Hello again! Thank you again to everyone who reviews/favorites/follows! And all you wonderful readers out there. I'm serious, you all keep me going ;)
Also, if you are celebrating, happy almost-Easter and Passover. This chapter is not exactly celebratory, but hey.
-Cat
Chapter 28
Wisemen/Fools
November 1, 1985
A deep stillness settled into paved streets in the dark of early morning. The streetlights hummed, casting the village into an otherworldly sodium aurora. Frost fuzzed over the black stalks of dying grass and filled cracks in the sidewalk. The children whose feet had pounded the concrete just hours ago were warmly tucked away in sleep, bags spilling candy onto the floor. Nothing oversaw the streets of Godric's Hollow, unless the pinpoint stars counted as living.
Then, sound sucked at the void like a warning and seconds later, a loud pop!
A man stumbled and fell to his knees in the middle of the lane. His sharp gasps for breath rasped noisily across the pavement. He remained on his knees for a minute. Two. Then, mechanically, he pressed his palms flat against the ground and cranked himself to standing. Barely conscious and head lowered, he limped heavily to the sidewalk, tripped up onto the cracked surface, and caught himself on the iron outer gate of Number Seven, Founders' Lane. There was movement in the yard, something rising from the weeds, but the man was oblivious.
Trembling fingers worked at the lock, failing to bend correctly. He gave up, grasping at his threadbare pockets and withdrew a wand.
"A-alohomora," he coughed. There was a soft click and the gate swung inwards. The man exhaled a relieved sigh and hurried onto the unused path, shutting the gate gently behind him. Memory of soft chuckles and warmth and baby coos that evolved and grew to words and pattering feet calmed his heart. A black-haired boy, growing and learning to count. A woman with smile lines deepening in her pale skin. A man with glasses and burning with laughter. Sunlit games on broomsticks in the countryside, quiet evenings by the fire. Finally, he looked up.
And froze.
Like a pale statue, he remained on the path, gaze fixed. A ruined house, jutting its blackened ribs up to the distant stars, gazed sadly back on the man it once sheltered. They stayed like that, man and house, locked together in sudden, cruel recognition. Repairs… repairs would not restore what had been lost.
He knew at once that he was wrong. The shock of apparation had disorientated him, confused dreams and reality. The boy had not grown up here. It had ended too soon for that. The night he'd once imagined over and over and over unearthed itself in his mind like some forgotten horror.
He remained that way until the eastern edge of the horizon turned pale lavender and a lone crow called harshly to the sun. Church bells stunned the man into motion again. His neck crackled as he turned it slightly to read the sign that had risen beside the path. His breathing was steady after his long stillness.
Then, without another glance at the house, he left.
The village was beginning to stir, a few people picking their way towards the square in the pink dawn. He carefully avoided them, skirting around the edges of the square with his head down again. He slipped through the kissing gate next to the church, where the plotted graves and brightly colored leaves nestled beneath a layer of frost.
He knew where to go, but took his time, meandering through the headstones and watching the sky turn to a clear blue through the sparse branches of the trees. The sun played through shadows, splashing light on his hands and feet. He marveled at it, despite how painful its brilliance was. Hymns drifted through the stained glass to his ears, songs he did not recognize. But he drank them in like a starving man, oblivious to his own weeping.
He had not heard music for a very long time.
He reached the grave eventually, pausing to sweep dead leaves from the grass in front of the headstone. Then to trace a bony finger in each letter. He withdrew the wand again and held it delicately across his blue-veined palm. He hesitated, then pocketed it once more.
"I'm," he started, and cleared his throat. His voice was not used much anymore. "I'm still here. Why am I still here?"
The stone did not answer. There was a swell of music from the church and he settled onto the grass to listen, no longer weeping. He let his mind go blank, the enormity of the question too much to handle now.
"Good morning."
He startled, badly. On his feet in a blink, he whirled to the foreign greeting. The music had stopped, he realized distantly. How long had he been here?
A priest in black was standing on the gravel pathway. His eyes were cautious and probing, but his face was kind. "Were they friends of yours?"
Heart pounding, the man nodded mutely.
"They had a few visitors yesterday too. Anniversaries are like that," said the priest. "What is your name?"
He thought. "John," he answered finally. Not a lie. Swallowing, he cast for something to ask. Anything. "Is it Sunday?" Because he realized he did not know.
"No," answered the priest. His expression was still kind, no judgment showing at John's question. "It's Friday. The service was for the Feast of All Saints."
Of course. He knew that once. His mother used to take him. Before.
"My name is Placidus. Perhaps you would like to come in? You look like you could use a cuppa."
Remus-John. Remus Lupin had died in that cellar. He couldn't be anymore. Maybe never again. So John paused, considering. Desperate for company and desperate to be left alone.
"Yes," said his mouth. "Yes. Thank you."
June 27, 1986
"I have a source that reports a dead man walking."
"You're going to have to be more specific, Burke," Sirius said through gritted teeth. He slapped together a stack of new reports and stood up.
"I mean Lupin. Did you know that he's been making the rounds of the werewolf packs in the area?"
Sirius felt the skin tighten on his face and hoped that Burke had not noticed. "You need a better source."
"Mine is very reliable."
Sirius kept walking, mentally cursing Remus for being so reckless. This was exactly what he had feared. He wended between the bullpen desks to the conference room. It had been transformed into a permanent war-room. On the wall glowed the last credible sightings of the escaped Death Eaters and Pyrites. Sirius scowled every time he saw that Pyrites' last known location was still in the Department of Mysteries.
Suspected Death Eaters were being tracked too, no matter what their status in the magical community. Something about seeing Malfoy's superior face up on the wall helped to level his stress. He should add a sighting in the forest near Lancaster for Greyback. Except he couldn't name his source.
"Nothing to say, Black?" Burke probed.
"Remus is dead," he stated harshly. He slammed the reports on the table a little harder than necessary. An intern carefully updating the notifications displayed in the window jumped.
"I don't think you believe that."
"I do now."
"I would love to see the evidence that convinced you."
"You already have."
"Of course, the wand. Did Ollivander not have anything new to add?"
Sirius clenched his fists. He could see Mad-Eye and Scrimgeour entering the bullpen. "No," he snapped, praying that the other auror had not spoken to the wandmaker. He pushed past him, making for the door.
"I hope you don't take offense if I have to verify that."
Sirius paused at the doorway. Hitting Burke again would probably get him put on probation after the warning he'd already gotten. But it was hard to stay calm with his blood roaring in his ears. "All resources are to be devoted to tracking the missing Death Eaters," he distantly heard himself say.
"On my own time, of course. If it turns out that he is dead, well. I can convict him posthumously. If not… I have a warrant for his arrest. I do hope you aren't hiding him away, Black."
Sirius rotated slowly. "No one would sign a warrant for a dead man," he said.
"They have a new person on the Wizengamot to replace Pyrites," Burke explained with a satisfied smirk curling on his face. "Loves frills and kittens a little too much for my taste, but she'll have her uses. She has a particular disdain for… half-breeds."
"Black. Burke."
Mad-Eye chose that moment to enter the room, his normal eye fixed on Burke. A strong, paw-like hand grasped Sirius' arm hard enough to bruise.
"Moody," said Burke. The sneer slid from his face. "I was just taking my leave."
But he paused at the exit, his shoulder level with Sirius'. In a low voice, he said, "It may interest you to know that the teeth marks and fur samples match what the Werewolf Registry has on record. You're protecting a killer."
He left before Sirius could respond. Mad-Eye was silent for a moment. Then he stomped further into the room.
"Get out," he growled at the intern. The intern scrambled for the exit. Sirius could feel the electric blue eye cataloging his rigid posture. "I have some updates," said Mad-Eye finally.
Sirius nodded jerkily to indicate he could go on.
"No sightings of any Death Eaters in the last twelve hours. Wanted posters for Eurion Pyrites and others have been printed and circulated. Since our talk yesterday, Dumbledore has not had anything to add."
"Okay."
"But there is one worrying development."
"What is that?"
"The dementors are abandoning Azkaban."
Mad-Eye delivered the news bluntly. Sirius appreciated this. He could feel the cold stir deep in his bones, turning his blood to ice. He resisted the urge to curl in on himself.
"Does anyone know why?"
"No. It's similar to what we dealt with when Voldemort was in power. They were promised… more."
"You don't provide enough."
His own words thundered in his ears, sucked air from his lungs.
"Until we have a more permanent solution, we'll be sending MLE officers to cover guard duty, under the direction of two aurors at a time. They'll have to be on a three hour rotation. There are still plenty of dementors burrowed deep in the prison. The ones that prefer to stay."
Sirius nodded, suppressing a shiver.
"Am I-"
"No," Mad-Eye said firmly. "No. You are excused from that duty."
Thank Merlin. He let out a breath.
"Anything else?" he asked.
Mad-Eye observed him with a critical expression. Then he wandered over to the table, skimming the detritus of reports and maps.
"Nothing. Except… I can't stop Burke's investigation. I can load up on him with other things but… there's nothing I can do."
"Yeah."
"The forensics match."
"There's an explanation."
"Not one the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures will accept. This falls under the Beast Division, Sirius."
"I know."
Mad-Eye stared at the back wall.
"Keep him hidden."
"I'm trying," said Sirius, letting some of his anger at Remus leech into his voice. If only Remus would let him-
"What will you do?"
Sirius swallowed his bitterness. He had nothing. No plan. No clever escape.
"I… I'm working on it."
"Whatever you come up with…I don't want to know. The fewer people in on this, the better. Sirius…"
"Yeah?"
"If this goes wrong, you can't incriminate yourself. It's not just you now. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"
Sirius felt sick. He couldn't open his mouth, so he jerked his head down once. Harry. He couldn't let anyone take Harry away. But he had promised Remus… Trust me, he'd said. For all that mattered with the shards of broken trust cutting into his skin with every word misspoken.
"He loves him too," Mad-Eye said softly. "Harry is the only reason he kept going so long. If it comes to a choice between him and James' son, he'll understand."
Maybe. But Sirius would never forgive himself.
"What exactly are we celebrating again?" he asked Molly later that evening, trying to sound upbeat. It was hard. It had been a long day and it wasn't over yet. The Order Meeting was tonight after dinner. He was carrying an enormous platter of roasted chicken to the backyard of the Burrow. Three tables were pushed together to create one long enough to comfortably seat thirteen people. Checked and lacy clothes were thrown over them and lanterns hung in the surrounding trees. In the rosy evening sun, it was almost picturesque.
"Do we need a reason?" Molly asked.
"I suppose not," he answered, reminded forcibly of James.
"We're celebrating good friends," she said. She placed a tureen of green beans on one end and instructed Sirius to set his burden down in the middle. "In times like these, we have to celebrate the simple things."
Privately, Sirius did not think good friends were simple things at all. The conversations he'd had with Burke and Mad-Eye haunted him for the rest of the day. If it comes to a choice… he couldn't let it. But he couldn't think of a way to exonerate Remus. Not without the ugly onslaught of the public court taking over, drowning out justice with a tidal wave of prejudice.
Just beyond the fence, Remus was watching the Weasley boys try to teach Harry a complicated flying maneuver that was way beyond his level. As the tension between them rose, Remus had become increasingly distant. In fact, the only person who truly seemed to cheer him up was Harry. He loves him too.
"Is everything okay between you two?" Molly asked quietly. At Sirius' sharp look, she said, "I am a woman and a mother, Sirius. I have a good sense of these kinds of things."
Sirius shrugged, not having the energy to answer. It would require too much explanation.
"He's different than I imagined," she mused.
"Less wolfish?" Sirius probed, his worries prone to tumble out of his mouth.
"No." Molly shot him a disapproving glare. "But he's not like you and James is he? He's quieter. Thinks more than he speaks."
"He was always the clever one. The only reason he ever got caught making trouble at school was because James and I were idiots. We used to call him Professor Lupin."
"What will he do now?"
"I don't know."
"Did he say where he'd been?"
"Traveling Europe. Laying low."
"Why not return when you were released?"
"He didn't know," said Sirius, concealing a curl of resentment. "When we ran into each other in Knockturn Alley… he thought I was there to kill him."
"Hmm. Well I'm glad you convinced him otherwise," said Molly. Behind her, Arthur came out of his shed and approached, wiping grease from his hands.
"About the meeting tonight," Sirius began.
"Don't start again, Black," Molly scolded.
"I just want to make sure-"
"We understand," said Arthur.
"There aren't many of the original Order left," Sirius tried one last time. "Most of us never thought we would survive."
"And yet here you are," said Molly briskly. "Now enough. We're celebrating. Let's not worry about the meeting until we're there. Sirius, go and get Remus and the kids. Arthur could you help me fetch the water pitchers? Mad-Eye will be here any minute."
Molly pulled her husband towards the house. With a sigh, Sirius marched through the gate to the paddock. Charlie had landed his broom next to Remus and was quizzing him on the feeding habits of Norwegian Ridgebacks. Sirius rolled his eyes then cupped his hands over his mouth.
"Oi! You lot!" he shouted. "Time to wash up! Dinner is served!"
There were whoops of excitement (Molly had not let them snack since lunch) and the children zoomed towards the house. Sirius and Remus followed at a much slower pace. All of the things Sirius wanted to say were stuck in his throat. He wondered if Remus felt the same, but his face was inscrutable as they passed through the gate.
Mad-Eye stumped into the yard and grunted a perfunctory, "Hello." He would be going with them to the Meeting after dinner. He seemed vaguely uncomfortable, especially when the Weasley kids spilled out of the house and took their seats, chattering loudly. It had likely been years since he'd been a dinner guest at anyone's house. The auror waited until everyone was seated, then settled himself in a place across from Remus, between Bill and Arthur.
Dinner was a delicious, disordered affair. The children talked over one another at rapid-fire pace, steadily increasing in volume to make themselves heard. Mad-Eye and Arthur talked about the latest Ministry regulations on the goblins at Gringotts, which Bill bizarrely found interesting. Remus had his head dutifully tilted towards little Ginny, who busily detailed a long list of her favorite animals and what made them her favorites. He nodded at each one with a solemn expression.
The sun had almost fully set, leaving only deep crimson and orange streaks bleeding into the indigo sky. The lanterns in the trees attracted miniature clouds of moths and fireflies strobed in the surrounding bushes. After dessert, the kids took off to the kitchen for jars to collect the glowing insects. The adults, meanwhile, leaned back, loosening their belts contentedly. A general feeling of well-being blanketed the company. The cinched muscles in Sirius' jaw released. Even Remus lost some of the distance in his gaze. Only Mad-Eye remained tense, but this was no surprise to anyone.
Arthur amused them with anecdotes from work, which included toothed toilets, a wild flock of plastic yard flamingos, and even a Vauxhall Nova that had reportedly kidnapped its muggle owner when he was driving it to work. At this, Molly interjected shrewdly, "And what will the consequences be for the wizard responsible?"
Arthur coughed awkwardly and changed the subject. Sirius whispered to Remus what the Weasley patriarch had hidden in the tool shed. A single amused eyebrow crept up the werewolf's forehead, making him look much younger.
"So Remus, tell us the most embarrassing thing Sirius ever did in school," Arthur requested loudly.
"Hmmm," said Remus. He leaned forward in his chair. "There are so many things it would be hard to pick just one."
"Sweet Merlin-" Sirius started when Remus shot him an evil look.
"I'm going to have to settle on what we referred to as, 'The Love Potion Incident.' Hogwarts was never the same."
"Someone just kill me now," Sirius grumbled good-naturedly. It was a tale that became something of a legend amongst the Marauders. Remus was already shedding the last of his gloomy demeanor, his amber eyes glinting.
"It all began the day after Valentine's Day, 1977."
"That was sixth year? I thought it was-"
"Yes, sixth year. Some mischievous Gryffindors-no names need be mentioned-had brewed up a large batch of Love Potion and were distributing small, one hour doses to students willing to pay a small fee."
"Ah, the chaos was spectacular," Sirius reflected
"It happened that on February 15th, these particular Gryffindors had some potion left over. And, due to an unfortunate mix up-"
"Your fault."
"Due to an unfortunate mix up," Remus repeated sternly. "That had nothing to do with me and everything to do with James, Sirius may have-accidentally-taken enough to last at least twenty hours. Now this particular potion worked to make the victim fall hopelessly in love with the first person they saw. Oblivious to the danger he was in, Sirius was walking down to the Great Hall when who should he run into but-"
"McGonagall!" said Mad-Eye suddenly.
Remus looked nonplussed. "Yes, how did you-"
"No," Mad-Eye growled, standing and pointing with a gnarled finger. "The patronus, look!"
The other three adults turned their heads in unison. The children paused their game of firefly-catching and stared open-mouthed as a silvery cat bounded over the grass. It settled with light paws on the table and spoke in a brisk Scottish brogue.
"Dark Mark over Hogsmeade."
Then it faded.
The peaceful atmosphere fizzled with it. Sirius stood, his chair toppling backwards. Beside him, Remus did the same.
"Molly, the kids," said Arthur.
Molly was already herding them towards the house. Sirius caught Harry's eye.
"It's okay, Prongslet, we'll be right back. Just do what Mrs. Weasley says-"
"Padfoot!"
"Sirius!"
Remus and Mad-Eye's combined voices cracked across his ears. Sirius spun and saw a flash of light, then a great-horned owl hurtled towards them and dropped a smoking blue letter. Before anyone could grab it, it rose above the table and the flap ripped open like a mouth.
"Dark Marks sighted all over the country," Scrimgeour's voice reported. "London, Brighton, Bristol, Ipswich, Godric's Hollow, Hogsmeade-Everywhere. We're spread too thin. I'm leaving two aurors each on the Burrow and Black's Cottage, but the rest need to go to other locations. MLE will be dispatched shortly to deal with the panic. Alastor, you and Black will need to investigate the one in Ottery St. Catchpole on your own. Report back with your findings as soon as possible and an estimate of what kind of back-up you'll need."
The letter sputtered to an end and fell, limp. A deafening silence followed, then- "He's sending the aurors in pairs? Isn't that too few?"
Arthur had spoken. He was white beneath his red hair.
"Investigate only, request mob-control if there's panic," Mad-Eye growled. "Too many marks. They can't have enough Death Eaters for an attack on every single city in the United Kingdom. This is a message."
"A message? Of what?"
"Fear," Sirius answered softly.
A distant boom like thunder. The men spun to look in the direction of the village, but it was too far to see anything.
"Right," said Mad-Eye. "Black, with me. Weasley, stay here. Back up the aurors. This sounds like it could get ugly. Lupin-"
"I'm coming with you."
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Mad-Eye grumbled.
Sirius balked. "No, wait, Remus, you can't-"
"Can't what?" snapped Remus. Every line of him was taut. "This is my fight as much as it is yours."
"Your leg-"
"I've been living with it for years, I can fight with it. You can't decide this for me, so don't try it."
Sirius ignored the warning flash of Remus' shadowed eyes. His own temper coiled to strike. "I'm trying to protect you!" he snarled. "If the aurors recognize you-"
"To hell with them," Remus said harshly.
"Enough!" Mad-Eye ordered. "You two can finish this later. Lupin, you can come because we can't stop you, but for the love of Merlin, keep. Your head. Down." He glared at them both with both eyes. Then exhaled. "Meet in the Square."
The grizzled auror led the way to the ward boundaries. Sirius could feel the icy anger spilling off of Remus as he barely used the cane to limp after Mad-Eye. His own fury smoldered just under his skin. Then they were past the wards.
As one they disapparated. Sirius felt his ribcage compress, the breath squeeze out of his lungs-then he was standing on an empty street besides his companions. Poisonous green light bathed the rooftops and screams rose to their ears. Red flames licked up to the sky and contrasted with the Dark Mark, making it seem brighter and more terrible. Sirius scanned fleeing figures, looking for white masks. Nothing.
Smoke billowed out of a block of buildings in front of them. A few windows exploded suddenly outwards, expelling fireballs and eliciting more screams. Stragglers disappeared down the alleys. Muggle fire engines were on the scene, lights flashing white and blue, but the hoses were abandoned, flooding the street. In the rippling water, the ghastly skull grinned.
"Do you think anyone is still alive in there?!" Remus shouted over the conflagration. He gestured to the building with a scarred hand.
"Doubt it!" bellowed Mad-Eye. The blue eye was scanning, scanning-then it froze. "Death Eaters. Four of them. Alleyway, two o'clock. Damn it, they've seen us."
The Death Eaters loomed out of the dark. Three wore bone masks, which were smudged into gray fingerprints by the smoke. They floated eerily forwards, becoming clearer and clearer. Remus, Mad-Eye, and Sirius spread out, wands in hand. Distantly, Sirius heard Remus' cane clatter to the pavement. He swallowed the bitter adrenaline on his tongue, his heartbeat accelerating to a feverish pace.
Now they were close enough that their cloaks materialized like inky holes in the swirling smoke. The unmasked Death Eater's face was split by a leer directed at Remus. His eyes were sickly yellow and bloodshot, the grin lacerated by sharp, filed teeth. Fenrir Greyback. Remus glared back, his cheeks pale.
"When Pyrites told me you were still clinging to your fool's errand, I shouldn't have been surprised." Greyback's voice was husky and low, somehow still audible over the roaring flames. "He should have killed you when he had the chance."
"He should have," agreed Remus just as quietly. "But he didn't."
"You were nothing more than a plaything to pass the time. And now, the time has finally come. The Dark Lord is returning and the world knows. It will crumble at his feet."
Remus said nothing.
"You would be wise to join us," Greyback whispered. Orange and green light flickered nightmarishly over his teeth. "Finally, we will be free."
"That isn't freedom."
"Still regretting your first taste of human blood?" purred Greyback.
Remus' face went bone-white.
"Enough," Sirius cut in. Greyback's yellow eyes switched to him and his lip curled.
"The Dark Lord is his only salvation now," he hissed.
"I don't think so," growled Mad-Eye. The Death Eaters had spread across the wet pavement. It reflected them, the fire, and the Dark Mark like polished obsidian.
"Last chance, Lupin. This is only the beginning."
But Remus did not respond. At least, not with words.
His wand flashed and a shockwave rippled through the air, knocking back all the Death Eaters at once. A hex from the one on the end shot wide and hit the corner of a building, blasting brick dust into the air. Mad-Eye reacted immediately, driving forward like a bull against two at once. Greyback lunged at Remus.
Sirius did not have time to see what happened next.
The fourth Death Eater was peppering him with curses, taking all his focus. Sirius retaliated, but his opponent was light on his feet, dancing sideways. The fallen bricks rose in the air and hurled themselves at him like shrapnel. Sirius ducked and rolled out of the way, hearing them explode against the concrete, shatter windows. Inspired, he sent a volley of flowerpots from a nearby shop.
The Death Eater scurried out of the range of flying dirt and terra cotta. He stumbled, slow to recover.
A rain of spells crackled from where Remus was locked in with Greyback. A grunt. Sirius risked a glance. Greyback was a mediocre wizard, but he was physically stronger and much more agile at the moment. Remus was limping heavily, the larger werewolf was getting closer-
Bang!
The pavement at Sirius' feet burst open. He felt himself hurtle backwards. His legs tangled with something vertical and he spun to the path. A lampost. Dizzily, he just heard a quick succession of sounds: pop! pop!
A flash of bright light hit his opponent, then a hand hauled him to his feet by his shirt.
"Keep your eyes on your own duel," Remus said shortly. Then, with another pop! pop! he apparated behind Greyback and blasted him to the other side of the square.
Annoyed and feeling like Remus could take his own advice, Sirius blocked a few more curses from the other Death Eater, then sent him skidding backwards.
The Death Eater's skull mask flew off, revealing an ugly scowl beneath thick, dark eyebrows. Rookwood. He snarled an unfamiliar hex that split off in six different directions, skittering across the pavement like firecrackers. Taking a leaf out of Remus' book, Sirius quickly apparated out of the way, reappearing next to the abandoned fire truck. The six fragments combined where he had been standing with a violent crackle like lightning.
Rookwood was on his feet again and advancing. Greyback had Remus backed against a row of heavy concrete planters only a few yards away.
Suddenly, and at the same time, the Death Eater and the rogue werewolf halted. Greyback swore and his face contorted with disappointment.
Then, with twin cracks, Greyback and the other Death Eater were gone.
Remus slumped against the planters, breathing hard. Sirius felt somewhat vindicated as the werewolf kept all the weight on his right leg. Still, he turned away and scanned for any more Death Eaters while Remus caught his breath. Mad-Eye and the other two had disappeared. Sirius listened, but there was no sound of a nearby battle. Maybe all of the Death Eaters had gone.
"Mad-Eye?" Sirius called. No response.
Smoke was heavy in his nostrils. No more flames were leaping out of the windows to illuminate the street. The fires were dying. The strobing lights on the trucks flickered, then went out. They were plunged into eerie green light that leeched all color from the square. Darkness reached hungrily from the shadows. Even the temperature seemed to be dropping…
His breath condensed in the summer night air. A strange noise, like splintering glass tinkled in his ears. Shivering, he located the source. The flooding water from the fire hoses was crackling as frost glazed the surface until it was frozen solid...
Dread seized his lungs. He held his breath-
Then he heard it. A rattling inhale skittered across the ice.
"Sirius."
Remus was somewhere behind him. He couldn't turn. He could only stare blindly into the darkness. His knees seemed to be losing the ability to remain locked.
"Sirius!"
But he was no longer sure if that was the real, tangible Remus yelling his name, or the one in his head. The one screaming at him with anger in the fifth year dormitory. The one turning his back as he left for another period of unaccounted time another lie ready. The one who was absent…
"Do you miss him? You're lonely, aren't you?"
"I hate you!"
He could see them now. Tall black spectres moving smoothly across the frosted pavement. There were three of them. Sirius couldn't breathe-
"I can't have the kind of life you want for me, Padfoot."
"Make Peter the Secret Keeper instead of me… We can't tell Remus. Look, I know the two of you aren't convinced. You think I wanted this?"
"Lily and James, Sirius, how could you?!"
"Expecto patronum!"
He could hear Remus' shout like he was underwater. A soft gray mist obscured his vision, glowing faintly and diffuse. The dementor in the lead slowed, lifting a decaying hand to push it aside.
"No! Expecto-expecto patronum," Remus attempted again, weaker. Nothing happened.
"Remus isn't coming, Sirius."
Sirius tried to remember how to cast the spell, but he was drowning too quickly. The words confused and jumbled together. He couldn't think. His knees buckled. He was losing control of his limbs as the dementors passed through Remus' shredded patronus. They loomed over him and he was back in Azkaban, in the dark and the cold and the never-ending agonies of his own failures… he could feel the manacles on his wrists. He did not even notice the dementor lower his hood, the dead hands clamping around his throat, tenderly tilting his head back…
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"
The hands released and Sirius dropped. He gasped in a shuddering breath. Overhead, the sky was filled with billowing smoke and sparks. Emergency lights flashed back into existence. He wasn't in Azkaban… he was in Ottery St. Catchpole. Feeling came back into his fingers as the wintry temperature rose.
"Padfoot," croaked a voice.
He turned his head to see Remus crawling towards him. He must have collapsed too. His face was as white as his scars. Beyond him, the stocky figure of Mad-Eye Moody held out his thick wand, directing a silver wolverine that was driving the dementors into the night. Sirius rolled to his hands and knees, feeling nauseous and dizzy. He was shaking uncontrollably.
He gained his feet before Remus could reach him and stumbled a few steps back. His breath was coming in wheezes.
"Padfoot," said Remus again. His cold hand touched Sirius' shoulder and he jerked away.
"Give me a minute," he muttered faintly. Remus stayed back then, his hands at his sides. Sirius struggled to collect himself, to regulate his breathing and his racing heart. It was shock, he knew. Shock at the appearance of the dementors. Shock at his inability to fight them. Shock that they had torn through his defenses so effectively.
Distantly, he heard Remus and Mad-Eye conversing, then Mad-Eye stumped off, presumably to scout the area. He and Remus were alone in the destruction of the square, the Dark Mark hanging in the sky above them. His heart-rate slowed. But his hands still shook. A host of emotions were rising in the place the dementors hollowed out.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked.
"I'm fine," Sirius said shortly. Why could he not stop shaking?
"Sirius…"
"I said I'm fine," he snapped.
"Sure."
"Leave me alone, Remus."
"I don't think so."
"What do you expect me to say?" Sirius demanded.
"Anything," Remus retorted. His fists were clenched and his gaze averted. A warning sign that the werewolf was closer to the edge than he wanted Sirius to know. Sirius found that he did not care at the moment.
"Well give me one inch of space then. I've been giving you yours."
Remus' eyes flashed. "The truth would be nice."
This just made Sirius' shame and rage simmer closer to the surface, harder and harder to contain.
"The truth?" he laughed sourly. "That I hear you when they're close to me? That I hear James and Lily and Peter and every mistake I ever made thrown in my face? That it's like being in Azkaban all over again?! I got out and I still can't escape, I can't sleep-"
"Sirius-" Remus looked stricken.
"Not that it matters," Sirius continued viciously. Distantly, he was aware of Mad-Eye's return. The auror halted abruptly when he realized they were arguing. "Why should I even tell you this? You weren't even there. You're barely here now!"
"I couldn't," Remus said after a pause. His voice was strangled.
"Right. You couldn't," Sirius said, injecting each word with venom. A dam had broken and every bitter thought he'd ever had was surging to the surface. "You never came. I waited and waited… how could you just forget it all and move on?!"
"Move on?!" Remus repeated, voice rising to match Sirius'. "I could not just fucking move on. Look at what happened!"
"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" Before he knew it, Sirius was shouting. "I WAS THERE! WHERE WERE YOU?!"
Remus' face twisted.
"YOU LIED TO ME!"
"YOU LEFT!" Sirius roared across the space between them.
"BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER COMING BACK!" Remus' voice cracked, but he kept going. "NONE OF YOU WERE EVER COMING BACK! I HAD NOTHING LEFT!"
"YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE!"
"OH THAT IS RICH COMING FROM YOU!" Remus spat, twisting on his heels and pacing away. Then he whirled back, angry and shaking. "Tell me, when did I lose your trust? At what point did you decide I was a monster like the rest of them? God, Sirius, everyone I loved was dead and I knew nothing except that you held their lives in your hands! What was I supposed to think?!"
"You were supposed to know that I was more than a murderer and a traitor!" Sirius flung back at him. "I WAS MORE THAN THAT!"
Remus flinched and looked away. The soot on his cheeks was cut by clean, glistening lines. But Sirius couldn't read any further than that. The wall between them was too solid.
A deafening crack split the air. Sirius reeled and aimed his wand at the newcomer. A tall figure bloomed against the smoke-choked sky, silver hair and beard cascading over a cloak of deep ocean blue. Sparks sputtered and died at Sirius' wandtip. He almost lowered it, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Remus and Mad-Eye holding theirs out steadily.
Dumbledore's hard crystalline gaze landed on the werewolf and softened. "Remus, it is good to see you again."
Remus remained stiff in his defensive posture, eyes flicking over Dumbledore quickly. Then he asked, "What were the last words you said to me that day in December?"
"Hold on, Remus," responded the Headmaster in a low tone.
Hold on to what? Sirius wondered. Then Remus' wand arm relaxed downwards and Sirius realized that that was the answer.
Aurors were popping into existence in the street now. Mad-Eye finally moved, shooting Sirius and Remus long looks as he beckoned the aurors towards him. Before Sirius could say another word, the werewolf melted into the shadows of the buildings, escaping unseen. Dumbledore watched him disappear thoughtfully. Then he turned a knowing expression on Sirius.
"Sirius?"
His old professor's gentle voice nearly undid him. He averted his gaze to the wet pavement.
"I don't know what happened to us." Seconds ago he had been shouting, and now he could only manage a whisper. A wizened hand landed on his shoulder. It was the only comfort Dumbledore gave and Sirius was grateful he didn't say anything more. Then the older wizard went to join the gathering in the square where Scrimgeour was listening to reports.
Sirius waited until the stinging in his eyes was completely gone before following. All he wanted to do was collapse on his bed with a bottle of firewhiskey and just forget the last hour. But he would have to stay here to report to Scrimgeour.
When it came to his turn, he described the confrontation in succinct terms. Mad-Eye filled in the gaps, leaving only one empty. Remus. The reports flowed on, new assignments given, and Sirius' concentration lapsed. He found himself glancing at the place where Remus had disappeared more and more.
The sick feeling in his stomach grew.
A/N: I could only draw back on that slingshot for so long before needing to let it go. But hopefully the glimmer of light at the Burrow makes up for it :) Please review and let me know what you think! Hope everyone is doing well!
