Chapter Sixteen - Part Two
"Carlisle?" Jacob asked, seeing Edward and him talking in the entranceway. "Is there any way we can take the IV fluids back with her?"
Carlisle nodded, "Of course. I'll leave some fluid bags with you until the medication kicks in. Sue can monitor her. We're going to go home, but Sue said she would cover the generic pregnancy basics with you both. Unless either of you have any questions?"
"Nothing that seems to have an answer," Jacob said honestly. "Thanks for coming, Carlisle. We appreciate it."
"Anytime. I'll be back weekly until we can accurately monitor Leah's fetal development rate. How are you doing with the news?"
Jacob sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "So far? Not terrible. It's still a shock. Just trying to take it in and be there for Leah."
"That's all you can do," Carlisle said warmly. Edward didn't speak to him, likely because he was still angry with him for hurting Renesmee – but, he couldn't say that he didn't understand. A baby changed things significantly. He had been here – faced with fatherhood and it was no joke.
Jacob thanked him again before excusing himself. He went outside to the front porch where Renesmee sat, alone, on the swing. She turned when she heard the door open and then looked back out at the darkness as he went over to sit beside her.
"So, you're going to be a dad," Renesmee said softly, trying to put on a brave face and ignore her emotions about this – she couldn't deny that beyond the shock, Jacob seemed happy about it and she wanted to support him.
He sighed and pulled out one of the photos and passed it to her. It didn't look like much to her, but she still felt tears stinging her eyes knowing it solidified their lack of ever reconciling and him never being her Jacob anymore – for good.
Jacob frowned, seeing the look on her face and he reached out to pull her into him before she started crying. "Nessie," his heart felt like it was going to drop to his feet seeing her cry. There wasn't any romance left between them for him – the remainder had seemed to fizzle itself out now that he knew about the pregnancy, even though most of it had gone as soon as he had made his decision to be with Leah. Still, it killed him to see Renesmee upset.
Renesmee didn't fight his welcoming arms, she melted into him and only looked up to meet his gaze after her tears dried. "I'm sorry, this is just… a lot."
"I get it," he said honestly.
"I'm glad you're happy," she said suddenly, avoiding his eyes again.
"Are you happy?" His wolf had to know; hear the words.
She shrugged, "I guess so."
"You guess?"
"I'm happy that you're happy." Silence hung between them because he didn't really know that to say. He was going to have a baby – a family, with a woman he was crazy for, but it didn't dull the pain he felt at hurting Renesmee to get his happily ever after. He felt like he was in Sam's shoes once again – faced with a future that excited him but regret over breaking someone else's heart to get it. "I should go."
"Don't leave like this," he asked sympathetically.
"Grandpa, dad, and Aunt Alice are waiting on me," she explained. "I'll be back, I promise." Renesmee would always be a constant in his life because the imprint was always going to be something they had to weather. Even if Jacob felt the loss of romance between them, he still felt soothed by being near her. It was something he had to now mitigate not only with a girlfriend, but with the mother of his future child. His imprint had been so easy months ago, but now, it caused so many more questions to swim through his mind – one's he had to push aside for a later date.
"I'm sorry for hurting you."
"Don't be. I know that Leah makes you happy and I want nothing more than happiness for the both of you. I'll be fine, I just need some time to process everything. I want to be a part of your lives, the baby included, inasmuch as Leah will allow me, but I need some time to wrap my head around everything."
"I understand. Thank you," he breathed. He wanted to tell her that Leah did make him happy but refrained from hurting her more by hearing the words. He also felt a familiarity in Renesmee's words – words he remembered Leah saying to Emily and Sam. Maybe Leah would take solace in the solidification of their relationship by hearing that Renesmee had said them and stepped back, once again.
She kissed his cheek before going back inside to get ready to leave and Jacob sat there for a long moment so he wouldn't go after her to try to leave on a better note. He finally made the journey back into the room with Leah - to unwaveringly face his future, but was stopped by Alice on his way.
"Jacob?"
"Yeah?"
"Your future… it's changed."
"Changed?"
"You and Leah seem to have a very long and happy life together," she said sweetly. "Congratulations."
"What was my future before?"
"It changed when Renesmee… well, became a woman. It aligned with the imprint, but when you both decided her leaving, alone, was the best and you acknowledged your feelings for Leah, it shifted to being aligned with Leah's, but now? There's no way to possible untangle your futures from one another. A baby would do that, of course, but it's more than that. Your feelings for one another have really cemented since I saw you last."
Jacob took in the information, and once again, collected it to present to Leah later. She may be skeptical about the Cullen's, but they knew Alice's visions were accurate. "Thank you, Alice."
"You're welcome, I just thought it may give you and Leah some peace of mind right now. Congratulations." She left with Edward, Carlisle, and Renesmee then and he went back in with Leah and Sue. He wasn't sure what the pixie-vamp meant exactly but felt comforted by the words and the future she saw that involved him and Leah.
"Let's go home," her mom said.
Leah nodded, looking toward Jacob. "Are you…"
"Do you want me to?"
Leah nodded, wanting him close; to face this together.
"Then I'm there." He took her hand and kissed her cheek.
Sue handed her back her clothing and she slipped behind the room divider to change out of the hospital gown.
Jacob got up from the bed and went over to Sue, hugging her. "Thank you for everything," he said softly.
Sue wrapped her arms around Jacob and sighed, "Take care of her, okay?"
"I promise," he pulled back. "I won't abandon her."
The words resonated, because of Harry's presence in them, and she smiled softly as Leah emerged. Jacob went to her side immediately and took her hand, but Leah faced her mom. "Mom… I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you."
"Seems to be a reoccurring theme," she said, trying to bring a lightness back into the seriousness of the conversation. "Moms know things, Leah… and now you're going to find that out first-hand." There was a sadness in her voice, though; at the thought of her little girl having a baby of her own.
Leah felt her eyes well up again under her mom's gaze and she dropped Jacob's hand, Sue engulfing her into a hug. "Don't be sorry," Sue said softly. "What's done is done," she repeated her words from earlier. "We'll figure everything out, I promise."
Leah pulled back and nodded, wiping away a couple of tears streaking her cheeks.
"Let's get you home to rest. I'll fill the prescription on the way, okay?"
They all left the room, Jacob instinctively taking Leah's hand again. As weird as it was for him, Sue was comforting - motherly, and Jacob suddenly wished desperately for his own mother in that moment, but he had to be strong - for Leah. She wouldn't tell him, but he saw the terror all over her face, and he wanted to ease her mind as much as he could and keep her calm. He may still be a teenager, but he felt more like a man than ever before. He knew he still had to figure out him and Renesmee – even with their romantic future put to bed for good, there were still a lot of unresolved feelings there, including Leah's, but right now his priority was Leah and their baby.
They left and Leah and Jacob both slipped into the back seat together, and she got as close to him as she could. Their troubles were currently forgotten, and he wrapped an arm around her waist - which was hard to do with the seatbelts, but he wanted her as close as possible. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he felt idly at peace, despite their circumstances. They sat like that, in silence, until Sue started driving and broke the quiet.
"I told Carlisle that I'd fill you in on the rest. Eat whatever you can. Saltine crackers and ginger ale may help with the nausea. Don't push yourself more than you can handle - you're going to be really tired. No hot baths, alcohol or drugs, smoking, raw meats or shellfish, fish with high mercury, raw eggs, soft cheese, keep the caffeine to a minimum, let me know if you have any questions about any medications, and no heavy lifting." Leah listened quietly, and Sue's professional, nurse persona was brought out. "The morning sickness should stop when your hCG hormone regulates. The first trimester it's increasing very quickly and that's what is speculated to cause morning sickness, so hopefully once you're out of the first trimester, it will ease up. Like Carlisle said, if your levels are increasing faster than normal, it can make the nausea worse. It correlates with the dizziness too, because of your blood pressure changing, and since your uterus is growing, and you're going to experience some aches and very minor cramping - if you have any bleeding or bad cramping, call me immediately, okay?"
Leah smiled, "Will do, nurse Clearwater."
"I'm going to move back in," Sue said finally. "At least until you're settled."
"No, mom, I'll be fine, seriously -"
Sue looked in the rear-view mirror and then back to the road. "I'm not asking. You're going to need me. You should tell Billy and your brother soon, and, of course, the guys eventually but I want to be there for you. It isn't going to be easy."
"So that's what Old Quil saw, a baby?"
Sue shrugged, "I assume so. I'm willing to bet he thought it was Sam and Emily's at first… but then when you came to us, I think he realized… well, both of you, with the wolf-bloodlines, that this could be of high importance for the pack. I want to keep a close eye on you to make sure everything progresses normally."
"Do you think she's at risk?" Jacob asked.
"The ultrasound looks fine," Sue commented. "So, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions yet, but since you both carry the wolf gene so prominently, we just need to take some extra precautions: more frequent ultrasounds and bloodwork, just to monitor things. Carlisle will be back weekly, as he mentioned, to ensure things are progressing as normally as possible and I'll be around here if you need me. Try to stress as least as possible, take care of yourself, and don't do anything too strenuous on your body."
Sue pulled into the hospital to fill the prescriptions, "I'll be right back."
"What a crazy day," Leah sighed.
"That doesn't even begin to cover it."
"Did you see Renesmee after?"
He nodded, "Yeah, she's a little upset, but fine."
"Upset?"
He sighed and looked into her eyes, "She said she was serious about letting me go, but she thought there would be a chance I'd realize eventually that I did want her. I think the baby made her realize that wasn't going to happen, so she was upset, but she understood."
"Even with her gone and letting you go, she still wants you," Leah sighed.
"And she knows I want you and I was very clear on that," he promised. "She said she wants to be a part of our lives, and the babies, as much as you're comfortable with."
Leah nodded and pressed her clammy forehead against the cool glass of the window in thought until her mom came back and put the car into drive. "I'm going to stop by Charlie's to get some of my things and I'll call the council when we get home just to let them know you're okay. We can tell them the details once you're both ready."
"We can go over tomorrow morning and tell my dad, Rachel, and I guess Paul, by default," Jacob said nervously.
"And Seth."
He nodded, "Then we'll tackle the others."
It was getting extremely real, and scary, but Leah knew Jacob was right - he had to continue phasing to train Seth in as the Beta, keep the younger wolves under control, and mediate Paul and Sam's attempt to phase-out entirely, depending on the volturi's future impact. There wasn't room for secrecy in the pack. She hadn't heard anything about it since Marcus left, but she was sure Jacob and Carlisle had spoken about it since and made a mental note to ask when things settled down a little. She was also willing to be that he was just as scared as she was, and because of all of that, they wouldn't be able to keep this secret for long, especially with Carlisle's upcoming frequent visits. "Okay," she said softly, realizing she got lucky not having to tell her mom and that she found out with them. She was also extremely grateful for her strength and comfort.
Billy, on the other hand, kind of terrified her, and she could tell the thought didn't bring warm and fuzzy feelings to Jacob, either. She could almost read his thoughts without wolf-telepathy, but she couldn't think of anything comforting to say. It was mean, considering how he pushed through his feelings to comfort her, but hearing Renesmee's hope for a reconciliation kind of worried her on top of the whole pregnancy thing.
"What's wrong?" Jacob asked, seeing another unsolicited tear slip down her cheek before she hastily wiped it away.
"Nothing," she whispered as they pulled into Charlie's driveway.
"Come in," Sue said before getting out.
They all went inside, and as soon as Charlie saw their faces, his brow furrowed. "Is everything okay?" He asked Sue as he hugged her in greeting. Sue nodded deftly, before telling him she was going to stay the night at her place and grab some of her things and that they would talk later.
"You don't look well, Leah," Charlie commented awkwardly, leaning against the stair railing. "Are you sure you're okay?"
As her mom left to go upstairs, Leah felt all of the terror and sadness well up in her eyes at his words as she had to face the truth for the first time - having to utter the words, and she felt the tears come in another, unstoppable, hormonal-induced wave. Suddenly, it wasn't Jacob's arms she was in, but Charlie's as he came over, hugging her tightly seeing the transformation of emotion play out over her face - and she let him. He gave Jacob a worried look, but focused on Leah, wanting to be there for her in place of Harry. He didn't say anything, and he didn't have to, but when she pulled back to wipe her cheeks, Jacob putting a hand on the small of her back, his heart breaking for her, Charlie took her hand. "What is it? Are you okay?"
"I'm pregnant," she said softly, the words feeling thick in her throat.
Charlie looked between them, and Jacob deftly remembered Charlie's advice to be safe when he caught them in the back of the car. Why had he been so stupid? "A baby is a blessing, Leah," he managed after a long moment of silence. "No matter what-"
"A terrifying one," she admitted finally.
"That's normal," Charlie said soothingly.
Sue came back down, seeing Leah's damp cheeks, and frowned as Charlie met her eyes. "How far along?"
"Six weeks," Sue answered. "Everything looks fine, it's… well, just a shock."
"Is it okay if I come over tonight?"
Sue looked to her daughter, who nodded, and Sue smiled. "Of course."
Charlie wouldn't say it in front of Leah, but despite Sue's calm, collected demeanour, he had gotten to know her well - and he saw the uneasiness behind her eyes. He put a hand on Leah's shoulder before going to get his things, and Sue frowned, hugging Leah tightly as more tears fell from her eyes, putting her bag down.
"I'm sorry I've disappointed everyone."
Sue's brow furrowed, and she pulled back, studying her daughter's features. "You didn't disappoint me, or anyone else," she said earnestly, seeing a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill over. She felt her own burning her eyes, but she had to be strong. "Why would you say that?"
"You warned me. Hell, everyone warned us. You, Charlie, Billy… and we didn't listen."
"I wish you made… better choices," Sue said, looking between them. "But I'm not disappointed in you. Maybe when this started, I wasn't on board, but a lot has changed since. All I have to do is look at you both to see how much you care for one another. Was this the best time for a baby? No, but there's never a good time. You're both so strong." She reached out to take Jacob's hand, too, seeing tears well in his eyes. "Don't think you've disappointed anyone – either of you."
Jacob suddenly turned away, walking into the living room, feeling his own tears fall. He was trying to be strong, but he felt terrible for being the cause of Leah's distress - and knowing that she was probably internalizing him and Renesmee. If he had of had more resolve that night, maybe things would be different now. Maybe they would have stayed together, happy, and this baby would of course have been a shock, but at least when she thought of their baby, she wouldn't worry about his loyalty. He was trying so hard to convince her of his solidarity in his decision, but he knew she still worried, especially after Renesmee's admission today.
Leah looked at her mom, and there was an unspoken conversation between them. Sue knew Jacob wanted to be strong for Leah, but he was going through a lot right now, too, and they needed each other.
Leah hesitated before going over to where Jacob stood, in front of the window in Charlie's living room. She heard Charlie come downstairs, but Sue ushered him out into the SUV.
"Jake," Leah whispered softly. He didn't turn to face her, but she reached out to take his hand and pull him close, causing him to turn and as soon as she saw the tears on his face, she pressed herself against him tightly. "I forgive you." Her heart still hurt, and it would for a while, but they both realized what she meant - for his night with Renesmee. She had told him before that she wanted to forgive him, but now she had to. With a baby on the way, she couldn't hold it over his head forever and she had to truly forgive and forget – and trust him, without question, moving forward. They had to be a team. "I want you and us and this baby more than anything I've ever wanted before and I trust you."
He rested his face in the crook of her neck, smelling the familiar scent of her shampoo as his silent tears dried. "What I did… was inexcusable, I know that. I should have had more willpower. I can blame the imprint all I want," and oh, he did. "But I should have been better for you. For us. That's the worst part in all of this for you, isn't it?" He pulled back to look into her eyes, and she gulped the growing lump in her throat before nodding. He knew she always wanted to be a mom, so the shock of a baby was, well, shocking, but if things had of been different, maybe she wouldn't be as fearful.
"I just… pictured finding out I was pregnant a lot differently."
Jacob nodded understandingly. "With Sam."
The thoughts of Sam, beside her, married to her, from back at Carlisle's when she remembered her original depiction of today resurfaced and she nodded. He may not have held as much of her heart as before, but, well, she wasn't sure your first love every truly fizzled out. She still cared deeply for him, but in an unromantic way. He wasn't the main man in her heart - Jacob was. And then, with that realization, she felt her words come out, rushed.
"I always pictured Sam with me… so excited. When we were in high school, I thought I was pregnant once. We… we weren't safe at a party. It was stupid, in hindsight, but when I told him I was late… I was a little scared but mostly happy. He was supportive and honestly? When the test came back negative, we both cried, and it wasn't relief. We wanted the baby - we wanted each other, forever, and we dreamed of a family for so long. We used to lay in bed, thinking of our kid's names. We wouldn't have been ready and obviously I'm relieved now, knowing how things turned out, but at the time… a baby was just an extension for our love for each other, and it was something we both were so excited for, regardless of the circumstances," she said, feeling more emotion well in her chest. "And I just pictured finding out to be… scary, yes, but… with someone who loved me unconditionally."
Jacob sighed and leaned in to kiss her cheek having uncovered another layer of Leah Clearwater. "I do love you," he said honestly. "Unconditionally."
"And that's why I forgive you - because you did choose me that night, even though I'm still hurt that it wasn't as… immediate as I'd like. But I think I understand - the imprint aside, I think a part of me will always love Sam, just as a part of you will always love Renesmee. I didn't know if or when I would get over the part of you that still felt obligated to Renesmee, at first, but today? Finding out we were having a baby, immediately thinking of Sam and what we lost… I just, maybe I understood a little. I'm sure you thought of Renesmee, too… but right here and now? All I want is you; I want us; I want this baby, and I want us to give it our best effort to be together and be a family, because as scared as I am, I love you and I really want to be excited about this. We have a lot to figure out, that's clear, and a few hard conversations to have but I think we can do it and I want to do it. With you. I want to really put the past behind us and figure out what our future looks like."
Jacob felt his heart swell and he reached down, crushing his lips to hers. They moved slowly, but fiercely against her own, and she kissed him back as though she was drowning, and he was the oxygen she needed to survive.
"Lee?" He asked breathlessly as they pulled apart.
"Yeah?" His body was hot against hers and she looked up to meet his gaze as he kept her tightly against his chest.
"I need you to know that you're not my second best," he said firmly, remembering her dread over being a constant second choice. "You and this baby are my number one priority. Finding out you're pregnant… it was surreal, and it still is scary, but as soon as I saw that ultrasound…" he reached into his pocket, taking the three, small images out again. "I knew I'd never question my position in your life ever again. Imprinting was life changing, but this? There are no words. This is where I belong. I knew it before the baby happened – or well, we found out, but today… even talking to Renesmee, I didn't feel the romantic feelings for her anymore. I care about her, inasmuch as you do for Sam, but the past is the past. I love you, and I'm committed to us."
"We'll figure this out," she promised as he kissed her again and although she felt more at-peace, she couldn't help the nervousness come back at telling Billy – and Seth. "Together."
/ Hope you all enjoyed the end of this chapter, next up, Billy's! :)
~Becca
