Author's Note: Song is "Big Machine" by Goo Goo Dolls.

Chapter 18: Livin' Like A House On Fire

Ecstasy is all you need
Livin' in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain

Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting

"My what an opportunity, why thank you Mr. West, I surely don't know what I'd do without you!" Jade exclaimed once she and Tori were in the privacy of her room.

"I don't talk like that," Tori replied reflexively.

"Whatever. Happy now? Was that the happy family meeting you were hoping for? Him going on about how much he loved my ex boyfriend? Did you enjoy that?"

"Jade…"

"Well did you? I told you I didn't want to talk to him."

Tori sighed. "I'm sorry, OK? But it is a good opportunity. It's not like your Dad will be there."

"Beck will."

Tori shrugged. "So you'll have a friend there. That's a plus."

"A plus? He's my ex. You were pissed at me for having coffee with him."

"I wasn't mad that you were having coffee with Beck. I was mad that you didn't tell me about it after pitching a fit over me loaning my book to Cassie. I was mad that you, apparently, think I am not allowed to talk to anyone without it being, somehow, cheating, but you're free to do whatever with whoever. I was mad at you being a hypocrite. I'm not mad at you for having friends."

"So you'd just be fine with me spending hours and hours with Beck almost every day? You wouldn't care at all?"

"I don't understand why that's a problem?" Tori replied.

"You don't understand why my girlfriend not caring about me might be a problem for me?"

"Not caring about you? Of course I care about you! I just…I trust you. How does that mean I don't care?"

"Just forget it."

"No, is that…what you think? That…Jade, I'm not a possessive person. I trust you. Of course I care. Why…"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"We need to talk about it, Jade. Communication is important."

Jade rolled her eyes. "I. Don't. Want. To."

"Too bad. I need to understand how me trusting you not to cheat on me with your ex, who is friends with both of us, is a bad thing? How does that mean I don't care?"

"It doesn't. Forget I said anything."

"Jade…"

"I don't want to talk about it, Tori."

Tori frowned. "Fine. What do you want to do?"

Jade shrugged. "You."

Tori choked on her water. "Your parents are here!"

"So?"

"So what if…"

"They won't bother us," Jade replied, crossing the room and slipping her arms around Tori's neck and leaning in for a kiss.

"Jade," Tori protested weakly.

"My Dad left. My Mom never stays up past 10."

"Yeah, but…"

"We can talk more in the morning."

Now your world is way too fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care

They didn't talk more in the morning though, because Jade slipped out before Tori woke up and made her way to school early.

The look on Tori's face when Jade did see her again, in the hall after third period, well...Jade expected her girlfriend to be livid, couldn't fault her for it, really, but Tori just looked...sad. Jade was not sure what to do with that.

"How ya doing?" Beck asked, leaning against the locker next to Jade's, breaking her train of thought.

"You should've told me my Dad offered you an internship," she replied coldly, pulling the books she needed from her locker.

"Is it a problem?" He asked, genuinely perplexed. "Is Tori mad about it?"

"No," Jade scoffed, glancing past his shoulder to note that Tori has disappeared again. "She doesn't care. She thinks it'll be a great opportunity and experience for both of us."

"Then…what's the problem?"

"She doesn't care if I spend my whole summer hanging around my ex?"

"Tori is more trusting than you, Jade," Beck smirked. "It's a good thing. You never trusted me and I…well, I never cheated on you, but I never made an effort to make sure you felt secure in our relationship either. Tori…I mean, do you honestly believe she would ever cheat on you?"

Jade didn't answer. Did she think that? It seemed resoundingly un-Tori. But also, she could not fathom someone not bailing on her for something better as soon as it showed up.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking over the weekend, about everything. And I'm…I mean, Trina did cheat on me and I'm still going to give her another chance, I think. We will work through it and it will be OK. Tori hasn't cheated on you and likely never will, so you've already got it easier."

"I don't really consider you a relationship expert, Beck, so if you want to stop with the advice, that'd be best," she shut her locker door and slipped the last book into her bag and started to walk away.

"I just think you can't expect perfection, but the thing is, that's exactly what you do," Beck reached out and grabbed her arm, lightly, stopping her in her tracks. "You expect people to behave a certain way in every circumstance and you freak out when they don't. Tori is good at keeping you off balance and you hate that, but you also love it because you need it. It's just hard for you to not be in control. But with Tori, I don't think you have to be, you know?"

She yanked her arm away from him. "What part of me not wanting your advice did you not understand?"

"Ok, ok," he held his hands up in surrender. "I've got to talk to Robbie anyway."

Jade turned to see Robbie and Rex approaching. "Good luck with that," she muttered to Beck as she stalked off to class.

"Rob, can we talk?"

"Uh, yepperdo."

"About Trina."

"Oh." Robbie blanched.

"Leave Rex," Beck ordered. He crossed the hall to the janitor's closet and beckoned Robbie to follow him.

Robbie shoved a protesting Rex into his locker and followed, head hung low.

Beck shut the door behind him.

"So…I know about you and Trina," Beck explained, calmly, collected, as only Beck could be.

"You weren't together when it first happened and I-"

"I know," Beck cut him off, raising a hand. "I just…I've been thinking about this all weekend and I trust Trina not to do it again and I trust you not to do it again. That's all I wanted to say."

"Oh, um…OK…I…"

"I know you probably don't get many opportunities with girls, so I can't really hold it against you. And you probably thought 'it's just Trina, so Beck won't really care' but I do. I like her a lot. She makes me feel…good. About myself, I mean. It's refreshing and just…I can get why you maybe thought it was just some casual thing, but it's not. I'm serious about her, Robbie. And you are one of my best friends. So, I thought we could talk this out, clear things up. And we can all move forward and be happy."

Robbie pursed his lips and nodded, thinking: everyone happy except me, but what's new about that?

"So we're cool?" Beck asked. He phrased it as a question, but it was more a statement and they both knew it.

"Yeah, we're cool. Of course we're cool. How could we not be cool?" Robbie replied, a little spastically.

"Cool," Beck nodded before turning and leaving. Now came the matter of addressing the situation with Trina- he wasn't sure he was going to let her know she was off the hook right away, after all. Couldn't hurt to make her work for it a little, right? He would be spending the next ten days in Canada anyway, so he had time to sort that out.

Robbie slid down against the wall and sat on the floor for the entirety of the following period. Not wanting to face the rain of criticism Rex was sure to bring down on him.

Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive

And I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

"Oh my God, yes, yes please!" Trina squealed into the phone. For the first time since February things were going good for her. In at least one area of her life, things might actually work out! "Uh huh, yes, Gracias!"

She hung up the phone and grabbed the nearest passing body- Cat Valentine and hugged her enthusiastically.

"Yay! Hugs!" Cat exclaimed, happily hugging back.

"You remember that show I was on, Divertisimo?" Trina explained, grinning ear to ear.

Cat nodded.

"I pitched an idea to the producer months ago and they actually want to do it. And they've got a script and they want me as the lead! Trina Vega is finally going to be a star! Hollywood might not know talent when they see it, but Mexico does!"

"Yay!" Cat clapped, bouncing up and down.

Still in love with all your sins
Where you stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waiting

Living like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal

I still love the way you feel

"Hey, what's up?" Tori smiled brightly when she opened the door and saw Jade standing there.

"What are you so happy about?" Jade asked.

"I don't know," Tori shrugged. "I wasn't expecting you, but here you are. I'm happy to see you."

"I bailed on you this morning and you were pissed about it and you don't know why I'm here. It could be bad news. Why would you be happy about that?"

Tori frowned. "Why would I just assume it was bad news?"

"Why would you assume it was good?"

"It's just a more pleasant way to live my life," Tori replied, leaning forward for a quick kiss. "I don't see why it's worth arguing about, but if you just came here looking for a fight, I'll do my best."

Jade scoffed. "I don't go looking for fights."

"Mmhm," Tori nodded, though she clearly didn't agree.

"You're just...over what happened this morning?"

"With you bailing on me naked in your bed again? I mean, I'm not thrilled about it, no. But I'm trying to be understanding."

"I just…" Jade inhaled slowly. "I don't think this is working out, Tori."

"What isn't working out?" Tori asked, though the shift in her posture suggested she knew perfectly well what Jade was referring to.

"This," Jade gestured between them. "Us. I don't think it's working."

"Why not?" Tori's voice had a tinge of panic in it now and she stepped forward through the door, closing it behind her and isolating them on the front step.

"I don't trust you," Jade answered plainly. "And you should be with someone who does. Beck never cared if I trusted him so it didn't matter. But with you…you care too much."

"I care too much?" Tori repeated dumbly. "That makes no sense. I've never given you a reason not to trust me."

"Well, this is me, Vega. I see everyone as guilty until proven innocent and I don't think it's possible to actually be proven innocent, so…I need to be with someone who doesn't care that much."

"That makes no sense. The fact that Beck didn't care should be why you couldn't trust him. The fact that I do care should mean that you can trust me."

"I don't expect you to understand."

"Jade, come on. This is ridiculous."

"I'll try to be less of a gank to you, maybe, in light of our…situation. But this is for the best."

"Like hell it is, what are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"Seems like you're terrified of me."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not the one being ridiculous."

"Just stop, OK? Stop arguing, stop trying so hard to make this into something it can't be."

"This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard from you."

"Fuck you, Tori," she turned on her heel, arms crossed and walked away.

There were a million things Tori wanted to shout after her, but nothing came out when she opened her mouth.

She just slid down along the front door and sat there, staring down the driveway in the direction Jade had gone.

Now this angry little girl
Drowning in this petty world
And I'm, who you run to

Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all or not
I don't need what you ain't got