-~~ KBTS ~~-

"Hey guys what's uuuuuuuupp!" A yellow robotic arm shot out pulling Ruby into a seldom used classroom in the depths of Haven.

She found herself forcibly sat at the teachers desk. A bright desk lamp pointed up into her face, the rest of the classroom left in nearly complete darkness.

"So, Ruby. You have some information we need. And you are gonna sing for us." Yang put both hands down on either side of the desk lamp and leaned over it bathing her face in an eerie glow.

"I must admit to being curious too." Blake appeared beside Yang with an almost shy look about her a tinge of pink to her cheeks.

Weiss appeared on the other side of Yang. "I got roped into this against my better judgement."

"You'll get nothing from me. What is this anyway? Good cop, bad cop, and… Indifferent cop?" Ruby crossed her arms defiantly.

"You'll talk all right. If you know what's good for ya." Yang smirked staying fully committed to her character. She pulled a plate of cookies out from somewhere, and held it so Ruby could see but not touch.

"What do you want to know?" Ruby eyed the platter a bit of drool in the corner of her mouth.

"We want to know about what the Knight's packing." Yang leaned back.

"Like his sword?" Ruby looked confused.

"Yeah, Crocea Jr. Specifically." Blake smirked.

"More like Cockus More."

"Yang! Don't be crass. This is bad enough as it is." Weiss shrieked.

"We want to know what you know. And more importantly how you know what you know." Yang's eyes flashed red while Weiss nodded along.

"I'm not gonna provide you with gossip material. If you're so interested find out for yourself." Ruby smirked back arms crossed. "I don't talk about my friends behind their backs." Ruby huffed and leaned back in the chair.

Yang sighed theatrically. "It's no use guys. You can't break her when she gets like this." Yang set the plate of cookies down on the desk in front of Ruby and watched as the first two disappeared.

With a smirk on her face she waited for Ruby to swallow, jam in a third, and reach for a fourth. Leaning forward Yang grinned, a sinister look on her face, "Remind me to tell Ren how much you liked his cookies."

Ruby paused with her mouth still full and a cookie hovering before her lips. "Wen made deez?"

"Yep." Yang popped the 'P', while calmly taking a cookie herself. She began staring at the cookie in her hand, as if contemplating where to take the first bite.

"Wha kand arr dey?" Ruby asked with dread in her eyes.

"Oatmeal raisin." Yang deadpanned never looking up from her own cookie.

"Wassin! Ghahhhn. Pwa pwa!" Ruby began spitting crumbs out and clawing at her tongue as if she could scrape off the taste. "The devil's fruit! I've been poisoned!"

Yang just took a bite as Ruby fell dramatically from her chair. "I heard he used honey instead of regular sugar to improve their glycemic index."

"Don't forget the flax seed meal to lower the saturated fat content and provide a rich source of Omega 2s and 3s." Blake added while snatching her own cookie.

"Honestly, these are quite good. I rather like oatmeal raisin. And a healthy cookie is a wonderful idea. Like a delicious, soft, granola bar." Weiss muttered from the sideline as she daintily nibbled her delicious snack.

"Et tu Weiss? Traitors. All of you!" Ruby seethed darkly while thrashing on the floor. "It's mutiny I tell you! A coup! Poisoned by my own flesh and blood!"

She began alternating between clutching her stomach and throat while groaning, gagging, and wheezing, "hunnnnghn. ghaahhhh. Heeeeeezzz."

"Well...if you want the antidote, just share what you know about the 'staff of Sir Adorkable'." Blake and Weiss shared a look at the unusually affectionate name for Jaune.

"Antidote first." Ruby squinted in what she thought was a menacing glare, the rest saw an adorable pout.

"Here have some milk to start, but the real antidote doesn't arrive for another 30 minutes." Yang proffered a glass of milk.

"What is it?" Asked Weiss with rare curiosity.

"VB is making his 'super secret recipe' chocolate chip cookies. He's hand delivering them at half past the hour. So you got till then to tell us what we want to know. Then you get your antidote, and I get to decide how hard to punch Jaune."

"You mean, IF you are going to punch Jaune?" Blake asked slightly worried.

"Ehhhh. Semantics…" Yang deflected. Then slamming her hands back down she shouted. "Now get to talking!"

"Fine." Ruby got back into the hot seat, while Yang adjusted the light to shine in her eyes. "What do you want to know exactly."

"You've seen Mini Vomit Man?", Ruby nodded. Yang sucked in a breath through her teeth. "How? And why? I want details."

"And an accurate explanation of what we are dealing with here. Rough measurements are preferred." Blake added from the side. Weiss looked at her aghast, but with a curious glint in her eye.

"Well… the first time was when we were camping on the road to Mistral. Jaune went downstream to bathe in the brook. I went to get firewood. But coming back I got a bit lost and headed toward the stream to follow it back to camp. As I headed up the stream I saw Jaune getting out of the water and trying to put his boxers on. Our eyes met while he had one leg in and was standing on one foot to put the other in." Ruby blushed. She couldn't see them, because of the light in her face but her audience was riveted.

"I was frozen in surprise holding a bunch of logs. Jaune froze too. But I couldn't help myself but look. He saw my eyes drift down and tried to cover himself but ended up tripping on his boxers and falling in the creek. It was really funny and I couldn't help but laugh. Then I semblanced out of there back to camp." Ruby blushed and looked down in embarrassment.

"When he came back to camp. Still in his wet boxers and his hoddie around his waist, he went straight into his tent to change. I tried to apologize but he just shouted. 'The water was cold!'"

"What does that mean?" Weiss asked in confusion.

"Things get smaller in the cold." Blake stated.

"They call it shrinkage." Yang nodded along.

"Wait… it shrinks?" Weiss looked incredulously at Ruby of all people, as if she was the expert. Much to the annoyance of the resident blonde.

"Yup. Not just shrinks. Apparently it turns itself outside in and sort of... pulls in? 'Like a scared turtle.' According to Jaune and Ren. The boys, not Ren and Jaune. I mean the….'berries'...they pull up too. And the 'purse' shrinks as well."

"How do guys walk around with those things?" Weiss voiced what all the girls were thinking.

"So the first time you saw it not very impressive ehh?" Yang tried to get the interrogation back on track. "What happened the second time."

"Well we were staying in a village and had just finished exterminating a fairly large group of ursai. The townsfolk put us up in the local resort but they only had the presidential and honeymoon suites available. So Juane and I stayed in the presidential suite, 'cause it had two beds." Yang audibly sighed in relief at that. And shot a glare at Blake who's own sigh had sounded more wistful.

"So… Jaune goes to use the shower while I get ready for bed. Now, he's been in there for a while, and I knock on the door, because I want to brush my teeth. So I say, 'Are you decent, can I come in.' And I hear 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.'" All the girls groan clearly seeing where this is going.

"So I open the door and Jaune is still showering. My first thought is that clear glass was an odd decorative choice for the hotel. That a frosted decoration would have been more tasteful and harmonious with the rest of the hotel's aesthetic." Weiss nodded at the observation, while Yang and Blake were a bit taken aback.

"Then I notice he is singing. 'Free Ride' I believe, using the little shampoo bottle as a microphone. So I'm just there frozen again, staring at his backside when he just turns around. And now I'm staring at little Jaune. Which at this point is not all that big, but still…"

"How big exactly." Everyone turned to Weiss in shock. "What? I'm merely trying to conceptualize the story."

"At this point? Ummm… about the length of Gambol Shroud's pistol grip." The three girls looked to Blake's weapon as she pulled it off her back. All three frowning a bit in disappointment.

"So I try and use my semblance to get out of there. But forgot that I closed the door. And whammo!" Yang face palmed. While the other two shook their heads.

"So... I come to. And when the swirling and stars stop, I see Jaune standing over me with a towel wrapped round him. Only the towel is way to short and the way he's standing doesn't do anything to cover himself, since I'm on the floor looking up, ya know? Well this becomes obvious to him as I start turning red, again. So he sort of jumps over me while apologizing and darts out the door leaving me alone in the bathroom."

"Wow… Just, wow. Real smooth Sis." Everyone is just gob smacked at the level of awkwardness.

"But still how big is he. I assume you got a better look? So far I have found myself rather... underwhelmed." Blake nodded along in agreement with Weiss. A slight frown and a sad look on her face.

"Well, I don't know exactly….." Ruby tried defending her friend to from the disappointed looks evident on the girls. "Not as big as described in Blake's books, but close to what I've seen on the Dustnet After Dark sites. The nice ones not the ones that look like some kind of horse Faunus. That seems like it would hurt." Blake looked nervously to Yang who was grumbling about how ineffective parental locks were.

"But when at full attention I estimate it'd be close to the length of Myrtenaster's handle. But bigger around."

Weiss pulled out her weapon for Blake to inspect. "Wow. Well I believe that is well above average. Thankfully not too big, but definitely a very nice size."

"Wheeew. Not bad" whistled Yang. "But how about the girth?"

Ruby made a vaguely C shape with her hand and started moving her fingers and thumb to try and get an accurate estimate. "Hmmmm. Again, not sure, it was bigger than I could wield securely one handed that's for sure. But I can only estimate. It's a really hard thing to gauge." Ruby's contemplative face was broken by a snicker.

"Heh. Heh. Hard thing…." Yang giggled despite trying to stay in her bad cop persona.

"It's kind of unbelievable how it can grow so much! And it can change size pretty quickly too. The final diameter is tough to estimate. It seemed to be getting even bigger when I let go of it."

Ruby's "Eeeep" and the collective gasps of Weiss and Blake. Were drowned out by the explosion of Yang's semblance. Ruby tried to run but her feet were already off the ground as Yang hauled her up by the collar to be nose to nose.

"Explain." The red eyed Yang all but growled.

"I don't wanna. Its embarrassing!" Pouted Ruby, arms crossed in defiance. But even the puppy dog eyes didn't sway Yang.

"Explain. NOW. Or I hunt down Vomit Boy and BEAT an explanation out of him!"

"No! It was all my fault. Jaune never did anything! Look can we just leave it at me doing something stupid, and awkward, and just really, really….. really stupid. Yes Weiss, I know I said stupid twice." The heiress's mouth clicked shut.

"No. Details. NOW."

"If you promise to never mention this again I'll tell you. But you have to pinky swear, Yang. And you can't hurt Jaune for something I did!"

"Fine. I swear to never mention this again. Or a beowolf will eat my hand." Yang intoned while sticking her pinkie finger in the air. She looked at Weiss and Blake to do the same.

Ruby just shrugged. "They're cool. I trust them."

"Stupid double standards…" mumbled the blonde mischief maker.

"So after the whole bathroom thing Jaune and I were weird around one another all day. And the next night I decided to fix it."

"Oh. No." Blake had her hand covering her mouth to hide a smile.

"So after he got ready for bed. I came out of the bathroom with only a bathrobe on. The hotel had these really nice plushy bathrobes. Anyway, he was sitting on the end of the bed taking his socks off, so I untied it and called out 'hey Jaune!' Before letting it slip off my shoulders."

"No. You didn't!" Exclaimed a shocked Weiss. Yang was unnervingly quiet while Blake held back a snigger.

"So what happened next? Did he ravish you then and there? Tell you how beautiful you were and make you feel like you were the only woman in the world? His woman. The only one who he would ever want to experience such bliss with ever again? Well? Did he?" Weiss had a manic look as she closed in on Ruby.

"Umm… Weiss? Let's let Ruby tell the story, shall we? Also, you are scaring her… and me." Blake eyed Yang who was breathing great gulps of air. Her eyes flickering with red and her hair sparkling.

"Ehhhh? No. No. Nothing like that at all!" Ruby squeaked while waving her hands rapidly back and forth. Her ears tuning redder than her cloak.

Yang stopped looking like she was going to explode but didn't look any less tense.

"Ruby, please just tell us what happened. No more interruptions, we promise." Blake pleaded. A bit wary of Yang's simmering volcano of fury. And bothered by Weiss's intensely eager look.

"Well…. I had my eyes grit shut, but when I opened them I saw Jaune had his own clamped closed as well. I said, 'come on you got to look!' And that stupid jerk said 'I know what you are trying to do and you don't have to. I'm not going to look.' Then he put his hands over his eyes and falls backwards onto the bed!" Ruby looked ashamed but also angry.

"So I jump on him and try and pry his hands off, telling him, 'You have to look! We need to fix this. I saw yours, so even stevens!' But he was all like 'This will just make it more awkward. I don't need to see your… anything! Really its fine!' Then it happened…"

All the girls leaned in with rapt attention. "I was pulling his hand back really hard, you know so he couldn't cover his eyes? And welllll… My hand slipped and I fell backward, while Jaune punched himself in the face. So he was groaning about that and I feel something hard poking my… other cheek. So I say 'I thought we said no weapons in bed.' And reached back to move it."

"Wait, wait, wait. I know we said no interruptions, and we were just getting to the good part, but there is definitely a story there." Blake's curiosity couldn't pass up a statement like that, much to the annoyance of Weiss.

"Lets just say... I was sleeping, cuddled up with my baby and had a nightmare. Beowolfs were trying to steal my strawberries. Yada yada yada. We had to get 3 new sleeping bags. And Jaune made a rule, 'no weapons in bed.' "

Weiss just face palmed, while Blake suppressed a chuckle. Yang probably would have teased her quite a bit, had she not been practically catatonic. Thankfully she was also too far out of it to make a pun of that either.

"Anyway I sort of tugged on it and he let out this weird noise and it started to throb and get bigger. I realized what I did and so I blasted off him in a cloud of awesome roses….. And hid under my blankets."

Everyone was too shocked to speak so Ruby just shrugged and continued. "So I was like. 'It moved. Why did it move?' And Jaune says, 'As a heterosexual teenager with a naked girl grabbing it, while straddling me, I'd be worried if it didn't move."

"To be fair, he has a point." An amused Blake snarked. Weiss and Ruby shrugged slash nodded in agreement while Yang's vacant stare was interrupted only by the occasional twitch of her eye. Her hands were planted on the desk which looked to be the only thing holding her up.

"So I apologized profusely and asked if he needed me to leave the room for a bit. You know in case he had an itch that needed to be scratched? He just said 'I thought it couldn't get any worse, but we have now achieved maximum awkward.' And then that meany just turned off the lights. I had to sneak out of my bed in the middle of the night to get dressed." She huffed with arms crossed.

"We talked about it the next morning, and we are cool. But we agreed to forget everything. And we have never mentioned it since….. well he hasn't… I think."

"So long story short. Ruby is as awkward as we expected. And Jaune turns out to be better endowed than average. And something of a gentleman." Weiss summarized.

"Far better than average." Blake mumbled eyeing Myrtenaster's handle with a bit of hunger.

Her musings were interrupted by a knock at the door. Weiss, being closest, flicked on the lights and opened it to reveal the less scraggly than she remembered subject of their investigation. And of greater importance to Ruby the plate of cookies he was holding. Which disappeared in a swirl of rose petals. The petals coalesced across the room, turning back into a girl, who immediately seized and began devouring a fistful of the baked treats. She was muttering about 'the preciousness' , 'proper cookies' and 'antidotes'. While hunched in the darkest most distant corner as she shielded her treasure from the others with her cape.

Jaune, shockingly, took that in stride. Without batting an eyelash, he pulled out a second smaller plate to pass around. "They're my triple chocolate brownie chip cookies. They have regular chocolate chip cookies, made with Mistrillian mini bittersweet chips, wrapped around a brownie center. Oh, and I also put chopped Herschnee Bars in them on top of the brownie. They were Pyrrha's favorite." He added with a bit of a melancholy note.

"Thanks Jaune." Blake gave him a soft smile.

"Yes, they are divine." Added Weiss as she nibbled one politely.

"Do I have flour on my pants or something?" Jaune nervously began dusting off the front of his pants as he became self conscious of where Weiss in particular was staring.

Yang on the other hand hadn't moved and continued to stare straight ahead. Mumbling something about "Rubaby." and, "Where did I go wrong?" When she suddenly lurched up and exclaimed, "What do I tell Dad? Oh gods! Qrow! He must never know." She turned to the door saw Jaune there, who gave a little wave. Her eyes drifted down to his belt line before widening, then she promptly passed out in a boneless heap.

"Oh no! Yang! Is she okay?" Exclaimed Jaune.

"Yeah, she's fine. Well... she will be. I think." Weiss tried to steer the knight out of the room so she and the team could recover.

"Dose she need an aura boost, cause I could try and…you know."

"No. I think that might be a bit too much too soon. Just give her some space. She just got some rather BIG news." Blake snarked as she gripped his elbow and guided Jaune the rest of the way out of the room.

"Okay. If that's what you guys think is best. I'll just see you at dinner, yeah?" The door was shut as Jaune departed. The white and black clad girls sliding down to rest with their backs against the door.

"So…. that was a thing." Blake sighed, looking at the unmoving mass of yellow hair in the center of the room.

"Yep." Replied Weiss popping the 'P', while eyeing the twisted figure in the corner. Who in turn raised her silver eyes above her cape to glare back before audibly hissing, her face set in a snarl, before descending back to her feast.

"I'll never be able to look at him the same. Will I?"

"Nope." Blake replied also popping the 'P'.

"These cookies really are incredible though, aren't they?" Weiss reached over and took one in each hand.

"Yup. So is the guy who made them."

-~~ KBTS ~~-


AN: So, a lighter chapter. Ruby stays sweet and somewhat innocent. And Jaune is ever the gentleman.

I figure it would be appropriate for Ruby to describe everything in relation to weapons. In this case the tang and grip size of various swords. That and it leaves it a little ambiguous and keeps it in the T rating range .

This is a continuation of the DragonSlayer semi-Omake from chapter 25. Next chapter is also a semi-Omake '50 shades of yellow' featuring Ilia and Jaune. Though I would have named the ship "ChameleMiles" like the tea flavor (chameleon and Miles Luna) or "Jauneaflage". It won't be an actual ship in the story, don't worry. Just some under-utilized character interaction.

I updated the last chapter a bit to improve the flow of the conversation between Ruby and Blake. I wanted to do that at the same time as I released the new chapter to prevent annoying double update notices. Hence the delay in this one being released. If you don't want to go back and reread it that's fine. The substance of the conversation hasn't changed just the pacing.

I don't claim any rights to RWBY.

I do however claim to have had the cookies that Jaune made. My wife made them, I think they are called "Scrumptions", and they were even more amazing than they sound.