"Are you really not going to talk to me ever again?"

After their fight and her terrible memories resurfacing, Rey had never hoped to return in that house ever again. It took her an entire night of staring at the ceiling and Luke's notes to at least consider the possibility of her memory not being exactly the most reliable storyteller, especially when it was still not completely recovered. Without mentioning anything of her spilling the beans to Ben about his family, Rey feigned only distress and frustration regarding her disappearance, though it was not completely an act. She was extremely desperate and, if she were to believe Ben, Luke was too passionate about that case to care about anything else while discussing its aspects. So for entire hours, Luke presented her all the clues, files, reports, photos and testimonies he had gathered, including his own theories. Finding out about the dead girl who looked like her was quite a shock, but if Ben had been behind her disappearance, then the similarities between her and that girl were most likely a coincidence. Unless he was that cruel and mad to kill someone just to fool everyone that she was dead. However, his testimony had been backed up over and over again by the people at the fair and from their circle of friends, with no one except Phasma having anything to say against him. Of course, there was the possibility of someone else having been involved. And Luke seemed to be the only one excluding the possibility of an affair. So she either had covered her tracks perfectly, giving the ideal advantage to her abductor, or she made the biggest mistake not leaving the country, especially after she had foolishly lied to the police.

In the end, we know nothing.

Disappointed, though a little bit calmer, she went to bed after Luke had so generously offered her his bed, while he slept on the couch. At least he seemed more at peace with her own answers. Perhaps he was able to see more than she could and even read through the lines she wasn't even able to see in the first place. So after an entire evening of listening to Luke's theories and reading the testimonies and reports defending Ben and excluding even the slightest possibility of him having been involved in her disappearance, she was able to return home. Of course, Ben refused any contact with her and kept himself locked inside his study or locked inside the master bedroom, whereas she too felt safer keeping the guest bedroom and bathroom locked each time she was home. She could easily get distracted by work and Bee to not waste any time or energy worrying about what she saw. Unfortunately, each time she caught a glimpse or heard his footsteps, she could no longer imagine him touching her, kissing her, making love to her without feeling fear. She only saw the man abusing her and keeping her a prisoner to punish her for cheating on him and expecting a baby with someone else… the same baby she didn't want to be born in another of her memories. It didn't make sense. So many things didn't make any sense at all and she couldn't leave them like that. So when she found the master bedroom empty, she took her diary and noted down all her thoughts, worries, questions and theories, just like Luke, but without telling him. They were the ones that she couldn't tell anyone about. The ones that didn't make any sense even after reading them over and over again. She knew that there must have been some truth in what she saw, but then why, even after days spent in fear and doubt, she found herself more willing to believe in his innocence and worse, begging him for attention?

He was entering the house when she was about to leave and even though their bodies were millimetres away from each other, he never once looked at her, taking off his coat and boots as if the place was empty. As if her voice belonged to a ghost demanding to be seen and heard without realising that she's been long dead. Yet once she spoke to him, he seemed to react, though only for one moment as he eventually headed towards his study. Stubborn as always, Rey ran to him, snuck under his arm and stood in front of the door, blocking his path.

"What makes you so damn entitled to treat me like this when I am the one who is the most hurt?"

Ben smirked with a visibly disgusted look on his face, breaking Rey's heart.

"I don't know. What makes you so damn entitled to always believe that you're more important than anyone else?"

Rey gasped but kept her composure.

"I have my own reasons to be mad at you and yet, here I am, trying to make you come to senses."

"Of course," he rolled his eyes. "You're always mad about something, but no one else has the right to reproach you anything. Right?"

"Well, maybe I would be less of the brat you're suggesting I am if you actually spoke to me and told me why the hell you hate me out of the sudden!"

She stopped to catch her breath and looked him in the eyes. Those dark ancient eyes… and those full lips… She wanted to kiss him and to ditch any plans just to go upstairs and make love to him all day long. And by the look he was now giving her and his relaxed shoulders, he wanted the same thing. Rey lifted her chin and parted her lips, while her hands cupped her belly. He needed to know. He needed…

She jumped startled as he bent over her for a kiss, then touched her face with both her hands. The pain she felt when the gloved hand struck her over the face was unbearable, even as just a memory. Without looking at him for one last time, she left the living room and, with a loud slam, the house.

She had cupcakes and pies to bake.

The cafe was rather grim-looking that day and Rey could not figure out whether it was her bad mood making her see everything through a grey filter or if there was something else. Rose seemed upset as well, especially when her reply to Rey's hello and forced smile was a mere nod. The entire world was having a bad day and she was no one to judge. Moreover, she was the happiest when Rose asked her to stay in the kitchen and finish as many orders she could, while she took care of the clients buying coffee, smoothies, croissants and sandwiches.

But whereas she had hoped her work would help her get distracted like before and once again forget her doubts and marriage problems, something else was just waiting to tie the noose around her neck. After she noted down all the details regarding the completed orders and put inside the fridge the last pavlova cake, she noticed a cheque on the fridge door. The sum was rather impressive and surprising considering that it was not yet the time to get her share of that month's earnings.

"Rose," she called her friend. "What's with this? Is it an early bonus?"

She stopped, staring at how desolated the cafe was looking. The decorations were no longer on the walls, the salt and pepper shakers were in a box and the remaining pastries they usually kept for themselves were now in the trash can.

"What's going on?" she asked appalled, taking from a box a wooden rose carved by Ben. "Are you closing down the place?"

"You can leave now," said Rose without looking at her. Rey furrowed and went to her friend, forcing her to face her.

"Rose, what's wrong? We were doing just fine. We have lots of customers and orders. Why are you closing this place down out of the blue?"

" Why ?"

Rey took a step back. The hate in Rose's voice was too similar to Ben's. She gulped and looked around confused.

" Guess who called me last night?" asked Rose on a tone that was still giving away the anger she was feeling.

Rey shrugged.

"Who? Phasma?"

"Noooo! Even better!"
She took the box full of cutlery and threw it on the floor, ignoring the noise and the teaspoons flying all over the place.

"Your dearest brother called me."

Finn? Rey furrowed.

"And guess why? Not to apologize for ghosting me while we were still dating. He called to ask why I haven't sold you the damn business yet."

Rey's lips formed an O and Rose shook her head in disappointment.

"You came here like an innocent confused puppy and all you did was play pretend only to… Do you think I wanted this business, Rey? No ! I bought it from Ben because he needed the money to find you and because it was dying without you. Yeah, I did a bad job keeping it alive, but it was not helping me pay bills in the first place, so I had to put first my job as a nurse. You could have said right from the start that you wanted it back. Instead, you used me… like you use everyone."

Rey opened her mouth to defend herself.

"Wait, I've never used you! I had no idea who you were and what was going on!"

"But you could have said something during these months when I kept complaining about someone pressuring me to sell the cafe."

Rey pursed her lips. She couldn't lie and say that she thought it was Phasma or some money-hungry big franchise. She had always known.

"But that was Finn insisting! I told him once to get it back for me, but that was before meeting you. All the rest was his doing!"

Rose threw a cup in the sink, making Rey cringe at the noise made by the shards.

"Can you for once in your damn life own your mistakes?" she cried exasperated. "Everyone must always pamper you and treat you like a baby, but you are an adult, Rey, so act like one! You can't always close your eyes and ignore everything and everyone!"

She pushed her out of the way and grabbed an empty box to pack the plates.

"Ok, I get it that I never once thought about the consequences," she admitted. "But, Rose, it's not the end of the world! Don't close the cafe just because you're mad at me."

"I'm closing it because I have no reason to run this business. I did it for you and Ben, but it's not the career I studied for and it's most definitely not worth my time and nerves."

Rey crossed her arms and went to her friend, snatching the glass and paper from her hands.

"Please stop and think for a moment! Do you want to punish me for wanting to buy back the business by selling it to me? Where's the logic?"

"Oh, no!" she snorted. "I'm either renting the space or selling it to someone else. As much as I would love to see you mess things up and realise that you're not the centre of the universe, I'd rather not see this place in ruins just yet. Because maybe I am not a great baker as you are, but at least I am capable of reading a paper and calculating taxes. Instead, you are just a child expecting everyone else to do things for you. You kept whining about me keeping my job as a nurse and you kept whining about Ben keeping his job just because you are not capable of doing things on your own, so you had to ruin it for everyone. Well, things have changed and, after all, you've never been my employee and you should be grateful for the money I gave you. Now please get out."

Rey sniffed and wiped a tear.

"You're angry with the wrong person," she murmured. "Even if I had bought it back, I wouldn't have treated you like a mere employee. I would have wanted you to be my partner. I am not that much of an idiot to lie to myself about not knowing how to run a cafe."

Rose ignored her. It was so ridiculous! To be upset for such a little thing and cause so much drama… She could get over Rose attacking her and insulting her, but having her so upset that she blatantly ignored any of her attempts to make her reason? Her therapist had encouraged her to stop blaming herself and accept the things as they were. However, after her argument with Ben and those dreadful memories, she was not sure whether she was willing to accept anything. She was selfish, Ben was a brat and Rose was petty. They were all messed up, but was she that unforgivable? After all, those were just misunderstandings based on miscommunication. She knew she must have spoken sooner, but still didn't do it. What's done is done, despite Rose and Ben having been so eager to accuse her without even caring about the facts or her side of the story.

She sighed remembering Luke's reports, maps and theories. Everything pointing at someone and accusing that someone didn't necessarily mean that everything was crystal clear. That someone could still be innocent and forgivable. Yes, she had been selfish and did things without thinking, but she knew that… She needed to face Ben.

"I'm sorry, Rose," she uttered before grabbing her things and leaving.

Ben stared at the glass of wine, dropping on purpose a couple of drops on his perfect carpet before spilling the entire drink. He no longer cared about that place. He had worked day and night to make that house a home and for what? He had spent most of his time there weeping and whining and feeling utterly miserable. It was supposed to be the place where he would start his new life with his wife and their blossoming business, and maybe even get to turn one of those guest bedrooms into a nursery. Instead, it had been nothing but an empty cave full of misery.

"Please don't spill any wine on the papers."

He ignored Kaydel's plead and poured some more, filling the glass so that once again he ended up spilling some on the carpet. He then put his feet on the coffee table, pushing the stack of files. Why was he even working so hard? For what? Just to keep his mind occupied while time passed? He had never truly enjoyed anything. Well… he did find pleasure in cooking and baking with… her , but he did not want her anymore in his life. He was finally done and that had been the last straw.

"Is that apartment still available?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

"Have you and Rey decided to move out?"

"I don't care about what she's decided. I want to move out."

"How come?" she snorted, but Ben could notice something else in her voice. It was amusement, but not the ironic type. Instead, it was a more excited one. He furrowed looking at Kaydel's smirk as she poured a glass of wine for herself. Apart from perhaps no longer seeing him brooding or hearing him complain, why would she care?

"I need space for me and myself only. About the rest… I don't want to think about the rest right now," he murmured taking a sip.

"I went today to therapy," he added later. "Amy told me to take some time to think straight and not make any rash decisions, but I feel like I am losing it."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" she asked now on a sincere worried tone. "I haven't seen you so messed up since the car accident."

"Oh, you want to know what happened?" he snorted. " Guess !"

His friend said nothing and no longer did he. Only when his glass emptied again did he hear her soft voice.

"For how long do we still have to hide?"

Was she in a mood for philosophical discussions? Because he was not really in the mood to bond over matters of identity and abandonment when his problems were consuming him too much to handle or at least pay attention to somebody else's. Selfish as he might have sounded, he asked her to join him for a glass of wine just to make sure that he didn't drink the whole bottle with a nice plate of sleeping pills as the main dish. But before he even got the chance to ask her what she was referring to, Kaydel was already straddling him. He stared at her in utter shock, unable to move or say anything.

"I know you've said we have to keep this a secret, but I think that this is it. This is the last straw and Rey will finally leave and we can be happy… the three of us."

Ben blinked perplexed and slightly tipsy as Kaydel's face approached his and their lips locked together. He did not react as she put her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Maybe it was the wine or just his imagination because he had no idea what was going on.

Outside the house, looking through the window, Rey clenched her jaw and fists feeling her blood boil inside each vein, no matter how small. She could have taken a photo and used it to her advantage, but she was pregnant and heartbroken and, most importantly, madly in love.

She ran inside and slammed the door so hard that for a moment she thought that it might need to be replaced.

"Ben!" she yelled without moving to give those two the chance to stop whatever they were doing. In just a couple of moments, Kaydel came out of the living room with her lipstick smudged. Her stare was deadly, but her smug grin was telling her without any actual words that she had won.

"Get out!" she growled like a beast ready to tear her to pieces, grabbing her by the arm and ignoring Kaydel's bag falling on the floor. The more she wanted to tip the scales in Ben's favour, the more he was digging his own grave.

"That's so you!" she lashed at him undressing her jacket and throwing it on the floor. "We can't have one damn argument without you running back to her! And don't you dare fucking lie to me this time, because I saw you! I saw you two kissing and I'm sure the entire neighbourhood did!"

Ben didn't even pay attention to her, instead, getting up and staggering on his way to the staircase. He really didn't care about her anymore, nor about changing her opinion about him. And all for a misunderstanding and for a choice she made years ago, regarding a secret that was not even hers. He had the guts to hate her for maybe protecting him from trauma when he kept many secrets from her for the same reason.

"You jerk!" she ran to him punching him in the shoulder and Ben, drunk as he was, lost his balance and fell to his knees. "How could you?" She grabbed him by the sweater, shaking him with a strength she never knew she had. She also didn't notice her own tears until one fell on his face, lingering on his cheek as if it was his own. But Ben was not crying. Unlike her, he was empty and not showing any trace of emotion. Not even hate or disappointment, let alone love or remorse.

"TELL ME!" she yelled crying and her voice breaking seemed to have triggered something inside him as he blinked confused and furrowed. "Why did you have to do this?"

"Do what?" he snarled pushing her off him and standing up. She just cried taking her boots off and throwing them at him. But Ben was having none of her fits of anger and grabbed her by the arm, lifting her to his level.

"Ow!" she cried in pain and he let her go immediately.

"Do what ?" he repeated and, seeing his wife not respond, he ran his fingers nervously through his hair and let go of the last drop of control he had left in his body. "DO WHAT?"

"You fucking kissed her!" she cried. "And you were about to let her fuck you in our house, on our couch, where we made love just a couple of days ago!"

"Really?" he snorted. "And why would that bother you, dearie?"

Rey blinked taken aback by the term of endearment Phasma used when trying to manipulate her. But how did Ben know… it must have been a coincidence, unless…

"Are you that petty that you want to punish me by cheating on me?" she whimpered.

Ben tilted his head with a sardonic smile.

"Oh, poor little you."

He turned his back on her and returned to the staircase.

"YOU MONSTER!" cried Rey taking the nearest flower vase and smashing it on the floor. She was about to let herself fall to her knees again, even if meant having all those shards penetrate her flesh because physical pain seemed so much more tolerable than whatever she was feeling now. However, instead of falling, she felt her body being pushed until it got slammed into the front door. She opened her eyes and met the face of a man she was no longer recognizing. The tortured yet cruel look on Ben's face was something new to her. Not even when they argued in the kitchen months ago did he look so willing to snap her neck.

"I'm the monster?" he hissed. "Oh, I know very well. You've filled entire pages recalling me raping you and holding you hostage."

"You've read my diary?" she whispered appalled. She had told him many times that he could always read her notes, but he had always refused unless she was actually shoving it in his face, begging him to read.

"Yes, I did. And guess what else I found? You're so good at guessing after all."

She bit the inside of her cheek, placing her hands over his. He was squeezing her with his large hands and her ribs were starting to hurt.

"I also read how my adorable little wife was so bored that she found herself a lover."

Rey's eyes grew wider at the pain she saw in his eyes.

"You said you would forgive any mistake I-"

"NO!" he yelled and Rey's chin trembled in fear. "I said I would forgive anything knowing that you regret it! Instead, you filled pages accusing me of everything that's happened to you! You did not only cheat on me, but you've also carefully crafted evidence to pin on me not only your disappearance but also the… whatever happened to your baby…"

Ben let her go rubbed his palms all over his face.

"You had a baby with another man, Rey! And you wrote with your own hand that you didn't want it, yet pages later you wrote that I took it from you! I, the one who would have accepted even that baby just to have a family and make sure that I would still get scraps of your love… just to not lose you…"

He let out a desperate sigh and Rey was beginning to worry that he was about to suffocate.

"What have I done to you to treat me like this? To be honest, I was expecting you to prepare your exit after a while, but not so soon and not like this. Why did you even come back? For money? For revenge?"

His voice was now slightly raspy after all the yelling, yet still soft. He was breaking her heart and he didn't even know.

"Don't do this, Ben," she begged.

"Oh yeah," he blinked realising something and pointed his finger at her, nodding. " You left, so, according to the law, I was entitled to keep all of our common goods. But if I were to leave now, you could sue me for abandoning our home. It was all a trick. Well… you've played yourself. Too bad you had to pretend to love me for so long."

"I do love you."

"NO!" he punched the wall making a hole it and Rey screamed terrified. "You don't love me! You never did! You love comfort, Rey, and attention! I gave you a home, love and helped you, always putting you first. All I ever wanted was for you to love me back."

I do, she mouthed.

"But you cheated on me, got pregnant with that someone else and ran away with him. You could have told me and saved me from years of misery. Instead, you got yourself in big shit and came back playing the victim and gaslighting me. And now you are running away and setting everything up for not only Phasma to make me look like some psychopath, but for the police to actually have something to lock me up for. And I ask you again - wouldn't have been easier just to tell me that you wanted out?"

"It's not like that," she shook her head. "It's not what I wanted."

"Then tell me for once in your life what you actually want."

He was so tired and so fragile. Her mind could no longer associate Kylo Ren from her memories with the defeated Ben Solo. It was as if they were entirely two different people, yet all the things she had scribbled in her diary only pointed at him. No one else knew who Kylo Ren was and the mask, the pain, the cruelty… they were all his. And yet there he stood… Ben Solo, the love of her life.

"What do I want?" she asked herself.

He chuckled miserably, then watched her slid her hands under her large sweater, pushing down her leggings and using her feet and toes to remove them. She was ready to sneak her fingers under the elastic band of her boxers when he removed her hands and tore her underwear with his bare hands. Rey looked at him as he cupped her butt with those large palms and lifted her without flinching, inviting her to put her legs around his waist. His gaze never left hers and, as much as she loved it, she was feeling uneasy reading only sadness in those dark eyes instead of his usual passion and adoration for her. She even sought to kiss him, but each time she lifted her chin and parted her lips, he simply ignored her. She insisted, her mouth chasing his as they both moaned, but he turned his head, rejecting her. It was humiliating and cruel, but she was now realising what she truly wanted.

You… I want you , she told herself watching him close his eyes as he came. With a glimmer of hope that maybe he was going to forgive after all and that she had been mistaken, her memory playing tricks on her and mixing different events, she parted her lips and waited for him to open his eyes and to look at her.

This is it, she smiled.

"I want the divorce," she heard herself say. Ben chuckled and she covered her mouth in shock, shaking her head as he let go of her, letting her fall on the floor.

"Fine."

"Wait!" she called him desperately.

I didn't mean it!

He pulled his pants back on and looked at her in disappointment. It hurt more than disgust would have.

"Do you really want this?" she cried crawling to him, but he only stepped back, avoiding her touch.

"I'm done," was the last thing he told her before going upstairs and locking himself in their old bedroom.

Still weeping, she dragged her feet to the bathroom, cleaned herself, then went upstairs to change her clothes. Perhaps the smartest thing was to fight and stay there, but, regardless of her heart's desire, her body took her back downstairs. She grabbed her shoes, the jacket and the bag thrown on the floor and ran to her car. She couldn't go to Luke and Rose wouldn't have received her anyway. And after Finn spilt the beans, she didn't feel like asking him for help either. Who was left? Oh, yeah. No one. But maybe her soul deserved being alone for some time.