One week later. Heaven. Dawn. Michael and two security angels enter Gabriel's airy suite. Gabriel, as usual, is standing before the windows, overlooking the landscape of Earth's monuments just beginning to light up in the rosy sunrise. He turns to the security angels with a questioning look.
Let's hear it.
We can't find Uriel. Or Hekla. Every time we try to enter Tadfield, we somehow wind up lost on a side lane. Or in a different village.
Michael regards the pair.
You've used GPS navigation, surely?
Gabriel wonders what that is, but remains silent.
Of course. It misdirects us. Always.
Have you tried simply riding a human bus into the village?
Yes. Trips get cancelled or turn around before reaching Tadfield. Taxis don't work, either. Mysterious breakdowns.
Gabriel regards the group.
Seems pretty clear that our little Antichrist is at work to keep angels out. Agreed?
The other angels nod. Gabriel continues:
Why haven't we heard from Uriel?
Her phone appears to be not working.
Is it possible she's in danger in Tadfield? Being held hostage, or something?
She may simply have turned off her phone. Like Ammun does with his.
M'yes. Contacts us when he feels like it. Stays incommunicado the rest of the time.
He's been doing that for at least a millennium and a half now. We shouldn't be surprised.
Shifty bastard. Some character flaw in principalities, you think?
There's another possibility, Gabriel.
That Uriel's colluding with Aziraphale? Not reporting to Ammun? Pulling the wool over Mr. Former-Deity's eyes?
Doubtful, Gabriel. My distinct impression is that she and Ammun get along well.
Then what are you implying, Michael?
Just then Baraquiel bursts in, holding the latest edition of the Infernal Times.
Gabriel. Michael. You must see this immediately.
He has the paper folded to the Society section. Lays it on Gabriel's desk, points to the quarter page photo of demon Eric kissing angel Hekla under the headline, "Temptation Leads to Tryst."
Aghast silence as the executive angels read the article. Baraquiel wonders:
Do you suppose they were eating . . . oysters?
What are oysters, Baraquiel?
Sea creatures. Slimy little gobs inside a shell.
Baraquiel points to a picture.
This is what they look like raw.
Gabriel winces in disgust.
Why am I not surprised that humans eat them.
Lots of different ways, from the look of all these recipes.
Baraquiel. Enough.
Baraquiel is undeterred. Points to a sidebar with a lascivious 18th century engraving.
But Michael, this article here says humans consider oysters to be aphrodisiacs. You know how lustful humans are. Seems a pretty broad hint that Hell believes Hekla is doing more than smooching with a demon. Don't you agree?
Barquiel!
Silence all around. Gabriel makes a decision.
Summon The Twins. We three were able to penetrate Aziraphale's bookshop in Tadfield. No little Antichrist is going to keep me out. Uriel has some explaining to do.
Tadfield. Mid morning. Madame Tracy being at St. Cecil's service with Mr. Pickersgill, Aziraphale being in London with Crowley, the bicycling group is down to three: Uriel, Hekla, and Eric. They stop and dismount outside the bookshop. DeeDee floats through the door, hops down the step and trots over to pull her bike from the rack. They all look in surprise as the bookstore doors open. The Archangel Gabriel and The Twins emerge onto the stoop between the pillars. DeeDee utters a sharp squeak and zooms away like a frightened sparrow.
Halt.
Gabriel flicks his hand and discorporates Eric into a cloud of soot. Hekla screams and drops her bike.
No!
Hekla falls to the ground atop where Eric was, patting the pavement as if that might somehow find him. The Twins turn to Gabriel.
There was no need for that, Gabriel.
Gabriel is unconcerned.
Just an imp. He'll be reincorporated in Hell. Hekla won't be seeing him again anyway. Arrest her.
Hekla is in shock. The twins easily approach her and gently lift her upright. Instead of manacling her hands behind her back as they did with Aziraphale, they stand either side of her, arms around her waist, each gently holding one of her hands.
Gabriel glares toward Uriel.
You're coming too, Uriel. Prepare for transport.
The five angels vanish in an upward swoosh. DeeDee, from her hiding place on the roof, frantically taps her phone to send the video she's just recorded.
Hell. The front desk at the Reincorporation Ward. Eric blinks into existence. He is a translucent pale orange. The iguana-headed ward demon leans forward over his ledger.
Pretty natty outfit for a disposable demon. You one of that flash bastard Crowley's platoon?
Eric gasps out a whisper:
Gabriel discorporated me.
The Archangel Fucking Gabriel? You sure about that?
Eric stands silent and confused, as if his memories are fading. The demon receptionist dials Beelzebub's extension.
A bad one, Lord. Disposable demon claims Archangel Gabriel fried him. . . . I heed your command, Lord.
The receptionist barks to the two security demons:
You two! Get this one to her nibs' office on the double. Suggest you fly.
The two guards drop their tea mugs, which shatter on the stone floor. Rush over to Eric, hold their hands against his shimmering shade as they might a balloon, levitate, and rocket off through the corridor.
Hell. Beelzebub's office. She is standing behind her enormous desk. Flicks a finger to turn off the entry portal's invisible heat curtain.
Enter.
The guards cautiously push Eric ahead of them as they step through the massive ebony portal.
You two leave.
The guards back out with alacrity, but stand listening just out of sight in the corridor. Watching the portal, they don't notice a disposable demon peeping around the corner behind them.
Inside, Beelzebub flicks a finger and reincorporates Eric. He immediately kowtows.
Disposable Demon Eric. Explain your discorporation.
The Archangel Gabriel appeared. He gestured and I discorporated.
Did he say anything?
No. He just came out of the bookshop . . .
What bookshop?
The Angel Aziraphale's shop.
In Tadfield?
Eric pauses as if to think.
Yes.
What were you doing there?
A ghost of happiness flits over Eric's face.
I was with Angel Hekla.
Just you two?
And another angel.
What other angel?
I . . . I don't remember.
The Angel Uriel, perhaps?
Yes. Uriel.
Beelzebub gestures to the corner to her left.
Go sit in the corner. Turn your face to the wall.
Eric rises, backs away to the corner, crouches with his hands around his ankles and chin on his knees like an unhappy gargoyle. Slowly falls over until he's leaning slumped against the wall. Occasionally his shoulders shake.
Beelzebub considers the video from the Tadfield disposable demon. Especially the behavior of The Twins. This can only get more interesting. Your move now, Crowley, you slippery little slacker.
Heaven. Gabriel's office. Michael is waiting. Gabriel, the Twins, Uriel, and Hekla materialize. If angels could faint, Hekla looks as if she would. Gabriel goes over and stands beside his desk. Raises the copy of the Infernal Times so Uriel and Hekla can see the Society page. Points to the picture.
Hekla. Tell me this reporting is not what it appears.
Hekla is consumed by grief, stands silent with her head down.
Answer me, Hekla.
Silence.
Gabriel takes a step toward Hekla but The Twins draw close in front of her and glare at him. He frowns as if bewildered, then turns to Uriel.
Uriel. Tell me that Hekla was not having lustful congress with a demon.
Uriel takes her cue from Hekla and stands with arms folded, glaring angrily Gabriel but remaining silent. Michael speaks.
What happened down there, Gabriel?
We descended inside Aziraphale's shop. No one was there. An imp was just leaving. We followed it outside. Uriel, Hekla, and another imp – the one in the photo - were in the street. With some sort of wheeled machines.
Bicycles?
Whatever. The first imp flew away. I discorporated the other one. Then we arrested Hekla, ordered Uriel to accompany us.
Why did you discorporate the imp, Gabriel? Surely he was no danger.
A demon that seduced an angel? Since when did we angels cease smiting such evil creatures? Did I miss a memo?
Why do you assume it was a seduction?
Michael. Aziraphale? Remember him? Surely you haven't forgotten his fall to the wiles of the Demon Crowley?
The Twins murmur, Dorri and Aida alternating voices as first one speaks, then the other.
Principality Aziraphale loves the Demon Crowley. - The Almighty has ordered that they not be interfered with. – We must consider the possibility that Aziraphale is redeeming the demon. – Bodily love among celestial beings is not a matter of lust, Gabriel. – Or have you forgotten?
The Twins gaze at Gabriel with unblinking stares. He gets the hint. Grimaces, but says nothing. Goes behind his desk, where he sits in silent thought for a long uneasy while.
Michael's eyes narrow the tiniest bit as she observes that something invisible has been communicated between The Twins and Gabriel. But she doesn't know what. Remembers the lighting about-face he did after receiving that mysterious phone call. Instead of punishing them with a spell in Housekeeping, he'd handed them that plum assignment in Shanghai with their friend Xuanwu. And then destroyed their phones.
Gabriel taps a corner of his desk.
Baraquiel. Come in.
A moment later, Gabriel's executive assistant bustles through the entry, tablet and stylus in hand.
Initiate the transfer forms for Uriel to be assigned to Housekeeping. Length of posting indeterminate. Michael, I believe you suggested a while back that Hekla be assigned to Metatron's floor?
Yes.
Baraquiel. Forms for Hekla as entry level clerk under Metatron. Summon security to escort Hekla and Uriel to their posts. You may all leave now.
For those just tuning in, prior chapters describe exactly what The Twins have on Gabriel:
Chapter 40: Another Art Installation
Chapter 52: Beelzebub and Gabriel
Chapter 68: Hacking Heaven and Hell, II
Chapter 80: Evgeny Takes Charge
Chapter 81: Maybe A Miracle
