I wasted, wasted love for you
Traded out for something new
Well, it's hard to change the way you lose
If you think you never won
I should've been grateful. Most people in high school don't get to fly on a private plane, but here I was thankful the experience was over. This wasn't the plan and I was just annoyed I had to talk to Renee about the college research I had done since we talked about it the other night. Phil just happened to have a business trip on the West Coast and insisted I fly over with them. I had obsessively searched and planned out which my top choice would be based on nursing programs. I wasn't going to share it with anyone just yet, but her pestering just made me blurt it out, like word vomit.
"I'M APPLYING TO THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN, OKAY?!" I said it with more of an attitude than I really intended.
"Was that so hard, Isabella? It's all I wanted to know. You will not speak to me that way." She got up and disappeared into what I would guess was a private room in the back of the plane.
I had been brought back from the airport by a private car, now that ride I was grateful for. I was able to just put on my headphones and relax.
I was surprised to see Jake waiting for me when I got back to the house. I didn't remember him asking me what time my flight got in. I didn't know I was flying with Renee until last night. I jumped to the obvious assumption that he would have asked Charlie.
As soon as I exited the car with my bag, I felt Jake put his arms around me and spin me around in a giant hug. "Jake!" I squealed. "I kind of need to breathe."
He laughed and placed me back on the ground, grabbing my bag out of my hand. "Hurry up, Bells!" he grabbed my hand leading me into the house. "Charlie ordered pizza!"
I was totally confused. The hugging was welcomed, that wasn't anything new. However, the hand holding took me by surprise. It was kind of ridiculous the way my hand disappeared with the drastic size difference to his... but it felt nice.
The three of us sat on the couch eating pizza while watching a hockey game. They each asked me some questions about my trip. Jake was especially excited to hear about my private plane ride. I left out the part about college, I'd want to tell Charlie and Elena together another time and she wasn't around. I forgot how nice it was to just sit on the couch and spend time with my dad. We rarely did that anymore. Most of our conversations were short and simply letting each other know where we were and what our plans were.
By 8:30 I was honestly ready to go to sleep or at least have a nap. "You better hurry up and get ready soon, Bells. Party starts at 10!" Jake said excitedly. Oh, right. It was New Year's Eve.
I probably took a 20-minute shower, but I didn't really want to pull myself away from the steaming hot water. I wrapped myself in a towel and headed for my closet, thinking about what I should wear. I decided on a pink sequin dress my mother had just bought for me with silver sparkly heels. I collected the other pieces to my outfit and went to lay them on my bed.
"You know you only have an hour to get ready, right?" Jake laughed, staring at me from my bed.
I jumped, nearly dropping my towel in the process. When the hell did he sneak in here?
"You can't just sneak up on people like that!" I laughed, gripping onto the towel tighter.
"I thought you saw me laying here when you got out of the shower. I'm kind of hard to miss, to most people anyway. Charlie had to leave. Some kind of New Year's Eve shenanigans already."
He stood up and walked towards me until he was practically on top of me. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy and I had no idea what he was thinking. I just looked up into his eyes.
"What're you doing?" I whispered.
He brought his right hand up to my cheek and pulled my lips to his. It was a sweet but deep kiss that managed to make my knees feel like jello. I was tempted to just drop my towel and allow him to do what he wanted with me, but I knew it would further complicate things. We hadn't hooked up in a while.
I pulled back slightly and pushed my forehead against his. "Jake, we need to talk."
He nodded his head and sat down on my bed. "Actually, let me get dressed first."
I took my time blowing out my hair before getting dressed and applying my makeup in my closet. I needed to gather my thoughts the best I could, though I should've known I couldn't play out how the conversation would go, no matter how hard I tried.
I sat down next to him, resting my head on his shoulder, trying to memorize this moment because I didn't know what would happen after this conversation. I needed to remember the way his warm skin felt against mine, how safe and relaxed I would feel as long as I could feel his warmth and the intoxicating way he smelled.
It's almost like he knew and was doing the same thing I was mentally. He allowed the silence to go on for 5 minutes before he broke it.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked.
I wanted to ask him if that kiss meant something. More than him seeing me in a towel and thinking we'd just be friends with benefits whenever it suited him.
"Jake, how many girls have you slept with?" This question was not part of my plan, more like word vomit, again.
"Idk, Bells. Why are you asking me this?" he had a dark expression on his face, one I rarely saw.
How does someone in high school not know how many people they've slept with?
"Come on, just an estimate." I pleaded.
"I don't know why that matters. Probably like 20. It's not something I pay attention to. That's a chick thing." He answered angrily.
I immediately regretted asking. I somehow had allowed myself to believe I was one of only a few. I felt sick to my stomach but refused to let it show on my face.
"So, basically you're a slut. I should've known." I laughed.
He stood in front of me, clenching his fists at his sides. "Is that really what you wanted to talk about?"
"No. It's not." I shook my head. "I thought you should know Noah asked me out on a date this weekend and I said yes." I answered arrogantly.
"Great. If you want, when you're finished fucking him, I can introduce you to the rest of the football team too. If you don't mind, I'd like to get to the party." He turned away from me and walked down the stairs before I could even reply.
I needed a few minutes to calm myself down or I'd break into tears. I have no idea what I just did to deserve that from him. I touched up my makeup, slipped on my heels and we left. The car ride was silent. We didn't talk for the rest of the evening. I don't count meaningless party bullshit he had clearly only said to act as if nothing had changed in front of everyone else.
He was actively avoiding any real conversation or contact, like I was the plague. After an hour, I quit trying.
I shared a midnight kiss to start the New Year with Noah. I promised myself my resolution would be to forget the fantasy that I was ever anything more than a friend to Jacob.
Saturday came quicker than I expected it to. By 7:30 I was sitting on the couch, waiting for my date to pick me up. I chose a black high waisted leather skirt with tights and a white plunging V-neck top with black booties.
At 7:45, I heard the roaring of an engine outside. I grabbed my black peacoat and headed out the front door. In my driveway was a beautiful white Porsche Cayenne with Noah standing next to the driver's side door.
I walked up to him admiring the car and wrapped my arms around his neck. "When did you get a Porsche?" I asked, looking up into his eyes.
He smiled, wrapped his arms around my lower back and pushed me tighter against him as he planted a sweet kiss on my lips. "I borrowed it. Thought you deserved the best, sweetheart."
I was surprised by how well planned the whole date was. I half expected him to do the minimal amount possible before trying to sleep with me. We had reservations at the Kokopelli Grill in Port Angeles before we went bowling. It was so simple, yet I couldn't remember the last time I had that much fun away from parties. He knew how to make me laugh and the perfect times to just pull me close to him and kiss me. They were sweet, passionate and communicated the way he was feeling.
We got back to Forks around midnight. He was the perfect gentleman, opening my car door for me and walking me up to the house. As we reached the front door, he placed one of his hands on the side of my face and kissed me fervently, his other hand trailing down my lower back before grabbing onto my ass, hard. I ran my hands through his hair, kissing him back with the same passion.
He broke the kiss, taking a small step back. "I had a really good time with you." He laughed.
"So did I. Thank you for dinner and everything. It was fun." My face was going to hurt if I kept smiling like this.
"I'm glad, I was hoping you would." He looked nervous. I've never really seen him this way.
He grabbed onto my hands with his own and smiled. "Isabella Swan, will you be my girlfriend?"
So many thoughts were running through my head. Why would this perfect guy want me as his girlfriend? Also, he'd be leaving by the end of the summer, if not before. But more importantly, what will Jake think?
I stopped myself there. My resolution was to stop assuming or thinking he cared. He had told me a few days ago he didn't. He would be on his own date right now. I can't wait around for something that might never happen.
I pushed my worries to the back of my mind and kissed him. "I would love to be your girlfriend." I answered.
I could see the relief on his face as he lifted me up into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. Between deep, full and passionate kisses he whispered, "You're absolutely amazing."
Somehow, I was still surprised the next morning when I got the Facebook notification of a relationship request from Noah. I quickly accepted with a ball full of nerves building in my stomach. Everyone would see this. Everyone including Jacob.
Within minutes our new relationship status gathered over 100+ likes. I felt kind of uncomfortable when I thought more about it. I started the year a quiet junior who tried her best to keep everyone out of her business. Edward's dumbass had completely ruined that.
I heard my father yelling my name from downstairs. When I reached the bottom of the steps, he was sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. "Isabella Swan, when were you planning on telling me you have a boyfriend?" he demanded.
FUCK.
It was Spring Break, the second week in April. My mother insisted on showing up to take Angela and I to Seattle to find prom dresses. We'd both be attending as Juniors with our senior boyfriends. I was happy for the trip because Ang and I had mainly spoken over phone calls and texts this semester. The parties had stopped, New Years was pretty much the last one. Weekends became more of a couple's thing. I'd hang out with Noah at his house or he would come over to mine. Typically revolved around whose parents were gone so we wouldn't be bothered. I also overheard Noah's parents tell him they no longer wanted him throwing parties at their house, they didn't want anything drawing attention to him in a negative light before he began college.
The day Charlie interrogated me about my new boyfriend, I had calmed him down by finally telling him my plans as far as college. He wanted to be sure my choice had nothing to do with my new relationship, but I assured him I didn't even know where Noah was going. He wasn't telling anyone until he officially committed in May.
We looked through the beautiful designer dresses with a price tag far too expensive for a prom dress. It's hard to believe people even spent this money on a wedding dress either. It was for one night.
"So, have you talked to Jake lately? Since you and Noah became a thing I mean?" Angela asked.
I froze where I was standing, thinking of the last time I had really spoke to him in person and the events before that night.
Valentine's day was the first time I slept with Noah. He went all out flowers, chocolate, etc. It honestly made the 2 years I spent with asshat pale in comparison in every possible way.
We went back to his place after dinner where rose petals and candles lined the path into his bedroom. He must've had some kind of help for this.
In his bedroom there were two wine glasses and what tasted like very expensive wine, along with some strawberries and whipped cream.
"You didn't have to do all of this you know. I'm happy just to spend the night with you. But I love it, all of it." I assured him as I laid down next to him on his bed.
"Only the best for my girl." He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arm around me.
"How'd you get all of this done when we were out anyway?" I asked.
"That is my own little secret." He laughed.
We made it 15 minutes into The Longest Ride before our clothes were off and he was trailing kisses from my neck down to my breasts. He kneaded one while he took the other in his mouth, sucking and biting. I could feel the wetness pooling between my legs.
We had fooled around before, but it never went this far. I wouldn't let it.
He moved his hands down to my inner thighs, trailing his fingers up and down. He was slowly torturing me. Finally, he slides his hand up and over my clit as his mouth moves back onto my neck. "Fuck, you're so wet. I can't wait to be inside of you."
My breathing is ragged as he slowly thrusts his fingers inside of me. I can feel it building inside of me and don't want to wait any longer. "Noah, please." I groan. It had been way too long.
"Please what, baby?"
"Fuck me."
He kissed me fervently as he positioned himself between my legs. I clawed his back and bit down on his shoulder as he slowly entered me. Every thrust was harder than the last. I moaned as his motions became faster and I kept up with his pace. I feel myself unravel as I climax. Noah came right after me, moaning my name as he did.
There would be 2 more rounds for us that night which lasted longer and were hotter than the last.
Before I went home, I asked him again how he threw the whole night together. I don't know why I was so focused on it. "I had help from Jake." He confessed.
The day after Valentine's day, Charlie insisted I stay home without visitors. Elena and I cooked dinner and I could tell they had something they needed to tell me. My mind had been on the confession of Jake helping to make my Valentine's Day with his best friend so romantic.
We sat down at the table and nobody said a word for at least 5 minutes. I decided I'd break the silence myself. "So, what is it you need to tell me?" I asked impatiently.
"Well, we've set a date. It's not going to be anything big, so it's also kind of soon. We're going to have the ceremony and reception with close friends on the reservation on June 25th. Then we'll be gone the month of July for our honeymoon. We know it's long, but you're also old enough to be on your own if you don't want to go to New York. Plenty of people here have already said they'll be around if you need anything." Elena spoke quickly, like she was nervous. I had no idea why. This was inevitable.
"Okay. Sounds good." I replied and continued eating my dinner. They both looked at each other and breathed a sigh of relief. I spent the rest of the night downstairs with them, we watched Pride & Prejudice before calling it a night. It was the first Saturday in a while I'd be going up to bed at 10pm.
What I didn't expect when I got up to my room was a tipsy Jacob Black on my bed. I closed the door quickly and locked it, glad my parent's bedroom was all the way down the hall.
"How the fuck did you get in here? Charlie and Elena are home." I demanded.
He laughed, completely amused and proud of himself. "How do you think? Through the backdoor and staircase. I have a key, remember?" He turned on my TV and patted the spot on my bed next to him. "Come on Bells, I won't bite."
I stood frozen in front of the door, not sure what to do in this situation. I guess we were going to act as if we had barely spoke in months or he had said such rude things to me. I'd confront him about insinuating I was a whore, but his drunken state made that an awful idea. Dammit Jake.
I went into my closet and changed into shorts and a t-shirt before climbing into my bed next to him. He was watching The Office and didn't bother to say anything at all. I waited for the episode to end before breaking the silence between us.
"Jake, seriously, why are you here?" I asked.
He looked over at me and it was impossible to ignore the sadness in his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I was a total ass to you, and I couldn't really figure out how to apologize or if you'd even accept one. When Noah said he wasn't going to see you tonight, I figured I needed to."
I felt a weight lift off of me because it was hard to be apart from Jake. Even when we had been at the same place with our friends, you could feel the distance between us. I hated it. There had been so many times I stared at my phone thinking of what to text him or if I should call him. I never got up the nerve to do either.
"Apology accepted, Jake. Just don't do that to me again. I missed you. I can't be without my best friend."
The goofiest smile was on his face as he put his arms around me and pulled me closer. I rested my head on his chest and fell asleep within minutes. It was the best sleep I had gotten in months.
When I woke up the next morning, he had found a way to sneak downstairs and make Charlie think he had just dropped in to congratulate them on setting a date. No doubt it wouldn't matter because Charlie might have loved him more than he loved me.
From that day on, we would text or talk on the phone at night at least once a week to catch up, but that was all.
"Earth to Bella! Let's go try these on." Angela laughed, pushing me towards the dressing room.
I would have never guessed a press conference full of people were this interested in a high school jock announcing where he'd be playing football in college. Noah clearly wasn't embellishing when he told me about it. It was the first of May and I watched on TV with Charlie as the local news channel covered it. I had opted not to attend because it wasn't about me. It was Noah's day and the only people who should be sharing it with him were his parents. They stood behind him looking as proud as parents possibly could.
My heart skipped a beat when I looked at the hats that were sitting on the table in front of him. There were 3 of them. Truth be told, I was scrolling through Facebook most of the time and it was my dad who drew attention to when he put the Wolverines hat on his head. "Bells, I thought you said your college choice had nothing to do with this kid?" he asked concerned.
I stared at the TV in total shock. He hadn't asked me because we weren't going to talk about it until he made his decision.
"Dad, we literally never talked about it." I assured him.
"This will be interesting." He laughed.
I had congratulated Noah on his commitment with a celebration with just us, but I never volunteered the information that I was planning on applying there in a few months. It was the end of May and kind of felt awkward now. As if I would assume, he'd want to stay with me when he eventually left for Ann Arbor this summer. I just took his lack of interest as there being a big possibility of us breaking up when he did leave. It ate at me, but how exactly do you ask that kind of question? I wasn't seeing as much of him anyway as finals, prom and the wedding approached. There was so much to do and prepare for.
We made time for a date night on Friday. It was the 5th of June and we just kept it simple. It had been the last official day for any finals. Most had finished at the beginning of the week. He came over to my house where we could be alone, at least until midnight. Prom was tomorrow and I had no idea how it would go.
We sat in front of the TV watching a Mariners game, eating pizza with some beer we had in the fridge. It just made me feel content, even knowing this could come to an end soon. We never needed to say much to each other. Little gestures like holding hands or sweet kisses always led to sex and tonight was no different. It was just the way we communicated. We had a quickie on the couch and just went back to watching the game. I don't want to say it was love as much as it just felt like infatuation.
Then, it happened. He placed a hand on my thigh and looked over at me. "Bella, I have to tell you something. I'm not really sure how to say it." He was still out of breath and looked anxious.
As he was finally about to tell me whatever it was that had him this nervous, there was a knock on the door.
Before I could even get up to see who it was, he just walked in.
"Jake! What're you doing here?"
Author's Note: Some days I have a ton of ideas for this story and the way I see the characters and the chapter just ends up much longer. I hope you enjoy. Thanks to those who read!
Again, I don't own anything from Twilight. The characters are Stephenie Meyers.
Also, the song is All We Are by Matt Nathanson
