Christmas in March! So I'd just like to mentally prepare everyone, as we start to get to the meat of the story, we will not be seeing Sasuke and Sakura together for quite some time. Now would be a really good time to back out if you're just here for the smut (of which there is plenty in this chapter). That being said, we've finally made it to the Reflective chapter and I can't wait to see you all back for the next one! With love and angst, Rose xoxo
It was well past sunrise when Sakura finally dressed herself, opting for a far more modest kimono as she had no intention of breaching her doors that day. She made her way to the sitting room and drew the curtains closed, not wishing to see the light. But even through the thick fabric of her drapes, the sun persisted to shine, almost as if to tell her that the world outside would still go on, mocking her with its vivacious exuberance.
She scoured the rows of her books, desperate for anything new, and finally settled on a journal she had only read once or twice before. It did not matter if she would not retain the words or find the material as engaging as she once did, simply having something to look at allowed her a fleeting respite from the bitterness that was slowly poisoning her heart. She had never known herself to be such a resentful, wretched, foolhardy soul, but now. . .
Well, Sakura felt ridiculous, thinking about how she acted, pining after him so desperately. She remembered that night she had used such filthy words to describe what she wished he would do to her. Even now her cheeks burned at the thought of her audacity. But she had seen the way he looked at her, like she was the most desirable woman to ever be placed in his path.
She had longed to see that look again. That look that told her there was no one else, would never be anyone else, that could enchant him as much as she did.
Last night he had not looked at her like that. But if not to be with her, why else would he have come to her rooms so late in the evening? Simply because he cared if she hurt herself with a sword? If not to incite the passion they shared all those nights ago, why had he come at all?
She guessed it did not matter now. Despite her advancements, he had rejected her yet again.
So what else was she to do?
Sakura had no doubts in her mind that that excruciating yearning she felt for him was love, but is this what love did? She was a tangled web of burning desire and aching misery. She longed for the hours that they would spend at her table remarking on every subject that came to their minds. She longed for the night that he had told her the truth of his name, for the calamitous betrayal that was swiftly followed by her realization that she loved him despite his family and because of them. She longed for those nights in the forests, when he would look on her with pride in his onyx eyes as she swung a blade at him.
And then she longed for what came after.
Sakura slammed the book shut; it clearly had not helped stall her tempestuous mind. It was all his fault, she thought sourly. Just to picture him in her mind, caused the most uncomfortable coalescence of anger and sorrow and - fear. But what was she afraid of? Afraid of still losing him? Sakura scoffed at herself; he had made it quite plain for her.
She had already lost him.
Guilt. That was all he had felt after their last encounter. It was a shackle that dragged behind him with every day that passed. He could not even take pleasure in the time spent training his recruits, because there was nothing left in the gardens to distract him from his duties. It was going on a week now that he had not seen her emerge from her rooms. He found himself half tempted - more than half tempted - to ask her guards if she ever left that table by the window, because he knew that's where she'd be.
But before he debased himself in such a way, Sasuke made a trip to the forest late at night. He thought even if she were angry with him, especially if she were angry with him, she would seek to defy him by continuing her late night routine, but he did not see her. So he went again the next night. And the next. And the one after that.
Each night he would go at a different hour, hoping to catch her in the act, but each night he would be disappointed.
What could she possibly be doing locked away in her rooms all day and night? Was she ill? Or was it entirely his fault? Sasuke knew in the pit of his gut that it was the latter. He had caused her unnecessary humiliation simply by denying her something they both wished for; twice. His stomach twisted in knots of shame and remorse.
He was just as culpable for his feelings and to deny them was not only an emotional pain, but it burned under his skin, set like poison in his veins. That, too, emboldened his guilt.
"Uzumaki-san!" A soldier came running towards him as he left the forest at dawn, "The Emperor needs you."
Sasuke nodded and proceeded in that direction. He was in yesterday's uniform and had not managed to sleep a wink, but he had no time to rectify that, so he simply smoothed the creases of his shirt down before entering the Emperor's study.
"Sir," Sasuke said, bowing low, "You wished to see me?"
"You have not checked in since last week," Kizashi stood from his desk, "Your last report suggested your troops were nearing the end of their training," he watched him curiously, "Has that changed?"
"No, sir," Sasuke shook his head, forcing his gaze up to the Emperor's. It was odd to look into this man's eyes, as every moment he'd spent at Sakura's side played in the back of his mind, "I am sorry for my negligence. It will not happen again."
"It is quite all right, my boy," The Emperor said with a smile, "They are ready for deployment, then?"
Sasuke froze, the word hanging above him in the air, strung up by wires so fragile that it threatened to crush him at any moment. It had been five months since he had begun their training, a generous amount of time to shape them into the soldiers that war demanded, but that had done nothing to lesson the shock of hearing that word come out of the Emperor's mouth.
Sensing his hesitation, Kizashi spoke up,
"We must make haste, Uzumaki-san," he rounded the edge of his desk, coming to stand before Sasuke. He placed a sturdy hand on Sasuke's shoulder, "I have faith in you. I would not have chosen you for this mission otherwise. Right now, they believe our resources to be depleted. It is the perfect time to strike."
"Of course," Sasuke nodded, once again finding himself unnerved by Kizashi's apparent trust in him. The Emperor had seen something in him that he himself was not even aware of. Perhaps it was the same thing that Sakura saw. Quickly, he forced that thought back, there was no room for hesitation in a time of war. So he did not allow himself a moment more to think before he said, "They are ready."
"Wonderful," the Emperor patted him on the back and returned to his desk, "Hatake-san is making the preparations."
"The preparations?" Sasuke asked.
"We've been planning your departure for weeks now," Kizashi beamed, "What with the promise your pupils showed. Hatake-san will accompany you and the recruits to the front to ensure your safety."
"Who will remain here?" Sasuke felt his heart drop slowly with each word that left the Emperor's mouth.
"We have many capable guards now, thanks to you," a bemused look came over his face, "You need not worry for us any longer. Not while you are on your way to glory."
"When do we leave?"
"In three days time," there was a gleam of pride in his eyes as he said this, but Sasuke could take no pleasure in it.
"Three days?"
"I trust that is ample enough to pack your belongings and prepare for departure?"
"Yes, sir," Sasuke bowed, "Thank you for this opportunity."
"You have earned it," Kizashi affirmed, "I know you will do us proud."
Sasuke could not get out of that room fast enough, stumbling into the bright light of the day. He was unsure how long he had been conversing with the Emperor, but he could see his troops just beyond the gardens now, already training. He turned before they could spot him. He had to tell Sakura. He had to let her know that he was leaving, that it wasn't her fault, that he -
He stopped mid-stride, just a few yards from her rooms. Perhaps it was best not to disturb her; she had been so cross with him. He doubted very much that she would wish to see him.
But he could not just leave her without a word. She should know, she had every right to know that when he left her it would not be by his choice.
At least, not entirely. That shackle turned into a mantle of guilt to bear on his shoulders; he had wished to go to war. He had been wishing it since the day Naruto had left without him. And yet, three moons from his departure, he was about to lose her, permanently this time. Who was to say he would return from war? And who was to know what would greet him if he did?
Sasuke felt his skin prickle with fear and apprehension.
Perhaps today was not the best day.
But tomorrow he would tell her.
As soon as he woke, he would tell her.
"Sakura-chan," Hinata poked her head around the doors to Sakura's sitting room and saw her seated at the table by the window, a book held limply in her hands.
"Hinata-chan," she offered a small smile, "How are you this day?"
"Worried," her brows furrowed, approaching Sakura slowly, "For you. Your mother has been entertaining the girls in her sitting room for days now, but you have yet to join us. She has sent for you many times."
"Yes, well," Sakura sighed, "Forgive me. I have felt unwell for some time."
"Have you been to the infirmary?" Concern was written all over Hinata's face.
Sakura hesitated.
"It is not like that," she said slowly, "Forgive me. I have been silly. Let me put on a coat and I will join you shortly."
"A-Are you sure?" Hinata twisted her fingers together, "You should not feel obligated, if you are unwell."
"No, I am fine," Sakura smiled to reassure her, "I will not be long."
"Very well," Hinata smiled and left her to freshen up. Sakura rose from her table, setting her book down and proceeded to her bedroom. At once, she threw open the curtains, the light of the sun shining down on her in awe, as if to say it had missed sharing its warmth with her. She basked in it for a moment, before moving to her wardrobe to pick out a formal coat. Her hands glided over the materials until she found the emerald green silk that Hibiki had gifted her not long ago; it was her newest coat and, according to him, at the forefront of fashion across the seas.
She slipped it on and began tying the front, cinching it at her waist tightly. Sakura then dipped her fingers into the drawer beside her bed and pulled out Hibiki's latest gift, the jeweled necklace. She fastened it around her neck and adjusted it to rest over her collarbone with a satisfied smile.
She was done sulking, she decided, taking up her wagasa. She walked through her sitting room and out her front doors, into the brilliant sun.
The week of isolation in her room had done wonders. She suddenly found herself to be starved for social interaction and thus readily engaging in the activity present in her mother's common area. It was a pleasant change from the constant ache of missing Sasuke, but she chastised herself for sparing him a thought.
"Go on," Karin was near tears as she tapped Ino's shoulder, "Tell them what happened."
Ino bristled, flushing red, but the investigative stares fixed on her told her she would not get out of this so easy.
"I just asked him," Ino huffed and held her head high, "I was merely wondering if he would be interested in going for a walk around the gardens in the evening."
"And then?" Karin prompted, holding her sides from laughing so hard.
"And then," Ino said sharply, glaring at Karin, "I tripped over my skirt and went tumbling into his arms. It was quite romantic actually."
"That's not what happened," Karin stopped laughing abruptly, "You missed him by a hundred yards."
"Well he almost caught me!" Ino said brusquely, desperately clinging to her pride, "He would have if he had not been so distracted by my beauty."
"I am certain that is what distracted him," Tenten said through pursed lips, "Not the fact that you can not even walk properly in a dress."
Sakura could not keep herself from giggling at that, earning her a sharp look
"Oh, Ino, do not feel so bad," Sakura smirked, "You must have made quite the impression on the poor man."
Ino stuck her tongue out, but it was all in good fun. Sakura still felt guilty for snapping at her that day, but it appeared all was well between them now. She felt herself grow calm at the thought. All was becoming right in her world once more, she simply needed to resume a normal routine, one that did not rely on her expectations of seeing Sasuke at nightfall.
"Let me tell you," Mebuki piped up, "I have embarrassed myself a fair amount of times in front of my husband and I assure you he only loves me all the more for it."
Sakura beamed at her mother; it made her happy to hear her talk like that about her father. Mebuki returned her smile; she was grateful to see her daughter so joyful in the midst of such a dark time. She had always worried about Sakura, ever since Seiichi's death. For some time, there had been the comfort of knowing that Seiichi would be there to take care of Sakura long after Mebuki and Kizashi had passed.
Until the day that he wasn't and the Empire found itself without its first in line for the throne. Two parents found themselves without their first born. And a sister found herself without a brother she had not even known.
Mebuki and Kizashi did not have the luxury as rulers to spoil their children with endless affection and attentions. And it was one of Mebuki's greatest regrets, one that she would be buried with. But she knew, with the years, that Sakura had come to understand their duties to their nation and Mebuki could only hope that that had helped to assuage her loneliness. Sakura had always given the impression that it had, but this year, since her birthday, something had changed. Sakura was not her usual spirited self, but she did not know what could have caused such a despondency to take residence within her.
Mebuki shucked the thought; her daughter was here, with her, and smiling. That was all that mattered.
For the first time in a while, Sasuke felt a weariness not just in his bones but in his very being and it gave him hope that he might sleep through the night for once. He had already felt drained from his conversation with the Emperor that morning, so compounded with the rigorous training of the day, he found himself to be equally emotionally and physically exhausted.
Freshly changed, he flopped onto his cot and stretched his arms up. Instinctively, his fingers slipped into his pillowcase to grasp the paper there. It gave him an odd comfort that night, like she was just within his reach; a comfort strong enough that he fell asleep like that, clutching the parchment tightly.
Tomorrow, he would tell her.
"Where did you get this?" Mebuki remarked as Sakura pulled away from their hug. She had ventured to her mother's rooms first thing after waking, before the rest of the courtiers arrived.
"This?" Sakura touched the necklace at her throat. It was the same emerald and gold jewelry she had worn the previous day. She gaped for a moment as she tried to get Hibiki's name out, "Father got it for me. On one of his trips, years ago."
"Oh, it's very beautiful," her mother smiled, "It matches your eyes."
"Thank you," Sakura blushed and took a seat beside her mother's throne.
"I had a thought," Mebuki ruminated, "Perhaps when things are more stable, maybe even in a few months, we could return to the winter palace."
"Really?" Sakura's eyes lit up and she smiled. They had not been back there for many years, but she had always loved it. Before the war had claimed more and more of their land, the whole court would migrate there for the winter, to avoid the snow and bitter cold.
"Yes, I have mentioned it to your father and he is optimistic that with Gaara's troops we can now turn the tide of this war," as Mebuki spoke the words aloud, her shoulders slackened, a weight that had been present for too long now finally beginning to lift.
"Mother, that is," Sakura was speechless, she could only laugh in disbelief and smile in hope.
"I know. It is something we can look forward to now," Mebuki patted her daughter's hand affectionately as they shared that moment of happiness.
He was too busy today, he thought as he rushed to meet Kakashi in the Emperor's study. Far too busy to have such a delicate conversation with her today. He forced himself to listen to Kakashi as he outlined their plan of travel, the recruits that he would be going with, and the separate routes the caravans of supplies would take to ensure an ambush would not leave the front defenseless.
Tomorrow, he told himself, tomorrow he would tell her. Because tomorrow would be his last day at the palace, and then she would be unable to stop him, unable to persuade him to stay with her, to desert his responsibilities in favor of a life with her.
Well, now that was just wishful thinking.
"We will meet you brother at the front, disperse the rations, and then you will lead the troops on your first mission," Kakashi finished.
"Yes, sir," Sasuke nodded, his heart thumping erratically in his chest. He felt an unnatural thrill at the anticipation of war. This was all coming to a head so fast, everything he had spent most of his life training for now coming to fruition. It was a bittersweet notion to know that every bit of his hard work was paying off, but that it was in conjunction with his departure from the woman that he -
So, yes, today he was too busy. But tomorrow he would tell her and that would be the end of it.
When Sakura had been escorted back to her rooms, one of the guards at her doors handed her a letter. She took it with a thin smile and waited until she was inside to open it. The scrawl was familiar to her, Hibiki's, and said only:
I was glad to see you out of your rooms today. Perhaps we can spend some time together soon.
Sakura folded the paper carefully and set it on her bedside table when she entered her bedroom. She was not ready for that. It was one thing for her to put on a happy face and venture into the world outside, but another entirely to do so while playing pretend with a man she had no desire to even attempt to fall for. In her mind, in her heart, in her soul, she knew that Sasuke could never be replaced.
It would be foolish of her to even try.
Morning came.
And then morning went.
Then it was the afternoon and Sasuke still had not moved from his bed in the barracks. His open pack sat beside him, housing only a spare uniform thus far. He reached inside his pillowcase and pulled out the parchment that had rested there for many months now. He cradled it in his hands, turning it carefully between his fingers. Before he could tempt himself to read it, he stuffed it in his pack and covered it with the provisions provided to each soldier for the trip.
How could he tell her? He thought.
He owed it to her, he knew that, but he was afraid, fearful in a way that he was so unaccustomed to. He knew this would only hurt her, and after everything, that was the last thing he wanted to do.
But that guilt - that guilt that had festered in his stomach since their last meeting, had spread throughout his body, rotting away in his conscience. He had to tell her. His whole body shifted as he thought, realized, believed that this might be the last time he would ever see her.
Should he not tell her the truth then? About him? About them?
Should he not tell her that, despite their misfortune, she would be with him always? That he would carry her with him across any battlefield, a beacon to light his way through the dark? Through the dismal expanse that stretched before him? Through a life without her.
Sasuke looked to the window, it was night already. So it was now or never. He could say goodbye tonight, make one last memory with her to hold onto for the rest of his life, and then leave without a regret in the morning, knowing he had made his peace.
He rose unsteadily to his feet, but with a burgeoning determination. Any other option was unthinkable.
Sakura sat on her bed as she deftly untied her shoes and kicked them off carelessly. She was just about to flop back on her bed when a soft tap came from her window. She looked over and her heart started; Sasuke stood just on the other side, a sullen expression on his face. She rushed to the window and lifted it gently.
"What ar - ,"
Sasuke grabbed hold of the window, supporting it above them, and leaned forward to claim her lips with his. Her mind told her to push him off, to berate him for his actions, to send him far away from her, but her heart, the fragile pieces that had remained fractured for so long, began to beat a familiar rhythm inside her chest. Her fingers twitched, hands raising to touch him, but he pulled back. Dazed, she blinked rapidly.
"Why did you do that?" There was a tremor in her breathless voice as she looked up at him, green eyes searching in the black ocean of his. They held so many secrets, a tangled enigma that she had only ever hoped to understand. Sasuke seemed to think for a moment, contemplating his answer rather than the act of kissing her; of that he had seemed most certain.
"May I come in?" He had to have her permission, had to know that it was okay, that she wanted him to stand before her.
"I think it odd that you would need to ask such a thing," Sakura mused, stepping aside, "But yes, you may."
He slipped into the room and Sakura quickly took hold of the window to lower it down soundlessly.
"Sasuke-kun, you can not continue to do this," she faced him cautiously, keeping a fair distance between them, "I have told you before, I can not have half of you. I can not have my heart beaten and battered and stitched back together and broken again," there was no fiery spit to her words, only a gloomy despondence that troubled him. Where was her spirit? "I can not do this again. My heart can not take it."
Sasuke fought to keep his eyes locked with hers, fought to summon every bit of strength he possessed, fought against himself, his very nature, just to open his mouth to speak to her. And when he did, his words came in a defeated mutter,
"What good is it to tell you that I love you?" Sakura's heart skipped and her breath halted in her throat, "What good is it to tell you that I can not stop thinking of you?" His fists clenched and a deep, almost bitter rubble consumed his tone, "That I can still taste you on my tongue or imagine you against me at night?" and then his voice turned fierce as he asked her, "What good is it to tell you that I desire you so completely?" Sakura was mesmerized, completely flustered by his admission, "You know what I feel for you. You know that you possess me. What good is it to dwell on these things knowing that we can never have them?"
Sakura was rendered silent for longer than he liked. He waited in restless anticipation of her response, but he began to lose hope when she looked away from him, gaze cast to the floor.
"I did not know," she whispered, shaking her head, "You had not come to me in so long, I - I feared your affection had gone elsewhere," he stepped forward, attempting to close the distance between them, but, as though repelled, she stepped back. Resolution set within her; she needed to be heard, "To someone better suited."
"Who?"
"Anyone," she laughed on an exhale, flippant as she spoke, "Any other woman."
"There is no other," he said softly. Every nerve in his body felt as though it had been set on fire, and the only relief would be to reach for her, to hold her against him, "There never will be," but he refrained, for her. Sakura peered up at him and, as he looked down at her, he saw the depth of their shared devotion exposed between them. Like a tensile string knotted around both their hearts, it had led them this far, but the rest, they would have to do themselves, "It is as you said, I have been ruined by you."
Sakura's lip quivered and she bit into it to quell the shiver that ran through her at his words. She had never heard him speak so candidly before. For so long he had remained an agonizingly labyrinthine puzzle, yet here he was, offering her a glimpse into the maze of his mind, and she found herself at every corner.
"Sasuke-kun, why," Sakura cursed herself for what she was about to ask; she did not want to ruin so perfect a moment, did not want to burst this perfect bubble that they now found themselves in, "Why now? Why tonight? What do you want from me?"
Sasuke grit his teeth; it was now or never. He took her in, savoring how she looked at him with such hopeful adoration, tentative to open her heart to him again, but allowing him to glimpse the love that lay there should she choose to.
She would give him everything, he need only ask.
But all of that would disappear, vanish into nothingness the moment he told her the truth.
"Sasuke-kun?"
He stepped toward her again and this time she did not move away, only lifted her head higher to maintain that contact. He tried to burn that look into his memory, that look of promise and devotion and unyielding love, because it would be gone the second he told her why he came. He thought of the night he told her of his lineage and imagined it would be much like that, a look of betrayal as though he had been the one holding the knife to her throat.
But it was now or it was never.
"I can not deny this any longer," he exhaled sharply through his nostrils, "I am sorry I have denied it for so long."
"What do you think will happen if you give in?" She asked, "What are you so afraid of?"
Everything, he wanted to answer her. He was afraid of hurting her irreparably, of being hurt in a way that could never be repaired, of giving himself wholly to another person, of allowing that person to hold some manner of control over him.
But perhaps most of all, he was afraid of being forgotten, by her.
"I am afraid that we can never go back," he whispered.
"You can not reverse love," she said with a wry smile and it at once warmed him to see such a sight again, "Like time, it can only evolve."
"Sakura," he began, but she held her hand up.
"Please, do not apologize," she eyed him speculatively, "I do not wish to hear you apologize for your feelings."
"No," he protested, "Only for the pain I have caused you."
"I am not a saint, Sasuke-kun," she approached him then, standing close enough that he could see the outline of the jewelry around her neck in the dark light, "I have forced your hand in these things as well."
"Then we are both guilty," he admitted with a smirk.
"Of being in love?"
There was a quiet moment, a fork diverging their paths, where everything hinged on his response. Sakura held her breath.
"Yes."
Her heart swelled at his concession and she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. She angled her head to catch his lips against hers. Without any further encouragement, Sasuke took hold of her waist, pulling her against him. He had not realized how starved he had been these past five months, until he felt the curve of her bottom lip beneath his tongue and the acquainted feeling of her fingers on the nape of his neck and the subtle inflation of her waist as she gasped for breath when they pulled away.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" she let her hand fall to cup his cheek, "I have missed you terribly."
"If you wish," his throat bobbed as anticipation and arousal mingled in his abdomen.
"I do," she said with a mischievous smile, "I command it."
Sasuke smirked for just a second, before realization set in once more. If he stayed -
"I am afraid that I will not be able to stop myself," he said, incapable of keeping the dark timbre of lust from creeping into his tone.
"From doing what?" She pressed, pushing him to admit that he wanted this just as badly as she did; she had to know. If he did not, then she would speak no more on the matter.
"Ravaging you," he said, quite bluntly. Sakura swallowed thickly, her hand dropping to the buttons of his shirt.
"Then do not stop."
He kissed her again, this time moving his fingers to the laces of her coat where he began to impatiently pull at them. In turn, Sakura tugged at his shirt, popping a few of the buttons in the process. They broke apart only so that they could shuck off the first layer of clothing, then the second, and the third, and every cursed layer of her regal dress, until they stood bare before each other. They took a shared breath as they found their memories to have failed them in each others' absences.
Stepping closer, Sasuke brought his hand to the shell of her ear, sliding it up until he reached the jewels in her hair. He gave pause, addressing her with a sincere stare,
"You looked beautiful on your birthday," he plucked at the first adorned pin and a lock of her hair came spiraling down, "As you always do," she felt him pull free another section and her stomach twisted with guilt.
"I did not mean to be cruel," she said solemnly. Sasuke removed the last pin and ran his fingers through the length of her rosy tresses. His lips met hers slowly, a languid kiss of forgiveness and entreatment, in turn. When he pulled away, she held her hand out to take the pins from him. He dropped them in her open palm, allowing his fingers to skim along her slight wrist; he had missed the touch of her skin.
"Was that a gift?"
Sakura's brows knitted, confusion clouding her expression. He reached up to touch the necklace at her throat.
"Oh," she hurried to unclasp it from around her neck, but he stopped her.
"It suits you," he murmured, pensive as he regarded its intricacies.
"It was a gift from a nobleman," she said, morose as her hands fell to her sides.
"A suitor?" To his credit, Sasuke had kept any accusatory tone from his words. Nonetheless, Sakura nodded, ashamed.
"I suppose," she sighed, then said, almost as if to reassure herself as well as him, "But it is only a necklace with pretty gems. It holds no purpose other than to shine in the light so that I might feel beautiful, even if just for a moment."
Sasuke unhooked the delicate fastener and dropped the piece of jewelry to the floor. He ran the back of his fingers over her now bare neck and dipped his head to press soft kisses against her shoulder. She took in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes at the feeling.
"If I am at fault for your doubt of that, I will spend the rest of this evening proving you wrong," he promised. Sakura dropped the pins with a clatter and slid her fingers up his arms, gripping his biceps to steady herself.
"Just this evening?" Though it was clear from the humor in her voice that she was only teasing him, Sasuke knew that that was all he could give her. Just this evening. He bit at her neck and sucked at the tender skin there, drawing her attention back to the present. She moaned and dug her nails into his flesh. His cock quivered in response, swelling at her thigh.
Sasuke pulled away and grabbed her hand, leading her over to the bed. He urged her back until she was laying flat against her sheets, adoring gaze turned up to look at him. The edges of his mouth pulled into a telling smirk as he slowly came to kneel on the floor.
Grabbing hold of her ankles, he pulled her towards him, causing a delightful, but subdued shriek from Sakura. Her cunt clenched invitingly in front of him, but he restrained himself from partaking in her just yet. Gradually, he slid his fingers up her trembling legs, where he took a strict hold of her thighs to keep her steady. Sakura whimpered as she felt his lips press against her hipbone, her stomach a tangled knot of anxious expectation. He moved his mouth to her inner thigh, nipping it sharply. She squeaked in surprise, twisting her hands in the sheets beneath her.
"Sasuke-kun, plea - ,"
His tongue flicked over her clit, ripping a seraphic moan from her lips. Her hips bucked under his hands, but he held her tight, torturing her with broad, steady strokes along her entrance. Although, as he felt her twitch and tremble in his hands and his cock throb in response to every sound she emitted, he was unsure who was being tortured more. Sakura released her sheets to run her fingers through his hair, an act she did not realized she had missed so terribly. She encouraged him closer, a silent plea to indulge in her.
So he did.
One of his hands left Sakura's hip to slide a finger inside of her. He shuddered as he felt her silken walls contract, trying to draw him deeper. He closed his mouth around her clit and sucked deeply, introducing a second finger to her weeping passage.
She bit her lip, but could not keep the steady stream of moans in her throat. His name was a reverential chant on her tongue, rising in pitch as he worked her to the peak of arousal. He curled his fingers to pet at that spot on her upper walls and she spasmed on the bed, nearly coming apart then and there. He began to pressure her clit with swifter strokes. It was not a gentle coaxing to completion, no, it was a brutal yank through a wave of pleasure that continued to roll over her long after she cried her release.
It was not until the quiver of her limbs nearly ceased that he pulled his fingers out and came to his feet. Bleary eyed and dazed, Sakura looked up at him with a soft smile, extending a hand for him to join her. He accepted and climbed onto the bed, pulling her against him.
"Do not stop," she whispered, breathless.
"But I have already," he chuckled, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.
"No," she shook her head against his chest and reached her hand out to grasp the base of his hardened shaft. She stroked it slowly, earning a low groan from him, "I want to feel everything."
"Sakura," he hissed as she squeezed his tip, "Are you not satisfied with this?"
She stilled her hand and looked up at him.
"Are you?"
Of course not, he wanted to say. He would never be satisfied, because he was a greedy, gluttonous man who knew only how to take from her. She swung her leg over his hip and pushed herself up, brushing her slick opening against his rigid length. He cursed and his hands flew to her hips to still them. At once, a desperate, terrifying emptiness overcame her and she knew the only way to relieve it was to feel his thick cock sinking into her, to feel the intrusive stretch of his width, to come undone at his hands.
She had never felt such a natural, baser need in her life.
Sasuke screwed his eyes shut and fought the feverish urge to enter her. He had felt her around his fingers so many times before, had felt her clench in release, but the thought of her sweet cunt squeezing him like that was almost too much.
"I want you, Sasuke-kun," she placed her hand tenderly on his cheek, enticing him to open his eyes. What greeted him was the sight of her sparkling jade orbs glistening with the love she held for him. Her luscious pink hair framed her lithe form, cascading over her supple breasts down to her waist. She smiled at him warmly, cheeks reddened by the pleasure he'd just bestowed on her, "Only you," she implored, "I would rather wear the shame of our union for the rest of my days, than share this moment with anyone else," Sasuke swallowed thickly, watching her intently, "I know what I want, Sasuke-kun, more than I have ever known anything else. I only want you," she leaned forward to place a chaste kiss against his lips, but it caused her warm cunt to graze his cock again, "I only want to love you, in every way possible."
He could feel the last piece of his resolve cracking and falling away. He thought he knew the difference between right and wrong but suddenly the definitions had changed. The only thing right in his life, the only piece of happiness he'd ever had, was sitting in front of him, asking her to join him in this moment of bliss. He flipped them over and, instinctively, she secured her legs at his waist. Her head rested near the side of the bed, causing her hair to tumble off the edge. She could see the conflict in his eyes, could feel the trepidation in his body as he held himself above her. She cupped his face and kissed him gently, hoping to assure him that they were making the right decision. For once they would act not for anyone else, but just for themselves.
Sasuke regarded her with an unchecked lust that he could see reflected in her own gaze. She was, had been, driving him to near insanity simply by loving him and he knew that she still would, for the rest of his life, especially after tonight.
Her words had rung true with him; it was unthinkable to imagine doing this with anyone else. If that was shameful, then so be it, he thought defiantly; there could not be a more stunning sight than what lay before him in that moment. If this was the last memory he would have of her, then he believe himself to be more fortunate than the wealthiest of men. He would hold onto this moment on every frigid night, during every lonesome trek, and in the last breaths taken from his dying lips.
Sasuke reached between them to stroke at her soaked heat and his fingers delved into her passage, stretching her walls gently, knowing that the girth of his member would surely be painful for her at first.
Sakura writhed and mewled, her hands twisting the sheets beneath her in tight fists. Her eyes met his, entreating him quietly, so he pulled his hand back to grip his length. It throbbed persistently as he guided it to her entrance and she gasped as she felt the blunt head prodding her opening.
"We can not go back after this," his voice was strained, every bit of his self control centered on keeping himself from driving into her right then.
"There is nothing to go back to," she moved her fingers up his torso and around his back, "My love is only for you, Sasuke-kun, I can not give that to anyone else."
He kissed her fervently, sealing her words between their lips, and pushed into her. He felt her tense at the intrusion, digging her nails into his back roughly, and she gave a pained cry against his mouth. He stilled, but damned if it didn't take every ounce of willpower he had to do so. Her cunt convulsed around him as it struggled to accommodate his size and his hands shook with the effort it took to keep himself from thrusting into her tight warmth. He broke the kiss and saw her eyes glistening, so he tried to pull out, but she stopped him, lifting her hips, allowing him to slide an inch or two further.
Sasuke cursed and squeezed his eyes shut. His fingers gripped the sheets so roughly that he feared he might tear them; he wanted to push forward so badly. The way she squeezed him and coated him with her arousal even as they lay still was bringing him so dangerously close to completion.
"Move," she begged him, burying her face in his shoulder.
"Sakura, are you sure?" The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more pain than he already had, but she nodded her head in affirmation. She wanted this, needed this, because it was the one piece of her that she could choose what to do with. It was the one piece of her being, of her life, that she had control over, and she would not let it be sold or bartered or taken from her. This was the part of herself that she wished to share with Sasuke, forever.
"Please," she shook against him.
Sasuke grit his teeth and thrust forward, the rest of his cock sinking in to fill her to the brim. Sakura cried out, back bowing off the bed. His entire frame was shaking now, restraint cracking at every seam.
"Again," she urged him. Tentatively, he pulled back, feeling the way she gripped him like a vice, as though beseeching him not to go. Then he shoved forward and his tortured groan was drowned out by her pleasured sob. Their eyes met in the darkened room and Sasuke held their gaze as he took her by the waist and gently pushed her into the mattress. He sat back on his heels, shifting the angle of his reach, sliding against that spot on her upper walls.
Sakura keened, fisting the sheets as he stared down at her with pure carnal devotion. He felt so large within her, but that burning pain was slowly turning into something else, something -
Sasuke pulled almost completely out. Then, with a quick, powerful thrust, he seated himself fully within her. She tossed her head back, her mind whited out by the overpowering feeling of their union.
"Again," she pleaded, and that was all Sasuke needed to hear. He raised his hips, keeping his hold at her waist to begin fucking her. She almost wept as he struck her cervix; she had never felt, could never imagine, such a perfect pleasure, "Sasuke-kun," his name fell broken from her parted lips, "I want this with you - always."
As he found his rhythm, he could not bring himself to utter his agreement; it would make it too real. He wanted it to be real, wished for it, but he knew what awaited him come morning. Yet, here he knelt, thrusting into her, watching her moan and tremble and break for him as he lost himself in all that she was.
He quickened his pace, the sound of their skin slapping together pervading the room. Her breasts bounced tantalizingly before him with every thrust, her fingers tightened in the sheets with every stroke of that spot inside her, her eyes gleamed salaciously as they looked at him; an insatiable pleasure laid within there, ready to devour him.
"Fuck," he growled and abruptly pulled out. Sakura gave a sharp whine and sat up quickly. He began stroking himself rapidly, desperately trying to finish. She saw the torment of his expression and understood, brushing his fingers aside; she knew how to take care of him. She gripped him tightly, giving a few maneuvered pumps and he came with a broken groan into her hand. She thought, forlornly, that she would like to feel him come inside of her one day. Absently, she wiped her hand on the sheets beneath her, then leaned forward to kiss him. Sasuke snaked an arm around her waist, tongue slipping between her lips. She parted to let him in with a soft moan.
He brought a hand up to her breast, kneading the pliant flesh there and thumbing her nipple in lazy circles until she broke away with a whimper. Her sex was sore, aching in a way that she knew she would feel for days to come, but her desire had not yet abated. She would wager it never would when it came to Sasuke. As she looked to him, she saw that he regarded her with a puzzling expression on his face. He appeared almost vulnerable to her, like an animal with its throat bared to a predator. Sasuke bent his head to rest his forehead against hers and their labored breaths were shared as he whispered,
"I love you."
Her eyes lit up with an unconcealed joy that she had never felt before. Silently, Sasuke berated himself for not telling her earlier, he could have seen that look on her face sooner, but he knew she deserved to hear those words at least once.
She laced their fingers together and smiled, a real, genuine smile.
"I love you, too," then, she giggled and said, "Do you see what we could have been doing all this time?"
Sasuke chuckled and trailed kisses down her neck. They were both covered in a light sheen of sweat, but neither seemed to mind.
"If we had done this any sooner, I would never have let us see the light of day again."
"What makes you think I would ever wish to leave my rooms again now?" She huffed.
"You would miss the sun too much," he retorted and Sakura laughed.
"I suppose you are right," she leaned forward, resting her head against his chest, "But I will admit that your absence had me longing for winter to come again."
"Hn," he stroked her hair, twisting his fingers in the silky strands. She peered up at him, studying the far away look in his eyes. Something was troubling him, she could see that much.
"Sasuke-kun," she drew his attention back and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. As she moved her mouth over his, she raked a hand softly down his chest, slowing when she reached his abdomen.
"If you continue to do that, I will take you again," he uttered with a sinister smirk against her lips. A cheshire grin spread over her mouth and she situated herself in his lap. She felt an unusual soreness in her legs as she extended them out, but it was nothing compared to the ache that had settled once more in the pit of her core. Her fingers continued to dance over his skin, tracing his muscles, stoking a fire that was quickly spreading through him. Sasuke dropped a hand between her legs, rubbing along her still drenched slit, and in that moment, he was consumed.
He lifted her hips and lowered her onto his still hardening cock. She winced as she slid down, her entrance still raw, walls still tender from before, but she relished the feel of him within her again. He moved steadily at first, allowing her time to acclimate to him again as he swelled inside of her.
But as passion overcame her, she found herself moving in tandem. Her hips seemed to proceed of their own accord, rising and falling in a pattern she had not realized she knew. She buried her neck in his shoulder as he held her tightly to him, whispering harsh prayers and sweet curses against his skin.
Though, it was not long before he shifted their positions, lowering her onto her back once more so that he could take control. He wanted to feel her come apart around him, as he had imagined so many times before. After a particularly sharp thrust, Sakura could feel her pleasure building up to a peak, clenching around his member in desperation.
"Harder," she gasped, chasing that dizzying satisfaction that she could feel was so close now. Sasuke's hips slammed against hers as he quickened his pace, but still she begged, "Harder, please!"
He grunted, gripping her backside to angle her hips higher. The repetitive smack of their skin against each other filled the room once more.
"Kami, Sasuke-kun, harder!" She cried and he ripped himself out of her with a growl. Before she could protest, he flipped her onto her stomach and pulled her up by the waist so she that she was kneeling in front of him. Sakura barely had time to grasp a pillow for stability before he was sliding back into her in a single fluid thrust.
Sakura sobbed, a shattering, desperate moan, as he stretched her again, the prominent head of his cock angling inside of her to rub at that sweet spot his fingers had always managed to find. Faintly, she registered the feel of his hands as they spread over her hips before he pulled back and snapped forward. She whined, the breath almost knocked out of her. She thought it had felt immeasurable before, but in this position - she could have wept from how full she felt.
Sasuke almost came right there. The vision from his dreams was laying before him and she looked infinitely more radiant than he could ever have imagined. It inspired in him an ambition to explore their pleasure in every position they could accomplish.
He put one hand on her shoulder, the other at her waist, as he began an uncontrolled and roughened pace. Her mind went blank, every thought that leaked into her brain was pushed out with every movement from behind her. She tried to form words, something to indicate to him what she was feeling, but Kami help her, she could only cry incoherently as he fucked into her with complete abandon and she came spasming around his cock.
They spent much of the evening like that, indulging in each other over and over again. Sweat soaked and deliciously sore, they found themselves on the floor, against her wall, pinned to the bookcase well into the hours of the night. They shared a ruthless desire to follow each other into this depthless abandon. Frankly, Sakura thought as she gripped the cool mantle of her fireplace and felt Sasuke's hand encasing her delicate throat, while the bruising force of his thrusts compelled a string of curses from her lips - well, truthfully, she could not remember what she had been thinking.
It was near dawn when, finally, their legs gave out and it was an effort simply to crawl beneath her sheets. She curled against his chest, held within his arms, more content than she had ever found herself to be in her short life. She did not know what the future held, she did not even know what the morning would bring, but she felt comfort in knowing that Sasuke would be there and that she now had his love to keep her.
Sakura could feel the beckon of sleep and knew the sunrise was not far off, but before she succumbed, she had to tell him,
"You have my heart, Sasuke-kun," she closed her eyes, listening to the beat in his chest, "It can never belong to another."
Sasuke was silent, contemplative long enough that if she were not so tired, it might have caused her some worry.
"I can offer you nothing," he said solemnly.
"Not even your heart?" She asked with a weary giggle.
"Would that be enough?" He suspected he knew the answer, but he needed to hear her say it.
"Of course," she tried to sound admonishing, "Over everything, I will always choose you, Sasuke-kun."
The gravity of her words hit him like a punch to the gut. She was choosing him. Before Sasuke was old enough to appreciate the gravity of such an action, Itachi had chosen him over his own life. Now, Sasuke carried that bitter fact with him each day. Just as he would have to carry the weight of his betrayal to her, too.
He peered down at Sakura, fatigue slowly claiming her, and watched her breath come in deep, steady intakes. Perhaps she still did not know the enormity of what she desired. Or maybe it was that she loved him too much to care. Either way, he felt a new layer of guilt being laid upon him; guilt for loving her. Sasuke pulled her closer into his side, tucking her head under his chin.
In his eyes, he had failed as her guard. He had failed to protect her from the threat that he himself posed. And because of that, he felt that he had even failed at loving her.
So maybe it was good that he was leaving in the morning. Maybe it was good that she would be rid of him. Maybe she could finally move on with her life, become the heir that he knew she could be and the person that she wanted to be.
Sakura would never be able to do that if he remained here.
Just like he, in turn, would never be able to redeem himself in his family's memory if he spent the rest of his days as a palace guard.
Sasuke pressed his lips to her forehead, leaving them there for as long as it took him to memorize the feel of kissing her skin.
The sooner he was gone, the better off she would be.
He tried to commit the warmth radiating from her skin to his mind.
And as a general in this war, perhaps he could even do some good.
She seemed so peaceful now, sleeping in his arms.
That was how he wished to remember her. He did not want to think about what the morning would bring for her: the realization of his deception, the pain of his departure, the hopelessness of having her love torn away.
No. He wanted to remember this. This moment in which she believed that for once in her life, everything was right with the world.
Sasuke held her tighter.
No matter how he looked at it, he knew she would be better off without him.
And at least at the front, he could protect her more than if he were stuck behind these palace walls any longer.
