Author's Note: Song is "Mercury" by Counting Crows.

Chapter 19: Just Like Mercury

She is trapped inside a month of grey
And they take a little every day
She is a victim of her own responses
Shackled to a heart that wants to settle
And then runs away

It's a sin to be fading endlessly
Yeah, but she's alright with me

Trina tapped her fingers against her steering wheel. She looked over the text message she'd received from Beck earlier that morning.

In Canada with family. See you next week. :)

A smiley face was a good thing, right? That was a good sign. It had to be. They would be OK. Beck had forgiven her, she was 90% sure. It was just as well that the gorgeous, perfect boy was away for the week because it gave her time to deal with her situation.

She looked up at the walkway leading to the door of the West residence.

She took a few deep breaths and got out of her car. Confidently she made her way to the front door and rapped her fist against it.

A few moments passed and she knocked again, harder.

Jade yanked the door open. "What do you want?"

"I need you to help me with something."

Jade scoffed.

"Look, you're the only one who knows about…you know…and I need someone to…" she looked past Jade's shoulder, making sure they were alone. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I saw my doctor this morning and I have an appointment at the clinic this afternoon. I need someone who can drive me home after."

Jade frowned at that, a million snarky responses racing through her mind, but the uncharacteristic gravity of Trina's tone and request kept them at bay. She tilted her head slightly. "Ok."

"Thank you!" Trina gasped, lurching forward and hugging Jade suddenly.

"NO!" Jade barked in response, but Trina didn't flinch.

She released Jade calmly. "Sorry, I just…I was really worried you were gonna be a gank."

"Yeah, well, no promises I won't be."

Trina nodded.

"So when's the appointment?"

"At one o'clock. At the clinic by the Jet Brew on 7th."

Jade glanced at her phone to check the time, noting the number of unread text messages was now at 29. Most, if not all, from Tori. "Cutting it close. What if I'd said no?"

"I don't know. Tori doesn't have her license. And it's not like I can have Beck or Robbie drive me to this."

Jade winced at the mention of her name. "Did you tell either of them?"

"No, like I said, you're the only one who knows."

Jade grabbed a hoodie and keys and made her way to her car. Trina followed.

They drove for several minutes in silence before either spoke up again.

"So…you and Beck…that's over?" Jade asked. Beck had told her that he would forgive Trina, but she couldn't imagine actually forgiving someone for such a transgression, so she assumed it had been a lie.

"I don't think so," Trina replied, side-eyeing her driver. "He's in Canada right now, but I think he's…willing to work things out. He texted me this morning and used a smiley face, so…I think that's a good sign. And I got a call back. So…once this is handled, my life will be back on track and everything will be OK."

"Your parents are still a mess," Jade said, clearly wanting Trina to be more upset than she was.

"Yeah, well, they won't be my problem for much longer anyway. Sucks for Tori though."

"Yeah," Jade gripped the steering wheel tightly. "How is she doing?"

"Tori? I don't know. She's your girlfriend, ask her yourself."

"I broke up with her last night."

"What? Why?" Trina gasped. Tori hadn't said anything on the drive to school that morning.

"It just wasn't working."

"So what, you want Beck back now?" Trina asked. "You figure if I don't tell him about this, you will and then he won't want me anymore and you can just-"

"No, Trina," Jade cut her off. "I don't want Beck back… especially now that he's…" she gestured vaguely at Trina. "Done this…you."

"Tori really liked you. I don't know why- you're awful. But she was really…look, I know Tori can be annoying as hell sometimes, but she's really good to you. And you don't deserve it. Like, at all. So-"

"Yes, all my life I've been told that I'm too much and that no one should have to put up with me. I'm a chore and not someone anyone actually wants to be with."

"Well you are, but Tori obviously didn't see you that way."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"You brought her up."

"Let's talk about you and the Robbie Jr. bun in the oven."

"Fuck you," Trina bit out, crossing her arms. "I still don't see how you are so sure it's Robbie's and I'm not telling Beck about this either way."

"Beck has this…condition, I guess," Jade explained. "Retrograde ejaculation, I think. He injured himself on a bike when he was a kid and that's what the doctors think caused it. He can have sex and he can…finish, obviously, but he doesn't…there's…almost nothing comes out. It goes into his bladder or something instead," she glanced over at Trina. "I guess there's no reason for you to tell him since you're getting rid of it, but don't tell him I told you this. It's private and if you guys are…he'll probably tell you eventually anyway. If it comes up."

"When would it come up?"

"I mean, I asked after the first time I went down on him," Jade shrugged.

"But he's OK? It's not like…a symptom of something more serious."

"I think it can be, but he's had all kinds of tests and he's healthy, so they think he injured himself in just the wrong way…it's a non-issue until he wants kids and then he'll need to see if there's a way to fix it, I guess. Not a problem right now though."

"Infertility would be a nice problem to have right now," Trina mused. "I don't want kids for at least ten years. Maybe never."

"I don't know if I want kids either. Not anytime soon, that's for sure," Jade agreed.

"Tori can't get you pregnant either, so another reason she's good for you."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Look, Vega is….Tori is just…she is…she won't be happy with me, OK? She thinks she will, but she won't. And I don't…I don't want to be with her long enough for her to realize that. I don't want to finally get comfortable only to have her realize I'm not worth it."

"You just want to leave her before she leaves you."

"I guess," Jade pursed her lips, bitterly. "I don't know how to just 'have faith' that it'll work out. Tori's all about faith and trust and hope and I just…I can't do that."

"So you're just a pussy?"

"I am not a pussy."

"I mean, they say you are what you eat, so I guess when you started dating Tori…"

"Oh my God."

She is leaving on a walkaway
She is leaving me in disarray
In the absence of a place to be
She stands there looking back at me
Hesitates, and then turns away
She'll change so suddenly
She's just like mercury
Yeah, but she's alright with me

When they parked in front of the clinic, the pathway to the doors was crowded with protesters, shouting and waving their signs.

Trina put her sunglasses on.

Jade pulled her hood up and grabbed another sweatshirt from the backseat. It was a purple hoodie. It was Tori's.

"This is your sister's," she tossed it into Trina's lap.

Trina pulled it on and pulled the hood up as well. She took a deep breath and got out of the car.

They kept their eyes fixed on the ground in front of them, hurrying into the building. Once in the door, they were searched and lightly frisked and then they made their way to the receptionist.

Inside the clinic was calm and sterile, in contrast to the noisy clamor outside. Jade took a seat and Trina filled out forms at the front desk. They had cut it pretty close indeed and it was only minutes before Trina was escorted back to speak with the nurse and have the procedure.

Jade fidgeted in the waiting room, trying to distract herself on her phone, but looking at the screen made it really hard to avoid Tori's stream of texts—now 31 of them. She opened The Slap, but that didn't help either as the first thing she saw was Tori's latest post.

JadeWest We need to talk. PLEASE. Tell me what happened!

Mood: confused :(

She sighed and opened her texting app, selecting her conversation with Tori and scrolling up to the night before.

8:36 p.m.

You can't seriously be breaking up with me for caring about you, Jade. That makes absolutely no sense. I know you. You just don't want it to work, but I can't figure out why. I feel like we had fun most of the time. Things were good. And then suddenly you decide it isn't working but you can't be bothered to actually give me a reason? You're mad that I'm OK with you spending the summer with Beck because you think it means I don't care but then you break up with me because I care (1/2)

Too much? You owe me more than that, Jade. (2/2)

Most of the texts were shorter though:

8:59 p.m.

You were happy with me. I know you were. So tell me what happened?

9:12 p.m.

Come back over and we can talk about this. :(

9:31 p.m.

If I did something that upset you, you need to tell me. Communication is key. I wouldn't intentionally try to upset you. You know that. So if I did, I'm sorry, but we can work through it.

9:36 p.m.

Please, Jade? Please, please, please?

9:37 p.m.

I know you like it when I beg. ;)

9:58 p.m.

Jade, come on! This is ridiculous. You know you can talk to me. So talk to me.

10:02 p.m

If you really don't want to do that internship, that's OK. I just thought it would be a good experience. I wasn't trying to force you to do something you don't want to do. I know I can be pushy sometimes. I will work on that.

10:41 p.m.

JADE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE AND TALK TO ME

11:01 p.m.

Please, Jade? Please talk to me.

11:11 p.m.

Fine

12:12 a.m.

Fuck you too

12:39

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just upset. Please talk to me. :{(

12:58

I want to kiss you.

1:02 a.m.

Please, Jade? I want you here when I wake up.

And at some point they devolved into a stream of sappy movie quotes…

2:02 a.m.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

2:45 a.m.

Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.

3:01 a.m.

To me, you are perfect.

3:08 a.m.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.

Finally there were a few hours where Tori must have managed to drift off to sleep.

6:39 a.m.

You had me at 'dude! Why are you rubbing my boyfriend?'

6:52 a.m.

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you.

6:59 a.m.

You can't avoid me forever, Jade.

7:13 a.m.

We aren't done yet. I know we're not. You just love things to be difficult.

7:26 a.m.

We could just be happy, but that isn't enough for you.

7:39 a.m.

I grew up with Trina. So I can put up with a lot, but that doesn't mean you can just expect me to do all the work all the time.

7:51 a.m.

Fuck you. I'm waiting at your locker. You WILL talk to me.

8:29 a.m.

So what you're just skipping school?

8:42 a.m.

You think I'm giving up after one day?

8:47 a.m.

Maybe I shouldn't care. Maybe you are right. Maybe I should be with someone who can at least be bothered to talk to me.

10:32 a.m.

You can't skip school forever.

11:58 a.m.

I'm going to come over after school so we can talk.

Jade pulled her gaze from the seemingly endless scrolling when Trina made her way out of the recovery room. It was almost three o'clock. If true to her word, Tori would be showing up on her doorstep soon.

"Tori texted that she was coming over after school. If she gets there before we do, she'll see your car. So start thinking of an excuse for that if you don't want to tell her what actually happened," she got to her feet.

"Just text her not to come," Trina replied groggily, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"She's been texting me all night. If I just say not to come, she'll get excited that I responded at all and definitely come over. You should text her and tell her that you need something or whatever."

They pulled their hoods tight as they made their way back outside, passing the protesters with downcast eyes, and getting back in the car.

"How are you doing? Do you feel OK?"

Trina nodded. "I just want to go home and go to sleep."

"Should I just drop you off at your house and you can get your car later then?"

"Sure, that works."

Jade turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. Trina called Tori and told her sister that she'd gone home sick at lunch and needed Tori to bring her some NyQuil from the pharmacy on the way home. Tori seemed to protest a bit, but Trina whined and hollered and Tori gave in.

They drove in silence the rest of the way home. Neither moved to turn on the radio, even. Only the sporadic buzzes and pings of texts received on their phones broke up the monotonous hum of traffic.

Jade pulled up in front of the Vega house and Trina turned to her. "Thank you for this. Maybe you aren't the most awful person. But you should stop being an idiot in your relationships."

Trina slammed the car door before Jade could respond and made her way to her front door.

Keep some sorrow in your hearts and minds
For the things that die before their time
For the restlessly abandoned homes
The tired and weary rambler's bones
And stay beside me where I lie
She's entwined in me
Crazy as can be
Yeah, but she's alright with me