Replies to reviews:

Ncsupnatfan: Yes, there were a lot of different emotions running around, and in such a very Dean way, he just upped and left, not showing much. It will take a lot to break through his walls. Thanks for the review.

Secretwritenword: Yes, I am a big meanie, I didn't let Sarah succumb to the "love in the air", didn't let her touch Dean any more then necessary while removing the cast, didn't let her see the scorched piece of paper, didn't let the radio working... What would be the fun in that? Then I would just have this for a story – Sam disappears, Dean finds him, The end. LMAO. Oh, I know you love my little twists. Thanks for reviewing.

SilverDragonflymoon: Thanks, I am glad you like what I did with Dean. He is truly on an emotional rollercoaster, but he just won't let it show. Still, Sarah will be there for him every single moment. Thanks for the review.

Blondie20000: Yup, you got it, Sarah was getting the vibes from Sam and Julia. Thanks for the review.


Chapter 26: Never gonna give you up

Julia woke up with a yawn and stretched her arms wide only to find the other side of the bed completely empty. Only for a second she felt sadness washing over her, wishing she could have once again awake in Sam's embrace, then huffed a smile remembering just how many times she ended up there engulfed by his gigantic arms. She was sure he was somewhere near, not like he could have gone anywhere, nowhere to go, really. So it was either the shower, the kitchen or the maintenance room.

Getting up she rubbed the sleepiness off her eyes and took a deep breath. It has been a while since she had such a good, resting sleep, even if it was short. It wasn't just that she felt refreshed and anew, but there was also the lack of nightmares that followed her for the last 10 years. A coincidence. she thought, but deep down there was that strange feeling that filled her entire body, from head to toe, and she just couldn't drop that silly smile plastered on her face.

Was it good to open up like that and let someone in? And a Winchester out of all? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Maybe the fact that Sam is who he is made all the difference.

After Jake, Julia never deluded herself that she will find her Romeo to come and sweep her off her feet, but now that was an actual possibility. For now, any doubt that it might not work out or that it might end badly was completely washed away and seemed like something impossible and far-fetched. But was it really like that, or was she just too high from that feeling of being in lo...

"Oh... Wow..." Julia let out, surprise flashing in her dark brown eyes, but the smile never left her full red lips. Was she... Really? In love?

A clanking sound brought her back to reality and she could hear movement in the next room, the bathroom. Sam must have been taking a shower. She wondered if he already finished or was he just starting, an idea popping up in her head that she might sneak in and surprise him in the shower. You know, so that they would save water. She buit her lip while a mischievous smile crawled up on her lips and she got out of bed, reaching into the dresser to take some clothes and she opened the bedroom door and stepped out.

She stepped out and ran straight into a giant wall of Sam, instantly hit by the smell of lavender. Why did I say wall? Because, just like a wall, Sam was completely unfazed by the fact that Juls ran into him, while she stumbled back and if it wasn't for his strong hands on her shoulder, she would have fallen.

Talk about a déjà vu.

But it was different this time than the last, the awkwardness morphing into butterflies that suddenly filled the room, even though Julia was completely oblivious to them. All she could see is his eyes, the colour of the ocean depths and his smiling lips as they approached her, setting the nicest, sweetest kiss Julia ever felt. Instantly, she melted into the kiss, feeling like putty in his strong arms that held onto her tight.

God, he tasted so sweet, like green gummy bears she would leave in the bag for later while she ate the less appealing red ones. His strong arms held her in place, tight, but not to tight, safe and comforting. His hair fell and brushed her cheek and she wanted to giggle at it, but was too far up on cloud nine.

Sam eventually pulled away and watched her with an amused smile as she kept her eyes closed, her lips pursed and had an overall dazzled appearance. He huffed a smile and lifted his hand to her face, softly caressing her cheek. "Hey, you still with me?"

"Huh? Yeah, yup. Yes, I'm here..." Julia says breaking out of her daze, her dreamy eyes focusing on Sam and she smiles so bright it instantly warms his heart. He looked away as if he can't hold her gaze, but only for a brief second before his eyes are back on hers, searching. He doesn't know what tomorrow brings, he doesn't know what the next hour brings, but he doesn't care right now. Once he broke through the constant what ifs, all that mattered is just being with her.

"Why don't you take a shower and I'll make some... Lunch?" Sam asked, remembering what day it was, even mattered. Julia seemed like she wanted to say something, probably something flirty, but instead she just nodded. Still, Sam kept his firm grip on her shoulders, just looking into her eyes as if he has forgotten he is supposed to let her go.

Julia felt the same, just staring into his eyes, completely forgetting she is supposed to turn and walk away. As if some unspoken conversation took place, Sam lowered his head just as Julia lifted hers and once more their lips met in a softest and sweetest kiss either ever felt. Slowly the soft turned into a bit rough, the sweet turned into a bit hungry and before they knew it, Sam was throwing Julia against a wall, reaching out to her ass and lifting her up while he kissed her furiously.

Three minutes in, Sam looked about ready to rip her clothes off, but Julia tapped the shoulder and he backed his head away from her bruised neck to look at her. God she looked so beautiful all flustered and panting as she tried to catch her breath so that she could speak.

"I... Should... Really... Go take... That... Shower... Now." She said, her chest still heaving from her deep breaths, but a playful smirk on her lips. It seemed like she was purposely leading him on and teasing and was about to skid away leaving him all worked up.

But then she went and added "Maybe you could, um... Join me?" The mere thought of having sex in the shower, in the bathroom followed by a thought that they could mark every room as their own sent a jolt to Sam's nether regions, but decided maybe he should back down, just to let her... Regain herself.

So Sam let go of her and as Julia's feet touched the ground, he huffed a smile, looked shyly down on the ground for a moment and then raised his eyes to meet hers. "Maybe another time... I'll go make something to eat, you go and just... Relax, ok?" He leaned in and placed another soft kiss on her lips as if he was assuring her he wasn't backing down, he wasn't running away, he was just... Giving her a bit of space.

She nodded and let her hand slip off his shoulder and she watched him walk away and round the corner, still plastered on that wall. Took her a lot of strength to peel herself off and grab the fresh clothes that fell on the floor. God, she wanted him again, right now. But she also knew her body needed a breather and her mind needed to stop spinning.

Julia walked into the bathroom and stripped, letting the sweat soaked clothes fall to the ground. She shoved them aside for now and brushed her stomach, her scar with her hand like she did every time she was going for a shower. It was a ritual of sorts, where she would remind herself of what she lost and with no actual baby to caress and to hold, she could only connect with it through the scar. Then she would go into the shower and wash away all those feelings, lock them somewhere deep inside and come out to face a new day.

This time was different. This time she traced the lines of the scar, but felt just a little bit more at peace. It never stopped hurting, it never will, but today the pain seemed to subdue. It wasn't as strong. But when she went under the shower spray, it didn't go away, it didn't wash off. It lingered there as the guilt rose up like bile in her throat. Did she deserve to be happy with someone else?

The more she stayed under the shower the more doubts crept into her mind. What if this doesn't work? If they die here, then fine, but what if they don't? What if they make it out and... A sharp pain drove itself through Julia's chest and dispersed throughout her body. What if Sam decides she isn't worth the effort? What if Sam decides she is too broken, too damaged? Her hand instinctively went to her stomach, her scar... She needed to tell him. She needed to rip that band-aid off and see if he wavers.

Meanwhile Sam was in the kitchen, waiting for Julia to finish so that he could microwave another Campbell fast meal. He had the cans with fruit ready to open and ice-cream on standby, all to be placed in a big bowl for them to share.

Despite the wide smile on his face, Sam wasn't cheery. Sam was terrified. So many things could go wrong with this, but he was the one that decided he wanted this, he would fight for this. And not just because if it wasn't for this, he would have nothing to fight for, no. It was because Julia was someone worth fighting for. And he was going to make sure she knows this. With Sam there was no what if they don't make it out of there, deep down he knew they would. Deep down, he knew his brother won't rest until he found him, but Sam could only hope he doesn't do anything stupid to make that happen.

After the whole Chuck fiasco they agreed, no more Heaven, no more Hell. Rowena has things wrapped up downstairs, Jack with Cas's help is running Heaven and they are in between, going back to basic hunting. The deal was that everyone focused on their tasks and aside from friendly visits, there won't be any unnecessary business calls unless there is another apocalypse a foot. But for Dean to not know where his brother is, is very close to apocalyptic, so...

"You just need a white apron and I got myself a perfect housewife." Julia sounded from the door with a half honest smile.

Sam huffed a smile and looked down onto his hands that were holding two plates, setting them up for the meal. "Yeah, a perfect housewife who can make omelet and microwave dinners and that's about it." Sam joked.

"Don't worry about it, I suck at cooking too. I would even burn the soup if I attempted to cook it." Julia replied coming closer to him, but still keeping her distance. It confused Sam just a bit, but he chocked it off to her probably being hungry, so he turned to finish up with the microwave. "Need help?" She asked, but when Sam replied that he's got it, Julia went to the table and sat down, bringing her elbows up on the table and setting her hands before her like in a prayer, her fingers intertwined. How the hell is she gonna tell him? How to even start? Sam, we gotta talk... Ugh. Shivers went down her spine at the mere thought of that line.

While Julia contemplated how to start a conversation she didn't want to have, but knew she needed to, Sam finished making the meal and brought the full plates to the table. He could see there was something bothering Julia, she was too quiet and too deep in thought, but he didn't know what it might be, so he decided to wait for her to tell him. That, however didn't stop his brain from coming up with possibilities as to what it might be as Sam ate, glancing over at Julia every few seconds.

Was he too rough? Maybe she didn't like that? Maybe she was having second thoughts, doubts that this might work. Or she is scared that they won't get out of here and that they will never know if it would work.

What about the way she reacted when he grabbed her hands and propped them above her head? Maybe he went too far. She did flinch hard when he touched her stomach, the scar he felt under his fingers. He never really saw it, so he couldn't tell what it looked like, it was always too dark. No, her physical appearance and how he perceived it couldn't be what was bothering her, she was too tough for something like that.

Then what could it be?

Sam gasped and managed to choke on a piece of meat in his food, so much so that Julia's eyes shot up and after a moment she asked "You need me to.." when Sam couldn't stop, swallow or spit the piece out. He shook his head and pounded on his chest, finally dislodging the thing and swallowing it down.

"You sure you're ok?" Julia asked looking at him in an alarming matter, waiting for him to start coughing again and ready to react if needed. Sam nodded, getting up and taking a bottle of water from the fridge to clear his throat. "What happened?" Julia asked wondering what would make him choke on his food like that.

Sam took a deep breath and sat back on his chair looking straight into Julia's eyes. "I remembered something."

There was a smile on her face when she asked "And what is that?"

"That we... That I forgot we didn't have a condom." Sam replied dead serious.

Julia's smile dropped, but she didn't choke on a bite she had in her mouth, instead she swallowed it hard looking down on her plate.

"That... Won't be a problem..." Julia barely whispered.

Confusion crossed Sam's face, and for a moment he wanted to ask if she was on a pill or something, but remembered that for a woman to be on the pill, she would actually have to have the pills on her and take them daily. So, maybe it was some other form of protection... But the hurt look on her face, the barely recognizable sign of tears she is trying so hard to keep at bay, told Sam this was something... Much more serious. He reached out to touch her hand across the table, his eyes telling her that he is there, listening if she needed it, or just there. It was obvious he wanted to know what was bothering her, but he wouldn't push it, instead letting her decide if she wanted to tell him.

Julia drew a shaky breath and finally looked him in the eyes, managing to hold his gaze only for a moment before she had to look away.

"You... You felt the scar on my stomach..." she formed it partly like a question, partly like a statement, like she was wondering if he would know what it meant, but needed to make clear exactly what it meant, no matter what he thought. She heard him suck a quiet breath, and felt his hand tighten around hers, but she still didn't have strength look at him. Aside from her father who never mentioned it, nobody else knew, she never talked about it, with anyone.

For ten years, she never mentioned it, she never spoke about it out loud, she never let herself break down over it.

"The demon... The one that took Jake and made him... Made me... The one that tortured me while wearing Jake's face... He tormented me for four days, cut me, and stabbed me, and made me... He made me... He raped me and made me..." Tears started to flow, no matter how hard she tried to keep them inside and she sniffed and brought her head up, still desperately trying to keep the tears inside.

Sam felt furry rise inside of him, but he didn't let it surface, that wasn't what Julia needed right now. Naturally, the thought that the demon might have left her pregnant crossed his mind, but that didn't explain the scar. Another scary thought crossed his mind that she might have done it to herself in an attempt to... No, best to hear her out.

"He used every good memory Jake had to twist it into something that it wasn't, saying he was cheating on me, lying to me, going so far as to say he was working with demons and monsters. But there was one thing, one thing he couldn't twist, one thing he couldn't manipulate around so that it would hurt me, so... He... He..." Julia sucked in another sharp breath, tears still flowing, but she cleared her throat and wouldn't let a broken sob escape. No, she would try to hold on to the last shred of self control she had. Breathing in and out, loudly, she continued.

"I... Before he took me, before he took Jake... I... Sam, I was pregnant. Jake and I, we... We were going to... - she paused, swallowing all those emotions before she continued – I... I was maybe 4 months when the demon took me... He hurt me in every way possible and when it had no other way to hurt me... He... He... He carved into me and opened me up and he took out... He took out my baby..."

Halfway though her speech, Sam was already up, his chair on the ground, his arms around Julia, holding onto her tight. The dam broke, tears flooded Sam's shirt while his chest filled with her sobs. She didn't have to say anything else, she couldn't anyway, and Sam understood. He understood pain and loss, though he could never phantom what it would feel like to have a child, your own flesh and blood ripped out of you and killed before your eyes in such a gruesome way, much less having to bear that burden all by yourself for ten years.

Julia cried, opening that Pandora's box she always considered it would be fatal for her to open. But considering these might be her last days on Earth, maybe it was time she stopped fighting some things she shouldn't have been fighting at all. So she cried, she let herself fall apart in his arms. This isn't what she wanted, this wasn't really supposed to happen. She felt so pathetic and weak, but she had no more strength to keep that mask on.

So she just cried and he let her, holding her tight and not letting go not saying a word. It was only when he felt her calm just a bit that he chanced to loosen one hand and place it on her head, close to her neck and just hold her tenderly to his chest. His heartbeat was so soothing to her ears she found herself calming down even more. For a good hour they stayed like that until finally Julia pulled away shyly, wiping her tears on her sleeves and looking down, not daring to say a word. She wanted to apologize for bursting into tears the way she did, but couldn't even muster the strength to look into his eyes, much less speak.

"Hey. – Sam said, touching her chin with the side of his index finger and lifting it up so their eyes could meet. – It's ok. You don't... You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to, it's ok. I... I cannot even imagine what that must have felt like, but... I want you to know. I'm here. Anything you need I am here..."

"You... you willing to just look past this? The fact that I can't... Look past the fact that I am broken?" She asked pulling her face away from his hand and looking away once more.

Sam gripped her chin and forced her to look at him as he responded. "You aren't broken! Don't you ever think that! You are not broken. You... are perfect." Sam leaned in and placed a soft tender kiss on her lips feeling the salty taste of her tears and pulled back. Julia stared into his eyes, trying to understand what he just said, trying to comprehend what she did to deserve him by her side, holding her and not condemning her for being damaged and infertile.

"Why don't you go lay down for a while? I'll come as soon as I clean up in here, ok?" Sam offered and she just nodded and left the kitchen. Sam waited for the doors to close and for Julia to make some distance between them before he brought his hand down on the table so hard, it split in two. His hand bled, but he didn't care. If , no when they get out of there and if that demon is still alive, he will find him and he will make him pay. He will make Hell's rack look like a picnic compared to what he will do to him.

Taking a minute to calm himself, he picked up the broken pieces of the table and set them aside, cleaning up the broken plates too. He put the fruit cans away and the bowl he was going to use for dessert, while the anger still bubbled inside of him, his eyes distant and cold. But by the time he reached the bedroom he stowed the anger away for another time and pulling out all the warmth he could muster he entered the room to see Julia curled up on his side of the bed looking away at the wall.

Without even asking, he laid behind her, spooning her and he wrapped his arms around her shivering figure, pulling her back close to his chest. She reached and set her hand over his and he placed a small kiss on her shoulder, or more specifically on her shirt, but it was the gesture that mattered.

Julia let herself be pulled into a warm safe embrace, taking a moment to appreciate it, to appreciate Sam and to thank the Lord for sending him her way. She never thought it would be possible, to let herself feel like this, to feel it all. The pain of loss and the joy of finding someone. The burden of the past and the elevating feeling of a possible future. She snuggled into his embrace and just let herself feel his warmth and his heartbeat.

They made love again that evening before the lights went out. But it was so much different than the first time as Sam took his time and made sure to approach her as softly and caringly as he could. His hands were ever so gentle on her skin, caressing and touching as he placed soft, warm kisses all over her body. At one point she wanted to call him out on it and say she isn't made of glass and she wouldn't break so easily, not after having done it once already that day but she stopped herself, instead letting herself feel what it was like to be cared for, to be held like a rain drop on a palm of one's hand. To be loved and worshiped. To be the center of someone's attention with a promise that it will be like that forever.

Neither noticed, neither heard the radio in the maintenance room going off on its own, first producing a buzzing sound that slowly faded into music and the lyrics filled the room...

"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you..."(Rick Astley)