Social distancing does things to people like me. It's been a while since I have touched this story. I don't know if anyone is still out there still reading but here goes nothing. I always appreciate reviews. Thanks.
"Sometimes we need to stop analysing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens." Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)
My mother's words continued to haunt me. Even after throwing myself at Kakashi.. Is this what I really want?
What do I want…
Thinking about this while scrubbing sheets on a damn rock isn't helping me feel any better. My arms ache from all this damn cleaning… I can't believe I forgot to stop by my parents and borrow their washboard… I can't believe Kakashi doesn't have one… well I can. I'm sure he's busy enough and makes enough to just get everything dry cleaned….
As I continued to scrub I began to break out a sweat. This is harder than reorganizing the shop… and this is only one fucking sheet…
How do stay at home wives deal with this sort of bullshit?
I pulled up the damp bed sheet and tried my best to wring as much water out of it as possible. My little rendezvous with Kakashi had an unexpected outcome… in a moment of animalistic ecstacy I wet the bed.
Kakashi said that it is called "female ejaculation" and that it's normal. It still didn't make me feel any less embarrassed. I have never lost control like that… or felt anything like that before… I mean I wet the bed so obviously.
It took only three minutes and orgamed so hard that I wet the bed in addition to almost tearing holes into his mattress. As much as Kakashi said that this meant I had an intense orgasm and how flattering it is for a partner to make someone feel so much ecstasy it just didn't help….
Everything about this scared me… all I can think of is what if my mother is right? What if I only think I like Kakashi because he's so.. New. I mean not new, new… I have known Kakashi for a while… just not like this. This is different.
What if I just like him because he makes me feel things that Arashi never made me feel?
Am I just… using him without knowing it? Will I grow tired of him just like I grew tired of Arashi… They both deserve so much more than me.
A low humming broke my train of thought. I looked behind me and Ishiko came out of the woods with a basket of clothes humming a love song. She didn't look all that surprised to see me.
"Well, well, love really does cause miracles."
I turned my attention back to the bed sheet in my hand. It was as dry as it was going to get so I began to fold it. I wanted to hang it on a tree limb and take a nap while it sun dried but I'm not in the mood to argue with Ishiko. I will just let her be.
She kneeled close to me and began to scrub away."You don't have to leave because of me."
I placed the sheet in the random straw basket I found lying around Kakashi's apartment. "I'm done. There is no point in me being here anymore."
Ishiko chuckled. It wasn't her usual snarky tone… no venom behind the laugh, just plain amusement. "Only here to wash a bed sheet. How precious. I remember those days with your brother."
I stiffled the urge to gag at the thought of my brother being capable of having sex with anyone. I definitely did not need that image in my head.
I turned to look at Ishiko and was surprised at what I saw. She was at peace. All of her features were relaxed… almost like she didn't have an enemy in the world. I have never seen her like this.
"I have means of washing at home but it's peaceful here. No one ever bothers me."
I don't know what inside of me caused me to blurt out, "Ishiko, what made you fall in love with my brother?"
Her scrubbing, rinsing, and wringing didn't cease but it slowed down. "It was the way Kiyoshi looked at me… your clumsy brother would always tear his clothes and bring them for me to mend."
Ishiko stopped, looked out at the still water and smiled. She looked like a teenager again. "Now I know your mother mends perfectly well but his excuse was that he didn't like her stitching."
She laughed,"Kiyoshi was the first man I have ever heard say that. What an odd excuse… He didn't like his mother's stitching... Actually… The first time he walked into our store was for some tailoring. I don't remember exactly what it was but I do remember how he looked at me. All of a sudden I felt like the only person in the room. Since then, after every mission, he would walk in with a torn this or that with some leftover candy."
She closed her eyes and shook her head with that reminiscing smile still on her lips. "Every time it was that same look. I don't know what is in that look…"
The scrubbing, rinsing, and wringing resumed. "Even after all of our difficult times, when he comes home from all of his long missions, it's just one look and everything else no longer matters. All the arguments go away and we are back in my mother's shop."
Maybe I have judged Ishiko too harshly.
She turned to me and said, "You know, I left my family for your brother. The only person who will see me is my mother and that is only because of Toshiro... They didn't approve of marrying someone who led the shinobi life, not because it wasn't honorable, but because there was a small chance of a happy ending."
And here I thought she was just making it up. Who knows she could still be making all of this up.
"They were right to say so. It is a battle everyday… especially when Kiyoshi leaves. I don't know if that is the last time I will see him. Anything could happen… after all, look at what happened to you."
I shifted my gaze toward the basket. She's right.
"One thing I promise you Hisako, if you really do like that creep, you will never be bored. Now terrified, yes. It doesn't matter how skilled a shinobi is, in the eyes of Death we are all the same. Every moment that he is away from the village will be full of dread."
I gathered my belongings and turned to leave. "Thank you for your honesty Ishiko."
"Life is short Hisako."
I hobbled away as fast as I could.
Why do I always run away from the truth?
After I snuck in, took a nap, and made Kakashi's bed, I did what I normally do when I am under the weather…. I went to a bar but not just any bar. I wandered into my old watering hole when I was a chipper, up to no good shinobi. I was instantly greeted by the bartenders and a couple of old regulars. It was almost as if nothing had changed.
"Hi Coco, it's good to see you kid."
"Long time no see Hisako."
"I heard you're going to be a sweet little housewife soon, Coco."
I had mixed feelings about this place. Everything about it was just so bittersweet. People still called me Coco here. I made Hikaru swear to never call me Coco ever again. After all, she died a long time ago but I never felt the urge to correct everyone else at this bar. Here I allowed myself to wear the rotting flesh of Coco just for an hour or two.
I asked for a double shot of whiskey, neat, and bummed a couple of smokes from a regular. She updated me on the chunin exams. Apparently it was over with a variety of casualties ending up in the hospital. That was the extent of her knowledge but it was enough to put me on edge.
All I could think about was my mother and Ishiko.
She offered me a couple more cigarettes and I bought her a round of whatever she was drinking and another neat whiskey for myself. I excused myself and sat at a table closest to the window.
I put a cigarette up to my lips and smiled. I didn't have a lighter but I did know this little trick where I could conjure up a tiny flame at the tip of my index finger. I closed my eyes and brought Coco back from the dead just so she could light my cigarette.
Life is short Hisako. It's time to stop hiding.
"Was that your opening move for all of the men that caught your eye?"
I opened my eyes and Kakashi was sitting right in front of me. Normally I would have panicked, tried to come up with some excuse as to why there was a cigarette between my lips, or simply say I wanted to try one. It would be stupid of me to think Kakashi didn't know about my dirty habit.
It's hard to get away with anything when it comes to ex-Anbu so why even bother lying.
I took a drag and exhaled, "Nope. Just a cute trick I picked up along the way for emergencies such as these and to impress little kids at birthday parties."
I smiled and he tried to reciprocate but I could tell he just wasn't in the right mindset. I wanted to say it was because we stayed up a little late last night but I know better than that. I pushed my drink towards him. "It looks like you need this more than I do…"
"Thanks."
"How are your genin?"
I lowered my gaze to give Kakashi privacy. I have always been curious to see what's behind that cloth but I respect Kakashi too much to see without his permission.
The whiskey glass hit the table, "They are alive. Would you like another?"
I looked up. His posture was impeccable but his eyes were focused on the empty glass.
Before he could get up, the bartender dropped by with a fresh round for the two of us. He grinned, "It's on the house. Think of it as a homecoming gift."
Now I felt like a total bitch for not remembering his name. To think this was my favorite bar and I can't even remember the smallest things about this place.
"Thank you but I never left Konoha."
His grin didn't falter, "I know Coco but it's always nice to see you around here. I only see Hikaru around here trying to find a girl or two to take home but when I see you it reminds me of the good old days."
I laughed. I never thought Hikaru would come here to find someone to have sex with but what can I say… we all have our secrets. "Pray do tell, what were the good old days?"
"Hikaru, yourself, and other up to no good chunin in here looking for some kind of mischief… but I will let you be and enjoy your drink."
Kakashi and I both thanked the bartender as he picked up the empty glass and left.
"I forget how popular you are Hisako."
I took a drag and exhaled, "Are? You mean were."
I ashed my cigarette in the glass tray in the middle of the table, took another drag, and exhaled as I spoke, "Hikaru was the popular one. I am just known because I was part of his entourage."
I lifted my glass and he lifted his in return.
"To your genin."
I closed my eyes and took a sip. Wood barrel aged for at least fifteen years. The good stuff. Kakashi's glass echoed when he put it on the table. I need to teach this man how to enjoy whiskey.
I opened my eyes again. Kakashi was as stiff as ever. He was ready to snap if he sensed if anything was out of the is going on with him?
"What's wrong Kakashi? I thought you said your genin are okay."
"I said they are alive but I don't want to talk about it."
I wanted to put my hand on top of his but I'm smoking. The least I can do is keep my cigarette away from him. I took another drag and exhaled, "As you wish...how long have you known that I smoke?"
I managed to get his gaze to relax a little, "Since the day you began…. After your final attempt of the chunin exams if I remember correctly."
"Damn… and Hikaru and I thought we were so smooth smoking on the roof."
"Hisako, my window was open. Maybe next time you are trying to do something and not get caught, leave the premises."
I took a drag and mimicked, "Maybe next time you are trying to do something and not get caught, leave the premises. Kakashi, where is the fun in that?" I took a sip of my whiskey and pushed it toward him. "How else were a bunch of genin supposed to practice their shinobi skills?"
"This might sound a little far-fetched but… by training like most genin especially right before an exam that was going to determine their future as shinobi."
Kakashi picked up the glass and I lowered my gaze as I took the final drag from my smoke, "As much as sensei and my brother said we should feel honored that you would even consider taking us to take our exams, you were still our mortal enemy Kakashi. No way were Hikaru and I going to train in front of you just like that."
I put out the butt on the ashtray and looked up. The whiskey was gone but Kakashi was still as stiff as a board. Something happened and this is probably no place for him to talk. Before he could come up with some quirky remark, I interrupted, "Do you want to go home? We can grab a bottle of alcohol on the way there."
"Home? What home?"
"Your apartment."
"I'm sorry but your contribution of zero yen to home expenses and your lack of presence in said apartment just won't cut it. Your right to call my home your home will be reconsidered within the next application period as long as such demands are met. Thank you for your interest in Kakashi's apartment."
"Shut the fuck up and take me home."
