Chapter 24

Arthur tossed his underwear and the T-shirt he'd been wearing off the side of the bed. His eyes glinted in the darkness as I leaned over him and brought our lips together. My heart banged against my ribs, and my dick throbbed, eager to be inside him. I ran my hand over his chest, exploring his soft pecs and the light sprinkling of hair. He didn't think he was physically attractive, but to me, he was the biggest turn-on. I slid my hand lower, over his ribcage to his flat stomach. The muscles jumped under my touch, and the wet tip of his erection bumped my wrist.

I thrust my tongue into his mouth and crushed his lips with mine. I wanted to make this last, but at the same time I couldn't wait. I wanted to push his legs apart and drive myself into him. Instead, I held back, quivering with frustration, while I touched him more—trailed my fingers over one hip, down over his thigh and back up the inside of it to his balls. I cupped them, stroked and squeezed until he pulled out of the kiss to suck in a breath.

"Travis," he gasped. "Fuck me."

"Don't be so impatient." I kissed his jaw, rough and stubbly, then the point where his neck joined his shoulder. "I'm taking my time." We'd only done this once before, I reminded myself. I hadn't any experience of foreplay, except for what I'd done with Arthur. I made it up as I went along, but every touch of my fingers, and every kiss and gentle nip on his neck made him squirm and moan, so I guessed I was doing it right.

"Please," he whispered, as I purposefully ignored his dick and explored the deep "V" between his hips, then stroked the other thigh, outside, inside, down to his knee and back up to his sac. I cupped it again and gently tugged. He clutched at me, blunt nails digging into my shoulders as he held on. I laid my palm over his erection, trapping it against his stomach. It pulsed under my touch, wet and leaking. I coated my fingers with his fluid, then reached down and circled his anus. He moaned and spread his legs wider.

"Tell me what you want." My lips brushed his ear as I spoke.

"Put your finger in me," he said in a rush, his voice rough with need.

I pressed in and grasping heat pulled my digit in as far as it would reach. I curled it up, found his prostrate, and rubbed across it.

"Fuck!" Arthur's hips arched up, and he rolled his head back. "More. Please, Travis."

"Relax." I added a second finger and carefully fucked him with them, stretching him open.

"Wait. Stop." He grabbed my wrist and stilled my hand.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm gonna come. Give me a minute," he panted.

I grinned. "Isn't that the idea?"

"Not yet. I want you in me when I come."

I groaned, and my neglected erection twitched against his leg. Arthur laughed, low and breathless. He slid his hand between us and wrapped his slender fingers around my shaft. As he stroked me, too lightly to give me the friction I needed, I began to move my fingers in him again.

Moments later, he took his hand off me and tapped my wrist, stopping me again. "I'm ready. You can stop." As I withdrew my fingers, he found the lube and squeezed some into his palm. I sucked in a breath as he ran his hand up and down my dick, coating me in the cool slick.

"Fuck, that's good."

"Oh, you want me to get you off like this?" Arthur teased.

"No." I pushed his hand off. "You're a tease. I'm not gonna last long."

"You never do." He chuckled. "I suppose I should take that as a compliment."

"Shut up." I pressed my lips to his. He slid his arms around me and pulled me onto him. He drew his knees up either side of me and squeezed my arse. "You are impatient." I grinned down at him.

"Fuck me, Travis." He was eager and confident, so different from last time, when I'd been terrified I would hurt him or scare him, after what he'd told me. I lifted my weight off him enough to get my hand between us and guide myself. As I pushed in, he rolled his hips up, taking me in deep when I would have taken my time and inched in slowly.

"Damn." I groaned as his tight heat gripped me and my balls bumped against him. I pulled back and drove into him again, slow and steady. We fell into a rhythm together, easier than the first time. He moved with me, one hand on my back, the other between us, stroking himself off. He was right about me never lasting very long, and this time was going to be no exception. I could already feel my orgasm approaching as the heat of his body squeezed and tugged at my erection.

"Do it harder," he panted suddenly. "I'm almost there."

I slammed into him, hard and fast, only a handful of times before warm spurts shot across my stomach and he clenched around me. One more thrust and I came, filling him with wet warmth. "Fuck," I gasped. I tried to hold my weight off him, but my body slumped, weak and trembling, and crushed him into the mattress. He pulled his hand out from between us and held me tight with both arms. My softening dick slid from him and rested between his thighs. "You okay?" My lips brushed his ear as I spoke.

"That was—" He hugged me tighter still. "It was perfect. I love you, Travis. I need you."

"I love you." I nuzzled his ear and kissed the lobe. "And I need you, too."

"Thank you."

"What for?" I shivered as he ran his fingers lightly up my back and into my hair.

"Coming to find me that day. Saving me. When I think about it now, I can hardly believe that was me. But that's who I am when I'm off my meds. I don't know what's better—being myself and doing crazy shit or being this other person who relies on drugs all the time to be even a tiny bit normal."

"Hey, this is pretty deep. You sure you're okay?" I rolled off him and tugged him over to face me.

"Yes, I'm okay. More than okay. Sometimes I just don't know who I am."

"Well, I know who you are." I touched his face and brushed a thumb over his lips. "I love you however you are. I was fascinated by you as Joker. Maybe he's the real you, or maybe he's just part of you that came out when the system kicked you too many times. Whatever. You're my Arthur."

He smiled and kissed my thumb. "I am."

I didn't need to take any sleeping pills, and Arthur didn't bother either. We slept for a few hours, wrapped around each other. When I opened my eyes, daylight filled the room and Arthur was still nestled against me, his dick hard against my leg.

"Hey." I kissed his cheek. "You awake?"

"Mm." He smiled but didn't open his eyes.

I moved a little, lining myself up with him so I could grasp both our erections together. His eyes flew open and he gasped. "This okay?" I whispered.

"Oh yes."

I jerked us off together, quick and hard, and added to the mess on our bodies that we hadn't bothered to clean off hours before. We showered together, dried off and dressed. Arthur made coffee while I lit two cigarettes and stuck one in his mouth. He smoked for a minute, then passed me my coffee and stared at me thoughtfully.

"Can I ask you something, Travis?"

"Sure."

"Were you very different before I knew you? I mean, when you were in New York before."

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I mean, you did some things. Sort of like what I did only for a different reason."

"I told you about that."

"I know. But I wondered if you were different. Did you feel different?"

I wasn't sure what he was getting at, but I tried to think what I would have written in my journal back then, if I'd put any of it on paper without worrying someone might read it later and realise I was crazy.

"I was angry," I said. "The system let us down after Vietnam. Sure, I had therapy and medication, but they didn't really give a shit. They just wanted to brush us under the carpet. When I came back here, to the city, I noticed all the filth and the scum that I hadn't seen before. Maybe I'd been too young to notice; I don't know. I wanted to do something about it. When I saw an armed robber holding up an old guy in his store, I wanted to punish him. When I met Iris—a child, being whored out by sick animals like Sport—I wanted to help her and make things better. And I wanted to tear them apart and kick their remains into the gutter." I took a breath and swallowed my rising tension. "I thought I could make a difference, but the city is too big. There's too much of it. I went a little crazy for a while. When I came out of the coma after I got shot, I thought I'd failed. The things I said got me locked up."

"We're alike in some ways." Arthur smiled and sipped his coffee. "I didn't do what I did because I was angry. I wanted to hurt the people who hurt me. That other part of me—Joker—sort of took over. It was almost as if I was watching him do those things. Like I was watching a TV show and laughing when the hero got away with everything. No one else saw him as a hero, though. Well, maybe the clowns did that night."

"I guess I did. I watched you on the TV. I saw the Murray show, and you were laughing. You even danced after you shot him. I went out into the city to see what else was happening, and I sort of hoped I'd see you. I didn't think it very likely. I assumed they'd already have you locked up. But then the cop car went past right where I was standing."

"Did you see what happened? Part of that is missing in my head. I think I was knocked out when we crashed."

"A stolen ambulance hit the car. Three guys in clown masks lifted you out of the car and laid you on it. The cops were dead. I moved closer until I could see. You coughed and started to get up. People were cheering and chanting. I remember thinking you were like a puppet, rising on its strings. Sort of broken, but still strong and proud."

"I remember looking down at all those people and thinking I must be somebody. They're all applauding me. Then things got sort of fuzzy and you were there." He shook himself and ran a hand through his hair. "We never talked about this. Not like this anyway. I didn't mean for things to get so, um, intense."

"It's okay. We can share anything you want. Nothing you say to me will ever change the way I feel about you."

"I wanted you to see the real me, whoever that is." He came closer, slid his arms around me and rested his head against my shoulder. "He's still there, deep inside me. The meds keep him there most of the time."

I hugged him tightly. "Arthur, whether you're you, like now, or whether you're Joker, it makes no difference to me. I love you anyway."