Gods Damn You, Yoshimo

Peri was tired. Jelena, Winski and Imoen were negotiating with the staff of the orphanage, trying to find the best possible way to deal with the situation. She hoped they would sort it out satisfactorily. She didn't have the strength to attend the meeting. Sarevok saw the tired look in her eyes and followed her to an empty room a nursemaid had shown them to spend the night in. As they walked there, Sarevok grabbed a bottle of Lamar's vintage wine and two glasses. They sat on the bed and started to sip the dark liquid, Peri not in the mood for her usual binge drinking.

- "Sarevok. It doesn't bother me at all that I killed him. I'm glad that I did. But I'm wondering if it should bother me, if that makes sense. Killing is so... normal to me! Just a thing to do, like... I don't know, doing dishes or cooking could be for someone else," Peri said.

- "I know what you mean," Sarevok said. "It is the thing we were talking about there at the fields outside of Suzail. It is not only the killing for me... it is how much I still enjoy it, when I ride my passion."

- "I know that too," Peri said. "But today I killed a helpless man. I wonder if it should mean something to me."

- "He was helpless in that situation, against your sword. But if we had given him leave to answer for his sins in the 'civilized' world of official justice and organized society, he would have been anything but helpless. He is rich, he is excellent at manipulating people, he has the right relationships, he has no conscience whatsoever... I was a Sembian once, Peri. It means that he is next to invulnerable. If we could nail him for murder, he might go down, but I'm afraid he is far too clever for that. I killed that lord, you killed him. The worst offenders on the list. I decided I am justified, for there is not even token justice for those children at Dragon Coast. And believe me, it is not much better in Sembia."

Peri smiled.

- "Thank you, bro. It's not like I am in great pain or anything. I guess - we both are born to be warriors and that is it. Warriors kill. Sometimes it is needed. But now... we are free to continue our journey. It makes me think... of Kozakura. Of Yoshimo. Will you sleep next to me tonight?"

- "Well. The bed IS rather narrow. But of course I will."

- "We will just have to hug each other tight," Peri smiled. "I can sleep on the floor side so it will be I who falls to the floor if that is meant to happen."

They washed their faces and teeth, then curled next to each other. Peri felt safe and loved. She started to drift asleep, gripping Sarevok's huge arm.

Yoshimo's eyes. Sharing a jug of that strange rice wine, sake, of Kara-Tur with her, his slanted eyes alight with mischief, the scars of battle somehow making his olive face more handsome. Staggering upstairs together, laughing, 'accidentally' touching, and at the door, standing for a while, facing each other. Kiss me, Yoshimo! Kiss me! I dare not try it first... but if you will, I will invite you to my room and I will make love to you with each and every inch of my throbbing, hot, moist, molten body...

But Yoshimo, quiet for a moment, turns his face away, a shadow crossing his eyes.

- "Good night, Peri... chan," he says and walks away, to his own room. And frustrated, hurt, Peri downs a few shots of moonshine from her wineskin before she can get sleep.

And much later, the terrible sting of betrayal, Yoshimo looking away from her in the Spellhold, having delivered her to his master.

- "Gods damn you, Yoshimo!" she screams, unsure whether the ripping hurt of betrayal or the burning anger is worse.

- "They already have," he answers quietly, keeping his head bowed, in pain.

- "Look at me in the eye! You owe me that at least! Months of friendship, being comrades in arms, and... look me in the eye and tell why you betrayed me!" she snarls.

- "Because if I didn't... my soul will be ripped in eternal pain, a fate worse than death, worse than going to the Infernal Planes!" His eyes, so full of pain, anguish, and genuine regret. Peri's anger is spent, there is just dark, dull disappointment.

And later yet...

- "Yoshimo! It is not too late! We will find a way to remove the geas! I forgive you!"

But the grim determination will not leave his eyes. He is from a bloodline of the samurai, even though he is not one himself.

- "No redemptions! No second chances! You don't know the horror of it... I must. There is no other way."

And Peri the monster, Peri the beast slashing her blade against the first man she ever has loved.

Yoshimo down, the terror, the despair, and utter shame shining from his dying eyes. Peri kneeling by him, crying and not aware of it.

- "... if you really... forgave... cut my heart out and... bring it to the Ilmatari..."

- "I will. Yoshi, I will!"

- "Peri... I l... loved..." He is dead, the last look still regarding this world one of utter despair.

Peri is used to handling corpses. But cutting Yoshimo's chest open and removing the still faintly beating heart cuts deep scars into her soul. Still she won't let anyone else do that.

Sarevok woke up. Peri was crying in her sleep. He knew her dream, knew that it wouldn't go away if she was woken up. He kept stroking and comforting her, hoping that his love would enter her dream.