He didn't know what hurt more.

His heart, or the look of horror on his brother's face.

Virgil wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and wasn't surprised when it came back wet.

A hand shot out and grabbed his shoulder and he was drawn in, desperately, roughly, enveloped in arms as strong as his own.

"God, Virg, it's okay."

He drew in a ragged breath and tried to straighten himself out. Exposing this hadn't been the plan. This was supposed to be a private place, he hadn't expected anyone to find him here. This was where he let it go so no one knew.

But now someone did.

Shit.

He would have sworn, but his barriers were low and the frustration just generated more anguish.

For Christ sake, just pull it together. It was just another day. Just another shit day. Just more lives lost. Just more kids.

The images rose up and ate him alive.

And he found himself just sobbing more.

Damn, damn, damn, damn!

"Virgil, it's okay. Honestly, its okay." There were tears in that voice. Tears put there by him.

Hell.

He tried to pull away, but those arms held him tight. He could push it, but he had done so much damage already.

"I'm not a kid anymore. I've been there." A rough swallow. "To be honest, I didn't know how you guys did it. I thought I was the only one."

Alcohol and crying in hidden corners.

He did pull away then, the role of big brother finally pulling him into line. "I'm sorry, Alan."

His littlest brother looked up at him, eyes as red rimmed as his felt. "It's cool, Virg, really."

"It's cool."

-o-o-o-