I want to thank everyone so so so much for all the reviews and story follows. It means a lot that so many of you enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I also want to thank my three beta readers once again for catching my mistakes and spurring me on when I had writers block. This story never would have gotten out without them.
This chapter does contain some explicit smut. I didn't want to rate the whole story explicit for this one chapter, but I also know that smut isn't everyone's cup of tea. There will be asterisks at the begin and end of the sex scenes (there are two) so those of you that want to skip them can do that.
I really have enjoyed reading all of your comments and if you want to talk to me more about the story or life in general, feel free to jump over to my tumblr ( .com) or message me here. I'd love to answer any questions or just chat with you guys.
Alex woke up in a panic, feeling as if someone was closing their hand around her throat. Her wrist burned and she couldn't take a deep breath. She looked around wildly, trying to find the threat. Her eyes rested on a figure sitting beside the chair on the floor. She opened her mouth to scream.
"It's me, Alex," James's voice was soft as he touched her arm lightly. She still almost jumped out of her skin, and then winced as all the bruises, cuts, and scrapes hurt at once. The shaking inside her started again, like someone had flipped the on switch.
"Hey, it's alright, you're safe." James put his hand on the side of her face so that she had to look at him. "Nothing is going to get you. I'm not going to let anything hurt you. You're safe."
"I think that's the first time that you've said that and it's actually the truth," Alex gave him a weak smile, though her heart rate was still at heart attack level. He was still there, he hadn't left. That thought alone was enough to make her heart race, but images from her dream also assaulted her.
"They still have someone watching the apartment," Alex finally whispered.
"I know. I'm jamming the bugs. As far as they know you're still asleep," James took his hand off her cheek and interlaced the fingers of his other hand with hers. The metal was cold against her skin, but it was welcome since she had been sweating while asleep.
"How long have you been here?" Alex asked as she sat up slowly, uncurling her feet from beneath her. James reached out and put his hand on her waist to steady her, his eyes concerned.
"About half an hour," James said as he watched her closely. "I didn't want to wake you, but then you seemed to be having a nightmare so…"
"I don't remember what it was," Alex pushed the hair out of her face, ignoring the flashing images of blood and gore behind her eyelids. She remembered what it was, but she didn't want to talk about it.
"Alexandra?" James looked at her, letting her know that he knew she was lying.
"It was just flashes of stuff, not as bad as the one before," Alex wanted to kick herself, the last thing she wanted to tell James was that she dreamed about stabbing him. She really wasn't completely awake yet.
"Tell me about it," James said softly, his blue eyes studying her face.
"It's not…no," Alex said with a shake of her head, but James just sat there and waited. "I was just…I was back at the school and you kill Grant by punching a hole in his chest. Then you walk over and…"
James just gave her hand a small squeeze and waited for her to continue.
"I thought you were going to kill me so I plunged a knife into your chest," her voice was barely above a whisper as she looked into her lap.
"Good." Alex's head shot up and stared at him, but he just met her eye steadily.
"Excuse me?" Alex felt her anger rise a little bit, but more than anything she was completely baffled.
"If I was coming at you and looked like I was going to hurt you, I want you to hurt me. Kill me if you have to," James said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"You can't mean that," Alex tightened her grip on his hand.
"I would rather be dead than hurt you," James said seriously, not a hint of humor or deception in his face.
"Don't say that," Alex snapped, letting go of his hand and curling her fingers into fists. Her whole body was shaking and she started to think about the dream, the blood on her hands, the way he looked at her, full of surprise and sadness. How could he say that to her, how could he? Then just the thought of killing brought all the other faces up in her mind.
"Alexandra," James said her name softly, "Alex look at me. Open your eyes and look at me."
Alex hadn't even realized she had closed her eyes. She opened them and tried to focus on James, but her breathing was shallow again and panic was setting in. She wanted to get up, to pace, to scream, something.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I'm here," James used the same soft voice as he put his hand lightly on her knee. Alex grabbed onto his hand, squeezing as hard as she could and attempted to take a deep breath. She heard Sam's voice in her head, asking her how many windows, how many doors, grounding her back into the room.
"How are you feeling?" James moved forward to keep her gaze on him. Alex figured he guessed what she was seeing, and he was trying to keep her grounded in his own way. It worked, she matched his breathing and slowly started to calm down, just like Sam taught her. She couldn't focus on his eyes, so she looked at every hair in his five o'clock shadow.
"Well, all things considered, it could be worse," Alex said when she had herself a bit more under control. "I don't have an alien artifact telling me to kill people anymore, so that's a plus. I'm just really sore…and hungry."
"It was trying to control your mind while it was burrowing into your skin? Telling you to kill people?" James tilted his head to the side, confusion and worry evident in every line of his face.
Alex opened her mouth to answer, but no noise came out. She couldn't explain what it had been like, to have that power over another human being, to have those dark thoughts trying to take over her mind. Even if she could, she didn't want to talk about it. If she gave those thoughts life in the form of words, she might not ever be able to kill them.
"I don't want to talk about it." She twisted one of her many earrings around as she felt tears well up in her eyes. "James, where have you been?"
She hadn't meant the words to have any sort of affliction, but they came out sounding like a plea. He couldn't have come to her yesterday, even if he wanted to with Sam there, but she still had wanted him there every second, to wrap his arms around her, to make her feel safe. True, after the nightmare she would have been a little scared to be around him, but looking at him right now all she wanted was to bury her face in his neck and have him hold her.
He looked at her for a long moment, his brow pulled together, pain in his eyes. Alex leaned forward and put her hand on his cheek and he leaned into it, closing his eyes. His fingers tightened on hers and he squeezed his eyes together, as if he was preparing himself for something. Something painful. Alex held her breath.
"I didn't remember where I was," James spoke so softly it was barely a whisper, but she heard him.
"You didn't remember?" The words felt heavy on her tongue, all the implications of that simple sentence making it almost impossible to speak. She didn't take her hand off his cheek or let go of his hand.
"After the college, I went to where I was staying. I patched myself up and laid down to get some sleep. I figured Steve or someone else would be here, so I planned to come back last night. Then I woke up and I didn't know where I was, who I was, what my mission was. I walked the city the whole night, not knowing what the hell I was doing here," James stopped and opened his eyes.
Alex just stared at him, not sure what to say. She had seen James when he didn't remember who he was, the single minded purpose that he had, the flat expression. What could she possibly say about his memories slipping away again? Nothing. So she pushed a piece of hair behind his ear and shook her head. She put her hand on the couch to steady herself to ask the next question.
"What made you remember?" She finally asked, her voice low.
"I walked past the restaurant where you work, by pure chance. I remember sitting by the window and that little girl telling me I should be your boyfriend. It came back then a bit, that first night I met you. Over the course of the day the rest of it came back," James explained with a sad smile.
"But you stayed away," Alex picked up on what he wasn't saying.
"I was just going to leave, it would have been so much easier that way. Disappear the same way I came, out of nowhere. But, I couldn't," James reached out and put his hand against her cheek. "I had to see you again."
Alex grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He came willingly, one hand still holding hers while the other was on her cheek. Alex pressed her lips against his desperately, feeling as if time was running out, as if she needed to kiss him now because soon he would disappear. Hadn't he already tried to leave once? Hadn't she known all along this was what was going to happen?
James brushed away the tears with his thumb, meeting her intensity to begin with, but slowing down the kisses so that they were more passionate. He pulled away when he felt the sobs start making Alex shake and pulled her against him. He muttered to her in Russian, long flowing speech that sounded like poetry, while he rubbed circles between her shoulder blades.
"I didn't mean to make you cry," James said when Alex finally pulled away, wiping the rest of the tears off her face with both hands.
"I know," Alex gave him a small laugh, "but I have had kind of an interesting week and my emotions aren't exactly sure what they are doing anymore."
James smiled at her, one that wasn't tinged with sadness and shook his head. Alex tilted her head, asking what he was smiling at without opening her mouth. This just caused him to smile a bit wider.
"How about we get you some food?" James asked as he got to his feet. "I think I remember you saying something about being hungry."
"They are still watching the place, how do you plan to do that?" Alex looked up at him.
"The curtains are drawn and the lights are off. As long as we don't turn them on, they will just think you're sleeping." He held out his hand to her.
"Cooking in the dark, that sounds dangerous," Alex took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. He smiled down at her, pushing hair out of her face.
"Cooking by candlelight," James corrected, his voice low and husky. "A completely different type of danger you have to worry about."
"You know how much I like danger," Alex smirked up at him. She was glad that he wasn't going to dwell on what he just told her. That he was just going to push it away. She had a feeling it was because it hurt him as much as it hurt her.
James smiled down at her before he kissed the top of her head and walked into the kitchen. Alex collected the candles she had in the living room and carried them into the kitchen, placing them on counters and the table. Soon there was soft light around them, but not enough to shine through the curtains in the living room.
"So, what are we having?" Alex asked as she jumped up on the counter next to a candle. It didn't leave James a lot of counter space to work with, but he didn't say anything about it. Instead he started pulling out vegetables and other things out of the fridge. He put a pot on the stove, filled it with water, and turned on the heat.
"Being mysterious again, I see," Alex said with a laugh. "Alright, well I am guessing it is going to be a pasta dish of some sort. Poor man's stir fry?"
"Do you have any wine? White would be great," James put another pan on the stove and searched through the cabinets until he found oil. He splashed a little into the pan before he turned on the heat.
"I honestly don't know. If there is any, it would be on the bottom shelf of the fridge." Alex could go for a glass or two of wine, maybe a bottle or two. Then again, getting drunk when she barely had a hold of her emotions probably wasn't the best idea.
James disappeared into the fridge again and Alex felt herself take a deep breath for the first time. She relaxed, resting her head against the cabinets as he pushed things around. Then she noticed the cut in his shirt, meaning it was the same one he wore the day before, and remembered that Nadia got him in the side.
"Are you alright? You took a bit of a beating yesterday," Alex said when he straightened up, a bottle of wine in his hand. She reached out and touched his side and felt his muscles jump underneath her fingers.
"I've had worse," James said simply, but he stood still as Alex lifted up his shirt to get a better look. He had covered it up, but blood was visible through the white bandage. It ran the length of his ribs, but didn't seem to be that deep since it wasn't causing him too much pain.
"I know, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."
It was just going to be another scar to add to the rest of them on his chest and back. However, it didn't seem to be bothering him at all, so she didn't make him stop cooking for her to clean and bandage it again. He would have fought her about it and she didn't have the energy for that.
"Says the woman who has more bandages and bruises on her right now to rival Steve on his worst day." James laughed as he chopped up vegetables with scary precision.
"Honestly, before this week the worst injury I've ever had was the time I broke my arm while playing baseball when I was ten," Alex pretended to sound offended, but he was right. Between the two of them, she was in far worse shape.
"Let me guess, you tried to run over someone going into third base?" James laughed as he threw the vegetables into the pan to sweat.
"Someone tried to run me over to get to home. I stood my ground. They ran me over, but I held onto the ball and they were out," Alex said with a smile. James smiled at her before opening the cabinet next to her and pulling out two glasses. He filled them both with wine and handed her one.
"I would expect nothing less," James clinked their glasses together before he turned his attention back to cooking. His hair was falling into his eyes, but he just kept pushing it behind his ear. Alex smiled fondly as she watched him, the shadows created by the candle making his features softer. However, she noticed that his frustration was growing as he worked and fought with his hair.
"Here," Alex pulled out one of the kitchen drawers between her legs and handed him a hair tie that had been thrown in there at some point in time. There were hair ties hidden all over the apartment, but she knew for sure there would be one in there.
James gave her a look out of the corner of his eye, piece of hair falling from where it had been tucked. It made her heart almost stop. He should not be allowed to be so damn attractive.
"Stir this," James handed her the spoon he had been using and pulled his hair back. Alex leaned over the stirred the mixture of meat, vegetables, and spices that was in the pan. After he pulled his hair back, he grabbed spaghetti out of the cabinet and added it to the boiling water.
"It still baffles me that you know how to cook," Alex said when he took the spoon back. "Not only that, but you cook better than I can."
"Is it because you don't like someone being better than you at something, because I am a man, or because I have a metal arm?" James leaned against the counter, letting everything simmer, and took a sip of his wine waiting for her answer.
"Most people are better than me at a lot of things," Alex pointed out. "It is mostly the other two. I mean, you see someone with a metal arm and scars and you don't think they are going to make you dinner. Then again, a lot of people don't know how to cook anymore. No time and take out is all too easy."
"What can I say, I like to keep people on their toes," James turned back to the food, adding spices and humming to himself. Alex liked to watch him, but the need to move took over her and she slid off the counter. She walked over to the table and cleaned up the crumbs from breakfast before pulling out plates and forks.
Alex almost jumped out of her skin when James accidentally dropped the spoon onto the floor. She gripped onto the table and closed her eyes. She tried to get herself under control, but she was shaking terribly. She knew that James had just dropped something and that it wasn't someone coming to hurt her, but her whole body was on high alert. Flashes of gun fire and Nadia throttling her flashed in her mind.
"Alexandra, I am right behind you," James said softly. "I'm putting my hand on your shoulder."
Even with the warning Alex jumped when he touched her. A tear escaped the side of her eye and she brushed it away quickly. James kept his hand on her shoulder, not saying anything, just being there. Letting her know that she was not alone. She took a few deep breaths and then turned around and put her head against his shoulder.
"Alex, you can't keep pushing this away. Trust me," James said as she leaned against him. "It's going to eat at you forever unless you talk about it with someone."
"You've had your memories back for not even a day, I don't think you get to lecture me." Alex winced at the venom in her voice as she pushed away from him. "I'm sorry, I just…"
"Alex," James put his hand on her cheek and she looked up at him. "I know."
"I can't talk about it right now," Alex's voice broke.
"That's fine," James said as he let his thumb wipe away the tear on her cheek. "Just promise me you will talk to someone when you're ready."
"I think I can do that," Alex leaned her face against his palm before moving away from his touch, "and you need to be careful or something on the stove is going to burn."
James kept his hand on her cheek a moment longer before letting go, picking up the spoon, washing it off, and going back to cooking. Alex went back to setting the table and mentally telling herself that she was alright, everything was alright, and she needed to take a deep breath. She took a sip of her wine and another deep breath.
"Can you bring the plates over?" James asked. Alex did and each was filled with the vegetable and pasta dish, complete with a white wine sauce.
"This smells fantastic," Alex's stomach rumbled and her mouth watered.
"Let's hope it tastes just as good," James smiled as they made their way over to the table. There was little talking as they settled in and took sips of their wine. James waited expectantly for Alex to take a bite of the pasta. She took her time, just to make him squirm a bit, before spinning some onto her fork.
"Oh God," Alex moaned as she leaned back in her chair. "This is fantastic."
The smile on James's face was so wide that Alex could swear she saw all his teeth. Her heart lifted a little at the sight and she felt as if some of the weight fell off her shoulders. It didn't matter what happened before and it didn't matter what was going to happen next, in that moment eating pasta in the candle light with James was enough. They sat in silence eating, both more hungry than they first thought they were.
Somewhere in the apartment Alex's cell phone started to go off. Alex had turned it back on while she was doing homework, but she didn't really look at any of the alerts. She looked down at the table as the phone continued to go off, making no move to go answer it. The thought of talking to someone outside of the apartment was so draining she didn't think she could handle it. James got up silently and brought the phone to her.
"You have to rejoin the world at some point," James said as he held out the phone to her. Alex looked at him for a moment, getting the undercurrent of his words. She had to leave Oz and return to Kansas. This was ending. He was leaving. She reached out and took the phone from his hand.
"Hello?" Alex answered on the last ring.
"Alexandra, honey, oh thank god!" Mrs. Malone sighed into the phone. "When those men came I was so worried. I knew that I should have kept a better eye on you, all those boys you hang out with. Then you didn't show up for work tonight and I was so worried I just had to call. Is that man you brought with you to the diner an undercover agent? He looked a bit like an undercover agent. He wasn't one of the bad guys was he? And -"
"Mrs. Malone," Alex laughed a little as she leaned back and cut her off. "I can't answer any of your questions if you don't take a breath. I am fine, I promise, it has all been taken care of."
"Dear, that's what you said last time. I'll come over and-" Mrs. Malone started again.
"That isn't necessary. I have a friend here looking out for me," Alex looked up at James for a second. "I honestly just want to finish eating my dinner and then go to bed. I will see you tomorrow morning since I picked up a shift. I promise to answer all of your questions then."
"Oh, darling, you don't need to come into work!" Mrs. Malone sounded horrified at the thought. "You have had a hell of a week."
"I have rent to pay. I'll be there tomorrow, I promise. Now I need to eat this before it gets cold. Can we talk about this tomorrow?" Alex asked as she tapped her fork against her plate. She could tell Mrs. Malone was worried and she didn't want to cut her off, but it would be easier to calm her fears in person than over the phone.
"Of course, I'm sorry. I've just been so worried about you," Mrs. Malone sighed.
"I'm sorry to worry you. I promise it won't happen again. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Alex said before the exchanged goodbyes and ended the call. James stayed quiet as Alex went back to eating her meal.
"Is that a promise you can actually make?" James finally asked, his voice low.
"What?" Alex looked up, not sure if she heard him correctly.
"Can you really promise that something like this won't happen again?" James said clearly putting his fork down and looking at her.
"Well, I don't plan on getting myself involved with superhero business again any time soon. You took care of Markus, who apparently had a warrant out for his arrest already, so that won't be an issue. Yeah, I think I'm good," Alex explained.
"So, you realized that I'm not staying," James looked down at his plate.
"I did," Alex said softly as she twirled pasta around her fork. "You've already tried to leave before and after facing the shadowy organization that you kept trying to warn me about…well…"
"You can see why I didn't want to get you involved," James finished the thought. "I wanted to keep you safe. That's why I should have left. Instead I…"
"Instead I made my own choices like a grown ass adult. James, we've had this conversation before," Alex reached across the table and put her hand on his. "Have I been through some shit, yes, but I would have not made it out of that alley without you. I made my own choices and while I might be worse for wear, I don't regret them."
James intertwined their fingers and brought her knuckles up to his mouth, kissing each one. Alex smiled and uncurled one of her fingers to run along his cheek. She wasn't going to say the cliché line of maybe if they had met at a different time, under different circumstances because she couldn't think of a scenario in which they would work. Any other time, any other place, and they would have been different people. This is what they had and they had to deal with that. This had to be enough.
They held hands for the rest of the meal, not talking much, just being content with the moment. They did the dishes side by side, laughing when Alex accidentally spilled half a pot of soapy water down herself. It was all so terribly domestic that it would have seemed out of place if the lights were on. However, the candle light and the darkness let them imagine that they were somewhere else, removed from the world around them. Somewhere that would let this be more than just a one night occurrence.
"You probably should let me take a look at that cut," Alex said as she dried her hands, ignoring that the whole bottom half of her shirt was wet. "I may not be a doctor, but it should probably at least be disinfected."
"Your bandages could probably be changed too," James agreed. He grabbed a candle, blew out the rest, and they walked into the bathroom.
"I actually don't think I have any," Alex said. However, when she opened her medicine cabinet she found a new bottle aspirin and a note stating that there was a fully stocked first aid kit in her bedroom. She didn't recognize the writing, but figured it was the Hill that everyone kept talking about since she was the one that came to collect her clothes. Sam hadn't mentioned it when he had bandaged her up earlier.
"Well, that was nice of them," James said as he grabbed the aspirin and wet two washcloths before walking into the bedroom. Alex trailed behind him and as he grabbed the first aid kit and popped it open, she stripped out of the wet shirt and hoodie so she was just in her tank top and shorts.
"You have less to wrap up, you should go first," Alex pointed out and motioned for him to take his shirt off. James gave her a look, but then did what she asked. Alex might not have had a hold on her thoughts all day, but the sight of James without a shirt was enough to chase everything out of her mind for a few moments.
"Everything alright?" James asked with a knowing smirk.
"Shut up and sit down," Alex glared as she took one of the wash clothes from his hand and started to clean the cut. James's didn't make a sound, but she watched his muscles jump as she scrubbed and cleaned. Alex then disinfected the wound, taking no joy in it since she figured her shoulder was going to hurt like a bitch.
"I think that's all it needs. What do you think?" Alex asked when she was done. It was when she looked up that she realized that she had positioned herself between his legs and was on her knees. James was looking down at her with a mixture of amusement and lust. It made Alex's mouth go dry.
"I think it'll be fine," James's voice was husky. "Your turn."
"Joy of joys," Alex sighed as she blushed and quickly got to her feet. She sat down on the bed and James leaned over her and started to take the bandage off of her shoulder. She kept her swearing to a minimum as he cleaned the wound.
"Good news, I don't think it's infected," James said as he started to wrap it back up.
"Thank God for small miracles," Alex hissed. James leaned down and kissed the skin that wasn't covered by the bandage, his scruff scrapping against her skin. Alex tensed a little, not expecting it.
"I'll try to be gentler with the rest of them," he said as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.
Alex didn't say anything as she let him clean and bandage the cuts on her wrist, not saying anything about the blistered skin, before he knelt down in front of her to look at the bruises that were on her ankles.
"I don't think we're going to need to bandage these back up," James said with her foot in his hand. "They are pretty bruised, but I don't think the skin is broken at all."
"So, have I been downgraded from mummy?" Alex asked as he twisted to close up the first aid kit.
"Yes, but I think more of your skin is bruised than not, so that might qualify you for another category," James said turning back to look at her.
"One eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater?" Alex offered and James just gave her a look. "Must have been after your time. Speaking of which, how old are you? Like when you went under? I don't think I ever asked."
"Twenty-nine," James said as he looked up at her. "Why?"
"Curious, that's all," Alex shrugged. So what they were seven years apart. He had a metal arm and she had been using a mind control bracelet earlier in the day. Honestly it was not the weirdest thing about their relationship.
"How old are you?" James ask, leaning back on his heels.
"Ummm…twenty-two," Alex tugged at one of her earrings. Alex watched as James did the mental calculations. She didn't know why she was so nervous, it wasn't like they were that far apart in age. When she was nineteen, she almost hooked up with a thirty year old, which was a horrible mistake on her part, but it wasn't like their age gap bothered her. Her nervousness was because he was a good person, a good man, and if he thought she was too young, he would tell her and keep himself away from her. She didn't want that. Not when he was leaving.
"Seven years apart and you're still bossing me around," James finally said, shaking his head.
"Don't feel bad, there aren't many people I don't boss around," Alex laughed.
"That I can believe," James looked up at her, his blue eyes dancing. "It takes a special person to out-stubborn Steve. Not to mention keep me so intrigued."
"Intrigued, is that all you are?" Alex asked as she leaned toward him, putting her elbows on her knees. She was well aware that he could look down her top if he wanted to, but she just smirked and tilted her head slightly to the side.
James studied her a long moment, obviously making a decision, before a smirk slowly spread across his features.
"That's one word for it." James leaned forward and kissed her. There was no hesitation this time, no desperation, no worrying about what was going to happen, just lips on lips. Alex leaned forward, almost falling off the bed, and tugged the ponytail holder out of his hair before tangling her fingers in it.
"Alex, Alex wait," James said when they broke apart to breathe. "You know that I am leaving. Before we go any further I just, I don't…I mean…"
"James, I'm sure," Alex cut him off before kissing him softly. "If you're sure."
"I haven't been this sure about anything in a long time," James replied before he put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her. Alex smiled against his lips and felt him smile in return. One of her hands came out of his hair and she curled her fingers around his dog tags, pulling him closer, his skin burning her through her tank top.
James's lips traveled down to Alex's neck, his scruff irritating her skin slightly. She moaned into his ear and he wrapped his free arm around her. He sucked a little on her skin, pulling another moan out of her. The hand in her hair tilted her head to the side to give him better access to her skin.
Alex pulled him up and into the bed with her at this point. They both crawled up the bed, his body lying on top of hers, his lips kissing all the exposed areas that he could reach. Alex arched her back so that she was pressed against him. She tugged at his hair so that his lips came back up to hers. Her teeth grazed against James's bottom lip. He groaned and that sound set her whole body on fire
She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him down on top of her, before she started to kiss his neck. He breathed her name against her skin and she felt herself becoming wet, just from him saying her name. Her lips came up to his, the kisses becoming more needy and desperate. He rolled into her and she moaned. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth and moved it against her own with skill she didn't expect.
James hands slipped underneath her tank top and they broke apart long enough for him to get it up over her head. Her own set of dog tags crashed back down against her skin and his lips found hers again. The tags seemed to burn her skin pressed between the two of them. There was a dull ache in her shoulder and wrist, but compared to the heat building in her stomach and the urge to have friction between her legs, it really wasn't at the top of her list of priorities.
Alex slipped her hand between them and undid the button on his pants, pushing them down as far as she could from her position. James kicked them off the rest of the way as his lips moved to her collar bone, and then the top of her breast. He looked up and met her eye, smiling at her, before he ran his tongue over her nipple. Alex arched into him as he focused his attention on her chest, unhooking her legs from him so he could move more freely. She tangled her fingers into his hair again as he kissed down her stomach.
He panted against her skin as his fingers curled around the waistband of her shorts and slid them slowly down her legs, his lips following them. Alex let go his hair and dug her fingers into her sheets as he kissed the inside of her thighs and all the way down to her ankles, threw her shorts to the floor and then followed the trail up the other leg. When Alex could get ahold of him again, she pulled him up to kiss her again, her nails digging into his back.
When he moved his lips back to her neck, she reached between them and rubbed her hand against his cock through his boxers. She felt the shiver go through him and he bit down harder on her skin, adding another bruise to her collection. At least she got this one from doing something fun. She continued, pulled a moan from deep in his chest, followed by a curse. He pulled away from her, looming over her as he propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at her. She stopped for a moment.
"Alex, I…I don't remember if I've done this before," James admitted with his chest heaving and sweat on his brow. "It might be in there somewhere, but it's a bit hard to concentrate when you are doing what you're doing."
"Do you want to stop?" Alex panted.
"No! No, I just…I wanted to let you know I guess," James was flustered and it was adorable. "I might fumble around a bit."
"Well then," Alex rolled them over so that she was on top of him and kissed him softly, "you are just going to have to let me take the lead this time."
James could have easily pinned Alex to the bed, he was heavier and stronger than her, and the thought excited her more than she wanted to admit. However, she had either taken him by surprise or he didn't mind her being on top. At this point, Alex didn't give a damn what position they were in, and moved her legs so that she was straddling him.
"You act like I haven't this whole time," James said as his hands came up to rest on her waist. The way he looked up at her, his eyes dark with desire and his lips puffy from kissing, it was perfect. She looked at him for a moment, attempting to memorize it.
Then Alex smiled down at him before she leaned down for a kiss. She then let her lips travel to his neck, nipping at the skin between his neck and shoulder. She kissed behind his ear, and then the scar tissue at his metal arm. His fingers tightened on her skin as she slid down him, her lips biting at his collarbone. He moaned out her name as he dug his fingers into her sides, scratching up her ribs to keep himself under control. She kissed her way down his chest, sucking a little here and there. She made sure to spend a little more time kissing the scars that she felt. She stopped right at the top of his boxers. She looked up at him, seeing his eyes watching her, and smirked at him before running her tongue right above the waistband.
He squirmed underneath her and she sucked at the skin, causing him to moan again. She could feel his cock pressing against her through his boxers. She put her pointer fingers underneath the band and with one last kiss to his stomach, moved to pull them off. He lifted up and she quickly threw them onto the floor. She bit her lip when she saw him completely naked. It was a sight that deserved to be in a museum somewhere. She leaned forward and ran her tongue from the base of his cock all the way to the tip and he said something in Russian that sounded like an elaborate curse.
Alex crawled up the bed, kissing him softly on the lips, as she reached into her bedside table drawer and pulled out a condom. She always kept them in her room, though she didn't usually bring men to her place. Better to be safe than sorry.
"Do you know how to put one of these on?" Alex asked with a smirk and James rolled his eyes at her. He plucked it out of her hand and as she crawled back down the bed he put the condom on. Once he had, she straddled him again, leaning down to kiss him. She rubbed her entrance against his cock, causing him to tangle his hand into her hair and pull her down against him. His teeth pulled at her bottom lip as his other hand traveled down between her legs.
"I thought you'd never done this before," Alex panted against his skin as his finger brushed over her clit.
"I do know basic anatomy," James clarified, his own voice breathless. Alex lay there for a few minutes, letting him tease her some more, making her body shake at his touch, before she sat up. She reached down, grabbing his penis and positioning herself. She bit her lip and moaned as she sat down on top of him. James's closed his eyes and his fingers dug into the sheet. Alex put her hands on his chest and let herself adjust to him. Honestly she was so intoxicated with hormones, the room was spinning a little.
James moved his hands up to her waist when she started to move on top of him. She lightly scratched down his chest before planting her palms and moving with a bit more purpose. Her name tumbled off his lips as he tilted his head back. Alex panted and let herself enjoy the feeling, the heat in her veins, the tension building in her stomach, the sight of him coming undone underneath her. Part of her wanted to get her orgasm and the other didn't ever want this to end.
There was only so much James could take. He sat up, his metal arm coming around her back to hold her to him while his other hand gripped her hip. Alex moved against him, panting against his mouth, as he started to roll his hips to match her. They stopped kissing, just panting as she moved closer and closer to her climax. James moved forward and bit down on her lip as he thrust up into her.
"Ты прекрасна , и я буду править вами" James said into her ear. She had no idea what it meant, but him growling Russian in her ear was hardly a bad thing.
"Я хочу услышать, как ты стонать всегда," he continued once he felt how she reacted. Alex bit down hard on his neck as he put one hand on the bed to steady himself and started to thrust into her fiercely.
"И я всегда буду жаждать вас," He said right into her ear as both of their movements became erratic. They were so close.
"Я хочу, чтобы вы всегда кричите мое имя," he panted. That was enough, with a scream of his name Alex came, her fingers digging into his back. James was right after her, and she had a feeling it was sheer will that had let him hold on that long. All of his training had found an unexpected purpose. She rested her head against his shoulder, feeling her lungs expand to their fullest in an attempt to get in more oxygen.
"Вы свет в темноте," James said against her hair as they sat there, intertwined, holding one another.
"I still don't speak Russian," Alex laughed as she as she pulled back and looked at him.
"Я знаю. так что я могу сказать, что я люблю тебя," James said softly, pushing sweat drenched hair out of her face.
She kissed him lightly as she moved so that he was no longer inside of her. She felt strangely empty and hollow, like that simple and natural act finalized that he was going to be leaving her. That thought was pushed away, she was going to ignore it until it could not be ignored.
They were both quiet as they cleaned each other up and got rid of the condom. The rain was still pounding against the window and thunder rumbled over the city. Alex laid down, exhausted, but the memory of the nightmare made it so she didn't close her eyes. James was very quiet, but she could tell that he was thinking about something as he lay down himself.
"Are you…are you okay?" Alex asked, rolling onto her stomach and looking over at James. Anxiety cut through the buzz of her orgasm as she waited for James to say something. He was laying on his back looking up at the ceiling.
"I think I'm fine for the first time in a long time," James said, turning his head so that Alex could see his smile. She couldn't help but smile in return.
"Funny, I was about to say the same thing," Alex smiled.
"Really?" James looked a little surprised and Alex couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease him.
"You're a bit rusty, Tin Man, I have to admit, but I have no complaints," Alex said giving him a smirk. James leaned over and stopped a few inches from her lips.
"I guess I'll just have to practice, won't I?" The thought made Alex's stomach flip. She was sated and slightly sore, but just the thought of his lips on hers again sent a jolt through her. At the last moment he pressed the kiss to her forehead instead, waiting a long second as if to memorize the moment. Then he pulled her against him as he laid back down. She snuggled next to him, her head resting against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat so comforting that Alex could barely keep her eyes open.
"You won't leave tomorrow without saying goodbye, will you?" Alex asked around a yawn. She had this fear that he would just disappear the way he came, without a sound and without warning. He had seen her one last time, he could leave in the middle of the night and she would wake up alone.
"I'll be here when you wake up," James promised. Alex wrapped her arm around him and listened to the beating of his heart and the sound of the rain against the window pane.
Alex awoke to the smell of coffee. For a moment she wondered if she was dreaming, but then felt the bed move on the other side. She pealed one eye lid back and saw James sitting up in bed, still not dressed, a mug of coffee on the bedside table and scribbling in a notebook.
"I didn't mean to wake you," James said when she moaned slightly. "Go back to sleep."
"When did you get up?" Alex ignored him as she rolled onto her side.
"I didn't go to sleep," James continued to write in the notebook, his hand flying across the page.
"What are you writing? In my notebook?" Alex sat up and pushed sleep-tangled hair out of her face.
"It had a layer of dust on it and you had only written the date on the top of two pages," James stopped writing at looked at her to see if she was angry.
"That's because I gave up taking notes in that class after the second week," Alex reached over and took the coffee mug out of his hand. She took a sip, expecting it to be black, and was pleasantly surprised to find it had milk and sugar in it. She leaned her head back against the headboard and studied him.
"What time is it," she asked, realizing that the bedroom was still rather dark.
"Around five," James said without looking at any clock. Alex was going to ask him how he knew that, but then stopped herself. She didn't doubt that it was true for a second.
"I should turn off my alarm then," Alex sighed as she slipped out of bed, grabbed his shirt, and padded into the kitchen. She brought the phone back into the room and plugged it in after turning off the alarm.
"Not going running this morning?" James asked with a raised eyebrow over his reclaimed coffee mug.
"I think I got more than enough of a work out last night, thank you," Alex smiled as she settled back down into bed.
"I don't know," James put his coffee cup down and rolling over to look at her. "I think you could probably do with a little cardio." He pulled Alex across the bed so that she was underneath him. His lips were soft and warm when he kissed her and the heat from his body warmed her from her short walk across the apartment. Then his tongue traced her bottom lip and he started to warm up her insides as well.
"James," Alex sighed against his lips.
"You said I needed a bit of practice," James said before she could say anything else. His metal hand cupped her face while his other hand slipped between the two of them, and then down between her legs. He continued to kiss her as his hand pushed her thighs apart, his finger slowly rubbing against her clit. Alex bit down on his lip, dragging her teeth.
James stopped teasing her and gently stripped his shirt off of her, tossing it back onto the floor. He was already hard as he laid down against her, his lips soft and playful. Everything was a lot lazier and relaxed, though no less intense. James muttered to her in Russian, smiling against her lips as he felt her body react to each word. In return, she whispered and moaned his name against his ear.
At some point James reached over and pulled a condom from her store. He continued to kiss her, his lips traveling down to her breasts, teasing her nipples, as he slid the condom on. For as much as he was flustered about not ever having done this before, or not remembering it, he was very skilled. He came back up and kissed her, swallowing her moan as he entered her.
They broke apart and Alex wrapped her fingers into his dog tags as he put his hand on the mattress at her head. He thrust into her slowly and she tugged on the dog tags, biting her lip to stop a moan. James continued to thrust into her, saying things in Russian that she didn't understand, as her fingers gripped onto his dog tags and the other hand onto his back. James's fingers gripped onto the bed sheets and he moved more frantically against her, his free hand running down her sides.
Alex let go of his dog tags, worried that she would snap the chain or strangle him, and moved her hand down between them, stimulating her clit as he continued to thrust into her. James seemed to take that as a bit of a challenge and started to roll his whole body, making the headboard hit against the wall. Alex gasped out his name, God's name, and a lot of incoherent noises as her legs came up to wrap around him. When she was at the edge she moved her hand out of the way and rolled up into him, her nails marking his back.
James came first this time, moaning her name as he did so. However, as he continued to move inside her at the end of his climax, he slipped his hand between them and stimulated her until she came as well. He kissed her as they both came down from the high and for some reason they both started laughing. They were deep, honest, laughs, and soon they were both in hysterics. They couldn't even stop laughing long enough to ask why they were.
"We should probably clean up," Alex said between giggles as she grabbed wet wipes out of her bedside table drawer. She always kept some with her condoms, she hated feeling messy after sex or masturbating. She handed a few to James before she took care of herself.
"Good work out," Alex joked after they had cleaned up a bit. James laughed and kissed her. They didn't need to know why they were laughing, it was enough that they were.
"You know," James said as he turned back to his cup of coffee. "You never told me where that third tattoo was,"
Alex let the sheet slip off of her and raised her right arm to show a small black tattoo. It was the diagram of a chemical structure, but there was no script to say what it was. James studied it for a moment, attempting to figure it out, but eventually he shook his head and just leaned forward to kiss the skin instead. A shiver passed through Alex and her fingers curled into the sheets.
"What does it mean?" James asked when he leaned back.
"It's the chemical formula for what is responsible for the feeling of love," Alex explained, blushing a little. It wasn't as bad as the Latin on her back, but still pretty bad. However, understanding that love was just chemicals in her brain had gotten her out of a lot of bad relationships. It was more to remind her that she had no control over her emotions, the chemicals bouncing around in her brain, but she did over her actions. She rarely explained that to people though.
"So now I have seen the whole collection," was all James said. "Unless you are hiding another one from me."
"Nope, that's all of them. For now," Alex said with a smile. They laid there for a while, passing the coffee mug back and forth, Alex leaning against his chest, and watching the sunlight move across the bedroom floor.
The alarm on Alex's phone started to go off, causing them both to jump.
"I thought you turned that off," James said with a laugh.
"For my run I did, this one is reminding me that I have to get ready for work," Alex sighed as she got out of bed. She kicked around the clothing on her floor until she found her work uniform. She was sure that it smelled awful, but she just grabbed her body spray and kept spraying until all you could smell was jasmine and lavender.
"Right," James had a far off look in his eyes and he lay in the bed, his finger tapping against the side of the coffee mug.
"Will you say goodbye to me after my shift? I should be done by like 2. I promise I won't ask you to say again after that, but…I don't think I'll make it through the shift if I say goodbye beforehand," Alex explained as she ran a brush through her hair viciously.
"I have a few things I have to wrap up in the city anyway," James got out of bed and walked over, spun her to face him, placed his hand behind her neck as he kissed her forehead. "I'll see you when you get out of work."
"Alright, I'm going to jump in the shower," Alex said, though she just stood there with one hand on his chest.
"I'll probably be gone when you get out, but I promise to be at the restaurant at 2," James said as he let go of her and started collecting his clothes from the night before. Alex watched him move around naked for a bit, before she grabbed clean underwear. On her way past him she went up and kissed him on the cheek. He wrapped his arm around her waist like it was the most natural thing and kissed her cheek in return.
Alex found herself singing in the shower, after de-mummifying herself, though she did wince while the water pounded against her bruises and cuts. She refused to let herself be sad until she got out of the shower. She used a body scrub, careful to not to get it into the wounds, and then used her shampoo and conditioner. She also shaved, which was more painful and complicated than usual.
As she started her makeup routine, her thoughts turned to what the rest of the day was going to be like. It was going to be painful, both physically and emotionally. Mrs. Malone couldn't put her on the floor due to the fact that she looked like hell, which meant another shift on dishes. Also, with the bandages, she needed to wear those lovely yellow gloves that went to your elbows, which were not her favorite.
That had nothing to do with what was going to happen afterwards. Her heart ached at the thought of saying goodbye, never seeing James again, to the point that she couldn't even cry. It just made her feel empty, like someone scooped out her insides. She gripped onto the edge of the sink and cursed herself.
She was in a lot of trouble.
Alex pushed the thoughts out of her mind and grabbed her iPod for her walk to work because she couldn't be left alone with her thoughts. She grabbed a baseball cap off the coat rack, her army coat, her purse, and walked out into the hallway. She had to move quickly to get to work and was breathless by the time she got to the restaurant.
The shift was brutal, but not in the ways that Alex thought. It started with Mrs. Malone pulling her into the office and crying all over her for about a half an hour. Then she lectured her for another hour, and then cried for another fifteen minutes. Alex was a bit unsure what to do so she went through the motions of comforting her and listening to her lecture. The whole time she had to remember not to smile, but she felt extremely loved. Finally, she sent her back to do the dishes, both women having slightly red eyes.
Mrs. Malone allowed her to listen to her iPod in the back, Alex was pretty sure that Mrs. Malone would have let her murder someone at that point, so she didn't think too much about James. The aching in her chest only grew as the hours passed and her music became angrier. She was slightly worried she even had that much angry music on her iPod.
Alex left a couple minutes after two, ducking out the back of the restaurant to avoid Mrs. Malone. She made sure that her coworkers told her where Alex went and planned to text her when she got home. The idea of walking through an alley gave Alex heart palpitations, and she almost ran to get to the main street.
James was leaning against the side of the restaurant building, one foot against the bricks, arms crossed, and looking down at his feet. He was in the cream colored thermal, leather jacket, and black jeans, looking every bit like a male model. Alex's heart soared at the sight of him and then crashed back down when she realized why he was there. She just stood there for a moment, looking at him, memorizing him.
He felt her eyes on him and looked up, smiling when he saw her. A smile that put the sun to shame. He pushed off the wall and walked over to her. Without hesitating, he kissed her on the cheek, his hand lingering on her side. He smelled like he showered and put on some cologne. He smelled fantastic.
"How was work?" He asked as they walked down the street a bit so that the people in the restaurant could not see them through the windows.
"It was work. Mrs. Malone only lectured at me for two of the six hours I was there," Alex smiled as she leaned against him.
"Honestly, someone needs to lecture you," James smiled down at her, but his eyes were sad. He pushed the hair out of her face and blocked her from the autumn wind.
"So, where are you heading?" Alex asked, pushing away from him and putting a little steel in her spine. She felt as if her heart was about to burst, but she was also feeling strangely numb. She just had to keep it together until James left. Then she planned to go back to her apartment and sob all day.
"You know I'm not going to tell you that," James smirked at her.
"It was worth a try." Alex looked down at her feet. She didn't know what to say. She thought she would be able to say goodbye, she knew that she had to say goodbye, but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She felt like she was going to stand there until she froze to death before saying goodbye.
"Alexandra, we can't stand here forever," James's voice was low as he touched her cheek to make her look up at him. "It's time to go back to Kansas."
"I know, I know," a tear escaped her eye. "I was just getting up the courage to say it."
"If there is one thing that you have more than your fair share of, it's courage," James smiled down at her. "I don't want to say it either."
"I guess it's time for both of us to leave Oz," Alex smiled as a few more tears slipped out of her eyes.
"Or for me to go back to Oz depending on how you look at it," James smiled, but it was strained. This was just as hard for him as it was for her. She wondered what was going through his mind, what he was thinking, because all she could think about was how much she was going to miss him. That and how much safer she was going to be when he was gone. It was nearly tearing her in two.
"So, goodbye I guess," Alex said, looking up at him.
James reached out and pulled her against him, his lips finding hers as if they had been kissing for years. It was slow and it was passionate and it was heartbreaking. Alex gripped onto his jacket and kissed him back. She wanted him to know all the things that she was thinking and feeling, but never told him. She needed him to know that she loved him without her ever saying the words.
"Take care of yourself," James voice shook when they broke apart. "I know that you have people looking out for you, but I won't be one of them."
"I'll do my best," Alex laughed a little as she smoothed down the wrinkles that she caused in his jacket. "Take care of yourself too. You won't have me keeping you out of trouble."
That made James laugh, an actual laugh that started in his stomach. Alex joined in and wiped the tears off her cheeks. She looked up at him and the way that he was looking at her almost broke her heart. Those eyes that had been so dead before were so expressive now.
"Here," Alex said on impulse as she handed out her IPod and charger to him.
"Why are you giving me this?" James asked as she dropped it into his hand.
"I just…I want you to have something to remember me by and this is the only thing I have. Besides, you need to get up to date in terms of music," Alex rambled.
"Alex, you're pretty hard to forget, even for a guy who loses his memory often" James smiled as he looked down at the iPod. "Besides, I might have stolen that notebook I was writing in earlier. And what are you going to listen to on your runs?"
"Well, it just so happens that someone left me an envelope full of money the other day. I could buy a new one. As for the notebook, it won't be missed," Alex bit her lip and prayed that he took the iPod. For some reason it would be easier for her to part with him if he took something of hers other than her heart.
"Wonder who that was." James looked over the iPod for a few moments before he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Alex sighed and smiled a little at him.
The smile slid off of James's face and he muttered something in Russian. He pushed the hair out of his face and looked around, as if he was looking for the answer to a question. He didn't seem to find it because he swore under his breath when he looked back at her.
"It's going to be fine," Alex said as she took his hand. "I know it's hard to live without me, but you've done it before. James, you're going to be fine."
"Alexandra, I'm not the same man I was before, because I met you." James pushed the hair out of her face as she blushed. She had nothing to say to that. James shifted forward and kissed her forehead, lingering there for a moment.
"The Tin Man needed a heart," James said as he looked down at her.
"No," Alex went up onto her tiptoes and kissed him softly. "The Tin Man had a heart all along, he just didn't see it in himself."
"I'm going to miss you," James placed his forehead against hers and tangled his hand into her hair.
"You'll always know where to find me," Alex said, put her hands on his chest for a moment, feeling his heart beat, before she pushed off of him, putting distance between them. The late autumn air seemed a lot colder than moments before.
They stared at each other for a moment before she gave him one last smile, turned, and started walking home. She didn't look back, but she didn't doubt that he would tail her to make sure she got home safely. However, she didn't think about that. She thought about the week she had just had. Who knew that you could fall in love in a week? Yet she had. Alex would never forget what happened since he saved her in the alley that night. But she was just a simple girl from the Midwest, he was a superhero.
It sounded like a bad pop song.
Alexandra flipped up the collar of her army jacket, and put her ball cap backwards. It was fifteen blocks to her apartment and she had an exam she needed to study for.
**Alex Will Return**
Russian Translation in Order of appearance
- You're beautiful , and I will rule over you
- I want to hear you moan always
- And I will always crave you
- I want you to always yell my name
- You are the light in the dark
- I know. so I can say I love you
