Chapter Seven: The Hunting Question
Edward (POV)
Hollow echoes reverberated off the canyon walls. The natural formation was beautiful, and only a handful of people had ever seen it. The striations and layers of rock told a story so old it made me feel young. I couldn't understand how I had come to this place. No, not the actual place, but where I was in my life. A year ago, I was fine. Lonely, but fine. Then we came to Forks and everything changed when she arrived.
The ups and downs of my time with Bella were the happiest and saddest days of my life. Then suddenly she was an immortal, and a for an instant I thought I could capture that happiness and keep a hold of it forever. She started asking questions, and I answered them… and she kissed me.
Her words, "I love you too" burned into my memory. While I couldn't understand why she loved me, I gave into her because I wanted her so much it physically hurt. Her passion pressed up against me was overwhelming. The burn I felt for her was nearly as painful as my thirst, and nothing short of impending death could've pulled me away from her lips.
I heard everyone quietly shuffle out of the room, the only one that lingered was Alice although she did eventually shut the door to give us a modicum of privacy. I was fully content to continue kissing Bella indefinitely, locked in an eternal embrace. Then she started to reach for our clothes, and I had to pull away.
"What? Don't you want to?" She said looking disappointed, and a twinge of anger returned to her unbelievably beautiful face. Her voice was a chorus of bells, lilting and melodic and I nearly melted hearing her causally speak. "My voice is different, what else about me is different? Obviously, I can walk, so that's an improvement."
"Yes, there are a lot of changes you will need to adjust to. You are beautiful, of course you were always beautiful, but I can't express in words what you look like to me now. I can show you in a different way though. Alice set up a mirror in case you wanted to see yourself." I offered, and Bella nodded.
"Brace yourself, this will be a shock." She turned and caught my eyes, and then nodded her head, this time with a little less certainty. I retrieved the floor length mirror leaning against the far wall of the study. I picked it up and walked it to her, and then I turned it to face it towards her.
"Ah…" She brought her hand to her face and traced the new lines. "Who am I? That can't be me, what happened to my eyes?" She continued to touch her new face with awe and shock and although she seemed only a little bit distressed, it was obvious the change was a little too much too soon. I pulled the mirror away and leaned the reflective side towards the wall.
"You need time, your eyes are like all newborns, and they will darken over the next few months as the last of your human blood is consumed by your body." She nodded, and then looked thoughtful for a moment.
"To answer your other question, yes, I absolutely want to. There are just some things we need to get out of the way before we consummate our relationship." I said holding back the frown I was feeling.
"Consummate, sounds like marriage." Her own frown deepened, and I could tell that was going to be an argument, but I shook my head. There were more pressing concerns.
I examined her face trying to figure her out. Whatever was keeping me out of her mind was even stronger now, before it was like a dead zone where her mind should be, now it was almost painful to direct my gift her way. Less than a week previously she had been a bit standoffish and downright resentful of me. I caught her looks most days, and I could tell she cared, but how could she possibly love me, especially in comparison to the love I felt for her?
"Carlisle should have told you more about what going to happen to you, but he was afraid of your rejection." I said as calmly and factually as I could manage.
"Okay, I get that. But I would've liked to have made an informed choice. He was more than vague, and I can't figure out why. We were sitting in private with no real limits on time, he could've laid it all out on the table for me." Bella backed up to lean on the bed and crossed her arms. She seemed entirely too calm and rational. Again, the only clue to her newborn status were her eyes, just as bright crimson as any her age.
"Yes, and that is exactly what he did for Angela, because he knew he would have to part ways with her for a time and needed to make sure she would keep our secret." Her eyebrows shot up and at first a smiled curled at her lips.
"I thought I heard her. She let me know that you were trying to do right by me." Then the smile turned, and a small sneer twisted her face.
"He told my best friend before telling me." It wasn't a question.
"Don't hate Carlisle, please." I begged.
"I don't, I'm pissed, and we need to have a very long conversation. But I still love him, and I'll probably forgive him eventually." She said with a small shrug, her face falling back into a neutral expression.
"Wow, the highs and lows are bit more intense, got to get used to that." She smirked mostly to herself. Then looked at me again. "So, are you going to explain why we're not having sex right now?" She cocked her head at me and batted her eyes a few times for emphasis.
I almost laughed but held onto my composure. Emmett however started to hoot from the other room. She glanced over my shoulder and a confused look crossed her face for less than a second, and then she rolled her eyes.
"Them giving us privacy was just a polite gesture; they can hear us as easily as I can hear them." She sighed.
"You need to hunt anyway; it must be torture." I said suggesting we leave the house. She turned her head upwards a little and touched her throat.
"I hadn't been hungry until you just said something, now all I can feel something burning in my throat, it's a little like the other fire only a lot more localized and nowhere near as intense. Do I need to kill people?" She looked upset as she asked, clearly hoping I could give her another alternative.
"Damn it Carlisle." I shook my head at the oversight, and then continued meeting her worried and curious eyes. "Our family is different from most of our kind, we feed exclusively from animals. It is your choice though, none of us will judge you if you decide to give in to your natural instincts. Humans are our primary source of food."
"I don't know. I think I want to pursue my life as a monster, when I can start? You know I think that I should begin with my parents. I know Renee lives alone so she shouldn't be…" I thought she was kidding but I wasn't sure, because her expression was completely serious. Then she paused and looked at me like I was an idiot. "Of course, I would choose your life there was never any choice to begin with. I don't think I could live with myself if I was that kind of monster." She looked at me with such sincerity and fear that I felt I needed to comfort her. I pulled her into a hug and she immediately pressed her head against my chest.
Lingering there, her voice muffled, she began to speak again. "I don't know how to say this without sounding vain. I'm beautiful, I just can't see my face in the mirror anymore." She finally looked up at me and her expression was creased with worry.
"Trust me you're still there, you are just," I paused for emphasis. "Accentuated. Please let's go hunt and then I have a gift for you, my love. Afterwards we can do anything you like." She sighed and gently released me. As she moved a few steps away, I felt a strong need to stay connected, so I held out my hand to her which she took without hesitation.
We jumped from the study window and she giggled as she landed. As we approached the nearby river, she looked at it nervously and turned to me shaking her head.
"That's impossible." She looked at the turbulent water with skepticism. I grinned at her and disentangled my hand from hers. I measured the distance then jumped in a shallow arc to land softly on the other bank of the river.
"Okay. There is no spoon." He gulped and backed up a dozen feet or so. "I'm going to give it a running start." Her eyes widened and then she ran full tilt towards the water, for a second I thought she was going to run right in, but at the last second, she jumped. It wasn't like my leap; it was much further and far more agile. She landed just inside the tree line giggling the entire way. A few seconds later I heard her shout. "I think I overshot a little."
I laughed as I caught up with her. She was up in a tree. Her midnight blue silk dress was ripped along the seam line of her right leg. I was grateful that I had at least been able to talk Alice out of giving her heels. Alice had pouted but couldn't deny my logic, "Right Alice give an ex-paraplegic a pair of high heels on her first day with new legs. That's a brilliant idea." Instead she chose a simple black patent leather flat with a tasteful silver buckle. Knowing Bella, I doubt she even noticed them.
"So where to mighty hunter?" She jumped down to the soft ground beside me and smiled gently at her perfect landing. "I have to say my coordination has improved dramatically." She smiled wider as she took my hand again.
"This way." And I lead her into the forest for our first hunt together. For twenty minutes we didn't speak, as I showed her how to track prey. She seemed lost, as if her instincts were suppressed.
"You need to use your sense of smell; it is one of your primary resources. It is also important to judge danger. You'll be able to separate out scents in time, but first try to follow the scent of what we've been tracking." I explained, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The large buck we had been tracking was close, and she almost immediately took off after it. I watched from a distance as she approached and took down her first kill. She was aggressive but made sure she was quick, so the animal didn't suffer.
"Wonderful my love!" I said after she was done.
"I've been thinking, and I really adore 'My love'. It feels possessive without possession, and tasteful. I've always hated the honey and sweetie type nicknames. They've always felt gaudy to me. I kind of heard you in the morgue by the way, not every word, but the important ones. Then my legs started to burn, and I was very distracted." I blinked at her and shook my head.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If you'd like I could repeat what I said?" She nodded so I conjured up my words and refused to edit them. This was the moment I was dreading but I had to get it out of the way.
"I said, 'I wish I could hear you, it's still frustrating that I can't. I also wish I could know for sure if you can hear us. If you can, I need you to know that this wasn't about reparations. This was about me; Carlisle did this for me, because Bella… I love you.' I can read minds, it's my particular talent. I can read family, friends, and strangers, everyone… except for you." I felt my face contort into a slight scowl of disappointment as I explained my frustration. But she just smiled at me playfully.
"You know, you are like one of those flowered onion rings you get as an appetizer, spread open with layers of… okay my analogy sucks, but I can't seem to get a full bead on you. Every time I think I got you figured out you surprise me. So, what is the reparation you feel you owe me?" She looked at me with curiosity, and with no hint of distrust.
"That's the hard part. I don't know how you'll feel after I tell you this." I paused and took a deep breath, not that I needed the oxygen. "I made a choice. The day of the crash, I put my family above you. I didn't act, when I could've stopped the van from hurting you at all. But I didn't and I nearly lost you. Can you believe that I've regretted that choice every second of everyday since?" She blinked at me and lowered her gaze to stare at a rock near her foot which she kicked with enough force to lodge it into a nearby tree.
"No. You can't be telling me that." She started to shake, and I reached out to her, but she batted my hand away and took a few steps back from me.
"Bella, I'm sor…" I started, but she shook her head.
"No! You don't not get to apologize. You hurt me. You crushed me and took away my legs. Do you have any idea what I've been through? How humiliating, how painful? I had to carry around a bag with my shit and piss in it because I had no control over my lower body. I wouldn't never have been able to carry a child to term. Or been able to enjoy sex. I would've died in my twenties after years of struggling to breathe, and countless more surgeries. Now, I'm fixed sure. Your father gave me my legs back, but I lost my fucking family. I'm never going to talk to my father or mother again." She stopped and wiped at her face before realizing that no tears were falling.
"What? I can't even cry now? How could you do this to me?" I felt myself backing up from her, the words all too real. I already knew all of it, what she had to endure, I just never thought of her as suffering.
"I'll leave and you'll never have to see me again." I said unable to look at her.
"Coward." She spat back at me. That forced me to look up again.
"I don't understand." I said feeling confused and heartbroken.
"I don't know if I can forgive you, I don't know how I feel anymore. You destroyed my trust, but if you leave right now, it only proves to me that you're not worth it. If you can't be bothered to fight for me, then leave. I won't miss you." Bella's eyes were intense, furious and her nostrils flared as she spoke.
"If there is a chance, I'm not going anywhere." I said resolutely.
"Good, now get out of my sight." She turned and waited for me to leave. I felt a bit of whiplash, but I understood that she couldn't be in my presence. I turned and ran, ending up in my favorite place in the world. Yet even the beauty of the canyon was lost on me, I had no idea what I was going to do if she couldn't forgive me.
Author's Note: Writing is weird. You can outline and plan, but in the end the actual act of writing is far more organic and often bizarre. I knew there would be consequences to Edward's choice, I just didn't quite understand how bad. At this point, I honestly don't know if Bella can forgive him. And no, Edward is not a villain in this story, I have no intention of bashing him, well beyond the obvious for being an asshat at the beginning of the story. We'll see where it goes from here.
As always, thank you for your reviews I read them all and appreciate every single one.
Update notice: I am putting up the tentative release date for the next up-coming chapter in my profile.
Thank you for reading!
