Thank you for the reviews.
So we know what the theme is... now to have a bit of fun... I mean, those on Twitter know how much fun I have had with this fic and all the little changes that I have made.
Series 4 Episode 3
She might have smiled at her sister. She might have told him congratulations. She might have made the mistake of not introducing Benjamin properly. But there was no denying the way that her heart broke when Melissa told her.
Me and Eddie have been seeing each other for a week.
In all honesty, Rachel wasn't blind to it. She had seen the way that they were but maybe, if no one confirmed it, it wasn't true.
The only problem she had was she only had herself to blame. She was the one to push Eddie away and didn't tell him that she wasn't ready. It was the only reason she phoned Benjamin and she wished that Melissa could keep her little snide comments to herself. Especially the comment about 'a woman in love'. If Melissa knew what Rachel looked like when she was in love, then she would have stayed clear of Eddie.
She knew that Eddie would pick up on her mood. She just didn't expect him to pick up on it the day after Melissa had told her.
"Rachel, is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Everythings great."
"Can you look me in the eye and say that instead of trying to ignore me while you pretend to do your paperwork?"
She fought the urge to sigh as she put down her pen and looked up at him.
"Everythings great. Okay? I have got things to do after everything that happened yesterday."
"There was a time when you used to tell me everything."
"Eddie…"
"No, I thought we were over this. I thought you had stopped holding me at arm's length. I thought… I thought at the very least we were friends."
"We are."
"Then what is going on?"
She allowed herself to sigh. How could she tell him? How could she tell him that she made the worst decision of her life three weeks ago and now that decision had caused her worst nightmare?
"Nothings going on."
"Your lips are moving."
"I'm not lying to you, Eddie."
"Are you sure?"
He was angry at her again. She didn't blame him. She was angry at herself. And arguing with him was better than admitting what she now realised.
"Yes." She shouted back as she stood up.
Eddie shook his head at her. "Is it me? Am I the problem?"
"No."
"Then what is it?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"I thought you would be different." She said before she really had a chance to think about what she was going to say.
"What?!"
"I thought... you would be different." She repeated as she dropped back into her seat.
"How?"
"I should really know better." Rachel continued.
"Rachel…"
She looked up at him, putting a stop to whatever he was going to say. She thought about leaving him to work it out himself but she owed it to him to be honest.
"I don't know why I think it will be different each time. She will always be the more carefree, younger one. I mean, there is no contest really, is there?"
"No contest?"
"Between Melissa and myself. Everyone chooses her in the end. Our mum, my first real boyfriend." She paused. "And now you."
"Rachel…"
"And I didn't miss her little comment yesterday. Benjamin isn't my boyfriend or anything like that. Melissa wouldn't know what me being in love would look like. If you'll excuse me, I think one of us should make sure everything is in order after yesterday, don't you?"
She cursed herself as she stood up and made her way out of her office and into the corridors. The tension in her office was getting too much for her and she knew that she shouldn't have said what she did to Eddie. Or maybe she should have given him a chance to talk. Even though she knew that it was probably a good idea that he didn't say anything.
Rachel had done a pretty good job at avoiding Eddie for the rest of the day. But as soon as she got home, the texts had turned into calls and she felt like she could let out a sigh of relief as her phone finally stopped ringing. She picked her phone up off the counter and saw that she had purposefully ignored 30 texts and 25 calls. He was persistent.
The doorbell went and she sighed, knowing that he was on the other side of the door. Couldn't he get the hint that she might not want to talk to him?
"Rachel!" Eddie shouted.
It wasn't like she could pretend that she was out, more so when he called her again and her ringtone played out. In her panic, she rejected the call, probably confirming to him more that she was home.
"Rachel. I know that you are home. Just open the door. I want to talk."
If only she could talk to him. Then maybe they wouldn't be in this mess.
Admitting defeat and the fact that it seemed like he wasn't going to leave this alone, she walked over to the door and let him in. She wordlessly left the front door open for him to enter as she returned to the kitchen, picking up her wine and taking a mouthful.
"Eddie." She started.
"No. You did all the talking earlier. It is now my turn to talk." He sighed. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you say all those things outside of the pub if you didn't mean them?"
"Eddie…"
"You told me that there was no us. You told me that things have changed. I don't think anything has changed. If you stuck around to actually listen to me that night, I would have told you that the scar didn't matter. Because it doesn't Rachel. If anything, it shows the person that you are. That even after everything that Stuart had done to you, you were still willing to put your life on the line to try and save his. Because you never give up on anyone or anything. Except for yourself."
"Eddie…"
"I should have known that you would do something like this." He paused. "I should have known that you would… that you would be more willing to throw away what we had or what was building between us than to accept it. I should have known that you wouldn't have been able to pick up where we or the school was before the fire. I should have known that… nothing was okay when you were freaking out about the note. I should have been paying more attention to you. Because I should know you better than that."
Silence fell between them as Rachel tried to work out whether he was finished or not. She didn't want to start talking for him to interrupt her again.
"Melissa would say that is the Fenshaw. The ability to plaster on a smile and just get on with things. Not that Melissa knew Dad. He walked out when she was six-months-old. I was five."
"What did you get from your mum?"
"The Sutton? That is the ability to run away or avoid your problems."
"Right. Can see that."
"It was only when she couldn't work anymore that Melissa and I found out how ill she was. It's just always been easier to follow suit."
"You don't have to. Not to me." He paused. "What did you mean about your mum choosing Melissa over you?"
"I went home after I had been released and the charges dropped. Mum was deadly ill but still could argue with me. She said that it wasn't my home anymore and if I wanted to do that sort of thing, then I was better off on the street with the rest of the lowlifes. I asked about what her and Melissa were going to do and she… she said that I didn't have to worry about Melissa. Turns out she had sent her to live with my grandparents. To save her from the embarrassment of what I had done."
"Rach."
"I mean all of this is typical Melissa." Rachel said, allowing herself to get angry. "I bet… Maybe she isn't as blind as I think she is. Maybe, after all this time, she… just continues to like to push all the right buttons. The better education, the better life. Having men throw themselves at her feet."
"Rachel, I want you to think about yourself for a minute. I want you to be as selfish as you can be. Do you want me to break up with Melissa?"
The answer of no almost left her lips but she knew that, if she was being selfish, it wasn't the answer that she wanted to give. Of course, she wanted him to break up with Melissa because she wanted Eddie to be hers. But was it past the point of no return? Steph must have her suspicions that something is going on between Eddie and Melissa. Plus it would just be another thing for Melissa to hate her for.
"That isn't an easy question."
"Isn't it?"
"This… this is the best our relationship has been. I do actually want my sister in my life, mainly because I want Philip in my life. You breaking up with her for me isn't going to do me any favours. She'll… just hate me more than she already does."
"What do you want Rachel?"
She hadn't realised that they had got so close that she was tilting her head up to look at him. She hadn't realised that their bodies were only millimetres from touching. She hadn't realised that she had put down her glass of wine. But there was one thing that she had realised and that was that the man in front of her, that Eddie Lawson, was the man that she wanted more than anything in the world. That she always wanted him by her side. That she wanted his support and respect. That she wanted him as her ally.
Knowing that words would fail her, she grabbed a hold of his jacket and closed the small gap between them. As her lips met his, he reacted fast, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him. Her hands made their way up his chest to land in his hair. There was something magical about kissing Eddie and she wanted to kick herself for not doing it sooner.
Her head followed his as he pulled back from the kiss and her mind caught up with what had just happened. To her, it didn't matter that it was the best kiss in the world. It did matter that Eddie had just cheated on her sister with her. It didn't matter that it was early days but that she was now the other woman.
"I think you should go." Rachel said, not really wanting to let him go.
"We need to talk, Rachel."
"I can't do this to Melissa."
"And if it was the other way around? Would Melissa do this to you?"
She found herself laughing. "She already has done."
"This is my fault, okay? And I am going to sort it, okay? You are not allowed to blame yourself for this. I'm going to start looking after you Rachel, because it doesn't seem like anyone else is going to."
"Okay."
"I'll deal with Melissa."
"Okay."
"And it will give us time to sort you out as well."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
Rachel nodded at him. "Yeah."
"Then we will talk more tomorrow. Gives you this evening to think things over."
"Maybe I've done too much thinking over the last couple of months. Maybe that is why this is all happening."
"Rach, I pushed you way too soon. None of this would have happened if I let it happen naturally."
She knew that he knew that she was going to argue again. It was the only reason she could think of as to why he kissed her again. Not that she was complaining. Because kissing Eddie Lawson was the best thing in the world.
