Hi, I know that some of you are crushed for what I did with the baby. It's a sad moment for the couple, a little of drama that I think, it will make them stronger. Now, this chapter is short, but, very emotional if you ask me, I got a tear in some parts.
Anyway, hope you like it, and, thank you in advance if you've the time to leave a review.
Stay safe, take care of yourself. See U!
*** Lena's narrative (voice-over) ***
When you're little, you get scared of the dark, of the monsters you believe, live under your bed. You grow up, and you still find yourself scared of monsters; they are just different from what you thought. Hate, ignorance, self doubt, regrets, anger... so many monsters... but, you shouldn't be scared of them, you should get scarier of what they can take away from you...
"Kara...?" Lena softly says when she gets into their bedroom. It's the first day back home since the incident of the Kriptonite. It took a while, but Lena could clear the air. There's no risk of exposure, Lena made sure to run an infinity of tests to be sure of that. Clarke, Alec and, Izzy seem to be okay, fine, like if nothing happened, but, Kara...
Oh, Kara... the sweet blonde... the ray of sunshine... the star of National City... our dear Supergirl is right now in bed, lying sideways with the look settled far away... very far...
"I brought you dinner..." Lena says while she puts the tray with food over the night table. The CEO is bringing dinner to the bed since Kara makes clear that she will not leave the bed at all...
"It's potstickers from your favorite restaurant and, I made chocolate cake, you love chocolate!" Lena cheerfully says. And normally, the blonde hero would get excited, thrilled just by the smell of food. But right now, Kara... is... well, she's not herself... and, not even her favorite dish makes her move a finger...
"Kara..." Once again her dear wife tries to reach her with words, summoning her name, over, and over, like a spell that could bring back the ray of sunshine that's Kara, but, no matter how many times Lena says Kara's name, no matter how much food she can bring to her... Kara will not shine... she will show no appetite because after all...
"We lost the baby..." It's the only thing that Kara keeps mumbling like a broken record. Lena sadly sighs, she feels the loss too, she would love to crumble in pain just like Kara, but, someone needs to remain strong. And, the dear Luthor believes it's her turn to save Kara from the darkness of her heart, just like so many times the blonde hero has done it for her before...
The only question is how? How you grieve? How you can smile again? How you survive this kind of pain? Lena has no idea. She's no stranger to pain... pain, oh, that word, that feeling, Lena Luthor knows it too well from a young age: the death of her biological mother, the horrible life she got to live, with the Luthors, the death of Jack...
Yes, Lena has had one's fair share of pain, but, Kara too. The dear Kriptonian lost her parents, her best friend in high school, her aunt Astra... for lord's sake! She even lost her planet! Haven't they suffered enough?! Lena wonders. And, the CEO would love to spare Kara from any pain, she would love to make sure that Kara would never feel the sense of loss again, but, she can't... she couldn't...
Once again, the loss strikes in their lives, and, they have to deal with it... but how? Lena is very smart, but, she is not smart enough to find the right words to make this any better...
"We lost the baby!" Kara says once again, but, this time, she's bursting into tears, with a wrenching, heartbroken voice that shows how broken she feels right now. The girl of steel doesn't seem to be of steel right now. And all what Lena can do for her, it's to hold her, and, let her cry in her arms till she fall asleep...
*** Kara's narrative (voice-over) ***
Death... I'm not stranger to Death. Death has knocked at my door so many times, it has taken away so many people that I loved. And, I should be used to it... to the loss... but, I'm not... I'm not...
"How is she?" Alex asks when she sees Lena, returning to the living room, alone. The CEO deeply sighs before replying that she's sleeping now.
"You should rest too" the DEO agent is not wrong. Lena doesn't remember when was the last time she really slept. She's very tired, all those nights, working till her limit to keep her family alive... trying to keep her world together... Lena is really exhausted but...
"Mommy, mommy!" Her kids draw her attention away from her exhaustion, and, Lena ignores the pleading of Alex to get a good sleep because to be honest, right now, what Lena needs it's to be around her kids...
"I love you, so much!" Lena says in tears while she hugs them. And, she does, she loves her kids more than anything in the world... even the one she will never get to hold.
Playing with the kids, staring at their little, beautiful faces, hearing their happy voices. Lena can't stop wondering how their baby could have been. Would he be a she, or, a he? Would he had gotten Kara's eyes, or hers? Blonde, or, raven-haired? So many questions for which Lena will never get an answer...
"Mommy, play!" The kids draws her attention away from those painful questions, and, Lena decides to stop torturing herself with the 'what could have been', and, just try to enjoy her time with the kids.
Alex leaves very late, but, her little kid, Lexa stays by petition of Clarke. Both girls are not sure of what really happened, but, they know that they don't want to get apart right now... and, maybe never...
"Sleep well my angels" Lena says while she kisses their heads, and, tucks them in bed. Clarke happily shares her bed with Lexa. And, the little brunette makes no complaint of being the hugging object of little Clarke. Lene smiles when she sees the kids peacefully sleeping, and, she decides to get to bed too...
She's slowly closing the door of the twins' room when she sees a shadow getting into Clarke's room. The worst fears invade Lena's mind, she's ready to fight with the intruder, but, when she rushes into the room, her heart stop raising when she sees that the trespasser is...
"Mom...? What are you doing out of jail?! What are you doing here? Wh...?" Lena keeps making lots of questions, but, Lillian put no attention to those questions. She just stays there, sitting on the edge of Clarke's bed, staring at her little heir happily sleeping, hugging her dear Lexa...
"She's fine..." Lillian whispers with a big smile. She softly caresses Clarke's sleepy face. A tear rolls over her cheek when she admits her fears, that she thought at least for a brief moment that she would never see her again. Lena has never seen her adoptive mother as emotional as she's right now...
"So, you really have a heart after all..." Lena says with a bitter voice. She would have loved to feel a little of the tenderness that Lillian is expressing right now, when she was a little child. And, to her surprise, she did...
"I also watched you sleep when you were a kid..." Lillian admits. "I remember even holding your hand when you looked stressed to sleep. Gripping hard on my hand, it calmed you down". So, even if she doesn't remember it, Lena did receive some kind of tenderness from Lillian...
Lena wants to make so many questions, but, before she could ask whatsoever, Lillian asks for the twins. "You want to see them...?" Lillian doesn't dare to reply, but, her eyes speak on her behalf. Alec, and, Izzy, they are too little for the visits in jail. That's what the couple has thought, that's why Lillian has had just the chance to know little Clarke, who's a little older than her siblings.
"Come with me, they are sleep, but, if you don't wake them up, you can stay with them, awhile..." Lena says, and Lillian follows her. Both Luthors walk into the twins' room, a big gasp of joy gets out of Lillian's mouth when she sees them for the first time. She has seen photos of them, but, really seeing them, it brings something else to her heart...
"They got your hair... they are beautiful..." Lillian says with a big smile, and, Lena smiles too, feeling proud of it...
"Alec got my eyes... maybe if you stay, in the morning you can see that..." Lena comments. But, Lillian declines the invitation. "I can't stay..." The old Luthor sadly says, and, Lena wants to know why, she wants to know what is her agenda, but, she doesn't dare, especially when Lillian asks for the baby...
Lena doesn't need to say a word, her tears, the sorrow reflected in her eyes, it reveals the sad reality that she and Kara are living. And from all the persons Lena knows, the CEO never thought that she would ever get any kind of comforting from Lillian Luthor...
Lillian has never liked to express any kind of affection towards Lena. She always thought that it was the best for her, the only way to make sure that she would survive and, excel. But, right now what Lena needs is a hug, and, that's why Lillian hugs her, and, Lena clings into that hug as long as she can, crying, letting all out...
The unexpected visit of Lillian ends with an unexpected hug, and, a promise that no one will ever hurt them again. Lena is out of words when Lillian whispers that promise into her ear. Is this real? Is this really happening? Lena wonders, but, Lillian is already gone before she could really get any answer to her questions.
Desiring no more surprises for the rest of the night, Lena activates the alarm. And once she knows that no intruder can get into her home, she's ready to get some rest...
"You barely touched your food..." The CEO points out when she gets back to their bedroom. Kara doesn't reply, she just shrugs. "Kara, please! I'm trying, here! I'm..." tears betray her, and, she stops talking, Lena is too emotional, too exhausted to start a deep conversation right now. So, the CEO drops the subject, and, just goes to bed...
An awkward silence fills the room, a cold breeze hit Lena's body because just like Clarke, Kara is normally a hugging person. The blonde always curls beside Lena, but tonight... right now... Kara doesn't move... she keeps in her same posture... lying on her side, giving the back to Lena...
"We should do a memorial for the baby..." Lena says when she lies in bed besides her non-responding wife. Lying on her back, eyes on the ceiling, the CEO keeps talking "I think it will be good for us..." she turns her head towards her wife, even if she just sees Kara's back, she hopes that the blonde is hearing her when she says "I think that it will help us to make peace with it... what do you think?"
Lena gulps hard when she hears no reply. "Just think about it, and, we can do rain check about it, later... good night, darling..." Once again, there's no reply, and, Lena sadly falls asleep.
*** Lena's narrative (voice-over) ***
When you lose a parent, people call you 'orphan'... when you lose your better half, they call you 'widow'. But, when you lose a child... when you lose this little angel that you created with so much love, there's no word to describe you... there's no word...
