You gripped my hand painfully and it took everything inside my being not to rip my hand away. For such a petite woman, you sure have a strong grip.
"Oh, my god," you growled, your hand tightening around mine. "I am never doing this again."
Despite my pain, I laughed. "I did offer to carry our child."
You shot me a look, your blue hair plastered to your forehead with sweat. "Now is not the time, Mako."
You're right; antagonizing your wife while she's in labor is probably not the best idea I've had.
Another contraction seizes you and you tighten your grip on my hand again. I grimace but I don't pull away.
"Remember to breathe, Love," I say, using my other hand to wipe your face off with a towel. You look up at me and we go through your Lamaze breathing techniques. After a long moment, you breathe out slowly.
"This is so painful," you nearly cry. "Where's the fucking doctor with the epidural?"
I bite my lip to keep from laughing at your curse. "She'll be here any second, baby." I brush my free hand back through your sweat damped hair. "Just try to relax, okay?"
"Relax," you say mockingly. "You try and relax when you're being ripped in ha-aaaaaahhhhh!"
You cry out and your grip tightens again and I feel my arm trying to pull away before I realize and stop myself. "Jesus, fuck," I say under my breath. I realize the pain in my hand isn't even on par with what you're currently going through but that shit still hurts!
"Mrs. Kino, how are we doing," asks a doctor as he walks into the room. He smiles at us but you look ready to jump from the bed and rip his head off.
"We need medication," I answer before you can start screaming again. Labor is definitely not agreeing with you. But I guess that could be true for anyone in this much pain and stress.
He chuckles and looks down at the notes in his hand. "The anesthesiologist should be here soon," he says. He looks back up at us, specifically you, and asks, "How are we feeling?" He's put your file down and is reaching for gloves to put on.
You just look at him. "Oh, peachy keen, jelly bean," you remark sarcastically. I reach my hand up and pat your shoulder.
He chuckles again and pulls a rolling stool over and sits down at the end of the bed and motions at the stirrups. "Mrs. Kino, if you would please."
You sigh and adjust yourself in the bed before lifting your legs and settling them in the raised stirrups. I help best I can with you still clutching my hand.
The doctor smiles and lifts the sheet to peek beneath them. You flush red and I gently squeeze your hand.
"Hmm, you're about three centimeters dilated," the doctor remarks after a moment. He lowers the sheet and pushes back from the bed slightly while still sitting. "I'll call the anesthesiologist and makes sure she gets up here soon." He smiles and stands, removes and throws away his gloves and picks up your chart and walks out of the room.
I hear you sigh and turn to you. "You okay?"
Your complexion has paled some and your eyes have widened. I notice your breathing is irregular and brush my hand through your hair again. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"What if I turn out like my parents," you say softly. Your eyes have glazed over and I know you're imagining situations you would never find yourself in.
"Your parents loved you, Ami," I say just as quietly. We've had this discussion before. But I guess with our current situation, it's becoming more of a reality that we are, in fact, having a baby and that same old fear is rising up in you again.
"They did," you say, licking your lips. You turn your gaze towards the pitcher of water and I leave your side to pour you a glass. I come back and hand you the cup. You take it with a small smile and take a sip. After a moment, while looking at the cup in your hands, you say, "But they weren't around. I was very lonely until I met you and the others. I don't want our daughter growing up like that. Questioning if I really love her. I'm already so busy..." You raise a hand and rub your face. It's a habit you've picked up from me.
"Ami, Love," I start, kneeling beside the bed. I gently take your hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing the back of it. "You are going to be an amazing mother."
"You don't know that," You reply.
"But, I do," I say. "You make time for me when I need it. You make time for everyone who needs you. Our daughter is going to grow up so loved, she won't know what to do with herself." I reach my hand up and brush it back through your hair. "You're not your parents, Ami. You would never let our daughter think, for even a second, she's unloved or unwanted." I stand and kiss the top of your sweaty head. "Besides, I wouldn't let you even if you tried.""
You chuckle and lean into me. "Thanks, Mako-chan!"
"Okay, who is ready for an epidural," comes a cherry voice. We turn to see an elderly woman walking in with a small case, which I assume is holding the needle.
You smile gratefully. "Me. I am so ready."
