Friday, 8/25/12, Shirogane Residence, Mid-Afternoon...

Naoto shifted in her bed, trying to relieve the small ache in her side. Try as she might, she never managed to find a position to lie in that would feel comfortable. The easy solution would have been to just get up and dress herself for the day, but that would also mean getting up.

Since yesterday afternoon Naoto had been lying in her bed, unable to muster the energy to get up and go somewhere, do something. Her eyes were heavy and sticky, caked with dried tears that had hardened after a weepy night and a shower-less morning. Naoto almost never skipped a shower and now felt dirty and disgusting, telling herself that she couldn't leave her bed because then the world would see how hideous she looked. Normally that was reserved for the days she woke up awash in dysphoria, but this entire ordeal with Yosuke had triggered an entirely different level of self-loathing.

A lurid growl from her stomach only added to her discomfort. It wasn't uncommon for Naoto to skip meals; she suspected that her fierce work ethic and generally anxious mind did a lot to suppress her appetite. With the added stress of everything going on, she had now slept through lunch, dinner, and breakfast, and her body was feeling the effects. Despite hearing the snarls in her gut, Naoto couldn't register feeling hungry, so she continued to ignore it as she lay lifeless in her bed.

At times the twin-sized bed was a cocoon, insulating her from a world that rarely made sense to her and providing a safe space to have an internal conversation with the judgmental and temperamental voice in her head. Other times it was a prison that kept her trapped with a hostile actor who had nothing but contempt and scorn for her own body. It felt much more like the latter recently, especially given her current wretched state. The progress she had been making over the summer seemed to be eroding and giving way to the familiar fog that clouded so much of her mind at any given time. Naoto's head currently felt like it had been pumped full of cement, which tended to happen any time she had a big emotional outburst in anger or in sadness. It physically felt like she could no longer process emotions or even basic thoughts, like yesterday's crying had just completely wiped the slate clean. It was a frighteningly familiar feeling that prompted Naoto to wonder what good she had actually achieved in the past year, and if she was ever going to change from being the strange, sullen husk she had always feared she was.

Only the buzzing of her phone was enough to get her to even look over toward the other side of the room, where Squirt and the photos of Yosuke still lay in state on top of her drawer. She did her best to ignore them as she reached out lazily for the phone also perched on the surface. She almost threw it away immediately upon seeing the screen's caller ID

Hanamura Yosuke

It seemed natural that he would try this, she thought; she had asked him to leave her alone, yet here he was, already disrespecting her wishes. What good were his apologies anymore? Naoto's head was too fuzzy to contemplate the rationale behind his actions and too angry to reasonably speak with him, so she simply ignored it, letting the phone buzz to its heart's content. After several seconds she picked the phone back up, noticing there was a notification on her screen.

(1) new voice message: HANAMURA YOSUKE

A voicemail. Again, her first instinct was to just throw the thing further down her bed and forget about it. Nothing good was going to come of this, she was sure, and she was better off just waiting out the next few days until it was time to go work with Mitsuru. And she almost followed through, holding the phone menacingly in her hand and prepared to give it a healthy toss. But somehow, peeking out through the malaise flooding her head, the insatiable curiosity that she had been cursed with since a very young age began to stir. Obviously she was in no mood to have a long prolonged conversation or argument, but… was there any harm in listening to it, no matter how clearly phony it might be? Just for curiosity's sake? She tried to ignore her muffled mind screaming at her the obvious answer, to not make things worse, as she confirmed the notification and brought up her voicemail, listening to the recording as it went along its pre-scripted chime:

"You have (1) new message. Sent today at (4:44 P.M.)"

"Nuh-Naoto?! –Sniff- it's uh…it's me. Look you were totally right, and I understand if you don't wanna hear from me right now, but…I talked with Kanji. Things are alright now. I'm trying, okay? If you'll just give me a chance…I'm guh-gonna be on the hill where we we…y'know. I'll stay there all night if I haveta, but p-please...Please just come and talk if you can, okay? I…I'm so s-sorry! I lo-"

The message cut off then, Yosuke having come to his limit on the length. The robotic voice on the other end asked her to press 3 to delete the message, but Naoto hastily pulled up the keypad and swiped 1, which replayed the message again.

Nuh-Naoto?! –Sniff- it's uh…it's me. Look you were totally right, and I understand if you don't wanna hear from me right now, but…I talked with Kanji. Things are alright now. I'm trying, okay? If you'll just give me a chance…I'm guh-gonna be on the hill above town, where we were last night. I'll stay there all night if I haveta, but p-please...Please just come and talk if you can, okay? I…I'm so s-sorry! I lo-"

She pressed 1 one more time.

Nuh-Naoto?! –Sniff- it's uh…it's me. Look you were totally right, and I understand if you don't wanna hear from me right now, but…I talked with Kanji. Things are alright now. I'm trying, okay? If you'll just give me a chance…I'm guh-gonna be on the hill above town, where we were last night. I'll stay there all night if I haveta, but p-please...Please just come and talk if you can, okay? I…I'm so s-sorry! I lo-"

It was hard to ignore the rawness and vulnerability in his voice. Yosuke was shiftless and oftentimes selfish, but even when he lied, he wasn't terribly good at hiding his emotions; years of experience in doing the same made Naoto an astute judge of that. The warble in his voice had been there at the flood plain when he reminisced about Saki Konishi, at the beach, and the previous night when he confessed to her. And, given the lack of any stuttering besides his own emotional, labored breathing or long pauses, Naoto also sensed that this didn't even sound like a lie. Even the part about Kanji!

But most troubling still was where he was cut off. "I lo-" It could have been a lot of things: I long. I loathe. I loaned. I load…

No. This may have been new to her but Naoto was no fool. There was only one viable option:

I love you.

It was a deeply manipulative thing to say, she thought immediately. How could someone who knowingly lied to her (and was aware it would hurt her) love her? To Naoto, love was the passive, gentle reassurance of her Grandfather's words or the dramatic and touchy but pure-hearted theatrics of Rise. What did Yosuke's hypothetical "love" entail? Lying to her, teasing her, playing with her emotions…but also making her laugh, spending time with her, doing what she wanted, encouraging her to be who she wanted, and most of all listening to her when she felt ugly, sad, and lonely.

Naoto finally sat up, wincing as the ache in her side pulsed. A lump in her throat was forming and it was going to take a lot of energy to hold everything in as she tried to process what was going on, to force her brain to trudge through the molasses it was stuck in. How could all of these things be true? Impossible! Maddening! Being lied to as a method of sabotage by countless awful men in police investigations she'd worked on and hearing the cruel whispers of classmates behind her back had forced Naoto to become very defensive against anyone who would do these things to her. Much like when she and Rise had their fight back in April, she couldn't stop her overactive imagination and anxiety from taking over when confronted with the possibility. She hated herself for it, but at the same time felt powerless to stop it; not even the recognition that the situation with Rise had worked out okay was enough to calm her down. The dried-up old tears were starting to be replaced by fresh wet ones as Naoto tried to breathe easy, feeling her face grow warm from all the blood running to it.

From the bed she moved up to wobbly feet and walked to her wardrobe, wanting to see her reflection in the mirror on the backside of the door. It was rough: her usually well-coiffed hair was tousled and messy, the look made worse by puffy eyes that had both the stain of tears and the weight of a restless night on them. She hadn't done much but shed a few layers of clothes for comfort since the other day, which left her in a somewhat large white t-shirt sloppily hanging out of a pair of black slacks with a dark blue camisole visible beneath the shirt. Worn backwards and rolled up to her chest, the camisole served as a rather effective binding method that was notably easier to breathe in and do other things comfortably. Unfortunately seeing it as it was now, sloppily viewable due to being dark against the white t-shirt and not rolled up because she had been sleeping, caused Naoto's dysphoria to kick into high gear once again.

As was custom on days that she was feeling it bad, Naoto saved the harshest thoughts for herself: Who could love her anyways? Not only was she ugly and unappealing, anger permeated everything she did, and even if it felt right and justified, Naoto truly hated how quickly the pendulum could swing, especially towards people she cared about. She could get very bitter and nasty, and while it may not always have been loud, her cruel words and actions could slice unsuspecting folks to ribbons, as they had to Yosuke. Emotional states often did nothing but drain her emotionally and physically, which left it so that any release of her frustration and anger were just that – outbursts with no real upside.

And it was so exhausting.

Holding onto all of this frustration, this pain, was too much to take a long time ago, let alone now. The friends she had made in Inaba were far and away the best thing to happen to her, and Rise especially had been great as an emotional sounding board for all of her more complex feelings. Why was it so hard to just be happy with that? She had spent the early parts of spring trapped in this cycle, wanting some deeper sense of belonging but being paralyzed by the crushing fear of rejection, despite her friends always being wonderful to her. It was like she was stuck in a time loop: no matter how great things got for her, she would eventually remember all that made her so anxious and it would happen all over again. Was there any hope of getting out of that loop? On days like this, she often felt not.

Despite this, it was difficult to ignore Yosuke's voicemail, which was still ringing in her ears. Why did he make it so hard? There were so many ways in which Yosuke was wonderful, his aptitude for kindness manifesting itself in a sweet way that made him very charming despite his clumsiness. Because of those great qualities his low points only served to be all the more disappointing by contrast. The rollercoaster of emotions that she went through the other day was not what she wanted to be the standard; she worried that this was all that awaited her should she make up with him. At the same time, Naoto also found it difficult to ignore just how much it meant to her to have someone in her life who knew of her struggles and had pledged their unconditional support. More still, she couldn't forget the butterflies in her stomach that arose any time she thought of him and his silly little grin, or how her heart had fluttered when he confessed to her. The fact that those stood out amidst her haze of self-loathing and other bad thoughts spoke volumes.

Was it possible to separate Yosuke from his failings? Was this all just her making things much harder for her than they needed to be? Did she have a real chance at a romantic relationship working in spite of his flaws and misgivings? Of her flaws and misgivings? Was it possible that she wasn't broken and unlovable?

Was it possible…that she loved him, too?

There was only one way to find out.


Friday, 8/25/12, The Hill Overlooking Town, Late Afternoon…

Naoto approached the top of the pathway slowly, carefully keeping an eye out for Yosuke. The walk to the hill had been long, and Naoto's mind hadn't stopped trying to plot out the possible outcomes the entire time. It was very tough to fight the parts of her that were loudly voicing their objections to this meeting. She was getting better at ignoring them but it took a really concentrated effort and her brain felt dangerously close to capacity. She had washed her face and smoothed her hair out a bit but stuck to the casual wear, only throwing on her black workout hoodie over the t-shirt. It wasn't what she was comfortable with, but considering she was so far out of her comfort zone already she figured she could just bite the bullet.

It wasn't long before she came upon the top of the hill to the small resting area. Not being a very big area it was impossible not to look through the few trees nearby and see Yosuke sitting on the wooden bench in front of the fence, his leg bouncing rather rapidly. The sun was only just beginning to dip into the skyline, and as Naoto put a hand over her eyes to cover up the brightness her hat would have, she could see that he was wearing sunglasses. She didn't need to see his eyes to note that he sat awkwardly and his legs and arms fidgeted wildly; he was just as nervous a wreck as she was. Naoto took the deepest breath she could muster, trying to not hear the shakiness in it, and stood up straight as she approached him.

Almost immediately he leapt to his feet as she stepped within sight. "Y-y-you came…!?" His voice was squeaky and confusingly tilted upward at the end, so his statement could have been an exclamation or a question. "I-I mean…You're here…"

Naoto slowly put her hands in the front pockets of her hoodie and looked down at the yellowish grass, not wanting to look at his blank expression. "Y-yes…I am." The words came out slow and stilted; as she was trying so hard to reign in her emotions, it had become tremendously difficult to remember the right way to breathe and speak so she could affect the deeper tone of voice she preferred. She tried to focus on re-centering her breathing while Yosuke spoke his peace.

"So…Thu-that must mean," he nearly whispered, taking a few steps closer to her, "A-at least I think it means you wanna –"

"Talk," Naoto interrupted, making sure the step back she took was notable and obvious, "J-just talk…" Naoto didn't want him to get the wrong idea that her arrival guaranteed anything.

He must have gotten the hint. "O-oh…Alright." He said, sounding a little defeated. He also shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts as he searched for words. "U-um…Well, erm…Geez, where do I even start?"

"Wh-why?" Naoto hissed, trying so hard to keep her temper in check that she couldn't help her natural voice coming out. Yosuke sputtered and began to speak but Naoto cut him off. "Konishi-san. Y-you duh-deliberately kept that from me! Why!? Whu-what part of 'no more lies' d-did you not understand? I-I thought you cared…" She could already feel there was going to be an unstoppable flood of tears coming at some point. Once again she hated showing how much things got to her, but it was really hard to keep it together in front of him.

Naoto looked up as Yosuke's silence endured, cursing at the black frames that kept his eyes impenetrable. She didn't have to wait long, however, before he removed the glasses and placed them in the collar of his shirt. It was hard not to wince at the sight of his black eye, but at least she could now see his one good eye, which was watery and red to match her own.

"I…" he started precariously, taking his hands out of his pockets and nervously wringing them, "I-it's not about you…N-not really, anyways. Saki-senpai, I…All those things I said to you, th-they were true! She was amazing, and she did make me feel those things. But then…Sh-she died, and…N-Narukami and I were the first to go into the TV World, and my sh-shadow was...H-he was inside her family's store, and I could hear her voice, and…"

Naoto could see that he was drudging up a painful memory as a tear cascaded down from his good eye. "She…She hated me. Thought I was annoying, said she was only nice to me to get a job, s-stuff like that. Yu said it was just the TV World and my shadow playing a trick, b-but…I-I was never sure."

Well, that was refreshingly honest, Naoto thought. Still, it wasn't an answer. Yosuke wasn't finished, however. "A-and fuh-for a long time, even after the case, I couldn't stop thinkin' about it. It wasn't…It was Yu who showed me that I had to luh-let go. She was dead, and no matter what I felt she might have said, I could move past it and grow…I could live for her instead of just without her. Th-that finally got me to move on…Until you and I started talking."

Here, Naoto cocked an eyebrow. What was he getting at? "See," he continued, "I-I felt bad about what happened with you and Kanji, a-and after Rise got me to talk to you, I wanted to help. B-but then," he sighed, meandering a bit closer to Naoto, who was too enraptured to step back, "I started…I started to f-feel these feelings for you that I-I hadn't felt since she died, and…I-I thought maybe things could be different if I…Wasn't so…Me."

Upon hearing that, there was a tug at Naoto's wounded heart. "Saki-senpai thought I was annoying and clingy, and I figured that…I didn't want you to think that either! And whu-what's more clingy than a crybaby who can't get over someone who's d-d-dead?" Yosuke's voice continued to crack as he struggled through his truth. "I-I never stopped believing what I heard in the TV World was true, so I w-wanted to just try and leave it all behind…To leave Saki-senpai behind. B-but that's whu-why you found the picture – I can't even tell the frickin' truth to myself!"

He stomped on the ground in anger, quietly swearing as he tried to compose himself. He wiped his slightly runny nose, an embarrassed look his face. "I try tuh-to move past it, but I can't! I've been t-tellin' myself that s-since I b-became friends with you all, i-it m-must have meant what I heard her say was wrong. B-but…" he was almost blubbering now, his hand doing barely anything to stop the snot and tears running down his face, "nuh-nothing helps! I-I think about her all the time…what sh-she said…And I believe it. A-and I think a part of me…will make her right, no matter what…"

Naoto's mouth went agape slightly, a little huff of air the only thing escaping her choked lungs. If he was doing this on purpose to trick her, he was a genius – how else could he have possibly known she struggled with this, too? "Yuh-you're everything to me," he sniffled, taking another step closer, "E-everything I said right here on Wednesday was real; that wuh-was the happiest n-night of my life. A-and I huh-hate myself so goddamn much because all I wanna do is be with you, but I feel like I can't stop getting in the way of it! I kuh-kept the truth about Saki-senpai from you because I –fuck- I thought it wouldn't muh-matter. Of course it did! Of course it…Shit! Yuh-you have no idea how much I wish I could take it all buh-back…I-I know you must think I'm s-such an asshole and that I duh-don't care about you…But I do. I do so muh-much, and…"

Yosuke stepped back, turned to say something again, then turned back and fell back on the bench, sobbing into his hands. Naoto didn't know what to think; at every turn this seemed to be more or less in line with the same things he had said back at the beach when she had called him out on similar behavior – he was simply insecure about what she would think of him and made a poor choice. Just like then, too, she couldn't help feeling that this was all a ruse; it was yet another sign that she had spiraled back into the same loop of doubt and anxiety that had gotten her in trouble with Rise. But even then, this was a bit much: here he was, sobbing on a bench with no one around with a very real black eye, an injury suffered ostensibly for her. What were the sheer odds that he was just a high-functioning sociopath of some sort, trying to pull the wool over her eyes? Who would possibly go to this much effort for, at best, a chaste kiss?

Maybe it was just as simple as what he said: he was deeply, impossibly flawed and he didn't know how to fix it. It hit so close to home she lost her breath.

Almost unconsciously she found herself suddenly in front of the bench overlooking this sad, sniveling boy. With his unkempt hair, black eye and tear-ridden face he looked every bit like some sort of wretch that the world had chewed up and spit out. Much like at the beach and in his room, it hurt very bad to see him reduced to such a state, so far away from the playful snickering of the Yosuke she had come to know so well.

He must have sensed her presence because he looked up, peeking through his hands. "I-I'm suh-sorry. I want to be better 'cause of you. I wanna be the kuh-kind 'o guy you'd actually respect and like. But -"

"Don't."

Yosuke took his hands away, his good eye showing confusion. "H-huh!?"

Naoto wasn't even sure she had said it; it was so strange hearing her normal, un-altered voice that it barely registered in her brain. Still, she soldiered on. "I-I said don't! I have h-heard you flog yourself long enough…" Yosuke never took his eyes off her as she slowly took a seat next to him, making sure she sat near the opposite end, a healthy space between them. "You…You perplex me more than anyone I've ever known." She folded her arms over her chest and looked off to the side, feeling the familiar shame come up again. "I h-hear you say these words, but I-I don't know if they are that of an angel or a devil. Do you really feel this way, or are you t-taking advantage of my inexperience?"

"Naoto…" she heard Yosuke murmur.

"I truh-treat you as hostile because…Because the world is hostile to me," she explained, a days' worth of frustration simmering in her throat, "So by e-extension, you must be, as well. E-even when you say the opposite…Even when you do the opposite. I…I don't know what it's like to l-let my guard down. It's scary…I'm scared…Of you. Of what you might do. Of what you have done."

Yosuke shuffled in his seat, turning to face her. "I…What can I do to fix that? I…I would never hurt you…Or at least not try to, anyways…"

It was the 110 million yen question that she had no answer to. "I-I don't know…I-I'm sorry. I believe you when you say that…But I also know that I am broken, and n-no matter how much you pruh-promise, I'll always find ways to not trust you. It's…It's like you said: I-I can't fight it. I muh-meant what I said about you the other night, too, and truh-truthfully I understand why you did what you did. B-but I…I just d-don't know if I deserve your affection, and I'm doubtful that will ever chuh-change…" Bitter tears began to fall down Naoto's face and she hurried to brush them away. She hated losing and being this cynical, but she was at wit's end. Nothing made sense and she wasn't sure it was ever going to. Why put herself through that? Why put Yosuke through that?

"W-well…" Yosuke stammered, getting Naoto's attention, "Whu-what if you can still change? I never thought…I never thought th-that I could admit to what my shadow said I was…b-but I did. A-and," he hissed, scooching a little closer down the bench, "I-I wasn't sure I'd ever feel the way about someone l-like I did Saki-senpai…but I d-did. Y-yeah, it was hard and I doubted myself…But I pulled myself through it because of you."

Naoto's breath caught in her throat again, her veins feeling like they were aglow with electricity. Yosuke continued. "Wh-whether it was just as your friend, or…now, I wanted to be better b-because you – and everyone else! – were there f-for me when it got too tough, wh-when I would forget all the pruh-progress I had made. Muh-maybe if we remind each other that we can change…it could still happen."

Oh, it sounded so wonderful. To be free of worrying that this was going to be her life forever, that she could possibly get past these crippling insecurities. But reality was stronger than her fantasies, and one look down at the misshapen lump she was in her slightly-too-big hoodie brought forth a wave of doubt and bad thoughts. She thought again about the posters of scantily-clad idols on his bedroom walls, and how quickly he moved toward making the relationship physical in some way. How could she compare, as formless and plain as she was, to what he likely expected? Would he lie to her about that, too? This was what stuck in her craw the most; if he was willingly dishonest about even things like his past romances, what was stopping him from lying about his own happiness regarding her? Naoto would truthfully rather die than have someone compromise who they were to be her companion, as she told Kanji.

She also realized that because he came home injured, he never got the chance to defend himself against her doubts. If there was any time to put his money where his mouth was, to prove that what he was selling wasn't just snake oil, and that change was possible…

"Yuh-yesterday," Naoto sniffled, using her big sleeve to wipe her eyes and nose, "I-I wanted to tell you something, and…It took everything in my being to even find the cuh-courage to speak with you about it. B-but with everything that happened I-I never got the chance to tell you, so…"

Yosuke turned toward her, wiping what fluid remained off his face and looking quite serious. "Anything. You c-can talk to me about anything, and I'll luh-listen. P-please gimme a chance…"

As usual, her senses never dulled, and it was clear in Yosuke's voice and eyes that he wasn't lying this time. A deep breath that came out tattered and weak did little to calm her down, but she started to try and explain herself. "Whu-when you, erm…e-erm…Wh-when you and I…kissed," she spat out, feeling like her tongue was swelling up in her mouth, "I-it made me…very uncomfortable. S-sick, really. I…E-even with you, I just can't…I cuh-can't undo my aversion to being t-touched. A-and…were our r-relationship to m-manifest itself further, I realize that i-i-intimacy is e-expected…b-but I d-don't take pleasure in those sorts of a-activities…"

Yosuke let her finish, then quietly added his own question. "S-so…you-you don't like kissing? I-is that why you…?" Naoto quickly surmised he was speaking about when she shoved him away when he went for the same move while at his house. A quick nod quieted Yosuke again.

"E-erm…Okay, I j-just wanna get this right: when you say "being touched," d'you m-mean like…any touch? L-like…"

She felt she should clarify. "M-my relationship with my body…It's v-very complicated," she moaned, "Thu-there are many things about it that I-I don't like. A-and if I'm not c-comfortable with it, I c-can't imagine someone else would be, s-so I…Would really p-prefer to just be l-left alone..." She didn't have time to wonder if that made sense before she felt a panicked response take over. "B-b-but please, I d-don't mean…wh-what I do mean is that I don't...I d-don't know if I've ever found myself – or anyone else – ph-physically a-attractive, a-and the idea that this s-sort of intimacy was expected of me…It made me v-very uncomfortable, and I've b-been struggling with it ever since Wednesday…"

There. It was out. More stress tears wet her face and eyes, requiring numerous swipes of her sleeve. She didn't dare look at Yosuke again; she could just picture his mortified face, probably thinking that she was the worst kind of freak and weirdo. The silence was deafening, much louder than the nearby flora and fauna rustling and making noise around them. Naoto wished like hell that here hoodie were actually a black hole and that she could retreat into it and disappear for good, never having to worry about looking Yosuke in the eye again after this.

After a while, she somehow found enough courage to look up at Yosuke, expecting the same kind of look she got from disapproving superiors and classmates. But…no! He was…smiling? It was a sad smile, one that a parent might give to their child who just lost a big game, but a smile nevertheless. Naoto blinked a few times, wondering if the tears and the lowering sun were playing tricks on her eyes.

"Wh…?" she blurted, still confused beyond words.

Yosuke shrugged, his own face starting to dry up. "I-I dunno, I jus' thought…it would be w-worse?"

What?

"I-I mean," he said, pointing at her, "Just lookin' at you, y-you must think you just said the worst thing ever."

Naoto could feel the warmth in her chest starting to swell up again, but she tried to suppress it, not wanting to get her hopes up. "Do…Do you mean…"

"Look, I…" He sighed, clearly not totally comfortable with what he was about to say, "I c-can't say that…Th-there's a lotta things about you that I…get." He winced a little, sitting forward to try and explain himself. "Wh-wh-what I mean is, like…Y-yeah, you are pretty…different. A-and – not gonna lie!" he emphasized, waving his hands at her, "I-I d-don't know how to feel about what you just said, but...I-I think…I-I mean, I hope…that a-as long as we-we're honest with each other…maybe it'll be okay We can...take it slow, figure it out."

His eyes were wide and focused, even if one was red from crying and the other black and swollen. Even worse, his sad smile was starting to form one of the disastrous grins. Naoto's heart swelled, the same feelings she had had on that same bench just a few nights earlier overwhelming her. Moreover, this was a remarkable change from what she had perceived him as given his somewhat sordid history. Confronted with all this evidence it was difficult to maintain ambivalence towards a potential future with him, but there was one last thing she needed to hear. One last thing that could possibly solve the puzzle of her own emotions.

"I…I don't even know how to e-express how happy that makes me feel," she croaked out to start. She still struggled with thinking that he was contorting himself around all her eccentricities; she would never want him to change if it meant he was forcing himself to. Unless of course… "B-but please, I need you to t-tell me something. The-the message you left earlier today…it cut off before you could finish. What…What were you g-going to say?"

Yosuke's grin faded, replaced with a decidedly more nervous expression. "O-oh, that…" his eyes cast downward, before he shyly looked back up at her, his face red once again with embarrassment. "I-I didn't think you h-heard that."

He wasn't getting off that easily. "Well, I did. P-please answer me. Please…" She could hardly hide her desperation; her mind was an unreliable narrator, so hearing the words spoken to her, by him, would mean they could finally become unimpeachable.

Yosuke could barely sit still as his head turned away, his blushing getting worse by the second. "I…I was tryin' to say…A-and y-you don't have to say anything! B-but I was sayin'…I-I…" Finally he turned to look at her, his face as serious as a heart attack. "I l-love you!"

Almost immediately fireworks went off in her mind; she felt like she could see stars, and loud banging was replacing any sort of rational, conscious thought. Her eyes went wide, losing their focus on Yosuke as she turned and brought her knees up onto the bench, nearly shrinking herself. He wasn't done. "I-I told Kanji…I told him that I wasn't sure. Th-that I didn't want to say it because it might mean something more than it should. But honestly? I d-don't care. It feels like love…so it is. I luh-love you, Naoto…"

So he was telling the truth about Kanji, too. The fireworks were only increasing in their intensity, so much so that she almost didn't hear what he finished with. "I-if you don't…Luh-like I said, if you d-don't feel it that way, it's okay, but…I-I think I was gonna lose my mind if I didn't say something, so…" He rubbed the back of his head, trying to distract himself.

The fireworks subsided a little, giving her some time to think. Once he said it, there was clarity – all the effort he put himself through, the real changes he had made to his behavior, and his commitment to her comfort? In any story she had ever read these were all the traits that her heroes sought after in their lovers, and would have been fools to give up. The words were like a lock pick on her own soul, too; she couldn't hide any more the burning desire to be in his presence all the time, to gaze at him and know that he, more than almost anyone she knew, was truly committed to helping her discover what she could change about her. It was a scary thought, change, and one that had a lot of lingering questions afterwards with no guarantee that they would be answered, but Naoto had been scared before, and it was easier to face the darkness with a warm hand to help guide her through it. Love had been a foreign concept to her for so long that she still wasn't sure if she recognized it, but like Yosuke said: if it feels like it, it must be.

"Y-Yosuke-senpai," she said breathlessly, her blush just as bad as his, "I-I've…I've been a-afraid o-of what might r-reveal itself if I o-open myself up to you, but…I owe you my true feelings, which are…I l-love you, too…" Her face felt like it was going to explode. "Err…A-anyways that seems to be the truth…"

Yosuke's grin came roaring back, filling his entire face. Drinking it in, Naoto found some semblance of a smile buried in the corner of her lips and offered it up to him, finding the confidence to continue voicing her feelings. "Senpai…" she stammered and played with the sleeves of her hoodie before looking over at him again, her wounded heart beginning to fill up. "I-I m-may not be the best…I may be incomplete in many ways…but I think I can grow to be someone worthy of being at your side. It will be hard, and m-maybe even at times insurmountable, but…M-maybe there is a chance I can finally learn to love myself…As I love you." As always there was a little jolt in her chest, the pain of being so open and raw, but it was once again a clear sign to her that this was the truth lying buried in her heart.

A few more tears fell, but these were from a euphoric joy that she hadn't felt in some time. It had seemed impossible, even with Narukami, that someone could see her for what she was – a disaster, someone who didn't have the faintest idea of what she was – and still desire her, to want to know her in an intimate way. And in turn, she would reciprocate those feelings; Kanji was sweet, a true friend and someone she respected and cared for, but he wasn't it. She was sure that she had missed her only real chance at that sort of relationship, but life had a funny habit of proving her wrong. There were far too many variables in what could happen for her to be 100% uncomfortable, but a quick stolen glaze at Yosuke, his face glazed over in a sort of dopey, love-induced haze, assured her that maybe it was okay, for once, to not have a plan.

As with the previous night, she wondered how best to break the silence without ruining it. Yosuke had gone a bit too far in his attempt to use no words, but she wondered if perhaps the point of physical touch wasn't always an act that was supposed to signal romantic intent. She remembered when they both touched the button that won her Squirt back at the arcade, and again after their first confession on this very same bench. In those moments, touching Yosuke's hand wasn't her attempt at intimacy, but trust. The desire to be touched still didn't manifest itself in her, but a desire to express that she trusted someone completely made a lot of sense; after all, this was the same basic feeling that got her through any time Rise was touchy, even if it made her a bit uncomfortable.

Coming from that point of view, Naoto scooted over a bit so the distance between the two was much smaller. Yosuke noticed, and he shyly opened up his right hand and placed it on the empty bench space between then. Naoto boldly shook her hand out from her sleeve and slowly, slowly, put her left palm over his. Her whole arm shook as Yosuke completed the action, his fingers curling up around hers.

"Is…Is this okay?" he said softly, his grip very loose and ready to dislodge the moment she said so. Naoto smiled through her tears, ecstatic that he was already trying to be considerate.

"Yes…I-I want to take it very s-slow, but…I trust you in this instance."

The two teens smiled at each other as their gesture went further, Naoto being the one to place her fingers in the open space between Yosuke's, making the grip on his hand airtight. Before long, Yosuke began to slowly caress her thumb with his, sending a bit of a tingle up her spine. It was new and very strange to experience, but it certainly wasn't unpleasant. She even reciprocated the gesture, pinning his thumb down with her own so she could do it, which earned a small chuckle from both of them. Naoto was surprised at how quickly it was getting normalized; after a minute or so, she barely noticed what they were doing and felt like their hands had become one.

After a while, Naoto turned her gaze toward Yosuke's swollen eye. She sighed, wishing badly that it hadn't happened. "I'm…very sorry about your eye," she said tenderly, "The swelling should go down in a couple of days." Even with the nasty shiner, she still admired his boyish handsomeness, even if it didn't exactly move her to passion. He smiled, although it was yet another sad smile.

"'S okay. Kanji said he was sorry, plus I kinda deserved it." He said seriously. "We, uh…We had some words during a basketball game, and I was a stupid jerk about his feelings. H-he saw us near the festival and so…"

Naoto's blush became volcanic as she understood his implication. "O-o-oh…"

"Yeah…"

They were both quiet as Naoto sorted out what that meant. "S-so…th-that means he knows about us. Does anyone else –"

"U-um, yeah, Yu does," Yosuke said, nodding. That scared Naoto a little; she was lying if she said she still didn't harbor some affection for their dear leader, and his opinion would mean a lot. Yosuke sighed and straightened up a little as he thought of something else. "Y-y'know, it might sound w-weird, but…I'm kinda relieved that they know, and I kinda wanna just hurry up and tell everyone anyways."

Naoto could relate, even if the notion did scare her a little. "I-I know what you mean. Keeping secrets…It doesn't seem like a good way to start off a relationship, or signal our trust of our friends."

"I'll say," Yosuke chortled. He tightened his grip, looking like he had more on his mind. "Really, I-I don't want you to worry about…Y'know, what other people might think. I already told Narukami, and Kanji, obviously…Y-you think Rise will –"

Naoto laughed, realizing how much her best friend had exited her mind in dealing with all of this. Even so, she had no doubt in her mind. "Rise is like a sister to me. She may tease me, but…I think she'll be happy for me, too."

This got Yosuke to smile. "G-good! And speaking of Kanji, He's actually…He's really happy for you, he said. D-don't judge him too harsh, okay? He's, erm…He's got a lot on his mind, and I just pushed the wrong buttons." Naoto smiled, relieved that Yosuke was willing to defend Kanji as much as he was. He had always antagonized the younger boy, and Naoto was worried that eventually it would boil over. Of course, she'd really have preferred it not to be over her honor, but if it helped to bring peace between the two, she supposed it was alright.

"Plus, he's got his own relationship issues now."

Naoto gave him a look, wondering what he was saying. "I-I beg your pardon?"

"Yeah, guess he's got his hands full with Yukiko, now!" Yosuke chuckled, returning to stroking her thumb.

Naoto shook her head, not really finding the humor in it. "If that's a joke, it's not a very good one," she pointed out, "Isn't there supposed to be a punchline?"

Yosuke blinked in response. "W-wait, joke? I'm not joking! What?!" He moaned, reacting to the eye roll Naoto gave him. "Hey, look at me! It's totally true!" Naoto obliged, her eyebrows lifting as she saw that he looked completely serious.

"W-what?" Naoto stammered, completely caught off guard. "Wh-when did they…Yukiko-senpai? That seems so…h-how did that happen?" Of course she was happy for her friend, and if anyone could feel what she felt with Yosuke, she felt it should have been Kanji, but that just seemed so random, to her. Yukiko was very sweet and kind, but the notion of her and Kanji in some sort of relationship just didn't compute for her. Luckily, Yosuke was willing to explain.

"I didn't get to hear much, but like…Okay, so today I got up and…"

Yosuke was already off telling the story, with Naoto his enraptured audience. At times his hand would pulse and squeeze hers just a little tighter, which she would give back with a delighted smile, getting a grin back every time she did. Suddenly it seemed as if they were the only two left in the world, the sun even bowing out below the mountains to give them some time together.

Naoto wouldn't have wished for anything less.