Review Time:

SolarxBlack - Don't worry, I'm retiring that gag here.

DestructionDragon360 - Hehehehe, seems we just think alike!

Mike AZ 2 - Yeah, why not? Give Seteth some sweetness in his life, for all the stress he has to endure.

Half-beastdragonsoul2013 - Odd, lol.

Phoenixblazer39 - I don't get the reference, but thanks?

Defcondeciever - hahahahaha

bauers374 - Those two would get along!

Guest - nahhhhhh maybe not seduce, but I like the guesswork.


Attention, everyone! We must begin our preparations to take Fort Merceus while we still have the chance to stop the empire's momentum! Heed your objectives well. We're juggling multiple fronts!

-Seteth


Alois - I appreciate our brief fishing trip to help us relax for a spiel. But it is time you accept that the fish are scared of you, especially when you laugh like that. Do not worry. I will make sure you can turn things around.

Anna - What on earth does "I put in a favor for four friends of mine" even mean? Stop being obtuse and gather those intelligence reports.

Annette - Where do I begin? We were supposed to avoid the chaos at Gronder Field. You and those other students working under Byleth's command were not supposed to barge in and cause even more chaos. "I need my relic" does not properly excuse you coming back to the monastery with Gilbert in chains. How did you even stop him?

Ashe - Understand we do not want your cooking if you've trained enough rats to gather supplies for you in the kitchen. Even if one can control you by pulling your hair, it is not cute! The dining hall has threatened to ban you too.

Bernadetta - Your novel was a hit! But don't look so put off every time someone asks for your autograph. For once, you have no reason to fear people. They want your company. Perhaps you can have the courage to finally liberate yourself from your fat….no, I didn't say kidnap! Get back here!

Byleth - I want to be disappointed with you taking this unauthorized detour and risking the lives of many, but I'm more amazed that brazenness and disregard for safety keeps working. We've neutralized the Alliance. But the Kingdom still has that witch behind the scenes….and Edelgard is still at large. Things will become more chaotic than ever. We should…..oh…..yes, I suppose I can spare time for tea.

Caspar - It is not my fault people refer to you as "Discount Raphael" and "Not Alois". Diversify your combat profile and try tactics behind just punching things. I mean, you did pass the axe exam.

Catherine - We have a shot of negotiating something with the Kingdom and you blow it by rebuking your own house. I do not think we need to hear "it's not a phase, I just prefer women okay?" during important war meetings.

Claude - Be glad it was Teach that managed to capture you and not the rage-induced Dimitri. Our enemy lies beyond your efforts, so why waste energy hunting you down? I know you're trying to slip out of your cell but it won't work. Admit when you've been beaten.

Cyril - You are Almayran yourself and you are aware of Claude's own intelligence. So these attempts to mock Nader by asking him if he knows what a book is, is rather self-defeating.

Dedue - You are alive because Byleth felt you did not deserve to die. Hilda managed to capture you. If she keeps your lord alive, then you will work for us to end this war faster, understand?

Dimitri - Your rage towards Edelgard has consumed you and I feel sorry for you. You are highly dangerous and will be under constant watch and chains. Do not think for one second we will permit you to die like this. Inside is the tortured young man we will heal. Felix…Sylvain….Ingrid….I know they still care for you. Yes, even Felix.

Dorothea - No we're still not going to elect a new Archbishop! I know Byleth has done much for this war but we must see if Lady Rhea is still out there. And while I know even she would prefer a new change of guard…..I must see her again.

Felix - Please, do not provoke Dimitri's wrath. Just because you and Sylvain subdued him out there does not mean you can claim the moral high ground right now. Both of you are still bleeding heavily. Get some treatment. …..fine, your big net worked, okay?

Ferdinand - You and Lysithea must investigate these rumors behind your father's fate. After you rest from the Gronder operation. And if you give her a piggyback ride while rushing to the location, she will blast you.

Flayn - I really do not want the dining hall staff to ban you. Please try to eat more politely and not as ravenously when they serve fried delectables.

Fleche - Stop looking for anyone to defeat. When even Flayn can beat you at arm wrestling, that is proof you need to give up and stop being stubborn. We have cows to milk, go on.

Gilbert - Do not play the "I was a Knight of Seiros" card on me. I've known you for many years, Gilbert, and I must have your word you will work with us. And I will ONLY let you out of your cell if you spend every day with Annette.

Hanneman - Do not follow up sentences with "jolly good show!"

Hilda - We really could've used your brother's support. To hear from a letter that he has….explosive…sigh…..diarrhea makes it all the more disheartening.

Hubert - Congratulations, you've been separated from your Emperor thanks to Byleth and Ferdinand. I've tasked Byleth personally with making sure you stay alive and in this magic-locking cell. Oh, I know you'll never tell us any of Edelgard's secrets. But you can still be helpful when we combat Kronya's kind in the future. "Those That Slither in the Dark"? That's….a mouthful.

Ignatz - Not to worry. Judith has reorganized her forces to protect your family, and Raphael's sister and grandfather. Oh, you want something else? …..for crying out loud, NOW is not the time to ask if you can join Byle-fine!

Ingrid - There goes another hope of Kingdom support. I know you don't wish to be bound to your father's wishes but there was a more sensitive way to tell him than going "no crest babies for THIS girl"!

Kronya - "I'm bored" should not be followed by you making dead rat puppet theater. How about we all just STOP with the rats already?

Judith - I am amazed at the way you easily make Claude so flustered. Please, I encourage you to be there to deflate any schemes he can think of to undermine us. Referencing that "Gloucester Boy" might surpass him is a good start.

Ladislavia - No you may not request a cell change. Does being next to Dimitri frighten you that much? Oh, he…hm, those are some rather graphic things he threatened you with. I think our alliance has been secured so you can be let out. Foul up once and you'll be bunking with him. Do I look like I'm kidding? No I will not say "sike", whatever that means.

Leonie - Please do not remind Byleth of her Eisner clan plans. I can't tell if Jeralt would roll in his grave if he saw what has happened involving his child. But for his sake we'll try to support her as best we can.

Linhardt - How could you think this beast you found was related to me, too? Do you need glasses? Perhaps an eye exam. Maybe we should just tie a blindfold around your eyes. Or around your mouth.

Lorenz - Claude is not going to call you "Alliance Leader" non-sarcastically no matter how many times you request it.

Lysithea - I don't think eating one piece of celery will make you grow. Especially when you throw it up after. Clean that up, please.

Manuela - You are a physician. We use medical data for information purposes, not to post a chart of everyone's bust size and boast that yours is the biggest at Garreg Mach.

Marianne - It seems you're back to normal…..well, save for the sudden cravings for meat. I don't even know where we would find a buffalo. Regardless, it is nice to have you not ashamed of who you are now….oh, you're going to write to your adoptive father about you and Hilda? Good luck.

Mercedes - I really would advise you not to copy your fellow students and attempt to capture your own brother, the Death Knight. Making battle poses in the mirror and threatening to "give Emile a spanking" can only provide so much manpower to carry it out.

Nader - For an ally of Claude, you seem to take your imprisonment rather well. In that you say you just need good drink and a bed.

Petra - I am….mostly sure Byleth does not have them. "Balls of steel" does not mean someone literally has them, just that they're brave. She was wondering why you were eyeing her with a stick in hand.

Randolph - If calling you "Uncle Randy" is the only way people can remember you, I'd say take it.

Raphael - Where on earth did you vanish to?!

Shamir - Catherine only wishes to establish pet names. She let you call her "Cassie" but when she says "Shammy" you threaten to punch her? I don't think she's the type to call you "S" instead.

Sylvain - Describing Felix as the ultimate "bro before a ho" does not really explain the kind of relationship you have in mind. "It's not gay if you say-" you know what? I'm not going to ask anymore. Follow your heart! Either you, the two of you are a good team. Now go get patched up.


To be continued...


Well this is me warping canon some more to get back some friends we've missed. The irony is, the devs didn't plan a golden route and I like the idea of there not being one. I hope people don't interpret me as making one, just me having fun.