Chapter 30
I was afraid Hadara might come back after Harmione. I had to keep my eye on her at all times. As much as I trusted my parents with Harmione, she couldn't stay with them. At least not by herself. She and I spent a few nights with Mom and Dad, sleeping in the guest bedroom. Harmione slept soundly next to me. She rolled over on the other side of the bed. Her hair frizzy and stuck to her face. I pulled her hair behind her ear and stroked her arm. She slept on. I had so many questions for Hope, and she wouldn't even be able to answer me. Did she even know her own mother tried to kill her? Does she even care that her own mother tried to kidnap Harmione?
Stop Ben. I thought. I couldn't start thinking badly of her now. Not after all we've been through. The secrects I've kept, the promises I made. Not to mention all I've done for. All I've given her. I looked down at Harmione. But did she know? The question made my mind restless. The conversation I had with Julie echoed in the dark corners of my mind. I can't live without Hope. I can't, and I will not. I know Harmione can't. I can't teach Harmione everything she needs to know about both her powers and about...being a woman. I just can't. The thought of losing my Hope brought back tears to my eyes. I sniffled softly in the bed. Harmione was still and quiet.
I got up and put on my jacket. I only slept in a pair of boxers, and pajama bottoms. I zipped the jacket covering my bare skin, and a bandage wrapped around my upper shoulder. Since Hope's condition, I've skipped out on all my physical therapies. My shoulder and knee would get better in time. I wasn't too sure about my heart. I left the house and stood on the porch. It was a bit nippy out. I fumbled with a box of cigarettes and a lighter in my jacket pocket. I lit up a smoke. The orange ember glow illuminated my face in the dark. I puffed on the cigarette for a bit. Standing barefoot in the cold.
"Ben?"
I turned sharply hiding the cigarette behind my back.
"Mom?" I asked. "What are you doing up, did I wake you?"
"No...I always get up about this time to go to the bathroom...what are you doing up?"
"I just...couldn't sleep."
"Ben, honey I know you must feel awful; but you won't help anyone if you don't get some sleep...that includes helping yourself..."
"It's just one thing after another Mom."
"I know dear...but remember you're not alone...you are a good man...a smart man."
My mom without warning hugged me tightly. She quickly noticed the cigarette and pulled it from my hand.
"What is this?!" She shouted. She scoffed and put it out on the ground.
"Mom I..."
Mom hit the back of my head super hard.
"Ow, Mom!" I yelled.
"What are you stupid?!"
"What happened to good and smart?" I asked rubbing a knot on my head.
"Benjamin Kirby, I just can't believe it...Get your ass inside young man, right now!"
"I'm 24 now Mom..." I sighed.
"March!" She screamed.
I found myself in the kitchen, my cigarettes and lighter on the table. Mom had her Mom look going on, and she gave me a good lecture, even though I'm an adult now. She even woke Dad up. It really wasn't a morality conversation. It was a guilt conversation. A disappointment conversation. The were disappointed in me, but more worried than upset, angry, or frustrated. They could see a dark path in my direction. They felt I was headed for more pain. They responded a bit like Julie. I couldn't lie and say I was fine. I wasn't. I got so upset thinking about Hope as I sat and listened to them; that I just broke down and cried at the kitchen table. Though she didn't like it, Mom allowed me to have my cigarettes back, to which I smoked at the table while I cried.
"Ben, why didn't you talk to us; if you were hurting this bad?" My dad asked promptly.
"I don't know...Just ever since Hope got shot I can't think..."
"Honey, you know your father and I are here for you...we might not have powers, we might not be able to fix what's broken but we can fill in a few holes...you're our baby and we love you...it hurts us to see you suffering needlessly like this."
"I...I just...I thought if I married her...if we had a baby...things would quiet down and no one would have to suffer but it...nothing's worked and it still hurts."
I puffed on the cigarette.
"I mean even if she wakes up Hadara is still looking for Harmione...I wish I knew what she wanted with her."
"It doesn't matter what she wants...she's not gonna get it...we're not going to let her have way." Dad replied.
"This isn't hero business...it's family business now." He added. Mom nodded in response.
"Your mother and I were happy to see you smiling again and this Hadara is not going to mess that up."
I puffed on the cigarette again. Mom stroked my shoulder. I sighed heavily, smoke left my mouth as I did so. I left them and entered the guest room. Harmione was still asleep. I got in bed next to her and just wrapped my arms around her. She nuzzled into my chest.
"Daddy?" I heard her whisper in the darkness. So she was awake.
"What baby?"
"Is Mommy going to come home soon?"
I just sighed and looked into her eyes.
"I don't know baby..."
It was all I could say. I wanted to lie and tell her that Mommy would be safe and sound, and that she'd wake up and talk to us. Though I couldn't lie to Harmione. I just couldn't.
The next morning, Harmione was wide awake watching cartoons, and eating cereal in the kitchen. She'd swing her small legs under the table. Dad sat in the living room with an old space bazooka and read the paper. I left to check on Hope, she was still unresponsive. I shut the door as I entered and took a seat at her bedside.
"Hey...Angel." I began. "It's me."
Hope was tranquil and silent.
"Harmione wants to know when you're coming home...she's been asking about you a lot actually."
I cleared my throat and stood up over her so I could look at her face.
"I don't know if you heard but Julie tried to take your place the other day...but you know that's never gonna happen."
I stared deeply at her. She didn't stir.
"Angel I..."
I paused and looked at my feet. I could feel a hint of tears coming. I looked back at her beautiful face.
"That day...that day you tried to kill yourself...I...I think about it sometimes...And at times I cry to myself thinking about one day...the day you won't be here anymore..."
I sniffled a bit.
"I don't like thinking about it...it takes me back you know?"
She did not answer.
"To the time you weren't in my life...I don't remember much about it, either because my brain has forgotten, or I chose to forget."
I took her hand.
"I never told you the whole story...the whole truth...but it's why my parents worry about me...why I went to therapy..."
I began to cry.
"Why this is so hard."
I stroked her hand.
"I told you about that night on the pier...I punched the wood until my hand bled...I broke my knuckles...I...I never really showed you the scars...you may have noticed but like the Angel you are, you never asked about them...But I cut myself...I..."
I paused and tears rolled down my face.
"Hope I tried to kill myself too...and last night I thought about it again..."
The room was deathly quiet.
"I don't know why...but I did." My voice squeaked. "I know Harmione needs me...but Hope...she needs you too."
I cupped her face in my hands.
"I know I saved you from Hex, and from yourself...but you saved me too...I...Your mother is after our baby."
I paused again, and sobbed to myself.
"What do I do?" I asked as The tears continued to fall. "Angel...Angel...Hope!" I shouted.
I placed my forehead to hers and cried into her face.
"Hope please answer me!"
I placed my head on her chest and cried into it.
"Please tell me what to do?!"
I tried to stop crying but I couldn't. As I hid my face in her chest; I felt something very familiar. I felt a soft delicate hand caressing the hair on the back of my neck. I gasped, drawing in a large breath. As I lifted my head, her magenta eyes looked into mine. She had tears streaming down her face. My hands shook, my body trembled; I tried to move. I tried to speak, but only a small gasp like whimper left my mouth. We kissed each other passionately. We parted for a second, only to resume kissing each other again. I climbed into the hospital bed and lied down on top of her. After our kiss I was still so shocked I couldn't speak. She held me in her arms and stroked my head, running her nails through my bangs.
"Angel I..."
"Ssh."
I felt Hope breathe deeply.
"I...I...It's my fault...I I..I tried to pppprotect her."
Hope had a slight stutter after being a sleep all this time.
"Harmione is safe, Angel."
Hope released me and cried into her hands.
"I...I...I remember...remember I jumped up to grab her and mom shot me."
My eyes widen. She knew it was her mother.
"Why didn't you tell me about Hadara?"
I got off her and shook my head.
"You knew...and you knew she was alive."
"No..." Hope interrupted. "I didn't know she was alive."
"Tell me everything."
I sat in the chair near her bed.
Hope sighed. Her heart monitor beeped softly.
