Learning to Live Again
Chapter 26
They settled back into the house and got accustomed to the babies. Both Hannah and Bobby adored the babies, and were always good for holding them, giving them bottles, and even changing diapers. Bobby was particularly fond of Thomas, and Hannah had really bonded with Bayleigh.
Libby was worried about Mike. He never hesitated to hold Thomas or Bayleigh, but he only held Hadleigh when there was no other choice, and he would always hold her away from him. Something about her reminded him of Kate. Hadleigh looked nothing like her, but it still worried Libby. And, worse yet, Hannah had noticed it too. Mike had gone into town to get a few groceries, and Hannah sat down next to Libby on the couch.
"You're worried about Dad, aren't you?" Hannah asked.
"I am. Something about Hadleigh reminds him of Kate. It is like he is scared to bond with her and love her." Libby remarked.
"I think he loves her. You know, I never did give him that charm bracelet. Could just never find the right moment. Maybe it would help." Hannah said.
"Maybe. Does she remind you of Kate?" Libby asked as she kissed the top of Hadleigh's head. The baby opened her eyes and then closed them.
"No, but I also didn't know Kate when she was that age. I just have to wonder if Dad never really grieved for her and that it's hitting him now." Hannah said. Thomas had began crying and she got up to get him, sitting back down next to Libby.
"But why Hadleigh and not Thomas or Bayleigh?" Libby questioned.
"I don't know, but I do know, Dad loves her. Don't worry about that. I think he is just scared to love. God knows, he fought loving you." Hannah remarked.
"Yeah, he did. He carries a lot of grief with him." Libby agreed. Just then, Mike and Bobby came back in, with several grocery bags. Libby slowly rose to her feet, with Hadleigh in her arms, to help them. Mike had gotten way more than what was on her grocery list.
"I didn't want to go back in a few days, so I bought some other stuff." Mike said. He bent down and kissed Libby, but completely ignored Hadleigh when she touched his face with her tiny hand. She even gave him a smile. For all of Mike's misgivings, as little as Hadleigh was, she seemed to be attached to Mike.
"That's alright. Hadleigh, are you excited to see Daddy? He's getting all kinds of smiles from you." Libby said, hoping Mike would notice the baby girl. He looked down at her, but instead of smiling or holding her, he only had a look of sadness. "Mike, I know for whatever reason, Hadleigh reminds you of Kate, but Hadleigh needs you. What are you scared of?" Libby asked. The older kids had gone in their rooms. Thomas and Bayleigh were in the bassinets in the living room.
"I don't know, and I know its wrong. Hadleigh deserves to have a dad that loves her, but so did Kate and I failed her." Mike said.
"I understand, but what I don't understand is, why Hadleigh? You don't have an issue with Bayleigh or Thomas." Libby asked.
"I don't know that either." Mike said quietly. Hadleigh was watching him and giving him smiles.
"Dad? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Hannah asked. She gave Libby a nod and Libby stepped out of the way with Hadleigh in her arms.
"Sure, what's wrong?" Mike asked Hannah. She pulled the bracelet out of her hoodie pocked and placed it in his hand.
"Kate gave me that before she died. You had given it to her for her birthday or something. I should have given it to you before now, but there was never a right time, because I was afraid of hurting you. Dad, Hadleigh is just a baby, but she needs you. You are an amazing dad and Kate wouldn't want this. She'd be mad at you for not holding her. Kate never blamed you and she loved you. She just wished she had had the strength to tell you about Mom. She also knew that you loved her. Kate wouldn't want this. She would want you to be as good of a dad to Hadleigh as M were to her." Hannah said. Mike was still staring at the bracelet in his hand, when Hadleigh began crying.
Libby walked over and picked Hadleigh back up. Of the three babies, she was the least demanding. She only seemed to want Mike's attention. Libby was shocked when Mike appeared at her elbow. She could see the sadness in his eyes, but he seemed different.
"Can I hold her?" Mike asked.
"You don't have to ask. I think its you she wants anyways." Libby said as she passed Hadleigh over. As soon as Mike had her, Hadleigh settled down. He walked to the recliner and sat down with her. Hannah walked back over and handed Libby the bracelet, then bent over and kissed Mike on the forehead.
"I love you, sweet pea." Mike told Hannah.
"I love you too. And Kate did too. And as soon as Hadleigh figures out what love is, she'll love you too." Hannah said before walking out of the room.
"You okay?" Libby asked. Mike and Hadleigh were studying each other while Hadleigh wrapped her tiny hand around Mike's index finger.
"Yeah, it was something of an attitude adjustment. I miss Kate and Lucas, and I will always grieve for them, but it shouldn't affect me being a good dad to these babies, Hannah or Bobby. I have no idea why I was not wanting to connect with Hadleigh, but I have to. She deserves better and I deserve a decent relationship with her. I was setting a course that would have made for a bad relationship. After losing Kate and Lucas, I won't have that. Not ever again." Mike said. Libby leaned over and gave him a kiss.
"I love you." Libby said simply.
"I love you too." Mike replied.
"I'm going to put Kate's bracelet on your dresser." Libby said as she stood up. As she walked by, she smiled down at Thomas and Bayleigh, and then laughed when she heard Hannah and Bobby playing a game in Bobby's room. It was all things she loved.
