Chapter 6 Amber's Secrets


Takes a closer look at Amber's role in Vincent's suicide. So yeah, warning, this goes into some pretty heavy stuff with him.


Hil spent the next morning following the day training in the Dreamyard in the hostel at Striaton City's Pokémon Center. Cheren and Bianca had already left an hour or so before, but Hil was only just sitting up in his bed. He had crashed in his day clothes and his hoodie clung to his frame in a cold sweat. He grimaced and pulled it off, flinging it to the floor. The rest of his clothes felt even worse against his skin. He walked over to his bag and rifled through it until he found another set of clothes—a plain white shirt, a pair of jeans that was probably several sizes too small, as well as undergarments—and tossed them on the bed. He then readied some various kinds of pokémon kibble he had bought from the store the prior evening and let his pokémon free, allowing them to roam the room and eat while he continued to get ready.

After a shower, he put on those fresh clothes, and took his daily clothes down to the public laundry room. After feeding the machine some cash and setting a timer for when it would be done, he returned to his room and flopped ungraciously on the bed. Noodle immediately jumped up onto the bed and curled up on his chest. Hil snorted and gently ran a hand down his back before scooting the Snivy off him gently.

"Okay, everyone," Hil cleared his throat as he sat up, "I got a question."

Noodle rested his head in Hil's lap and looked up at him patiently. Roadie, Lucky, Crest, and his newest party member—a Munna named Sleepy he caught later in the evening following the incident in the Dreamyard with Team Plasma—followed suit. Roadie and Lucky sat on their haunches with their ears pricked; Crest partially climbed up Hil's left leg. Sleepy, on the other hand, opted to merely glance in his direction from where she hovered a few feet away.

"You all understood that way better than I expected you to," Hil mumbled. "Well, anyway… Uh, I'm gonna feel stupid explaining this," he laughed. "So, there's this thing, called the gym challenge."

Nobody's expression changed. Of course, Hil thought irritably at himself.

"Uh… to explain, um… Well, you see, you know what we were doing yesterday, training at the Dreamyard? It's kinda like that, but the opponents are a lot stronger, and you usually gotta fight a few in a row without a break." He waved his hands animatedly as he spoke and looked like he was performing the world's worst game of charades. "And if you beat all eight of these gyms, there's even more powerful pokémon you can battle, the Elite Four. And after that, the champion. It's called the Pokémon League. But… it's not required. And you don't have to finish it if you start."

Hil blinked as the awkward stares only felt like they grew more intense. Roadie began to chew on his leg a little before turning his attention back to Hil.

"So… I guess my question is, do you guys want to do that?" He pet Noodle on the head and smiled as Noodle trilled cutely under his touch. "I just… Noodle, that battle against N… you got really hurt and the opponents out there are only gonna get way harder. I don't want to put you guys through pain like that if you don't want to."

Noodle abruptly pulled himself free of Hil's grasp and hopped to the floor, adopting an attacking stance, his tail raised high and head lowered slightly. He shot some vines from his shoulders and gently tapped Lucky on the forehead. She jumped spastically, all of her violet fur puffing out, and then looked back at Noodle cautiously. Noodle gave a little encouraging hop and hiss, and then Lucky made a similar pose back, her fur smoothing out once again.

Roadie, Crest, and Sleepy even joined in on the mock fight. At least until Sleepy began to issue a sing-song sound that made everyone feel a little drowsy. Hil quickly called her name and asked her to please stop, and to his surprise, she did. Everyone then turned their attention back to Hil, and began to excitedly bounce around his feet. It was Noodle who rushed toward the door to the room and scratched at the door lightly, his eyes downturned in something of a pout.

"Okay, so am I right to take that as a yes, you guys want to take on the gym challenge?" Hil questioned with a raised brow. He honestly hadn't expected them to understand him so clearly, or be so eager. Everyone gave an eager bounce in response to his question, Lucky landing in his lap and rolling over to show her belly to him. He had figured out yesterday it was a bad idea to take her invitation to pet it, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless. "Alright then. Gym challenge it is. Gotta wait for my clothes, though. Sorry, Noodle," he laughed as the Snivy hissed and stalked back over to him from the doorway.


Your Conversation With Vince

Vince

why did you text me just to tell me that youre pissed at me, youre always pissed at me

Me

Well since you cant be fucked to pick up the phone

Vince

Maybe Id pick it up more often if you wouldn't be such a bitch

Me

strong words, big boy, mr. bug trainer

Vince

What do you want amber

Me

You had better call tonight. Hil's going to be here. You need to talk to him.

Vince

I will talk to him

You know I will

It's you I don't want to talk to

Me

Real mature Vincent


That had been how all of Amber's discussions with Vince had gone in the months leading up to his accident. They could have filled books with the myriad angry text messages sent back and forth, both too isolated from the rest of the world to find anyone else to confide in or take their stresses out on, and both fed up with and wounded by the other. It was such a tragic and brutal ending to a closeness Amber had hoped would last a lifetime as they had once vowed.

She had found herself scrolling through the texts again after a few failed attempts at reaching Hil through the Xtransceiver. It was so lonely without him at home anymore and she couldn't shake the feeling he was ignoring her calls on purpose. She could understand why, but that didn't make it hurt or upset her any less. She missed him. She missed them both.

She had met Vince on her own travels through Unova. He had been charming and goofy, taking joy in making her laugh. He was a much better trainer than she and helped her traverse Unova that much more easily. She had never really enjoyed the gym challenge that much and as such, had appreciated his help. He mowed through the gyms easily and it seemed nothing could stop him. Nothing could stop them. Each day was a new adventure and they always were on the move.

Vince never beat the champion, but he always would manage to beat at least one or two of the Elite Four. All that gave him pause from ambitiously pursuing his goal of displacing Champion Alder was finding out Amber was pregnant just a couple of years after they had met. He had been thrilled at the news, had doted on her endlessly, and used much of the cash he had amassed over his victories as a trainer to purchase their little home in Nuvema Town. They had decided jointly the quieter town would be perfect to settle down in. Amber had been especially happy to discover two other women in the town were also expecting—Shea Goode and Britney Achron, now better known as the mothers of Bianca and Cheren respectively.

Everything had seemed to be going so well. But that was where the record started skipping. No longer able to travel long distances due to needing to help Amber, Vince could no longer battle the tough opponents that gave him the cashflow he was used to. He took up odd jobs nearby—the Poké Mart in Accumula Town and Striaton City, a lab assistant in Nuvema, an assistant nurse at the Pokémon Center—but he'd always end up losing them in the end. He had a wanderlust that needed to be sated and the longer he sat still, the more he struggled. She had tried to be understanding at first and Vince had insisted he could handle it to help her and his son, but his actions never backed up his words. She had never been able to understand why he couldn't just be happy with his homely life and settle in.

Despite their difficulties over the course of Hil's younger years, up until he was about eleven, they managed to keep it mostly under wraps. Vince was still his boisterous self around his son, joking and having a good time, still managed to make ends meet. As Hil grew older, Vince realized he could travel farther distances since Amber didn't need as much help, and so he did. He went on several week-long excursions deep into Unova's heartland. Unlike when he was younger, however, he found battling exhausting and no longer as profitable as it had once been for him. He lost frequently and cut into their finances rather than gaining anything. Amber had been shocked and furious to discover that. In retrospect, he probably had just been out of practice… it had been years…

Oh, how she would have given anything to go back and change that scathing reaction. She was certain it had been what drove him to find a gym to train under. He had decided on Burgh in Castelia City since it was relatively nearby, and Burgh seemed to have himself better together than the Striaton City triplets or Lenora. It had been strenuous to get used to him being away for an entire week at a time, but she had been able to accept it on the condition that he came home over weekends.

After the first year, however, Vince had lamented he was making no progress at Burgh's gym and he was still in the same class as some of the newest of trainers to the gym. Amber had blamed the fact it was a Bug-type gym. "You just can't win with Bug-types," she insisted. But Vince had just brushed her off.

"If that were the case, how is there a whole gym for them? One of Sinnoh's Elite Four trains Bug-types. Bug-types aren't bad. I'm bad," Vince had groaned.

"Well, with that attitude…" Amber had mused.

"I'm going to start staying there most weekends." Vince had spat that out quickly, as if ripping off a band-aid. That had been the precursor for the next two and a half years. Amber fought him on that tooth and nail. He wanted to stay at Castelia City constantly and send home money by mail to them, insisting he needed the time to focus and get better, and he could be far more of an inspiration to Hil if he wasn't constantly flailing between jobs. Amber had taken her stance that him staying in Castelia would drive him insane due to his love for travel, and not only that, but he would neglect Amber and Hil both by doing so. Their arguing got them nowhere and Vince had upped and left in the middle of a Sunday night. Usually he didn't leave to head to Castelia until Monday morning. He didn't come back the next weekend.

That was when the calls began. No matter who initiated the calls, they always went the same. Amber would beg him to come home for the weekend. Vince would insist he couldn't. The only thing that ever changed was how badly Amber reacted to him saying he couldn't. At first, she had been openly upset and vulnerable with him, expressing her rawest feelings about it. That hadn't worked. So later, she tried anger. She dug into him with a viciously sharp tongue. All that did was earn her self-deprecating comments.

"I'm sorry I can't be enough for you," he would shoot at her through the phone, his voice quivering and tense with emotion. "I don't want to come home, this mess that I am, to you and Hil, okay? Just let me do this, Amber."

"You're only a mess because you won't fucking come home!" Amber had snarled. "Just admit it. You don't care."

"That is not true!" Vince would practically wail. "Look, I've—"

"What, got to go?" Amber had sneered. "That's right, Vince, run away. Find somewhere else to be. That's all your good for."

"Yeah, you're right, it's all I am good for! You happy now?" Vince had spat. She could tell he was crying now. It didn't stop her.

"I'm sure Hil would love to hear all about that," she had growled.

"Don't you dare bring him up into this!" Vince had hissed. She could still tell he was sobbing, but between gasps for air to support his strangled lungs, he radiated rage. "This is not something that involves him, Amber! This is between you and me! He is the best thing that ever happened to either one of us, don't go messing with him just because you hate me!"

"Why? Don't want him to know just how awful of a father you really are?" She had latched onto his anxieties and sank her fangs in. Her heart had always pounded wildly whenever she said such nasty things to him. They had felt necessary at the time—a kick in the rear to get him to see sense—but no matter how often she did it… he never did. After a while, she came to despise him for that. Why couldn't he have just… listened to her for once? What was wrong with him?

That was just the thing, though, wasn't it? She had torn him down, worn away all his defenses; she had truly been his downfall. She still had no idea what she should have done differently, but she knew she should have done something different… and then the threats started. Another conversation came to mind from across that accursed Xtransceiver. At least they never used the video feature. They had both learned that was an accident waiting to happen with how hot their tempers could run.

"Oh, great, you're calling me to bitch me out again," he had sighed, "what do you want, Amber?"

"Hil's birthday is this Saturday."

"You know I'll be there for that. I don't know why you felt you had to call and remind me." That was true. Vince had never missed anything important for Hil.

"I don't know, you're never fucking here otherwise!" Amber had practically shrieked into the phone. She didn't know what she had been expecting from that remark, she had just been frustrated and wanted to get to him. She heard clattering from the other end of the line and muffled words.

"Fucking, you made me drop the Xtransceiver, Amber! It's expensive!" he whined in a hoarse tone. She recalled thinking it was strange his voice was so raspy. Now, she knew it to mean he had likely been crying for quite some time prior to her call. "You keep saying that, you keep saying I'm never there, and I do my best! I am doing my best! I am doing what I think will help us in the long run! Maybe I just shouldn't try if it's never going to get better, huh? Maybe I should just go and blow my brains out, huh? Would that make you happy, Amber? Would that do something for you?"

"Vincent, don't fucking start," Amber had growled, "It's not funny and you wouldn't do it, anyway. Oh, what would Hil think if you did?" she had asked darkly. She had never believed him for an instant and had again merely taken the opportunity to rake into him.

"Shut up about him!" Vince had fiercely screamed from the other end. It had then been her turn to nearly drop her Xtransceiver. The power in his voice had surprised her. She had shakily held the phone back up to her ear. "Everything I am doing is to try to make life better for him! He is the best part of me and my life! You don't get to just use him as a pawn in your arguments! How dare you use him like that! He's your son, too! Can't you respect him, even if you can't respect me? Leave him out of it!"

"…You're delusional, and I'm tired of talking to you, Vince. You don't make any sense," she had answered, exasperated, tired of hearing his voice. She had all but blotted out his words, having not wanted to listen to him.

"You've got no problem forcing me to listen to you but when I talk to you, I get nothing," Vince had whimpered. "Goodbye, Amber." He had hung up with a decisive click.

That had been their last conversation. Amber had decided she simply didn't care about him anymore enough to keep him talking and had tried to use Hil as leverage in her argument to get him to shut up. It had worked, even if she had gotten an earful prior to him hanging up. She had slept easily that night, like a baby, curled up in her soft bed, weighted comforter warming her up to her shoulders… She wouldn't discover until noon the next day that Vince had spent that night in a cold, tiled bathroom floor in a pool of his own blood.

Amber set the Xtransciever down and felt the sadness pulling her down like chains. She made her way into the kitchen and thumbed a lock hanging from a small drawer at the very end of the countertops. She used her other hand to retrieve keys from her pocket and she shifted them until she found a thin silver key that unlocked the drawer. Sitting inside was a set of three crinkled, lined papers, scrawled in rushed, ragged handwriting she knew belonged to Vince. One of them was stained a light pink on the very bottom right corner.

They had addressed Hil and Hil only. She had never given them to her son. She had read through them and the train of thought was all over the place, but mostly, the letter was a massive apology. Vince had spent it apologizing for failing to do better, telling Hil that he had been a lesser man, and he hoped Hil would do better than he had. Part of her kept the notes hidden from Hil for the strong language and the fact they spoke of concepts Hil, at fourteen, wouldn't understand. Another part of her kept them hidden for fear of Hil hating her if he knew the truth… Not to mention, since the notes blathered on and on about Hil himself, she knew how Hil would take them. He would take them as proof he was to blame for his father's death if he had been so prevalent on Vince's mind moments before he took his life.

Since most of her and Vince's arguments were over the phone, Hil never got to hear his father's side of the story. He had always sympathized with her prior to Vince's accident, but even so, hadn't hated Vince by any means. She had enjoyed that strenuous relationship. She didn't want Hil disliking either one of them… admittedly, she took selfish pride in Hil's sympathy. Perhaps Vince had been right about her, and she did drag Hil into their squabbles…

She had spent the time following Vince's accident trying to be there for Hil, trying to appease him and do whatever she felt was necessary to make him happy. But she couldn't deny that Vince was always on her mind and she knew somehow, her efforts were only serving to push Hil away. She had resigned herself to accepting Hil's distancing, but she never stopped trying, and obsessively checked behind him to make sure there was no threat of him doing the same. Thankfully, guns were incredibly rare in the Unova region, but that didn't stop her paranoia from driving her to rifle through Hil's room from top to bottom. That had also brought about conflict between them.

It had been a mess, if she was entirely honest. All of it. So much glass had shattered, and she still was finding shards lodged in her feet as time went on. Would they ever escape this part of their lives? Or was this just how life was from now on out? Was this her punishment for being so callous and cold toward Vince?

She gave a resigned sigh and picked up the notes in the drawer, clutching them close to her chest. It was a punishment she'd willingly serve, seeing how she had been his angel of death.