To the guest that gave me the info on health insurance, thank you. I did wonder if it was something I'd only be able to find out about if I had it, but I'm about 95% sure that the last chapter will be the only time it'll be mentioned, so I have to admit that I didn't really look too hard!
Just to give you all a little heads up, I'm going to do my best to keep updating but I might have to take a break from weekly updates for a while. My own mental health has taken a bit of a dive recently and I have pretty much no motivation and the attention span of something with a very short attention span, but I'll do my best
Leroy was quick to stand when he heard the front door open a while later, making his way into the hallway, "where's Mom?" Rachel asked as soon as she saw him, "is she okay? Has something happened?"
"She's okay" Leroy reassured her, "she's asleep on the couch, I was just coming to tell you to try and be quiet."
"How long has she been asleep?" Hiram asked as he hung up his jacket.
"Maybe twenty minutes or so" Leroy waited until Rachel had gone through to the living room, desperate to see her Mom, "we had a bit of a chat and she cried herself to sleep in my arms. Later, when Rachel isn't around, I think we need to talk about what she said to me."
"Is she okay?" Hiram asked, slightly concerned.
"She wants to be" Leroy sighed, "I just don't know if she's there yet."
Hiram reached out to hug his husband, "do you need anything?"
Leroy shook his head, "not unless you've got a way of making everything okay for Shelby."
"I wish I did" Hiram sighed, trailing his fingers up and down Leroy's spine, "would tea help?"
"I don't know if it would help, but it certainly wouldn't hurt, but I'll make it, you go make sure Rachel's okay."
Hiram nodded and pecked Leroy's lips, "I love you, and we'll get through this, I promise you, all of us, we'll get through this."
"I know" Leroy squeezed Hiram's hand before pulling away to go and make the tea, "I know."
Hiram walked into the living room and sighed when he saw Rachel knelt by the couch, her hand over Shelby's as she watched her sleep. "Rachel" he said softly.
Rachel shook her head, "she isn't okay is she?"
"No" Hiram said honestly, "but she's trying Rachel, she's trying so hard."
Rachel didn't look away from Shelby as she asked him, "what happens if she gets tired of trying?"
"Oh Rachel" he moved to sit on the floor beside her, "I think that no matter how tired she gets, I think she'll always keep trying, and she'll keep trying for you because she loves you Rachel and I know that no matter how hard she's finding all this, I know she'll keep fighting because she loves you and she wants to be around for you."
Rachel nodded, "I hope her new medication works."
"I think we all do" Hiram smiled sadly, "but we know that the valium helps her because she's taken that before and I think she'll keep taking that until she knows if the new medication is working or not, and if it isn't then I'm sure her doctor will have her try something else, I don't know much about what goes on with her doctor and her therapist but she tells me she's honest with them about how she's feeling so they'll be helping her too, she might have secrets from us but she says she's honest with the people who matter."
Rachel nodded, "I hope so."
Hiram and Leroy eventually stopped asking Rachel to sit with them as it became clear that she didn't want to move from Shelby's side. She settled on the floor, sitting with her back against the couch to watch the movie her Daddy put on. They'd been watching for almost an hour when Rachel's head snapped back at the feel of fingers gently combing through her hair, "Mom" she couldn't help but smile, "you're awake!"
Shelby forced herself to return the smile, "I am. What are you doing down there?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep.
"I just wanted to be near you" Rachel whispered.
Shelby said nothing but rolled onto her side, her back against the back of the couch, "here" she gestured to the space she'd made, "you can…" Rachel didn't waste a second as she moved to lay on the couch, signing happily as Shelby draped the blanket over her before letting her arm fall around Rachel's stomach. "Okay?" Shelby yawned before pressing a kiss to Rachel's hair.
Rachel nodded and placed her hands over Shelby's, "yeah, yeah I am."
"And she thinks she isn't a good Mom" Hiram whispered to Leroy as the pair sat, cuddled together, in the armchair.
"I know" Leroy smiled, "and I bet Rachel falls asleep with her too."
"I certainly wouldn't bet against you" Hiram agreed.
They were right, Shelby dozed off again just a few minutes later and Rachel wasn't far behind her, Hiram and Leroy silently watching with amused smiles as Rachel tried her best to fight it, her eyelids fluttering closed only to be forced open again a few moments later until eventually she gave in and her eyes closed for a final time as she allowed herself to sleep.
Surprisingly Shelby was the first to wake, sleeping for less than half n hour before she woke, "she's asleep" Hiram said softly when he saw Shelby trying to look at Rachel.
"Oh" she yawned as she laid back down, "okay."
"Do you want me to move her for you?" Leroy asked, not sure if Shelby wanted to get up or not.
She shook her head and nuzzled against Rachel's back, "no, she's okay".
Hiram smiled softly as he watched. "Can I get you anything?"
Shelby's instinct was to say no, to tell him she was fine but she fought that instinct to ask, "I erm, could you get me a piece of my gum please?"
"Of course" Hiram stood to his feet, "I'll get it for you now."
"I'm going to make a start on dinner soon" Leroy spoke as Hiram left the room, "is there anything in particular you'd like?" he knew better than to ask if she wanted anything, knew she'd say no, didn't ask if she wanted to join them, just asked what she wanted to eat.
"I…" again, Shelby's instinct was to say she didn't want anything, "I don't…" she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, "I don't want to be sick again" she whispered, "could I have something plain?"
"Of course" Leroy understood, she wanted to stick to bland foods until she was sure her stomach was settled, "I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you" Shelby smiled, tilting her head back slightly when Hiram knelt by the end of the sofa.
"I bought you some juice" he told her, "I haven't seen you drink anything but two mugs of coffee today."
"That's because I haven't" she admitted, accepting the straw Hiram offered her so Shelby could drink without disturbing Rachel.
Hiram kept hold of the glass until Shelby was finished, "let me know if you want some more" he said as he handed Shelby her gum.
Shelby was watching the movie, still holding Rachel closely when the teen woke with a jump, startling Shelby slightly, "Rach?" she frowned. Somehow Rachel managed to roll over without falling off the couch, clinging to her Mom as she began to sob. "Rachel?" Shelby shared a concerned look with Hiram and Leroy, "what's wrong?" Rachel shook her head as she cried against Shelby's chest, not wanting to tell her Mom about the dream she'd just had. "Okay" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, "Okay."
"Mom?" Rachel whispered, feeling Shelby's breath hitch in her chest.
"I'm okay" Shelby tried to reassure her, despite the tears she felt pricking at her eyes, unable to ignore the guilt pooling in her stomach or the voice in her head that was telling her that, whatever this was, it was her fault.
"You're not though are you, you're not okay."
Shelby sighed quietly, "no, I'm not, but I will be Rachel. I don't know when but I will be."
"You won't leave will you?"
"No" Shelby promised, "I will go back to my apartment at some point but I will never, ever leave you. Even when I go home, you'll be welcome there whenever you want."
Rachel let Shelby wipe at her tears, "I love you Mom."
Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead, "I love you too Rachel, so, so much."
The pair stayed cuddled together as Leroy went to make dinner, Rachel still tucked against Shelby's chest, Shelby's fingers trailing gentle patterns up and down Rachel's spine until Leroy came to tell them that the food was ready. "Are you going to eat with us?" Rachel asked as she stood carefully from the couch.
"Yeah" Shelby sat up and took a sip of the juice Hiram had left by the couch before standing and taking hold of the hand Rachel was offering her, "I am."
"I made chicken, or tofu, in a tomato and basil sauce with potatoes and vegetables" Leroy told Shelby, "but I cooked a little of the chicken without the sauce in case you wanted it plain."
"The erm, I think I'll be okay with the sauce" Shelby nodded as she sat beside Rachel at the table.
Shelby tried but her stomach was still in knots and she only managed a couple of mouthfuls until she was full, and, as much as she wanted to eat more wanted to clear her plate of the small amount of food Leroy had given her, she didn't want to vomit again so she didn't force herself to eat any more.
Rachel headed upstairs to shower after dinner and, once Hiram had loaded the dishwasher, he joined Leroy and Shelby in the living room, finding Leroy on the couch and Shelby, as always, curled up in the armchair. "Can we talk while Rachel's not here?" Leroy asked softly, "about something you said earlier?" Shelby nodded, not sure what Leroy wanted to talk about but not feeling like she had a choice but to say yes. "Can I tell Hiram what we spoke about when he was out bringing Rachel home?" Shelby nodded again, curling her knees to her chest and hiding her face in the blanket she'd tucked around her body, knowing what was coming. "Shelby doesn't remember much about last night, and she's worried that if she has another episode of, I don't know what to call it, disassociation?" he mused, not sure of the correct word to describe what Shelby had experienced, "Shelby's worried that she might do something more, more self destructive than she did last night. I asked if she thought it would help if one of us stayed with her and she asked if I meant like a suicide watch. I asked her if she thought she needed that" Leroy paused, Hiram moving to sit on the arm of the chair, pulling Shelby into his arms when they heard her sob, "can I tell him what you said?" Leroy asked, waiting for Shelby to nod before telling Hiram, "she said she wanted to say no but if we'd have asked her yesterday if she'd force herself to eat until she vomited in the middle of the night she'd have told us no to that too."
"Oh Shelby" Hiram pulled her closer, "okay, okay, I've got you, I've got you."
"I'm sorry" Shelby whispered, "I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologise" he rocked her in his arms, "you don't need to apologise for anything, I'll go into work on Monday and see if I can work from home for a while, at least for the next week or so until you get settled on your new meds."
"I don't want to put you to any trouble" Shelby's breath caught in her throat between each word, "you shouldn't have to to babysit me."
"I won't be babysitting you" Hiram told her, "I'll be working in the office while you're doing whatever it is you want to do. I worked from home when Rachel was ill with laryngitis, this is no different." Shelby said nothing but nodded against Hiram's chest as she tried to catch her breath,"you're okay" Hiram rubbed Shelby's back, "sit up a little" he encouraged, sitting her back in the chair, "try and slow your breathing" he did the same for Shelby to match him, "that's it, you've got it."
"Do you think you'll be okay with Rachel in with you tonight or would you rather one of us shared with you?" Leroy asked once Shelby was calmer.
"I, I'll share with Rachel" Shelby whispered, "I don't want her worrying any more than she already is."
"Okay" Leroy nodded, "you know you can wake us though, if you need anything we won't mind at all."
"Thank you"
"Have you taken your meds yet Shelby?" Hiram asked, seeing that it was getting late, "do you want me to get them for you?" he asked her when she shook her head.
"Yes please" she whispered.
"I'll go" Leroy stood, allowing Hiram to stay with Shelby, "do you think you'd be able to manage a protein bar or a smoothie or something too?" he asked, knowing she'd barely eaten at dinner.
Shelby wanted to say no, she wasn't hungry, was sure she'd vomit the second she ate anything but instead she nodded, "I'll try, I don't think I could manage a lot though."
"Okay" Leroy nodded, "just something small" he promised.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Hiram asked, not giving Shelby chance to answer before telling her, "if you wake in the night, you can wake us. Knock on the door, come in, whatever you have to do, please, wake us."
Shelby nodded, "I, I can't promise that I…" she sighed, "sometimes it's like I, I know what I should do, and I know it's okay for me to do that but there's just something…" she gestured to her head, "something that won't let me do whatever it is."
"I think that something is probably your anxiety Shel, but that's okay, I don't know if it will help but Leroy and I, we'll leave the door open to try and reassure that doubt that it's okay for you to come in, hell, just get in bed with us if that's what you need to do."
Shelby chuckled quietly, "Rachel's already having therapy, I wouldn't want to traumatise the poor girl when she wakes up in the morning and finds the three of us in bed together."
"True" Hiram laughed, "Leroy can sleep on the couch then" he winked to show her he was joking, "but I mean it" he promised, "you can always wake us up, even if you just want someone to sit with you until you fall asleep again."
Shelby nodded and yawned as she let her head rest against Hiram's chest, "thank you."
"You've got nothing to thank us for" Hiram told her. "Now, come on. Let's get you your snack and meds and get you up to bed before you fall asleep down here and Rachel wonders what we've done with you."
