Chapter Six: Fire and Ice

Bella (POV)

The anesthesiologist made me count down from one hundred, and this time it felt like a countdown to death. I knew something was about to change, and I had no idea what was about to happen. Yet this held the promise and the peril of hope for the future, and for the first time in months I felt as though I actually had a future. Unfortunately, that future also held a bunch of dark unknown secrets. My part in the surgery should've felt the same, I mean Carlisle had to do all the hard work. Yet, this time I felt like I was looking down into a great abyss, and as I fell into unconsciousness, I tipped over and plunged headfirst into that endless pit.

Turns out it wasn't endless, because I landed in fire.

Time lost meaning, the world gone. I was faintly aware of people nearby, but truthfully there was nothing but the flame. Something was moving through my body like a thousand snakes, searing everything they touched. Inching forward with every slow beat of my heart, and wow I had never felt my heart like this before. Each beat seemed to distend for hours, and each one brought more intense pain. I tried to remember my life before, but this experience was more visceral and intense than anything I had ever experienced.

I had been used to pain, right? The crash. Edward, Alice, Angela… my friends. My life in that chair. Charlie… oh god Charlie. What had I done to him? The glimmer of memory I had regained felt amazing, yet in the same instant they were yanked away by the lava coursing through my body. A part of me knew I should have been screaming and writing, twisting from the agony. Yet for some reason I was motionless, unable to even move my arms and legs. This new kind of paralysis terrified me more than the fires, what if it were permanent?

I knew I was being moved around, and that things were changing around me. At one point I felt cool air against my chest for a long time, and a weight on my stomach. The cool air was such a relief that it never occurred to me that I was naked. Was I exposed to the world? The distraction of such a thought help to keep the pain at bay for a few seconds. Until I felt something grab a hold of my hand.

"I hope you can hear me. If you can, I think they only meant to help you, and I know that this will be frightening. But I promise I'll be there for you, even if that means I can't be in the same room with you. Give me a call when you can, and remember I'll always be there for you. I Love you Isabella, you will always be my best friend."

Angela, I felt almost euphoric to hear a familiar voice. I wanted to reach out to her and let her know I felt the same. But my frustrating new paralysis kept me from comforting her. She moved away from me then, and again my world was consumed by the pyre. Then something else changed, while the fires had been eating away at me little by little, I still had no sensation in my legs. Then suddenly there was feeling, as if whatever was severed in the crash was miraculously reconnected. I would've been ecstatic, it was the first sensation I had felt in my lower limbs in a very long time, but paradoxically the pain doubled.

I was gleeful and distracted, so distracted that I almost didn't hear Edward.

"Carlisle did this for me, because Bella…" He paused for a frustratingly long time, which was only accentuated by the realization that my ability to concentrate on the outside world was getting stronger. "…I love you." My heart exploded, almost literally. I felt it speed up so fast that I thought it was going to burst from the activity. I wanted to reach out to him and hug and kiss him. Then repeatedly tell him I felt the same. I couldn't understand how he loved me, but it didn't matter. "I have to go; I can't be found here right now. We'll come to get you as soon as we can. And then we'll be together, I hope." He kissed me gently on the forehead, and then pulled what must have been a sheet over my face.

"Hope! You hope. Don't you know that I love you too?" I yelled at him in my mind, but it was foolish to think he could hear me. I could hear him leaving, even though he lingered for a long while at the door. And then I was alone, in the cold. The next several hours were excruciating, and confusing. It was obvious that I was supposed to dead, because the doctors treated me like a corpse. One even grumbled over my chart.

"Damn Cullen, why doesn't he want an autopsy. He might be able to perfect that treatment, think about the good that it would do." The other doctor seemed to agree, but they thankfully obeyed the order and put me in a storage locker. The cold seemed to have an inverse effect on what was happening to me and the movement of the fire began to accelerate though in my system. Then I waited for a long time. Until finally the mortician came. He wrapped me in what I imagine was a body bag, which was more than a little unsettling. I was hefted onto a gurney and rolled down long corridor with bumps in the floor until finally we were outside, and he put me into the back of a refrigerated vehicle with an unceremonious grunt.

The doors slamming shut felt like a strange omen, as if he were shutting the door on my life. Shrouded and alone, I was strapped onto a cold metal table and could feel every bump the van went over. The flames were crashing in tidal waves up and down my flesh and muscle, distending time even more and making it bloat like a corpse washed up after a week at sea. The ride felt eternal, every second stretched into hour, and every minute seemed like a day.

We stopped abruptly and I was hoisted out of the van like a bag of meat. I thought he would transfer me to a bed, but he didn't seem to care, tossing me roughly onto another hard table. He removed the body bag then, and left me alone for a while. I hated feeling out of control, but what was more frightening was the sensation of the morphine beginning to fade. After it was gone completely it took every ounce of willpower not to move, even though it was amazing to know that the paralysis was just a side-effect of the drugs.

I was already naked yet didn't feel any embarrassment, and then the mortician washed me with a sponge and dressed me like a doll. He even took the time to paint hard makeup on my face. Finally, he transferred me onto a soft bed, which took me a moment to realize was a coffin. As the lid was closed, I felt forgotten, like a toy cast aside by a careless child.

In this dark yet soft place I waited. It seemed like hours, and it probably was. The flames were somehow still growing in intensity, and I found myself getting angry, convinced that nothing could be worth this level of horror and pain. I wondered why Carlisle and Edward wanted to do this to me. If this was the price of mobility, I would've preferred not to pay it.

Then thankfully I felt movement, which then stopped just as suddenly as it started. A few minutes later I heard two voices that I couldn't quite make out, until one of them opened the lid of my coffin. I wanted to lunge and escape from this hell, but at the same time I didn't want to break the charade. It seemed as if everyone's life hung in the balance of my self control.

At least I still had Angela, Edward, and maybe Alice would be in on this as well. The two men that were speaking went away without another word, and I was again left alone. I wanted to at least open my eyes and look at my surroundings. But the pain forced me to keep them closed. More than that, I feared that if I could open them, I would no longer be able to keep up the act and the sight of the world might unleash my screams. Then I heard people crowd into the space, and from the echoes I realized it was a very large room.

I wanted to curse and scream at my mother who must've planned it. I was on display like a prop for people to mourn my death. A fucking viewing.

The crowd seemed to file in forever, and I lost track of how many voices I heard. Voices that were frustrating in their familiarity. I was losing patience and resolve, and the fire was relentless. I tried to drown out what was happening, until someone nearby cleared their throat.

Mr. Weber's voice was distinct, and his tone was somber. I was mortified, I didn't know if I could endure listening him talk about me.

"We are gathered here to remember Isabella Marie Swan. Due to the family's wishes this viewing will be brief." I almost sighed with relief, but his pause was short enough that the urge was easy to ignore. "Bella, as she preferred to be called, was a caring and selfless soul, who seldom asked for anything and often refused gifts and compliments. She was intelligent, and generous to those around her. Several months ago, she was in a devastating accident that left her disabled. But from that disability she inspired those around her with her capacity to keep positive in the face of adversity, and the displays of strength she demonstrated after several painful operations." Then he stopped to clear his throat again, obviously upset.

"On a personal note, she was also a great friend to my oldest child Angela. The two of them have been so close that they regarded each other as sisters. In that way I considered Bella an extended member of my own family, and she will be deeply missed. The last two days have been difficult for everyone including myself, yet her loss has been most acutely felt by her parents. Charlie Swan wanted to say a few words this afternoon but has chosen to reserve those sentiments for the funeral later this afternoon. The funeral will be a private family affair, so those who wish to pay final respects should do so now. Thank you all for coming, your presence is a great comfort to those closest to her." I felt like screaming again in frustration. I knew that I wouldn't be at my own funeral and I wanted to hear my father's last words to me. It was the most difficult moment so far in this impossible and crazy experience.

I heard several people get up out of their chairs. After a few moments the first of several people stood by my coffin and said goodbye. I recognized the voices of several of my old friends, Mike Newton, Jessica Stanley, Eric Yorkie, who all apologized about being childish and ignorant about my disability, then each said goodbye in their own way. Tyler came up after and leaned in close.

"I"m sorry, for everything. I'm sorry you're dead, but maybe that's better. I hope your in heaven right now, dancing." He left then, and another took his place.

"Bells, there wasn't enough time. I don't know what to do, my little girl. I... I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it enough." Charlie's voice was broken, and it took every ounce of will power not to reach up and pull him into a hug. Then he was gone, and there was Renee.

"Bella, I know you're up there but I hope you can hear me. I'm going to be okay, you don't have to worry about me. Phil called this morning, and I'm moving back in with him in a few weeks. I can't think straight right now, but this has to be the right thing. Goodbye my love. Goodbye..." Her voice trailed off and I could hear her start to sob, a few seconds later she collapsed by the side of my coffin. My resolve was fading quickly, and the fires were starting to take advantage of that weakness. A couple of others carried her away, but even as she was taken out of the room I could hear her wails of pain and loss for me.

I was starting to second guess everything, nothing could be worth putting my parents through this kind of hell.

Then my beloved Angela came up and leaned in close to my face. In a voice that was barely even a whisper she said, "I'll look after Charlie, I promise. Hey, I understand you'll be out soon, hopefully we'll talk tomorrow. Love you Bella." To cover herself, she kissed my cheek and quickly moved away.

Then several parents and teachers came up and said brief goodbyes to me. I wanted to cry; I had no idea so many people cared. Finally, after everyone else had visited me I heard the all too familiar sound of a wheelchair being pushed down the aisle.

After a few grunts Billy Black leaned in and whispered softly to me, "I don't know who this to you did, but I have my ideas. We'll be waiting for you to awaken, there is no way were going to let you hunt so close to our home." His words frightened and confused me. I felt my left-hand twitch involuntarily. "So, you can hear me. Bella this isn't personal, if you could be trusted I would consider leaving you alive. But you will be far too dangerous. For what it's worth, I'm sorry this happened to you." Then he called Jacob over who helped him into his chair. Jacob leaned over and muttered goodbye quietly, and then they were gone.

Finally, they all left one by one until, yet again, I was alone. I thought in circles about the threat leveled against me by a family friend when not distracted by the fires. What had Edward and Carlisle dragged me into. Eventually the mortician wheeled me back downstairs and closed my coffin. After a few minutes I heard it open again and a pair of very gentle hands lifted me out effortlessly. I heard the coffin closing and then we were moving.

I couldn't get a sense of speed, but it felt fast and I was barely jostled. Finally, I was inside a building again and the hands laid me down gently on a bed. The bed was obviously a medical bed; I recognized the way the mattress pushed into my back in all the wrong places. After several minutes a cold hand intertwined through my fingers and someone brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"Carlisle are you sure she's alright? She hasn't moved at all. Okay, if you're confident then that's good enough for me." He paused then leaned in close to my face. "You are safe now Bella. You don't have to worry about any more unpleasantness, and definitely no more coffins, I promise my love." It was Edward, and my heart, which was already beating a mile a minute, spiked up in speed. "It looks like we got you here just in time. Alice, can you see when she'll wake up?" After a few seconds he said, "That's wonderful." Then he kissed my cheek and whispered to me. "It won't be too much longer now, and you should start feeling different soon."

Is if on cue I felt something new. The fire had been a constant, but suddenly it began to grow even more intense. This coincided with several things all at once. The sounds around me grew exponentially sharper, and the distance I could hear also jumped significantly. I could separate out all the occupants of the house as they moved around, and their infrequent voices were so clear that it was like they were standing next to me. The scents of the room also jumped out at me; the subtle floral of perfume, the deep musk of old books, and another sweet smell that I couldn't place. And my mind was opened in a way that let me experience everything all at once.

Then my heart started to thunder in its rapidity, it's regular beat transformed into a jungle rhythm of white-hot music hammered on metal drums. Slowly as my heart played its crazy music, the fire started to retreat from my fingers and toes. They felt cool and strong and I wiggled my toes gleefully, and gripped Edward's hand tightly. His skin felt different, I was surprised how soft and warm it was. The few times he had touched me before, he felt very different, cold and hard like rock. I wondered if it was perception or something else that brought about this change.

Little by little my heart continued to speed up, drawing the fire into it. This amassed in an ever-growing mountain of pain until finally it was beating so quickly that it no longer felt like separate beats. The nearly deafening single note of my heart sounded like the drone of a hospital heart monitor blaring out a flat line. Next, I felt new instincts asserting themselves as the rest of the family gathered into the room. I felt their presence as a danger, and suddenly they were not the caring people I loved, but potential threats.

As if the fates had a part to play in the irony of my life, I felt a swell of anticipation knowing that this was a moment of great importance. That was until the last anticlimactic moment of life, when my heart stuttered and stopped. I gasped in shock and threw open my eyes as the pain stopped abruptly. I lifted my head and looked around the room. Through my new eyes the world was bright and sharp. All the details of the room were almost painful in their clarity. I gasped again, unsure of what was happening to me. The threats I had just discovered vanished as I took in the Cullen's, one by one they smiled at me and my connection to them reasserted itself.

But felt like too much too soon, so I flung myself off the table tearing my hand out of Edwards grasp.

That's when my eyes found his. His usual topaz eyes were coal black, and while he was still unbelievably gorgeous, he looked drawn and tired. He was looking at me with passion and more than a little fear. It dawned on me that he was under the impression that I didn't care for him the same way he did for me. I almost smiled, and felt a strange desire to play with his emotions a little, payback for putting me through days of torture.

"What am I? What did you do to me?" I said with a touch more venom than I intended.

"Vampire." He whispered, almost as a curse.

"Three days of pain, loneliness and fear. You had me turned into a vampire without even letting me know what I would become. You tell me you love me when I'm utterly incapable of responding. What do you have to say for yourself?" The words coming out were not playful, and I realized I was holding onto more than a little anger about what I had just been through.

"Edward wasn't a part of this decision." Carlisle said, trying to defend his son.

"I'll get to you in a minute. I need him to say something first." I felt intense, confident and strong. My body felt powerful, and I was no longer afraid of my future or the world. I felt like I was finally in my proper body, it was a bizarre feeling that I knew I had to explore further. But first, I leveled a glare at Edward and waited for him to respond.

Edward looked crestfallen, his face a mask of fear and worry. He took a step back, and I wondered if he would run from me instead of explaining himself. I knew that Carlisle had made the plans and arrangements, but he had done it for Edward.

"Yes, he did it for me. He did it because you mean the world to me. There's no excuse for leaving you like that, cold and alone. I hope it helps that we never truly left you. We watched every moment, waiting to see if you struggled. You never made a sound. You're the strongest person I've ever met." He looked down, having trouble meeting my eyes. I felt my heart go out to him, and I could see he was hurting. I pushed my anger aside, and let myself feel. I let myself love him, and that feeling quickly blossomed into something more. We would eventually have to resolve the hows and whys, and I would need to figure out my own anger. But I couldn't make him suffer any longer.

"Say the words." I demanded, the way I said it feeling almost alien on my lips. I wasn't even sure who I was anymore.

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan." Edward said locking eye contact with me, any fear vanishing from his expression. I paused for a full ten seconds, examining his face and making him wait for my response.

"I love you too." I threw myself over the bed standing between us, and pulled him into a kiss releasing all my pent up passion and longing all at once.


Author's Note: I am posting a chapter release date on my profile which I will adhere to. From this point forward the timeline should be more or less consistent, although there are a few upcoming events that have multiple points of view. I do want to specify that Bella and Angela are not a romantic possibility. Angela has her own story, and will maybe have romance in the future.