I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA
A/N: Okay, so... I never thought that I'd need to do an author's note like this, but here it is. Within the next few weeks or months, I may decide to take a break from all of my stories for a little bit. I'll keep uploading as long as I can, but please pay attention to my profile, for if j need to take a break, then I'll post it on there. The reason for this being because my grandpa is currently in the ICU fighting for his life at the moment. He has pulmonary fibrosis and cannot breathe on his own. My family and I don't know how much longer he has, but we're thankful for every day he's still here. Anyway, I just want to give you guys a heads up. Enjoy the chapter.
I finish folding my clean laundry out of the drier and place it neatly back inside my suitcase. This is the first time I've been home in three weeks, and I have to say that it's kinda weird. I've never left home for more than a day or two before. Only to do sleepovers with Hannah, or when we went on vacation. But now, if feels different. Like an elephant in the room that I refuse to acknowledge. In some ways, I miss it. I miss my room; I miss Nana's cooking. I miss my mom's quirky jokes and the way that she always knew how to make me feel better. But then I remember everything that she hid from me, and the lonely feeling goes away.
I'm only home to do laundry and get a few other things, and then I'm going back to Archer's apartment. I'm not ready to come home for good yet. I still don't like how both of them kept this from me. And I think we all need a break from each other. Let things cool down, and then maybe visit this issue at some point.
Just as I fold the last shirt, a knock sounds at the front door, the noise startling me in the otherwise empty house. I make my way downstairs and open the door, honestly not knowing who would show up at the door, as all my friends are either working or babysitting. But when I open the door, I don't see Marnie standing there with her little brothers. I don't see Paul standing there to surprise me before he goes on patrol. I see Embry, wearing shorts and a t-shirt even though it's like negative ten degrees outside, with his hands in his pockets and a remorseful look on his face.
But my whole body goes stiff when I see him. It's hard to believe that just a few months ago, I was happy whenever I saw him. That we had this plan to raise this baby together. But now it seems like he wants nothing to do with me or Peanut.
"What are you doing here?" I question him coldly, hugging myself against the cold. I don't have the patience for him.
"I wanted to talk to you about…everything," he says hoarsely. I raise my eyebrows at him.
"Oh, so now you want to talk?" I give a humorless laugh. "It's been weeks since Christmas. Where were you when I had the amnio? Where were you when I was on bedrest for two days? Where were you when I found out that my mother has been lying to me my whole life? You were out with your new girlfriend when you should have been here, supporting me! But Paul. Paul! He's been here with me through all of it, and it isn't even his baby!" He sighs.
"I know. Can I please come inside? Your lips are turning blue." I don't want to give him the satisfaction of admitting that he's right. But I am cold. I'm trying my best not to shiver, but I'm losing. And I'm not about to get hyperthermia because of him. And we need to talk, anyway, so why not? I move over and he steps inside. I close the door, happy to shut out the cold.
"I heard that you've been staying with a friend of yours," Embry says. It's not a question, which means he's been talking with Paul about me.
"Yeah, I'm just here doing laundry," I tell him. We move to sit in the living room, and I sit with my leg underneath me. Embry goes to sit on the couch next to me but sticks with the armchair instead. Good choice.
"So, before we talk about anything else, I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been around these past few weeks, there's no excuse other than I've been too caught up in my new relationship."
"Speaking of which, who is she?"
"Her name is Savanna. She goes to my school and we met a couple of days before the amnio. I've just been so busy—"
"Being with her. You were busy going on dates and having a good time while I've been dealing with everything by myself. Look, I'm not saying that you must be here every day. But you need to be here for the important stuff. I really needed your support when I went and got a huge ass needle stuck into my uterus. I need your help after, when I was on bed rest for two days. And you weren't there."
"I know, I know. I messed up, okay? What else do you want me to say?"
"I want you to say that you won't put that girl before this baby." He goes quiet and I can tell he's thinking hard. And that only ticks me off even more.
"Do you even want to be in his life?" I ask him. He looks over at me, surprised.
"What? How can you even ask that?"
"How could I not? You haven't showed me that you do. In fact, you've proven the exact opposite." I sigh and try to calm myself down. Getting angry at him won't help anything. Plus, it's not good for the baby. But the heaviness in my heart, finally settles in, and I allow myself to really feel the weight of the situation. The fact that I'm probably gonna have to do this alone is scary. That I'm gonna turn into a version of my mother. I'm gonna have to give up my dreams. Singing. Singing is a love of mine. I don't do it a lot anymore, but when I was younger, I had always hoped to make a career out of it. But how would I do that with a baby to take care of.
And here, in this moment, is the first time I think of the word since I decided not to get an abortion. Adoption. It just passes my mind for a moment. The fact that I'd be able to be free of responsibilities. That I won't have to give up on the things that I want to do. And the kid won't have to go without things that he needs or wants just because I wasn't able to provide for him. But I push it from my mind. I can't think about this right now. I need to focus.
"Look, I'm not gonna force you to be in our lives. If you want to go and run off with Savanna, be my guest. But if you do, then you have to sign away all your rights to this child. Because I will not have you in and out of his life whenever the hell you feel like it. And you need to let me know soon. We're halfway through this pregnancy, and my due date is approaching fast. We don't have a lot of time to just dillydally."
"I know," he murmurs.
"And you're gonna have to ear my trust back again, because if you and I are gonna have any chance of coparenting, then we need to trust each other, and I don't know if I trust you anymore." He nods.
"I know. I—" The front door opens, and Mom and Nana walk through. Mom's face looks hopeful, and happy that I'm actually home. I purse my lips and sigh. I had hoped that I'd be gone by the time they got home. Now I'm gonna have to deal with them.
"We'll talk more later. Right now, I need to…" I nod my head in my mom's direction, and Embry nods in understanding.
"Okay. We'll talk later this week. Please answer if I call."
"I'll think about it." While Mom and Nana put their stuff down and move into the living room, I walk Embry to the door. Once he's left, I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding. Okay. Time to face the two people I've been avoiding the past few weeks.
I turn to walk towards the stairs, but I jump when I spot Mom directly behind me.
"Jesus, Mom! You startled me!" I take a deep breath to calm myself down and then go to move past her.
"Sorry! I'm just so glad you're home. I've missed you," she says. I make my way up the stairs and she follows me.
"I'm not staying. I'm just doing my laundry and then I have to work." I zip up my duffle bag and put it on my shoulder, moving past Mom to my room. I grab my math textbook and my slippers and throw them into a separate cloth bag.
"Autumn, hasn't it been long enough? I know what I did was wrong, but I was sixteen. You can't keep blaming me for something I did when I was sixteen, can you?"
"Sure, you did it when you were sixteen. But you had seventeen years after that to fix it, and you didn't." I shake my head. "I don't want to go through this again. When I'm ready to forgive you, you'll be the first to know. But until then, I think that we should steer clear of each other." I keep my back turned to her, and she's so quiet that I almost miss her footsteps walking out of the room. I know that she feels bad about everything that's happened. I know that she wishes she could take it all back. But all of that wishing won't make up for the eighteen years I missed with my sister.
I make my way out of my room and down the stairs and have my hand on the door handle when Mom calls out to me. I bite back yet another sigh and tun to her, expecting her to try and give me a hug, but she doesn't. she holds out a piece of paper to me. Written on it is an address, which confuses me.
"It's her address. Tabitha's. After everything came out a few weeks ago, I reached out to the adoption agency and was able to get her new address. It took a few weeks for everything to go through, so I just got it a couple days ago." it takes a second for everything to sink in, but when it does, I slowly reach out and take the paper from her grasp. I'm all of a sudden really nervous even though I shouldn't be.
"I know that this can't make up for all the years that you missed with you sister. But it's a step in the right direction," Nana calls from the living room. And even though I agree, I only give a slight nod before I open the front door and walk out into the cold.
A/N: What did you guys think? So, I already know how this story is going to end, and I've outlined each of the remaining chapters. Hopefully I'll be finishing up this story within the next six months or so. I'll try to upload more than one chapter a month so that we're not going at this for another year. Please review!
~Gina
