Love Forgives

My lord Ilmater. I fear that I hurt his feelings pretty bad.

You did indeed.

I can sense your disapproval... it is just that a wave of ugly emotion, not tempered by serene recollection, washed all over me when I saw him watching her, so appreciative... I know she has felt his hands all over her, his lips and tongue licking and kissing the beads of sweat produced in the heat of passion... he has cradled her in his arms, nibbled her earlobe... the thought of it makes me ill all over, full of pain that twists me into something I'd rather not be... help me, my lord!

These times weigh heavily on your heart. You are giving in to your worst fears. Fear of abandonment, fear that everything you held true and dear is but deception. It is only logical, in a twisted way - think on how the existence of this so-called philanthropist sullying my name has shaken your faith in me and my church. But when it comes to Winski, and his devotion to you, you must understand this. Love can not be chained or guaranteed. It is freely given and can not be forced. There must be trust, and Winski's love is as worthy of your trust as anything could be. Were you less strained, you would be able to see this without me leading the way.

But what do I do? Did my words irrevocably ruin something between us? And how can I make the ugly, ill feeling go away?

You need to relearn a few lessons. First of all, you must allow Winski the whole experience of being him. The man with his experiences and his past, the man with his perceptions and appreciations, not blind even to beauty of a woman who once was his lover. The woman in question has no intentions of ruining your happiness, on the contrary she wishes both of you the best. Winski is more than a possession or material for you to mold. Love does not merge two people.

Jelena bowed her head in shame.

I should know all this, my lord.

Then think on what you should do now. Love forgives, and a bond created by going through hell and more together is certainly not broken by a few thoughtless, cruel words uttered in anger. What should you do know?

Apologize.

Indeed. Go in peace and trust again. There are people who will need your love.

Jelena could feel Ilmater's attention gone, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. The pounding of her heart and the sickening soaring of the blood in her veins seemed to ease, some of her usual calm regained. She felt tempted to think that a demon or other evil spirit had temporarily taken over, possessed her. But she knew better. How tempting it was to see all the ugly, evil and despicable in ourselves as an outer influence, something evil only worthy of destroying. But no, it was her all right. The spark of darkness, even evil, she harbored inside of her. Like every human being did. The spark she would have to be mindful to keep in bay.

The round-shouldered woman walked quietly to where Winski had disappeared, her curls waving gently in the mild gust of evening wind. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Winski, leaning on the rail of the ship, Twiggy comfortingly wrapped around his arm. Winski's gaze followed the gray waves. He was silently crying.

Jelena approached him, saying nothing. She walked next to him and also leant on the rail. Winski recorded her presence, but said nothing. It wasn't anger that emanated from him, not exactly. Disapproval, but more than anything, pain. Pure, undiluted pain. Jelena flinched.

- "I came to apologize to you, beloved. I did as you asked, prayed to Ilmater."

- "And did he give you proof? Did he guarantee my heart is true and my love not an elaborate lie?" The eyes so intent on Jelena's, the voice scornful but eyes pleading.

- "He did not. He rebuked me, reminded me of the nature of love. Freely given and requiring trust."

- "I see." Winski was quiet for a moment, digesting the comment. "I would tell you again how much I love you, but I would like to think that you know that already."

Tears welled in Jelena's eyes.

- "I do know." She took hold of Winski's arm, squeezing it. "Please, please, forgive me. It is just that my worst fear would be that you wouldn't care for me..."

Winski took her in his arms, uttering a pained sigh, squeezing hard.

- "Silly woman. Silly, silly..."

For a moment they just hugged, swallowing their tears, crushing each other.

- "About Allonia..." Winski started.

- "No. She is a part of your past. Your friend. She is a good person, assassin or not. Allow me to learn my lesson."

Winski nodded, resuming his tight hold of her.

- "Will we go now? To learn what Sarevok has managed to cook up?"

Jelena nodded, and, holding hands, they approached the other side of the deck.