AN: How about a friends with benefits au?

A good song for this chapter is "K." by Cigarettes After Sex.

Full Title: Things You Said When You Thought I Was Asleep.


I slowly blink my eyes open. It's dark and late, but I'm unsure of the time. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago we were making love. Can I really call it that? Should I? We're not technically not dating. Technically. As far as I'm concerned, it's only because we haven't put a label on what we are. By definition, we're just friends.

It seems so odd how we fell into this arrangement. We were drunk when it happened the first time, something out of character for both of us. After a long and serious talk while nursing killer hangovers, we decided to keep seeing each other.

We were both just lonely kids, I guess.

I say that like it's been years. It's only been a few months. College is a weird time for experimenting.

I sigh when I realize it: I'm in love with you. I think I always have been which is why I wasn't turned off by our friends with benefits situation. It's why I look forward to our meetings. Having you in my bed, alone in my apartment... It's like I have a family and a reason to come home. More often than not, especially lately, you've been letting yourself into my apartment, waiting for me to get home. I'll come in to find you sitting at the low table in the living room, your books and notes strewn about it while you study. You smile up at me and kiss me in greeting when I come close. Then I'll make dinner, do some studying myself and then...

I feel you shift behind me. I don't move or indicate in anyway I'm awake. I'm not sure why.

Then I feel your fingers, so light, caress my bare shoulder. Your hand is cold, always is. I often joke you were an ice cube in a previous life. You just smile at me and say nothing, knowing better than to encourage my bad jokes.

"Mako-chan?"

Your voice is so quiet. You're trying not to wake me, obviously unaware I woke up before you. I decide not to respond. Again, I'm not sure why. Part of me wants to know what you're thinking while believing you're the only one awake.

Your hand moves and I feel your cheek against my shoulder instead. Your hand moved down my arm then moved to my hip. I like your hands when they're there.

I can feel your warm breath on my skin as you breathe. But your chest is pressed against my back and with no layers between us, I feel your heartbeat and it's beating fast. Are you nervous? Why?

"Oh, Mako-chan," you say, just as softly as before. You say it in gentle reverence and I feel my body respond. You only ever say my name like that when your lips are pressed against my skin, usually somewhere near my navel. Or into my ear while my fingers-

"I love you," you whisper. Your face turns and I feel your nose and lips against my arm. "So very much. I wish I could tell you."

You sound like you're on the verge of tears and I can feel my own eyes sting. I wonder, briefly, how often you confess your feelings when you believe me to be sleeping.

I hear you swallow a sob as your hand moves over my stomach, fingers splaying outward. Your embrace is possessive and I feel a tug low in my belly. You're not one to be dominant in bed and I find the idea of you being that way such a turn on.

But I feel you shudder behind me and my heart aches. I can't just lay here quiet anymore. I feel you turn from me and I turn to follow you. Our eyes meet in the dark and you're surprised.

"You're awake," you say softly. I hear fear in your voice. You think I'm going to reject you.

I swallow the lump in my throat and reach my hand out, my palm cradling your jaw. I brush my thumb beneath your eye, catching the tear that had fallen and wiping it away. Before you can say anything else, I lean in and kiss you. You melt against me and I push you back into the mattress and settle over you. You slide your arms around my shoulders and your leg hitches over my hip. You're trying to distract me from your confession. I hate to admit it, but it's working.

But not enough.

I pull away and look down at you. You're tugging at me, trying to bring me back down for another kiss. I meet you half way and press my forehead against yours, my eyes closing.

"I love you," I whisper. I open my eyes and stare into yours. "I love you," I say again. "I think I always have but I was too afraid to admit it." I press my head against yours again. "I just want you to be happy in all of this."

Your arms tighten around me. "You make me happy."

I lower my head and nuzzle along your throat. My patience is running thin. We need to have a talk about this. About us.

My hand moves between our bodies and you arch beneath me as my hand cups between your legs. As I push my fingers inside of you, I'm content with what's been said. And, I think, you are, too. For now.