House, which is near here, and we can get the rest of our money back."
"Yes, Nami-san," Sanji said, "We'll leave Emmy-chan to you then. Please watch over her until Luffy gets here."
Nami blinked. "What happened to the Prude?"
"...Usopp is hurting…He's in a lot of pain," came a subdued and soft voice.
The group whirled around and Nami had to smother her gasp with her hand. Emmy stood there like a ghostly figure. Her eyes were unfocused and red from crying, which she was still doing. Her hair sagged, matted and wet from her tears and her apron was practically shredded. Her head hung limply to the side, like she was addressing someone behind them.
"We know, Emmy-chan. We're going to go help him right now," Sanji said very gently as he approached her like she was a timid animal who was easily spooked, "Why don't you just stay up here with Nami and get some rest?"
Emmy gave a small bow but returned back down to the men's quarters. Sanji's hands dropped to his side in defeat and he looked over to the navigator. "Please look after her, Nami-san. She's not taking the news about Merry very well."
"I will…" Nami gulped and then she waved her hands to shoo them off. "Now go! Go! Usopp needs you and make sure you beat every last one of the Franky Family, guys."
When the guys left, the navigator's fists clenched to her side and she went to go find the first mate. "Oy, Prude. What are you —"
"Feel Feel...Pain Trade...Feel Feel...Pain Trade…"
Nami scowled as she climbed down the hatch. "Stop it, Emmy. That's not going to work. You're wasting your breath."
"Feel Feel...Pain Trade...Feel Feel...Pain Trade…"
"Stop it."
"Feel Feel...Pain Trade...Feel Feel...Pain Trade…"
"I SAID STOP IT!" Nami screamed. The tears she had been holding back sprang free and she let out a wounded howl. Everything had started out so great when they arrived and now everything was wrong. The money was gone. Usopp was badly beaten and riddled with guilt. The Going Merry was...She was…
"Stop...Just stop…Please. I can't...I can't take any more," Nami pleaded as she buried her face in her hands, "Stop, Emmy. Please."
It was all too much and Nami's own tears spilled out from between her fingers. She sobbed and gasped for breath behind her hands. Suddenly, she felt a hand gently touch her shoulder. When she looked up, the first mate was kneeling in front of her. Although Emmy was still crying, her eyes were refocused and directed right at Nami.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Nami," Emmy said as she put her arms around the navigator, "I didn't mean to make it worse. I'm sorry."
Nami could only shake her head against Emmy's shoulder as she cried into it. They stayed there crying for a good long time together and Nami would've counted them as lucky that no one had tried to attack them then and there but today was anything but that.
"What happened with Usopp?" Emmy whispered after there were no more tears left in their body to shed and no more energy for them to even cry out.
Nami drew in a breath and explained everything starting from their trip to the bank and ending with Usopp's broken face and spirit when she found him on the side street. When she was done, Emmy's head lowered. "So...he doesn't know...about Merry-san yet?"
"...No."
"...Has Luffy decided on what he's going to do about Merry-san?"
"Not that I know of," Nami said quietly.
Emmy wiped her face with the remaining dry spot on her apron and she closed her eyes. "They're very angry right now," she reported, "And...fighting...at least that's what I gather from Zoro's bonds. Sanji is...Sanji and Chopper are very worried and Luffy…"
Her voice caught in her throat. "Oh…"
"What?" Nami asked.
But Emmy said no more. She kept her eyes closed, focusing on her bonds. No words were shared and no movement was made.
"I'm...not doing my job very well, am I?"
Even though it was soft and gentle, the break in silence still surprised Nami and it took a beat for her to register what the first mate had asked. "Why do you say that?" Nami asked.
"I-It's my job to take care of Merry-san...and you all...And...now because of...M-Merry-san's news," Emmy's voice broke and she sucked in a breath to stifle the sob at her throat, "I...I made you all suffer from my pain too. I'm...I'm sorry. I'll do better."
"D-don't blame yourself, Emmy,. Travelling through the Grand Line would be hard on any ship," Nami found herself saying. Her own voice sounded foreign to her own ears. She didn't know what part of her still had the strength to see the logic and realities still but she was glad she had it, "There's no point in dwelling on what we could have done. Let's just focus on what...what we can do now."
"What...we can do now…" Emmy repeated hollowly.
They fell back into silence and stayed there, both lost in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. When the guys returned with Usopp on a stretcher, they found the girls still down in the men's quarters.
"Did you get the money back?" Nami asked bluntly as she climbed out to the deck and helped Emmy up too.
"No," Zoro said, "The guy, Franky, took off with it to buy something on the black market. We don't know where he went so we'll just have to wait until he gets back to find out."
Nami's fists clenched in her lap but she didn't yell or demand they do something like Zoro thought she would. She wasn't the only person acting odd though. Luffy didn't go directly to Emmy to check on her too. The swordsman would've bet good money that was what the captain would do as soon as he returned, given the circumstances but instead, Luffy stayed standing solemnly on the deck with his hat lowered over his eyes and his head down. The tension on the deck was high, though, so Zoro kept these unusual observances to himself. The last thing anyone needed was another point of contention that could spark an argument.
"Did you beat them up?" Nami asked.
"Yes, Nami-san," Sanji said as he puffed on his cigarette, "And the Franky House is nothing but rubble now."
Nami spat out a curse word that would have shocked Emmy but the first mate was too busy helping Chopper settle Usopp in the galley to rest. She went back and forth from the storage room and the men's room to gather a mattress, blankets, and fresh towels.
"Nami...I made a decision about Merry," Luffy said quietly.
Nami gulped and braced for the inevitable.
"I think it's time we-"
"Emmy! What are you doing? No! Don't!" Chopper shrieked, "AHHHH! Emmy, sto-"
Thunk!
The group on the deck raced to the galley and they stood frozen in horror at the door. Their doctor was lying face down on the floor and snoring while the first mate was crouched over the sniper with her two hands on the sides of his face, the only part of him that wasn't covered in bandages.
"Feel Feel...Pain Trade."
"EMMY!" Luffy roared as the first mate crumpled over. Cuts and bruises sprang out of her body and blood started to seep through the fabric of her dress. The captain skidded to the floor and pulled him into his arms. "Emmy! Why'd you do that? What were you thinking?"
"Everyone is suffering but I'm trying...to make things better," Emmy said and then she gave a sad smile. Her hand went up to his cheek, "I...know what you've decided. I felt...it...And I understand. I don't want Merry-san to be in any more pain...And...I don't want you to be too."
"What?" Luffy breathed.
"I support your decision, Luffy, so...don't feel so sad. Okay?" she asked.
Luffy's eyes widened as Emmy's head fell back and she lost consciousness.
"Oy! Chopper! Wake up. You have a new patient!" Zoro shouted, picking up Chopper from the floor and shaking the reindeer to his senses. At the same time, Usopp's eyes blinked away.
"Wha- What? What happened? I was- AH! EMMY!" Chopper yelled. There was still drool hanging out the side of his lips when he ran over to the first mate.
"Eh? Emmy? What's going on? Why am I back on the ship?" Usopp asked drowsily as he sat up in the bed and then he saw Emmy, "Whaaat? Don't tell me the Franky Family got to her too!"
"Shut up and move, Usopp! We'll talk about it later," Sanji ordered. He kicked the sniper off the mattress while the captain laid the new patient down. The cuts were starting to heal up on their own but the doctor knew there was some internal damage that wasn't so easily remedied.
"Everybody out," Nami said and moved out from under the door frame to let the cook and sniper through, "Give them some space."
They left the captain and the doctor alone with the first mate in the room while Zoro quickly cut off Usopp's bandages with swift slices of his sword, which the sniper was not expecting.
"AHHH!" Usopp shrieked and clutched his chest, "Don't do that! You almost gave me a heart attack. Why would you do that to me in my condition — Wait," He frowned and started to pat his body. "That's odd. I don't feel any pain at all from the fight. Have I developed some sort of monster healing — Ah! Don't tell me Emmy healed me! Is that why Emmy is like that right now?!"
Sanji rolled his eyes and then he lit a new cigarette. He closed the galley door behind him and joined the others on the deck. "What's done is done...But with that being said, to think that you marched into the Franky House by yourself...That was so reckless, Usopp."
"Ah. Think before you act," Zoro grumbled.
"Look who's talking!" Sanji snapped.
"Seriously, Usopp," Nami said, "Don't worry us so much."
Usopp gulped. "Did you guys get the money back? Did you guys stop that Franky guy?"
The blood drained out of his face when both the swordsman and cook shook their heads. "We..we lost the money?" he asked, his words choking in his throat, "Because of me? I'm...I'm so ashamed. I'm so sorry!"
He threw himself at the swordsman's feet and grabbed onto a leg. "That money was so crucial to us and yet, I let it...I let it...Ah! Emmy should've let me fester in my wounds!"
"Oy! Hold on a sec. Calm down!" Zoro shouted, "I get it. Just let me go!"
"B-B-But the huge amount of money we got, after all that we went through," Usopp sobbed.
The door to the galley opened and Luffy and Chopper stepped out.
"How's Emmy-chan?" Sanji asked.
"She's asleep but at least her superficial wounds are gone," Chopper said with a hopeful tone.
"Ah," Luffy said as he closed the door, stopping for a moment as if debating whether to go back inside, and then he turned back to his crew and walked down to the deck.
Usopp released Zoro's leg but kept himself kneeling on the deck. "I'm sorry, Luffy. We lost the money because of me."
"It's fine," Luffy said with a smile, "We still have 100 million bellis so that's okay. Don't worry about it."
"It is NOT okay about the money!" Nami shouted before she could stop herself. Her hand flew to her mouth and she looked over at the sniper, "Ah. Sorry."
"No...That's okay," Usopp said, "But Luffy...what about the ship? What about the Merry? Can we somehow have her repaired with that remaining 100 million?! What did those guys at the shipyard say? Does it look like they can repair her? I have some ideas on how to improve her too but we should get her fixed up perfectly first."
He looked expectantly at the captain, not noticing Nami's fists clenched at her side, the extra deep drag of the cigarette from Sanji, the vein that was taut and throbbing along Zoro's neck, and Chopper's lowered head.
"Usopp...about the ship…" Luffy said with a calm and even demeanor, "I decided to get a new ship."
Usopp blinked. "Huh?"
"I'm sorry that I made the decision without consulting you," Luffy said, "But I've already made my decision. The Going Merry took good care of us but our journey with her ends here."
He let the news sink in but the sniper was not responsive. He said nothing and showed no change in confused expression so the captain continued to talk. "You know, Ice Pops gave us a catalogue of ships they could provide us. I haven't looked through it but it's a really thick book so there must be a lot of different types of ships. We can —"
"Hold...Hold it," Usopp stammered and he raised an eyebrow. "You're taking the joke too far, Luffy. Right, guys?"
He looked around the crew and zeroed in on Chopper's stricken expression. "See? Chopper took it seriously! Are you just getting back at me because you're mad I lost the money and now Emmy's hurt? I get it. I'm sorry. I —"
"This is not about Emmy or the money." The smile on Luffy's face was gone and he looked sternly at the sniper but did not say another word.
Usopp started to sweat. "Well...does that mean we don't have enough money for the repair? That would make sense...First-class shipyards probably come with first-class price tags. Because I got that 200 million stolen by them, w-we're now short on money, right?" His voice rose higher and higher with every thought that he blurted out, "This is my fault, right? Luffy! Just say it! Don't spare my feelings!"
"I'm not! This has nothing to do with that money being stolen!" Luffy yelled.
Usopp got to his feet and he stepped threateningly towards the captain. "Then why are you saying stupid stuff like that we're gonna get a new ship?!"
Zoro scowled. "Oy! Stop it. Both of you! What good will fighting do? Calm down and talk!"
Usopp ground his teeth and he pointed an accusing finger in Luffy's face. "How can I calm down when he starts saying stupid stuff?! How can I be quiet when our captain casually says we'll get a new ship? Have you even told this to Emmy?!"
"I told you this is not about her!" Luffy shouted, "And it's not casual at all. I made the decision after agonizing over it!"
"What and how did you agonize over it to make this kind of decision?!" Usopp said and he grabbed Luffy by his shirt, "I deserve a proper explanation, Luffy! If it wasn't because we got our money stolen then why the hell are we getting a new ship?! Tell me! I won't accept it unless I hear a good reason. Oy! Say something!"
"IT'S BECAUSE —" Luffy roared, his voice shaking with mixed emotions, "MERRY-GO CAN NO LONGER SAIL!"
Usopp dropped his hands and he stumbled back. "Wh...what did you say?"
Luffy shook his head and his own hands clenched at his sides. He took a breath to collect himself. "Don't make me repeat myself. Merry-go...is beyond repair. No matter what we do, she won't be fixed."
Usopp's legs gave out and he sat heavily down on the deck. His fingers brushed the hard wood and he felt another burst of anger. "This...ship?" he asked and flattened his palms down on the floorboards, "Are we talking about this ship that we're on board right now?!"
Luffy nodded. "This ship will sink soon even if we don't move her. I know it's hard to hear but that's what Ice Pops and them told us at the shipyard. They said she can't even reach the next island."
"And you're just going to believe them?! Some strangers you just met today? You gave up just like that?!"
Luffy's face turned stark white. "What'd you just say?" he asked quietly.
"Just because first-class shipwrights told you that this is it...you gave up just like that?! We've travelled together all this time. We made it through all sorts of waves and battles together. She's our dear nakama! Are you going to just abandon her in a place like this?! Is that how little this ship means to you, Luffy?!"
Luffy said nothing which only enraged Usopp even more.
"Well, I refuse to believe in some arrogant shipwrights who can so casually dismiss a ship that is not theirs! This just proves that we have to protect our own ship! I'll get lumber and I'll fix it all myself. I've been doing it this whole time. I might as well continue. Right? I'm sure I can find some good books too at least to share —"
"Stop it, Usopp," Nami pleaded.
"NO! I will NEVER give up on this ship!" Usopp roared and then glared at everyone, "Did you guys all just buy into those guys' sales talk? Or was it just Luffy? Huh?!"
He went back and grabbed Luffy by the shirt again. "How can you make a decision like that? Suddenly acting all captain-like?!"
"That is my decision and I won't change my opinion! No matter what you say now," Luffy shouted, "We are going to get a new ship. We'll say goodbye to Merry-go here!"
"Don't be ridiculous! I won't allow that!" Usopp said as he shook Luffy, "I cannot just leave our wounded friend here and move on to the seas ahead!"
"She's a ship! Not a human. It's different!"
"They're the same! Merry has the same strength to live left in her!"
"No...Usopp...She doesn't."
Everyone was so caught up in Luffy and Usopp's heated exchange, they didn't even notice that Emmy was standing by the galley door, gripping the doorknob to support herself.
"Emmy-chan!" Sanji rushed over to her and pulled her to his side to help her stand. She gave a small nod of thanks and then returned to look wearily at Usopp.
"I...heard her today. Merry-san, she spoke to me."
This was news to everyone on the ship, including Zoro. The air seemed to get sucked out from around them as the cook helped the first mate onto the deck. Nobody blinked or breathed as if any movement could change the outcome of what the first mate had to say. She stood a few feet away from Usopp and Luffy but that was Sanji's decision not hers. He didn't want her too close to the conflict.
"What did she say?" Usopp asked.
Emmy's eyes filled with tears but she did not bow her head or look away from Usopp. He needed to hear this. He needed to know. "She said she's sorry."
"I can't believe it…" Usopp whispered.
"I'm...I'm sorry too," Emmy said. Her hands clutched to the ends of her apron so tightly that it was getting more and more frayed with every second, "Taking care of Merry-san was my job and I failed…Please...don't be angry with Luffy. This —"
"Of all people…I can't believe you gave up on Merry just like that."
Emmy jerked back like she had just been slapped. The rest of the crew reacted as if she did too. Zoro swiftly pulled her away from Sanji's side and behind him as if to shield her away from any more of Usopp's wrath.
"Are you kidding me, Usopp?!" Nami yelled.
"Do you have any idea what Emmy-chan was like when she found out about the news?!" Sanji shouted.
"Usopp, please calm down," Chopper begged.
Emmy's hand went to her heart. The guilt and anguish in her and Usopp's bond were beyond what the sniper could handle. Usopp, who had always been the quickest to react and respond, was lashing out at everyone in order to redirect his pain. She was just about to tell him that she knew he didn't mean it, when Luffy reacted.
"YOU JERK!" Luffy roared as he pulled back his fist and he punched Usopp straight across the jaw and knocking the sniper to the ground, "I already told you to leave Emmy out of this! Do you think you're the only person in pain over this? Everyone feels the same way! If you're mad about my decision, then be mad at me! I'm the captain. This is my decision and if you don't like it then you can just get off —"
"LUFFY! No!" Emmy screamed just as Sanji kicked Luffy away from the sniper and Luffy crashed on the other side of the deck.
"You...idiot…" Sanji snarled, panic and rage flickered in his eyes, "What were you about to say, Luffy?! Both of you need to calm down and watch what you're saying!"
Luffy sat himself up and he slowly pulled the straw hat over his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. His voice was ragged as he fought for control, "I...just…"
"That's okay, Luffy. That's how you really feel, isn't it?" Usopp asked. He was staring down and looking at the splintered floorboards.
Luffy's eyes widened. "What did you say?"
"Go ahead and cut off useless friends one after another and move on," Usopp said in a matter of fact tone, "Well then...if you're going to abandon the Going Merry then why don't you do that to me too?"
"Usopp!" Sanji snapped, 'What did I just say about watching what you say? You're letting your emotions get the better of you!"
"No. I'm serious," Usopp said, "I've actually been thinking about this for a while. I can't keep up with your monstrous strength. Like today...I can't even watch over money. I'll just keep causing you guys trouble. You're the man who'll be king of the pirates, Luffy. You don't need weak friends. Thinking back...when I was about to sail out, you guys asked me to join you. It was only because you guys liked me as a friend. That's the only thing tying us together. We don't have to travel together when we have a difference of goals and opinions."
"What are you saying?!" Nami asked.
"Luffy…" Usopp said as he made his way to the railing and jumped overboard, "I'm leaving the crew."
Nami, Chopper, and Sanji rushed over to the deck to try to stop him while Luffy stayed motionless. Zoro moved but only to catch Emmy, who was slumping down to the ground with her hand still over her heart.
"Oy! Emmy. Go get some rest. You're not fully healed up yet and-"
"No, Zoro…" Emmy said in a panicked whisper, "Usopp...Usopp's gone."
"I know!" Zoro said exasperatedly, "We just saw —"
"No!" Emmy gasped, "Our bond…It's gone!"
