Shelby ate a little more than half her sandwich before pushing it away, and, although he didn't draw attention to the fact, it was more than Hiram had expected her to eat. She finished her orange juice and shared a pot of fruit with Hiram before they walked back to the house, Hiram's arm once again linked with hers.

"Do you have any plans for this afternoon?" Hiram asked once they'd walked in silence for a while.

Shelby shook her head, "I'd like to say that I had something exciting planned but I think I'm just going to put a movie on and probably take a nap."

Hiram nodded, "there's nothing wrong with that" he smiled, "if you need to nap then that's what you need, and if you want me to pick Rachel up then…"

Shelby shook her head, "she asked if I'd take her to her appointment this afternoon, I told her I would and I don't want to let her down."

"Okay" Hiram nodded, "but I'm sure she'd understand."

"I know but I…" Shelby slipped off her shoes as they arrived back home, "I'll see how I feel" she finally compromised.

"Thank you" Hiram kissed Shelby's cheek, "I'll be in the office if you need anything, and I'm not doing anything urgent so don't worry about disturbing me."

"Okay" Shelby nodded, "thank you."

She made her way into the living room as Hiram went back to work in the office. She grabbed the blanket from the armchair but, instead of settling in the chair, decided to lay down on the couch instead. She set an alarm on her phone to wake her in time to collect Rachel from school before reaching for the remote and finding a movie. It didn't take her long to doze off, Hiram poked his head into the room just fifteen minutes later on his way to get a glass of water to find her already asleep.

Shelby didn't wake until her alarm sounded and she clumsily reached for her phone, silencing the alarm and dropping it back onto the coffee table, settling back down on the couch and letting her eyes close again before sitting quickly and forcing her eyes open when she realised she was meant to be collecting Rachel from school.

She sat for a while, trying to force herself to wake a little more. Eventually she pushed herself to her feet and headed upstairs, using the bathroom, splashing her face with cold water and tidying her hair a little. It was as she walked back downstairs that she admitted defeat and, instead of picking up her keys and heading out to her car, she knocked gently on the open door to the office.

"You don't have to knock" Hiram smiled as he turned to face her. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I mean no, I mean…" Shelby sighed and shook her head, trying to wake herself up a little, "I still feel quite drowsy" she admitted, "I wondered if you could drive to the school."

"Of course" Hiram stood to his feet, "just let me grab my keys, are you coming too?"

Shelby nodded, "if that's okay? I said I'd take her to her appointment and I don't want to let her down but I, I don't like driving with her in the car when I'm this tired."

Hiram ignored the implication that Shelby would drive herself when she was exhausted and reached for her hand, squeezing it gently, "Leroy and I will always drive you wherever you need to go, whether you're tired or not."

"I know" Shelby nodded, "thank you."

Shelby dozed as Hiram drove to McKinley, the man glad that she'd asked for his help, that she hadn't tried to drive herself, "Shel" he whispered, squeezing her knee gently, "Rachel's coming" he said when he saw their daughter walking towards the car with a frown on her face and he knew Shelby would want to try and reassure her.

"Daddy?" Rachel frowned as she got into the backseat, "Mom, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Shelby nodded and reached into the back seat, smiling when Rachel reached out and took her hand, "I'm okay, I had a nap after lunch and I, I felt like I couldn't wake up properly so I asked your Daddy to drive."

"But you're okay?" Rachel asked.

Shelby twisted in her seat so she could look Rachel in the eye, "I'm okay" she told her, "just a little sleepy, I did some yoga and had a bath this morning and then your Daddy and I went out for lunch and I had a nap when we got back."

"Did Daddy take you to the sandwich shop? The one with the bagels?"

"Am I that predictable?" Hiram chuckled.

"Apparently so" Shelby laughed before confirming to Rachel, "we had bagels."

"Next time you go, try the hummus and falafel, it's all homemade there, it's amazing."

Shelby smiled and nodded, "maybe you and I could go one day?"

"Yeah" Rachel smiled softly, "I'd like that."

Hiram raised an eyebrow and caught Rachel's eye in the mirror, "you'd better be planning on bringing me takeout if you and your Mom are going without me."

"I'm sure we can manage that" Shelby nodded.

Rachel's therapist was a little further out of town than Shelby's but it didn't seem like long before Hiram was pulling into the parking lot, although Shelby couldn't be sure that she hadn't fallen back to sleep for a while. "I'll wait here" he told them both, "let your Mom go in with you."

"Thank you" Rachel leaned forward to kiss Hiram's cheek once she'd taken off her seatbelt.

"It's okay" he smiled, "see you both in an hour." He gently squeezed Shelby's hand, "call me if you need me to come in" he told her once Rachel was out of the car, "there's no shame in asking for help."

"I will" Shelby promised, "thank you".

Hiram couldn't help but smile as he saw Rachel reach for Shelby's hand as they crossed the parking lot, Shelby not hesitating to link her fingers with her daughter's. "Mom" Rachel was slightly nervous, not sure how her Mom would react to what she wanted to ask.

"Yeah?" Shelby squeezed Rachel's hand, sending her nerves, "are you okay?"

"I erm, I was wondering if one day, it doesn't have to be today, it doesn't have to be any day, you can say no…"

"Rachel" Shelby came to a halt outside the building, putting her hand on Rachel's chin and waiting until her daughter met her gaze, "please just ask me whatever it is that's on your mind, the worst I will do is say no."

"One day, would you sit in one of my sessions with me? Sort of like a joint session?"

Shelby felt her heart stop, suddenly wanting to vomit, her own sessions were hard enough, she couldn't think of anything worse than being that open, that vulnerable in front of her daughter, but she knew that Rachel's mental health was just as important as her own, she couldn't deny her daughter whatever she needed to be healthy, mentally or physically. "Of course" she nodded.

"Really?" Rachel's face lit up as they finally stepped through the doors.

"Really" Shelby nodded again, "and if you want it to be today then, as long as it's okay with you and your therapist then it's okay with me."

It wasn't, Shelby couldn't think of anything she'd rather do less, but she just had to keep reminding herself that she was doing it for Rachel, she was trying to be the best person she could be for her daughter's sake, and if that meant making herself uncomfortable in the process then so be it.

"Really?" Rachel's voice broke Shelby from her thoughts.

"Yeah" Shelby squeezed Rachel's hand as they walked into the waiting area, "whenever you want, even if I'm back at work, if you want me to sit in on one of your sessions then you just have to let me know and I'll make sure I'm here."

Shelby encouraged Rachel to go into her session alone when her name was called, "but…" she began to protest.

"I'm not going anywhere" Shelby promised, "go and talk things through first and then, if it's what you want, I'll come in in a little while."

Rachel thought for a moment before nodding and hugging Shelby tightly, "I love you Mom" she kissed her cheek.

Shelby smiled, and kissed Rachel's temple, "I love you too Rachel."

Shelby's suggestion that Rachel went into her appointment alone hadn't been entirely selfless, she'd needed a minute to get herself together, to prepare herself. She kept reminding herself that she was doing it for Rachel, that her own therapy appointment was less than 24 hours away and she'd be able to decompress if things went badly. That was her biggest fear that she'd say or do something to upset or worry her daughter, that she'd make things worse not better for the teen.

"Are you Rachel's Mom?" Shelby was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard the door open, hadn't noticed the man walking towards her until he was right in front of her.

She nodded, taking a moment to find her voice, "Shelby Corcoran" she stood and held out a shaking hand.

"Dave Walker" he shook her hand, "there's no need to be nervous" he tried to reassure you, "Rachel said she'd like you to join us for a while." Shelby nodded, "before we go in, I want to tell you that, this might be Rachel's session but you have a say too, if she asks something, wants to talk about something you're not comfortable with her knowing, you can tell her that okay?"

Shelby nodded, "okay" she took a deep breath before following the man back into his office.

"Mom" Rachel smiled when she saw Shelby walk into the room. She knew her Mom had said she'd join her, but Rachel had still wondered if she'd change her mind.

"Take a seat" Dave gestured at the multiple seating options in the room, not at all surprised when she chose to sit on the loveseat beside Rachel, Rachel tucking herself right into Shelby's side as soon as she sat down.

Dave watched the pair for a moment before picking up his notebook and pen, "do you want to tell your Mom what you've told me?" Dave asked Rachel, "or would you rather I…"

"I'm scared" Rachel tipped her head to look at her Mom, "I'm scared that one day…" a tear rolled down her cheek, "that one day you're going to do something and I… I've only just found you Mom, I can't lose you, not now, not ever."

Shelby took a shaky breath, pulling Rachel close and kissing her hair, "I…" she closed her eyes, "I wouldn't do that to you" she whispered, "I can't, I don't know if I can find the words to say this the way I want to, but even on my worst days I love you more than I hate myself and I" she sighed, deciding to be honest, "some days there's a voice in my head that tells me you'd be better off without me but I, I'm trying so hard to ignore that, to fight it, to tell it it wrong. I want to be here, I want to be here for you" she gently cupped Rachel's face in her hands, "you are perfect, amazing, and I know you have so much potential inside of you, and I, I want to be here, I want to get to know you better, I want to see you grow into the young woman you're becoming and I, I want to be there to cheer you on, to celebrate as you reach your dreams and your goals, I want to be there to support you and comfort you if things don't go to plan. If there is anything in this world that's going to keep me going, even on the days where I can't pull myself out of bed, it's you Rachel."

Hiram said nothing when Shelby joined Rachel in the back of the car for the drive home, it was obvious that both his daughter and her mother had been crying and he could only assume that Rachel had finally asked Shelby to join her for her appointment, something she'd mused about doing for a while.

Shelby held Rachel's hand in her own as she gazed silently out of the window, trying to ignore the guilt pooling in her stomach, the voice in her head telling her what a terrible mother she was, she knew Rachel worried about her, but hearing her voice those worries, holding her daughter as she'd cried over her fears of losing her Mom only served to remind Shelby that Rachel would be much better off if she hadn't been so weak, if she'd walked away the morning after Rachel found her at the store.

As she stepped from the car once they were home, Shelby made up her mind, she needed to get herself together, needed to build her walls back up the way she had before, she'd become an expert in hiding how she really felt over the past few years, developed the perfect poker face, she just needed to work on getting that back. "Fake it til you make it" she silently told herself, even though she knew she was unlikely to ever 'make it', she could certainly fake it though. She'd make everyone believe she was doing better, that she was coping, and then she'd go back to her apartment and let Rachel and her dads go back to their life without her. She could do it, she had to do it, she had to do it. For Rachel.