Perverted Sense of Justice

Winski finished studying his spells and entered the balcony overlooking the public area of the ryokan. He saw Mei sitting alone, her face alive with a mix of fury and sorrow, even though she clearly was trying to gain this typical mask of non-emotion of the Kozakurans. It must be hard, Winski mused, with a face like that. So lively.

- "Cha," he ordered, and walked to Mei's table. He sat down. Mei looked him in the eye but said nothing.

- "Mei, where is Sarevok?" Winski asked with compassion and worry in his voice.

Mei's eyes narrowed and she snorted.

- "How should I know, Winski-sama?" she said bitterly. A tear almost made its way on her cheek. "He walked off me."

A hot pot of tea was carried to the table. Winski poured some for Mei, frowning.

- "What happened?" he asked then.

- "He says that he doesn't care for me," Mei said in monotone. "He says that he could get what I can offer from any gaishou... a prostitute."

Winski cursed silently. Great going, Sarevok! Ten points for handling this.

- "He is lying," Winski said sincerely. "Good intuition is not the most shining attribute of mine, but even I can see that he feels a great deal for you. It is... well, like magic, pardon the cliché."

- "I know," Mei said, her accent getting thicker as she was upset. "But what am I going to do about it? I never thought... that it would be this difficult. My friend from court, Atsuko... she has the gift of the kami to see things from chagara sometimes... the tea leaves, that is. And she saw Sarevok's coming... and I have been hoping for the gaijin to come ever since. But I thought... that everything would just click together... in harmony."

- "It is not always that easy, Mei-san," Winski said. "In fact, most of the time it isn't. It is much easier when fate and great emotions are not involved. He denies the emotion, lashes out in anger because he is frightened. He feels guilty for how he treated Tamoko - and wants to punish himself by never letting the memory go."

- "What happened to him? And Tamoko?" Mei asked, frowning.

- "That is not for me to tell," Winski said. "Tamoko was a soulmate for him, but a destructive power in his blood, no longer present after his death, pulled him apart from her. Tamoko tried to save him, but failed, and got killed instead. Any more specific than that, I think he will have to tell you himself. I ask you, Mei - forgive him, and have patience. I will talk to him."

Mei nodded.

- "This is new for me. I have never felt such a hunger and longing. I will have to see how the Fortunes play this game."

- "Oyasuminasai, Mei-san," Winski said. "I will go find the brat now."

Winski stalked off into Peri's and Sarevok's room, but Sarevok was not there.

- "Mmmh?" Peri mumbled lifting her head a bit from her futon and opening her other eye.

- "Where is that brother of yours?" Winski whispered in order not to wake up Umikaze.

- "Uh-oh," Peri said. "Seems he is in for some fatherly scolding, aye? I imagine he is at the balcony. Heard his footsteps... why can't he just get over himself and sleep with Mei?"

- "I am afraid it needs a bit more manhandling than this," Winski answered gravely and walked to the balcony.

Sarevok stood there, listening to the crickets, his enormous back stiff and his jaw set.

- "Congratulations, Sarevok," Winski said. "You have been given an enchanting woman you clearly are as attracted to as she is to you, and you compare her to a prostitute. Really, I always knew that tact and human relationships were not your strongest suit but this one was rather a spectacular proof of that fact."

- "I do not know what you are talking about," Sarevok said through his gritted teeth.

- "Oh really. Sarevok, I have watched this for over a year now, and I have had quite enough," Winski burst in exasperation, in his sternest voice.

- "Your self-torture is hurting you AND the people around you. The time has come for you to grow up and let it go. You have been through horrible things for your sins. You have done many a good deed, saved the life of your siblings countless times by fighting by their side, you have saved an entire continent in all probability," Winski went on. "Perhaps wallowing in self-hatred is giving you some perverted sense of justice, but in reality all it does is to prevent you from growing up - and again, you are hurting others. We all suffer seeing you suffer. You hurt Mei greatly. I am certain that Tamoko would not like you to suffer like this."

Sarevok wanted to argue, but could not think of anything to say. I deserve to suffer... that was the only thing he could think of, and something told him that Winski would not have any of it.

- "So what are you going to do about it? Send me to my room? Make me write an essay called 'Why is it unproductive and harmful to revel in self-loathing?" he sneered instead.

- "Don't give me any ideas," Winski retorted. "I want you to apologize to that girl, and think long and hard on what I said."

Sarevok felt claustrophobic and threatened, though he was not sure who was threatening him and how. He leapt over the balcony rail and started to run up the hill.

- "Yurushite kuremasu ka!" Winski yelled after him. "Say that to her. That is asking for forgiveness."

Sarevok ran and ran until he started to tire. He kept hoping that those bakemono or bandits would attack him, but didn't encounter anything he could kill in good conscience.


oyasuminasai = good night