One-shot n°8: Hope

Hope is like a butterfly. It flutters, coming and going within you, until you cannot stand it anymore. You want to believe. You want to Hope. But all you know is that there is only one path. You know this, but Hope comes and goes, and makes you believe that there is another path. A path that leads to light, to happiness.

So instead of accepting, welcoming the truth, you Hope.

You Hope for the impossible path.


My name is Tigerpetal, and until Death marched towards me and slapped me in the face, I thought everyone I loved, everyone I cared about, all those faces I knew, green-eyed, blue-eyed, amber-eyed... I thought all of them were invincible. Immortal. Strong.

Deep down, you always know how it everything ends. Hope just makes you into someone who doesn't accept it.

It makes you strong. It keeps you alive.

That is, until it destroys you to the core.


"Leopardkit, wait for meeee!" mewled Tigerkit as she surged forward, trying to keep up with her sister. "That's not fair, you started before I did!"

Tigerkit ran and ran towards the tree stump, but she wasn't fast enough. Leopardkit was a at least a tail-length ahead of her, and she sprang onto the tree stump heartbeats before Tigerkit.

"I won! I won!" laughed Leopardkit, watching the sulking Tigerkit from a few feet above.

"Not fair! You cheated!" pouted Tigerkit. "I would have won if we had started at the same time. You know I'm the better runner! You just don't like to loose!"

"That's not true," retorted Leopardkit, lashing her tail in annoyance. "I beat you last time!"

"That's because you cheated too."

Tigerkit and Leopardkit looked at each other for a long while, before both of them burst out in laughter. Leopardkit jumped from the tree stump and started wrestling with her sister.

"Haha!" laughed Leopardkit. "If you could have seen yourself! You were hilarious."

"Not true, not true!" giggled Tigerkit as she tried to wriggle out from Leopardkit's grip. If she was better at running, then Leopardkit was definitely better at fighting. They were built very differently. While Tigerkit was tall, thin, long-limbed, and short-furred, Leopardkit was stronger, shorter, bulkier and had more muscle than her.

Goldenclaw, their father, often reflected on that, and found it funny that they looked so different. He would often tease them by telling them that they were flame and stream. Leopardkit was the flame, with her energy and strong build, while Tigerkit was the stream, with her short, sleek fur and calmer temperament. Tigerkit loved when he compared them like that. It made her feel special, unique. Not like Moonkit and Snowkit, who were both white with green eyes, and were very very dull cats.

The only thing in common that Tigerkit and Leopardkit had was their names, and it brought Tigerkit joy to know that she and her sister would always be connected that way.


Leopardshade was the best sister I could ever have. We were so close, despite our differences. We did everything together: snuck out of camp together, eat together, laughed together, and we even begged our mentors to let us train together.

We were never jealous of one another. We had our own appearances, our own characters, our own strengths and weaknesses. We were different, and that was what I cherished most about our relationship.

Everything was bliss.

Until Leopardshade's life crumbled before her as if it were simply made of stones.


"Leopardshade, Tigerpetal, I have to talk to you," meowed Featherfall, their mother, one sunny day.

Tigerpetal raised her head from where she was sharing a thrush with Leopardshade and shared a quick glance with her sister. Leopardshade shrugged and they quickly buried the remnants of their thrush and padded towards their mother.

"Let's go into the forest," meowed Featherfall. Tigerpetal noticed the anxiousness that laced her mother's words, and dread started settling inside her.

What's so important that she has to take us away from the Clan like that? thought Tigerpetal as they padded silently through the forest. Leopardshade's head was bowed, but Tigerpetal knew it was because she was in deep concentration.

She's thinking the same thing as I am, she said to herself, the thought warming her up a little. Whatever Featherfall's going to tell us, we'll be in this together.


Little did I know what Featherfall would tell us at that time. I was so sure that everything would be fine, that whatever the news, I would stand it, Leopardshade would stand it, and we would brace it together and forget about it quickly enough.

How wrong I was.


"I—I don't know how to tell you this," started Featherfall, settling on the moss at the base of a big oak tree. "I—"

Tigerpetal shuffled uncomfortably, and shared a quick glance with Leopardshade. Featherfall sighed.

"I didn't know when the time would be right, but I have to tell you now," meowed their mother. "Leopardshade, I am not your real mother."

Tigerpetal's eyes grew wide as she took in the news, and she felt her sister stiffen beside her.

"What?" Leopardshade's voice was no more than a whisper.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to tell you this," replied Featherfall, whiskers quivering in anxiousness. "You'll always be my kit, no matter what, but I thought you should know."

"What about Tigerpetal?"

"She's my real daughter," sighed Featherfall. "I—a friend of mine was pregnant with you, and knew she couldn't have kits, so I told her I would nurse you and take care of you as if you were my real daughter. When you were kits, you and Tigerpetal looked nearly alike, so I thought you could pass as my kit, but now that you've grown, the Clan sees your differences more and more, and I couldn't bear to have you learn about it from someone else. I had to tell you."

"Who are my parents?"

Tigerpetal stiffened at Leopardshade's icy tone.

"I cannot tell you," meowed Featherfall pleadingly.

"I have to know!" hissed Leopardshade, fury lighting her eyes. "I've been raised in lies, and now that you finally tell me the truth, you can't tell me who my real parents are! I have to know. It's the least you can do for me."

"No, I won't tell you, Leopardshade, I promised my friend," replied Featherfall, anguish visible in her eyes. "I don't want to loose you. You are my daughter, like Tigerpetal."

"Then why did you tell me?" retorted Leopardshade.

"Because I had to. The Clan would have guessed sooner or later."

"That's a whole load of fox-dung," spat Leopardshade. "If the Clan guesses who my parents are, then I will too."

"Leopardshade—"

"I don't care about what you say anymore! You are a rotten liar," roared Leopardshade. She turned her head towards Tigerpetal. "Did you know, too?"

"No, I swear, I—"

"You know what? I don't care what you say either," spat Leopardshade. "Because even if you knew, you would lie to me. That's who I am, then. The daughter of codebreakers, adopted by cowards and liars. I hate you all."

With these words, she flipped around and disappeared into the undergrowth.


Deep down, I always knew that Leopardshade was not my real sister. We were too different. When Featherfall told us, everything started to make sense. Our different appearances, our different personalities, our closeness. We weren't sisters. We were best friends. We were complementary.

I later found out that Goldenclaw hadn't known about this. Featherfall had kept it a secret all along, and nobody suspected that Leopardshade was not her real kit. I didn't believe what she told us about the Clan. I knew that they could never guess.

It still remains a mystery as to why Featherfall told Leopardshade the truth. We were different since our kithood, and it hadn't really changed. I never understood what impulse made Featherfall tell her.

Leopardshade came back to us with prey that same afternoon. She didn't say anything, and the Clan thought we had had an argument. But I knew that something was wrong. Very, very wrong.


Featherfall died of green-cough two moons later. I mourned her, but Leopardshade did not come at all. She hadn't spoken a word to her since learning the truth. Nor to me.

It nearly broke me down to pieces.

I didn't understand—couldn't understand Leopardshade's reaction. For me, Featherfall had done her no real harm. She had chosen to tell her the truth, and hard as it was, I couldn't understand why Leopardshade had suddenly stopped caring about us.


I think she was trying to find out who her real parents were. Nobody in the Clan looked like her, and I think it dawned on Leopardshade that she was maybe from another Clan. Or from two different Clans. Only that made sense to her.

She was trying to identify herself to someone, and couldn't find it in HeronClan. She was lost, utterly lost.

And I loved her still.

So I made it my personal goal to trail her in her search for identity, and protect her, always, from what she would learn.


Hope.

I hoped everything would get better for her. I hoped we could come back to the way it was. Before.

I hoped everything for her, for me, for our friendship.

I hoped she would find out, and finally let it go.

I hoped she would be happy again, and forgive me for a sin I had not committed.

And I knew Leopardshade hoped too, or she would have disappeared completely from the face of the Earth.

Because there is only one thing stronger than fear, than misery. And that thing is Hope.

Until it overwhelms you completely, and you cannot stand it anymore.


"Tigerpetal, I'm sorry," murmured Leopardshade, eyelids fluttering as she was trying to stay awake. "I'm sorry for all I did to you. I shouldn't have. The truth drove me mad. The real truth. I just wanted to identify myself to someone, put an end to all the lies, know where I really came from. It just destroyed me more and more."

"Shhh, don't worry, I love you," whispered Tigerpetal, licking her sister's fur to comfort her. "I don't care what you did to me, it's forgotten now."

"Ah... but nothing ever gets forgotten," replied Leopardshade sadly. She marked a pause, and continued. "I found out who my mother was. And my father. And it destroyed me more than you can even imagine."

"You never told me," sighed Tigerpetal, "even if you knew I would stand by your side. I was always there."

"I know. But I thought it would be easier if I got over it alone."

"And you didn't. Get over it, I mean. So that's why you chose to drown yourself?"

Leopardshade did not reply.

"You're not dead, sister," meowed Tigerpetal. "I was here for you. And you're wrong about one thing. Maybe the past cannot be forgotten, but the future is yours to create. You can forge yourself a new life. And I'll still be here for you, as I always was. Because you are my real sister, and I don't care that our parents are not the same. And Featherfall was your mother as well as mine. You always had a place here. In our hearts, in the Clan. Knowing you are not my blood sister doesn't change who you are. A true warrior of HeronClan, and my wonderful sister."

"I never stopped caring about you, you know?"

"I know. I doubted it at first, but I understood, later on. And now that you know the truth, are you ready to let your old self die and come back to life?"


Hope is like a butterfly. It starts as a tiny little thing, grows inside a cocoon, and flutters to life, coming and going, until it settles deep down inside your heart and keeps you alive.

So you Hope, and you Hope, for the impossible path.

And sometimes, only sometimes, the impossible dissolves and every single shadow becomes light again.