It was warm and familiar and comforting in the control room after the roller coaster they had just been through. "How about a nice dinner? I'll make your favorite." Rose was still trying to make up for upsetting him. "Ok, if you want to." he replied. "I'll just, check on things here for a bit and come join you." Rose studied his face for a moment to see if the pain she had seen earlier was gone. She sensed a shadow of it still lingered. Rose didn't know what else to do. "I'll, be in the kitchen then." He nodded his head silently and started to push buttons.

Chapter 7 Precipice

He knew the Tardis was fine. She really didn't need anyone to check on her, but it made for a good excuse. After Rose was gone, he left there and went to the library. It was always a place of comfort to him. All those books, most of which were in Gallifreyan. The wisdom and knowledge that had made them a magnificent civilization once upon a time. The best of what they were. It made him feel closer to his people. They may not have been welcoming to him, but they were still his people. There were two hearts in his chest and he never forgot it.

His mind was troubled by doubts. Ingrained, subconscious, Time Lord programming, learned by rote from childhood. It was saying, I told you so, I told you so, over and over again. This is what happens when you lose control of your emotions. You don't think. You make mistakes! You're going to end up like your father. You're going to lose her one day and you will die in agony. You're a fool to fall in love with a stupid human. She's a scrap of nothing, and she's trapped you. Now you're chained to her forever and this one wretched world!

Angry with himself, his heart fought back. He yelled at all the books in the room, as he saw them turn into the faces of the people who had judged and censured him in his whole life. "I wouldn't give up the last few months, or even one second of the time to come, for a thousand more empty lives like yours." His voice echoing through the chambers. He took a ragged breath. "If it makes an end to me, then so be it. I've lived quite long enough. Rose's smile means more to me than all the worlds I've ever seen!"

There was a click in his head. Like a switch had been turned off. He had been holding on so tight to a precipice, afraid to look down into the darkness, afraid to let go and love her for his own sake. Now he had let go, he was falling, and he didn't care. The doubt was gone, the fear was gone. No more thinking about what might happen to her. He was going to enjoy whatever time they had and let the rest come as it may. He smiled with this new understanding. He had to see her and ran from the room calling her name.

"Rose! Rose, where are you!" "I'm here" she replied from the kitchen. She was alarmed by his tone and ran to the door. "What's wrong?" When he entered the room the look on his face told the story. His smile was radiant. He picked her up and spun in a circle. She had come to know that it was his happy dance, and he only used it when he was ecstatic. She was so relieved he had resolved what was troubling him. He was planting kisses on her face so fast she couldn't say anything. "I love you Rose! I love you, I love you, I love you." He picked her up and spun her again. She was content for the moment to be a ragdoll and let him spin her into the ground if necessary.

He stopped to take a breath and simply held her close. Rose replied, "I love you too." She ventured, "Does this mean you have forgiven me?" she asked timidly. He backed up and looked at her as if she had said she was turning purple in the morning. "Do I forgive you?" He shook his head in disbelief. "You are the reason for my existence."

At that moment smoke began to billow out of the kitchen. They both laughed and ran in, trying to stop it. Rose turned off the flame and coughed. Waving the smoke away with her hand. "Ok, so it's not your favorite dish anymore." Grilled cheese, who knew? "And just when I was about to be forgiven." "Don't worry, I got this. Tardis," he said, "ventilators on please." The smoke was pulled up and away in seconds.

"Why don't you sit down and let me fix something." Rose was happy to let him take over. He was a gourmet chef after all. Taught in Paris by one of the best. They had a light supper in no time and were perched on their favorite hangout. The large rock outside the Tardis doors. She had gotten a big blanket to wrap them in and he had supplied two mugs of cocoa. They snuggled together watching the stars.

TBC