Lily shifted her weight to one side, wondering whether leaving a paw numb too long would do permanent damage.
"... So I told him I wanted him, and he told me he was not sure," the female continued, oblivious to everything but the story she was telling, "and then he told me he wanted her more anyway, and I said he could not do that because she was just looking for the male with the biggest tail, because someone told her a big tail meant…"
Lily wasn't trying to ignore the female, she was trying to listen intently. But when someone used a hundred words for what could be said in five, it was hard to do that. She already had a good idea of what the young female was trying to say, and had in fact already heard the other female's side of the story, in which this one was the thoughtless antagonist trying to steal the male for a variety of reasons.
"... And then she stomped off with her wings tangled in seaweed and he laughed at us both," the female finally concluded. "Can you fix that?"
What Lily wanted to say was that all three of them were far too immature to be courting each other. They were four season-cycles old, but age didn't matter when they were acting so foolishly.
"I understand," she hummed thoughtfully. "No promises, not when it comes to matters of the heart, but I will talk to him." She was already planning on it, though from the sound of it he was as vapid as the other two.
"Thank you!" the fledgling squealed, leaping forward and embracing her. Lily winced as a wing brushed her back, and pulled away as quickly as possible, holding in a whine.
"You're welcome," Lily mumbled. She barely noticed Crystal leaping ahead to provide an intermediate place to step; it had quickly become a necessity, repeated impacts proving too much for her still tender back. She didn't feel good about using her friend as a place to step, but so long as Crystal was willing, she'd accept the help.
"That makes ten," Crystal said briskly, brimming with impatience. "Can we please stop there for today? We do not have to always do a dozen before dusk."
"I…" Lily paused mid-step, honestly considering her physical state. She felt numb and tired, though she had been doing little more than sit and listen to people. There was something about not being active that drained her energy just as surely as walking around all day, or flying, back when she could do that.
"Yes, we can stop early," she decided, feeling miserable. "I think there are less than a dozen left for tomorrow."
Crystal purred happily at that. "We are finally done?"
"Finally," Lily agreed. "One more day of listening, a day or two to put everything together, and then the big announcement." And then, she added in her mind, she would finally claim Pyre's cave. She had forced herself to put that off until she had spoken to everyone in the pack, to ensure there were no bitter dragons lurking in wait, out of sight and out of mind.
Or maybe she was stalling, for some unknown reason. She didn't think she was, but the long list of reasons to continually postpone it pointed to an underlying reason… Or really bad luck, because she wanted to be there with all her heart, every night she slept with Crystal's family. They were nice, even with the tension between them and Crystal, but his cave was home, and she longed to feel totally safe again.
Not quite yet. Always not quite yet, but now there really were only a few things left to do. She would know for sure that there were no unknown threats lurking in their midst, she would have made everyone happy, hopefully, with the new rules and changes to how the pack functioned, and she already had a full complement of guards to ensure it wouldn't be too dangerous.
Upon thinking of her guards, she barely avoided looking around. Somewhere close by, Gold's Sire lurked, discreetly watching over her. He, along with Pina and Crystal's Sire, had rounded out her group of guards, who now numbered eight in total, and was one of the two watching over her at present.
The other was Crystal, of course. She looked over at her friend as they walked. "Who is with me tonight?" she asked.
"Grass and Flare on first half, Mist and my Sire on second," Crystal said quietly. "And then Pina and Cedar in the morning. No change."
"Cedar has not asked to change to night?" Lily asked. She suspected he would, if only because he seemed half-asleep whenever she saw him, though she herself got up later than the average dragon. He was not a morning dragon.
"Liona's fault," Crystal rumbled, laughing to herself. "I checked in on that yesterday. Turns out, she was working him hard at night to try and get with egg. She was mortified to find out it was impacting his duties. That will get better soon."
"Really?" Lily was glad Crystal was stepping up to deal with things on her own. She would have to give thought to putting Crystal above the others, make it an official way to delegate…
Or maybe not. If there was a position, there would be hurt feelings among those who didn't get it. It might be best to let Crystal handle the little things with the guard as she was doing now, unofficially. So long as Lily held the power, there would be no resentment toward Crystal.
"She wants one, yes," Crystal continued. "Says she feels safe now. I am not sure, but I think she also feels a little one will tie Cedar to her just a little more closely. She has self-esteem issues."
"I had noticed," Lily agreed. She had taken Liona's feelings into account, and planned to address them in the process of addressing mated pairs in general. A balance, change with security, new and old, changing the most important things while leaving enough that the pack didn't balk at the differences and feel uprooted…
"Yes," Crystal said, "we definitely deserve to be done early today. You are asleep on your paws."
"My paws were asleep," Lily said ruefully. "How long did she talk about the male she wants?"
"Long enough that I considered having Gold's Sire go get him, just to distract her and let us make our escape," Crystal quipped. "I was never that talkative, I do not think any of the females in our season-cycle were."
"What is Honey, then?" Lily asked playfully.
"Oh, right…" Crystal shook her head. "You, me, and Pearl, then. But Pearl might have been if her Dam did not always tell her to be quiet…"
"We were not much different," Lily concluded. Not at that time. The divergence had come when they were forced to deal with things that required maturity, things no happy young light wing should have to face at their age. Losing loved ones, being forced into bad situations, taken as mates against their will, generally dealing with the worst the pack had to offer…
"Lily," Crystal said, nudging her. "Should I worry about you drifting off like this?"
"Just trying to put everything together in my head," Lily said, clearing her mind. If she was drifting so deep into thought as to be catching her friend's attention, she was stressing over it too much. "These changes have to be perfect."
"They will be," Crystal assured her. "And then you can relax a bit, just act the alpha when needed… Things will get better."
"Things are already good," Lily objected. She didn't dislike what she was doing now, working her way through the pack, listening to concerns, fitting it all together into one complex plan to fix as much as possible. It was needed, and it was temporary. The bulk of the labor only needed to be done once.
This was her cleaning up years of neglect from Claw, the main sweep, the big change. Once she had done that, she could rest far easier. Literally. Her reward would be finally taking Pyre's cave.
"To the pond and then to sleep," Lily requested, turning in front of Crystal. "I want to get up earlier tomorrow."
"Last day of talking to everybody," Crystal said happily. "One more day."
O-O-O-O-O
Lily sat by the edge of the pond, her tail drifting in the shallows. The sun shone brightly overhead, leaving shadows in Root's empty eye sockets, a haunting effect that, at first glance, made him a frightening figure, one with dark pits for eyes.
That effect was immediately dispelled by the way he moved, or by the anxious pair of light wings never straying far from his side, but it was still there upon first look.
Lily wondered if Root knew of the effect; he obviously wouldn't be able to see it, and telling him felt rude. It wasn't something he could change, though he still had his eyelids, which hung loosely. The shadow was there either way.
"I saved you three for last," Lily admitted. "I hope you are not bothered by that. I meant no insult."
"Oh, none taken," Whirl assured her. "Why, you even have Flare as one of your guards, we know you didn't forget us."
"Yes, and I'd be happy to hear any concerns or requests you three have," Lily said kindly. She had wanted to speak to each separately, but judging by the possessive wing over Root, his Dam wasn't going to be happy with that request. She was sure that if she suggested it and Whirl objected then Root would speak up on his own behalf and tell her off, but was creating strife between them worth a private conversation, when she didn't think it would make much difference?
Another time, maybe. She'd do her best to get his honest opinions here and now, and see what came out; she was good at hearing opinions that went unspoken.
"Well," Whirl began, "we do not really need anything that you can give. Our days are busy with Root, but that is a family affair, and not something you could help with."
"Nothing?" Lily pressed. "I will likely be setting up some official system by which volunteers provide fish for the single Dams with fledgling. Given your situation, would being included in that group make life easier?"
Lily almost immediately regretted phrasing it like that; Root winced, shaking his head and grimacing, and Flare growled.
"I am capable of providing for my family," Flare said sternly.
"I was not suggesting you were not," Lily backtracked, "or that Root was a fledgling, or anything like that. I was just asking if having someone else bring fish every morning would make life easier for you, as your family faces more difficulty than is normal."
Flare answered, cutting in over whatever Whirl's reply might have been with a low rumble. "No, we can provide for ourselves."
"Okay. It was just an offer. Is there anything you can think of that you would appreciate the pack doing for you?" Lily asked. "Root, how has the pack been treating you?"
"Everyone has been very kind," Whirl said firmly. "Right, Root?"
"Right," Root grumbled, his face and wings drooping.
Lily nodded as if agreeing with them. That was an answer, if not the one Whirl intended to give. She needed to get Root alone sooner or later to get the details, but for now she knew enough. Root was not happy with his situation, while Whirl was intent on seeing things in a positive light. She could work with that. A general reminder to the pack…
"We do not need anything," Whirl concluded, cutting off Lily's trail of thought. "Thank you for asking, but we are coping well enough already."
"And I appreciate that," Lily said solemnly. "If your needs change, or you think of something, you know where to find me. I'll see you tonight, Flare."
"Saying it like that makes it sound so inappropriate," Root mused.
Whirl slapped him with her tail and, for all the good it did, glared at him sternly. "Do not think about it like that. Which of your friends is corrupting you?"
"Cedar," Root said without hesitation, a rebellious smirk on his face.
Lily snorted at that. By the time she had left earshot, Whirl was ranting about immature males making crude jokes.
But overall, the talk with Root's family was not a good one. She didn't know how much of their dynamic was old and familiar, and how much new, but it didn't feel right. Root was an adult, but he was being treated as a child.
Crystal dropped down beside her, rejoining her now that the talk was over. "How did it go?"
"They want nothing, but I think Root is being stifled out of care," Lily admitted.
"That is normal," Crystal confirmed. "And it is probably worse now. Maybe it will go back to normal after a while?"
"Normal, where he is the child and they the parents?" Lily asked. Such an arrangement might be necessary; she didn't know how much Root's disability was going to limit his ability to live independently. That didn't mean it was a good situation for him.
Crystal grimaced. "Yeah, that normal. But I do not see a better answer, since Mist does not want to really be his mate."
"There will be other females," Lily said. That was probably the best answer for now. Root could spend a season-cycle adjusting to his new situation, and then he could find a female to help him into the next stage of his life, out from under his Dam.
"And maybe the changes you are going to make to the ceremony will make that easier for him," Crystal supplied. "What are those, exactly?"
"You'll not find out any sooner than the rest of the pack," Lily chided playfully.
"And when is that?" Crystal whined. "I am impatient."
"Have you noticed where we are going?" Lily purred in amusement. "Go gather the pack, and your waiting will be over." She could stall for another few days, but there was no point. She had everything figured out, more or less, and incorporating Root's situation into her plans was the work of a moment. There was no better time than now.
O-O-O-O-O
Never had she seen so many anticipatory faces all pointed at her. None angry, none frightened. Even Diora seemed nonplussed, which was an improvement.
Then again, Lily reasoned as she patiently waited for the last few stragglers to find a place, they all knew nothing of what was to come. Each only knew that she had personally asked after their wants and needs.
Each one expected something different. Added together, there were a lot of different hopes and dreams on the line.
It was a big responsibility, but one she had long since accepted. She was ready.
"We are all here?" she asked loudly. "Because this is not something anyone will want to miss or hear about second-paw. I'm going to go over a lot, and everyone is expected to obey these new rules going forward. If you can't remember everything that's fine, but everyone must be here to be told."
A few light wings flew off at that, no doubt going to fetch uninterested friends or relatives. Lily could see at least two sleeping light wings off in the distance, white blobs on rocks, and knew she would be waiting just a little longer.
She passed the time by going over everything in her head. It was times like this that she wished there were some way to mark her thoughts in the dirt and leave them there for future reference. Sadly, no such system existed, and making one was beyond her. Maybe if she ever found herself with a few moon-cycles totally free of other occupations.
When everyone had returned, and the sleeping light wings had been woken, Lily spoke again. "Last call. Everyone is here?"
"If they are not here, how can they say so?" a high-pitched fledgling male chirped playfully. Her Dam quickly hushed her.
"Good point," Lily laughed. "Quick, everyone who is not here, raise your wings!"
A third of her audience raised their wings, to everyone else's amusement.
"Now that I have your full attention," Lily called out, cutting over the last of the laughter, "let's get started. I spoke to every single one of you, and I have added all your ideas, requests, and needs together, along with my own thoughts on what we do not do well, and what we could be doing better." She avoided mentioning Claw in that explanation; this was something the pack had to take ownership of, and his name would be reserved for condemning only certain practices, where it was most needed.
She took a deep breath and lifted her head, straightening her posture. It was finally time to start righting some of the wrongs of the pack. "There's a lot, so bear with me. This is all important. First, one of the most important things, a set of changes to the title of alpha, the position itself. These will apply to all alphas going forward, because you will make them apply. I have designed these rules to ensure we never have a tyrant like Claw again."
There was no dissent to be had, the crowd watchful and silent. Even those who had liked Claw would not object, mostly because they knew the same rules would apply to her, and hopefully weaken her position.
"The alpha no longer takes multiple mates," Lily declared forcefully. "Be they male or female, no matter what. There is no reason for that any more. Many of you might not know, but the alpha taking many mates was originally intended to save the pack from dying out. It was a flawed approach from the outset, and we survived and thrived despite it. I will have one mate or none, and the same goes for everybody else."
Lily paused to take in the reaction, as she would with every decree, to judge which would be likely to cause problems later. This one was met with general approval. Those like Gold might have complained, but most everyone was happy with the change. It didn't affect their lives much; they had never been allowed multiple mates, and most had never wanted that to begin with.
"In the same line of thinking," she continued, "I should say that the alpha is also limited to mates who are not already secure with partners of their own. The alpha might have some power over such unions," and she planned to use that, so she wouldn't change it, "but that does not extend to breaking a pair to court one of them."
Everyone approved of that. It wasn't a change at all; Claw had never done as much, mostly to protect his own arrangement by preserving the permanence of taking a mate.
"The alpha will not hurt their own people, or put their needs above those of their people," Lily continued. "Punishment is at the alpha's discretion for small things, but any large, serious punishments will be run by the pack in the same way Cressa was handled." She would not entirely bar herself from handing out punishments, and the wording was vague specifically to give herself room to work with, but serious crimes would be met with a fair judgment, and if a future alpha bent the intent of that rule, the pack would have to call them on it.
"And speaking of the alpha," she said firmly, "that title has negative feelings attached, doesn't it? The one who punishes, the one who takes females and kills young males… This is not a hard and fast rule, but I would prefer you just call me Lily." She hadn't come up with any alternative titles that felt less pretentious, so her name would do.
"What if we want to call you alpha?" someone asked timidly.
"You may, but I'd rather you not when talking directly to me," Lily said. "It's just a preference."
"Yes, alpha!" a young voice called out. A yelp of pain quickly followed, and then a sullen "Sorry, Lily."
Lily held in a smirk, and forged ahead. "One last thing on the subject of alphas. There will be no passing down the title by lineage, no fighting for it, none of that. At some point in the future I will pick someone I think fits the role and teach them what I know, but when the time comes the pack will choose whoever is most worthy." She would force the precedent to be one of worth, but also allow herself the largest share of choosing her successor by mentoring someone she considered worthy, thus stacking the odds in her favor but not making it a foregone conclusion for future leaders. A balance.
"So it does not have to be that one?" a male asked hopefully.
"No, not if somebody else seems more worthy," Lily confirmed. "I have to trust you will all choose wisely, and I will work to ensure my suggestion is the best anyway, but if in some distant future an alpha picks another Claw as their successor, it will not be set in stone, and the pack can disagree."
That settled, she shook her head. "This is not a current consideration. I am only six season-cycles old, and have many season-cycles ahead of me. I do not plan on even picking a light wing for a long, long time, because I would want them to be much younger than me, so they could serve for a long time too." The last thing she wanted was a bunch of people clamoring for her favor in the hopes of supplanting her in a few season-cycles; she intended to rule until her body gave out, and then pass leadership on to someone she had groomed for many season-cycles, someone she trusted absolutely.
And if that didn't happen, if she died tomorrow in a freak accident? It would be up to the pack, but she could rest easily, because the only other prospective leader the pack had was Crystal, who was more than adequate and would do her best.
"Now," she barked, "on to more interesting things. We have a ceremony coming up next season-cycle."
That got people's attention, and hopefully brought back anyone who was getting bored of her talking about the alpha's position. Those things hadn't directly impacted anyone but her, but the rest of the changes she was implementing would be far more wide-reaching, and she needed them to hear and understand the first time around.
"The ceremony will still happen," Lily said reassuringly. "I know there are some fledglings in the crowd who would be devastated if there was no celebration of their upcoming transition into adulthood. Since there will be no killing, no threat of death, I expect all the ceremonies from here on out to truly be celebrations, unmarred by worry beforepaw and grief after."
A scattered round of cheering broke out. She waited until it was over, not wanting to spoil the good mood too quickly.
"But there will be some changes to what happens that night," Lily continued. "There will be no picking of mates. No time limits, no forcing females to choose males who might not choose them back, and nothing saying one cannot wait for the next-season cycle, or any other after that. So long as they are both of age, not related, and not already mated to another, any two light wings can announce it together and have it be official."
She raised her voice over the excited babble to continue, wanting to finish explaining before anyone started making assumptions. "And if it is not fair to hold our young to Claw's restrictive rules, it is not fair to hold the old to them, either. If a mated pair comes to me and asks to be made not mates, I will do it."
If Lily had thought the noise of the pack before this was loud, she was thoroughly disabused of that notion; the pack exploded into a clamor, everyone calling out questions of roaring objections over each other.
"Listen!" Lily roared. A few other voices joined her, cutting over all the noise to be heard. The crowd quieted to a low murmur. She knew better than to insist on silence; she wouldn't be getting that until everyone had calmed down, and that would be a while.
"I will not be doing this until after the cold season," she announced. "To give everyone time to think. And I will not be doing this for new mated pairs going forward, for fear it will make everyone think that being mated is no big commitment. It also will not be automatic, one or both of the pair will come to me and I will hear them out before anything is decided." She was keeping just enough control to ensure light wings like Ivy could come to her in secret, but not so much that it looked like she was breaking apart random mated pairs for her own reasons. If there were any more like Ivy, they would have to work up the courage to approach her.
"I know you have questions," Lily said, forestalling the oncoming deluge of requests for clarification, "but save them for the end of these announcements. For now, just know that the point of this is to ensure that every mated pair is happy, and that those who are not can be freed of what Claw's rules forced them into."
"I'm not done," she said, still speaking over many side-conversations. "Claw left behind many customs that needed tearing down, but he also left behind far more precious things. People, his mates and children."
She made sure to harden her voice before she continued. "There will be no persecution of his mates or children. I have not seen any yet, and I hope this warning is totally unnecessary, but it has to be said. In addition, I will be arranging a group of volunteers to continue the fish pile, for all Sires or Dams who have no partner and one or more little ones to feed, and all who cannot feed themselves, if they feel they would like to partake." In that, she was both leaving the option for Root, and for herself, though she didn't expect to ever need it, as Crystal or any of her guards could supply fish for her.
"Just in general, there will be no persecution," she continued. "Of those who supported Claw, or of those who opposed him. Of his children, or his mates. Of any who might decide they wish to break their mated pairing, of any who make pairings you do not approve of… Just be kind and understanding to one another, as a rule. I know that is hard sometimes, I know you will not do it all the time, but you should. We all should."
She could only hope they would take that to heart. There was no way to know if they had; most were still caught up in debating what her more controversial announcements meant to them.
"That is all for now," she concluded. "If you have questions, I'd be happy to answer them." With that, she hopped off the ledge, ignored the pain that came with hitting the ground, and entered the fray.
O-O-O-O-O
The moon was well on its trip across the sky by the time Lily said goodbye to the last light wing with questions for her.
"You can go home now," Lily said wearily, addressing Crystal, who stood by her side. "You could have gone home at sunset." She could see Grass lurking nearby, waiting to be acknowledged, and Flare was probably already flying above, watching for danger.
"I could have," Crystal agreed blithely. "But I cannot help but notice you are not coming with me. What is left to do?"
"Pyre's cave," Lily replied simply. "I intend to sleep there tonight." Her reward after a long, downright exhausting day.
"Oh… Really?" Crystal asked. "I was thinking that you could just keep sleeping with my family. My Dam is not that bad. I think she is going to apologize soon."
"I hope she does, for your sake," Lily said, "but that's not it. I just want a place of my own." She hoped Crystal didn't press it, because she just wasn't up for explaining any more thoroughly.
"If things had gone as they should, we would both have our own rocks by now," Crystal said wistfully. "With mates, and maybe an…" She trailed off, her whole body suddenly drooping with grief. At the end of a long day, it took Lily a few moments to work out what she had been about to say, inadvertently reminding herself of the cute little hatchling she had briefly helped raise."See you tomorrow?" Crystal asked quietly before Lily could compose herself. "I can come wake you."
"I'll be sleeping in the dark for once, so I think I'll be up before you," Lily quipped, failing to sound as cheerful as she had intended to. "But yes, come early."
"I will." Crystal shambled off toward her parents' rock, her tail dragging along behind her. Lily wondered if she needed to vent again, she'd barely seen her friend flying at all since...
Since Lily had last flown herself. Of course, Crystal ran instead of flew, she didn't want to rub in the lack of flight Lily faced every day by using it right in front of her.
That was nice, Lily mused as she walked, but unnecessary. She wasn't some fragile fledgling who would burst into a whining fit every time she was reminded of her loss. Compared to the constant pain in her back that was taking a long time to even begin healing, not being able to fly wasn't so bad.
"Should I go?"
Lily jumped in surprise as Gold's Sire reminded her of his existence by dropping out of the sky right in front of her, still camouflaged, and speaking as if he hadn't done anything surprising.
"Yes, when the sun sets and your replacements arrive, you are free to leave without asking me," she said kindly. Gold's Sire was, in many ways, the most amusing of her guards. He was only present because Gold's Dam had sent him to volunteer to help her, and that, so far as Lily knew, was only because Gold's Dam didn't want to be asked to do anything herself. It wasn't the most solid motivation, but she knew Gold's Dam liked her and had no reason to resent her, so her mate was a safe choice for security, and he seemed to take his position seriously enough.
He was, however, not nearly as considerate as Crystal, and leaped back into the air the moment Lily was done speaking, buffeting her with displaced air.
She shrugged her wing shoulders, whined softly at the painful tightness the movement brought to her attention, and continued walking.
The trek up the mountain path had never seemed so silent. Not just peaceful… Empty. Every turn on the path hid nothing but more empty path, which it should, but she couldn't help but wish she would turn a corner and see Pyre, waiting for her, ready to explain how he had cheated death and faked his own demise…
Ready to give a good, fair explanation for where he had been, for even in her most heartfelt, impossible wishes she could not help but question the fantasy she should not be letting herself have-
Her musings were interrupted by a light wing landing behind her, camouflaged and silent.
"The sky is empty," Grass reported quietly. "Flare is watching from above. Where are we going?"
"The cave we caught Cressa by," Lily answered, hoping Grass would go back to guarding from above. She didn't want to be alone, but Grass was not the light wing she wished would appear, not even close.
"All night? Another trap?"
Lily glanced back at Grass's blurry form as they turned a sharp corner, doubling back and always gaining height, no matter where the path led. "Treat it as such. I am going to be sleeping there from now on."
"Why?" Grass asked disdainfully.
"Because I say so," Lily snapped. She didn't want Grass's acid remarks aimed at Pyre's memory, and would not be explaining anything related to him.
They walked on in silence, Grass not electing to leave as Lily had hoped. She couldn't bring herself to order Grass away just yet; that was too harsh when she was trying to give Grass the benefit of doubt and treat her as she would anyone else.
"I do not really want to know, if it is that personal," Grass admitted a few moments later. "I never tried to be there for you before."
Lily wasn't sure how she was supposed to interpret that. Was it a roundabout admission of guilt, or just a shallow apology that meant nothing?
"I never wanted to have to care for someone else's child, and you were an annoyance, a frustrating responsibility," Grass continued. "But you turned out fine despite me."
That had to be a disguised, deniable apology. Lily knew Grass well enough to hear it underneath the insults and casual indifference. Grass never voluntarily put herself down like that.
That didn't mean she was about to accept it, though. "You once dangled me by the tail and threatened to hurt me if I ever spoke of what I saw," Lily said coldly. "Was that because I was a frustrating responsibility?"
"That?" Grass barked, surprised. "I remember… Yes, and because you had just watched Claw and I mate. If Pina found out, she would have bothered me about it for moon-cycles on end. She liked being responsible for you. I was not surprised to see her join this group of guards."
Lily snorted in reluctant amusement; it in no way made what Grass had done excusable, but she agreed that Grass would never have heard the end of it. Leaving a young fledgling to her own devices, sneaking off to mate, and then getting caught in the act by the fledgling in question? That was both irresponsible and flat-out embarrassing.
"Not that it was an okay thing to do," Grass continued, oblivious to Lily's thoughts on the matter. "But that is why. Any other misdeeds you want to ask me about, or are there so many that they blur together?" her words were light, but her tone laden with more than a little suppressed dread.
Lily thought it over as she walked. "No," she eventually admitted, "nothing else comes to mind, because you really just didn't want to watch me. That was the only time you did something really bad."
"Well, good," Grass sighed. "I do not want to be on the alpha's bad side."
"You're not," Lily said quietly, not looking back. She could not see Grass's face, so it was only fair the same go the other way. "I'm trying, but it's not easy. You supported Claw up until the last moment, you never really liked me… It is hard to trust you, let alone like you."
"And I deserve that," Grass agreed. "I would be far worse to you if our positions were reversed."
"Yet you are here," Lily countered. "Acting as my guard."
"Pina pressured me into it," Grass grumbled. "And Cressa. You know this."
"Come on," Lily countered, "if Pina could not pressure you into giving a rotten fish for me before, I doubt she could now. You chose to be here."
"Do not make a big deal of it, I am just trying to make up for my choices," Grass growled.
Lily left it at that, knowing that there would be no resolution to their discussion. Not with Grass, when she wouldn't directly say what she meant.
Was it a compliment, that Grass assumed Lily would correctly hear what she really meant despite the outwardly flippant, dismissive way she said it? Lily chose to think so.
A familiar turn in the path loomed up ahead, and Lily sighed. "If you are going to stay down here, lay across the entrance to the cave for tonight."
"What about when it gets cold?" Grass complained. "Are you going to have Flare come down and lie with me? Because I take no responsibility for his mate's complaints if you do."
"Tonight it is not cold," Lily said shortly. Her quiet, peaceful ascent to Pyre's cave had been spoiled… But given how she had felt before Grass interrupted, maybe not much had been lost. At least she wasn't hoping to see Pyre around every corner anymore, or emerging from the darkness of his cave.
Lily crossed the ledge and entered the cave, trusting that Grass would follow orders and stay out. Pyre's musky scent had faded, but it still lingered, an undertone of safety that brought back good memories.
She had put off claiming this place over and over again, and now that she was here she wondered why. Surely, the peace and safety she felt now was worth a little extra danger, as paradoxical as that was.
Or maybe being attacked here would spoil the feeling. She didn't know, and hoped to never find out... A quick glance back at the entrance confirmed that Grass's shimmering form was lying in the way, blocking any stealthy approach.
Lily was tired, but she couldn't just leave it at that and go to sleep. She paced around the interior of the cave, her eyes half closed and her mind filled with memories.
Here, in the corner by the entrance, she had hidden from Pyre, tricking him in a game of seeking and hunting. She had waited just out of sight while he let her 'get away', and then returned the moment he left to begin searching. He had thought to return and check the cave soon afterward, and laughed upon finding her.
In another place nearby, the wall was bumpy and covered in scratches, thin lines running vertically down the largest lumps. Pyre had held her up with his head, back near the beginning of their interactions when she was still fairly small, and taught her the finer points of climbing with the natural deformations of the cave wall. She had made those scratches, with his help.
She put a paw up to the most prominent marks, noticing that she didn't even have to rear up to do so; he hadn't held her high at all. Her paw engulfed the marks, and when she put her claws out, the space between any two would have sufficed to hold a whole pawful of marks from her younger self.
She hadn't felt so small back then, but looking back it was obvious. Marks from the past, ones she had long since outgrown.
After a long moment spent staring at the stone and remembering, she kept moving. Here, on this flat, level patch of floor, Pyre had slept in the cold seasons, his body quaking with the worst of the cold. The stone was darkened from many, many streams of fire over the season-cycles, and the spot was unique in that the coldest of winds could not reach it from the entrance… But he had still suffered, except for when she visited and curled up with him.
A dozen more such spots in the cave beckoned to her, each bearing the marks of another story, another little piece of the cave that made it Pyre's. It was hers now, but she didn't intend to change it in any way. As it was, it felt like home and memories and safety all rolled into one, a hollow in the rock that somehow was so much more…
She almost broke into a whine, overwhelmed by the emotions flooding through her, but Grass's presence, currently out of sight but not out of mind, forced her to reconsider. As much as she wished she were truly alone, she was not, and she didn't want Grass to be privy to her feelings right now. They were nowhere near that close; she didn't think she was that close with anyone except Crystal.
It took her a long time, but she eventually mastered her emotions, forcing the most powerful down to a slow simmer. It hurt, in a way, that even now she could not let herself just feel, that even here she was not alone, but she knew Pyre would rather she be safe.
Well, no, he would rather she be safe with someone she trusted enough to let see her true feelings, but life wasn't perfect. She would settle for the more important of the two, physical safety.
That settled, in her mind if not entirely in her heart, she found the deepest corner of the cave, curled up there, and closed her eyes.
More memories of Pyre almost immediately came to mind, fleeting impressions of him talking, playing, teaching… mourning. Not all good, some sad, but the one truly horrible memory she had feared would come up and refuse to be ignored did not show itself, not even as she thought about it. Pyre's death felt cold and far away, not something that belonged here.
Here, she could relax. Nobody was watching, nobody could see her. Not even Grass, not with where she had chosen to settle down; they did not have a line of sight. She couldn't whine and roar and release her emotions as she wanted, but she could relax.
She could see herself being alpha all day, dealing with the stress and problems, teaching her fledglings right from wrong, and then coming here at the end of the day to unwind, maybe on occasion without guards at all. This was her place, her escape for when she needed it most. Crystal and her family were good, but they lived in the middle of the pack, in plain sight.
Because what Dam could function if all day, every day, was spent with her rowdy children? It only made sense that Lily would feel the same.
It was not perfect; perfect included Pyre being alive. But it was good, and she could settle for good.
O-O-O-O-O
The following days, and then the following moon-cycles, fell into a pleasant, if busy, routine. Lily would rise, meet with her morning guards, and set about doing whatever she felt needed to be done; talking to her people, answering questions, offering advice. She would make herself available, approachable, and handle whatever her people brought to her. Small things, most of the time, unimportant squabbles she suspected were tests as much as actual issues, but she dealt with them all the same.
As the days grew shorter and the wind cold and biting, she effected small, gradual change. It would take many season-cycles to totally eradicate Claw's influence, and she did not try to rush that, simply nudging her people in the right directions wherever possible. Some took her advice, some did not, and others…
Others solved their own problems, much to her relief.
"Guess what finally happened!" Crystal crowed. They were alone by the pond, taking a break from wandering the valley for water and rest. Gold's Sire was lounging on a rock nearby, fully visible but anonymous in that unless one was looking closely, one wouldn't recognize him and wouldn't know he was a guard.
"You learned to fire blasts of different colors," Lily quipped, recalling one especially entertaining question a fledgling had asked her earlier that day.
"Yes, she did- Wait, what?" Crystal stammered. "We can do that?"
Lily purred in amusement. "No, but it's a fun idea."
"But…" Crystal shook her head and groaned. "You just took the wind from under my wings, Lily. Do you know how annoying that is?"
"Yes," Lily admitted. Pyre had done the same to her. It was annoying, but at the same time the reactions were so funny to watch that it was difficult to resist. Even the old sadness thinking of Pyre tended to bring wasn't enough to cancel out her amusement. "But really, what has happened?"
"I am not going to tell you now," Crystal grumbled, pawing some water at Lily. "Spoilsport."
"I could just find out, you know," Lily threatened. "Ask your friends, the other guards, your parents…" She held in a bark of triumph as Crystal subtly twitched at the mention of her parents.
"You could, but I think nobody would say," Crystal said confidently. "I think this is a secret I can hold."
"Your Sire would not tell?" Lily prodded. No reaction. "Or your Dam?" she added.
Crystal twitched again, a flick of her ears and frills, and tried far too hard to act casual, leaning over to take a mouthful of water and slowly swallow it. "No."
So it was her Dam. From there, it was easy to leap right to the event Crystal had been waiting for, and thus what must have happened. "Your Dam finally apologized for how she acted back when Claw was around, refusing to speak ill of him, and she probably even tried to explain herself."
Crystal groaned and hung her head. "I wish I could do that," she said forlornly. "Can you teach me?"
"A lot of it is understanding people and how they think, some interpreting body language, and plenty of sneaking around and spying when nobody is looking," Lily admitted. "And you have to have a very good memory. Maybe, with time?"
"Never mind," Crystal grumbled. "Anyway, yes. I do not think she meant to do it, not at first, but something sort of happened, and it pushed her in the right direction?"
"You know, giving me a vague explanation just means I'll push for the full one," Lily chided, stepping away from the pond's edge.
"It is personal… But I guess nothing you do not already know about," Crystal admitted. "So you know that I sleep with my parents."
Lily nodded, encouraging her friend to go on. She suspected this wasn't going to have a happy beginning, based solely on Crystal's reluctance to speak, but it couldn't be that bad.
"Well, it is stupid, but I woke up this morning sure that Claw was standing over me," Crystal said quietly. "I had just had a bad dream, and I woke up to someone pawing at my side like he did sometimes, and it all just connected before I could see differently."
"But it wasn't Claw," Lily said.
"No, of course not," Crystal agreed, "but I almost threw my Dam off the rock before I came to my senses. She wanted to know what had gotten into me, and I told her, and I was really upset, and I guess seeing me like that finally broke through?" She was rambling on so quickly Lily couldn't get a word in edgewise. "She apologized, and told me why."
"Why?" Her friend's lingering unease aside, Lily really wanted an answer to that particular question, if only because it had stumped her.
"Turns out she lost a friend to him a while back," Crystal explained sadly. "She got mad, went to him and tried to rant at him for it. She said she wasn't thinking straight."
Lily cringed at that. She, more than anyone, knew what happened when Claw was challenged.
"He did not hurt her enough to leave scars, or force himself on her," Crystal growled, "but he did rough her up and scare her quite badly, and told her that if he ever got wind of her speaking badly of him or his choices again, he would hurt her or someone close to her."
"So she stopped criticising him, and when you did, she tried to convince you not to, lest he do the same to you?" Lily asked. It wasn't totally logical, it didn't all fit, but she could fill in the blanks. Depending on how long ago that first encounter was, Moss might have internalized just not thinking badly of Claw, and maybe even forgotten or repressed the reason. It was a deep-seated habit, if she was only now breaking it, several moon-cycles after Claw's demise.
"He was already abusing me far worse," Crystal objected. "It is not as if he could do much more. But she did not see it that way. We are on better terms now that I understand, and she has apologized. My Sire already did, a while ago."
Lily nodded. She knew that, she had listened in on that very conversation. She would have liked to hear this confession first-paw too, but her luck just wasn't that good, not now that she wasn't sleeping at their rock.
"So yeah," Crystal continued, regaining a lot of her good cheer, "that is great. And just in time, too. It is getting cold out, and we will all have to move into the caverns soon. I did not want to have that between us when we are stuck together all day, every day. It has been awkward enough while I was not spending every moment within eyeshot of her."
"The cold-season is nearing," Lily agreed, "but we have some time yet." Another moon-cycle at least, going by how it had been the last few season-cycles.
"Not according to my parents," Crystal said seriously. "They say that if it is already this cold now, when it should still be nice out, then the whole cold-season will be harsher than usual, arrive sooner, and leave late. I believe them."
"Well, it's good to be prepared. I hope they're wrong, but I'm glad you told me that." She could see the reasoning behind that, but Pyre had warned her that predicting the weather was a difficult and fickle business best avoided by just preparing for all eventualities… Though she didn't see what she could do to prepare for an early and overly harsh cold-season. One more thing to think about.
O-O-O-O-O
Lily woke slowly, wondering why she felt warm scale against her side. As her thoughts returned to her, that one specific detail began to nag at her mind, bothering her more and more.
She slept alone in her cave, Pyre's cave. Who was she sleeping against?
She cracked an eye open long enough to identify Grass's glint, which was enough to make her open both eyes and stand.
There was no reason to ask why Grass had defied her orders and crept into the cavern at some point in the night, or why Pina, who had temporarily swapped shifts with Flare to avoid awkwardness, was curled up beside her. The frosted rocks outside the cave, and the steam rising from everyone's nostrils, was enough of an explanation.
Lily walked out into the open, leaving her two guards behind for a brief moment, and surveyed the valley. Everything was icy and freezing cold, though the day before had been one of lukewarm rain and cloudy skies.
The clouds were still swirling ominously above the valley, and a freezing Northern wind made LIly seriously consider flaming herself, before her aching back reminded her why she wasn't going to.
"I have never seen such a quick freeze," Pina murmured, walking up behind Lily. "It hit just after midnight, with heavy wind blowing in cold air like the whole valley was downwind of an iceberg. Laying out in the open was very unpleasant, and I think nobody down there got much sleep."
"I had hoped Crystal's parents were wrong about this cold-season being especially harsh and early," Lily admitted. "But it looks like we're moving everyone into the caverns today."
"Including you?" Pina asked hopefully. "This cave is nice, very nice, but it is a long walk from everyone else, and nobody is going to be taking long walks soon."
"Even me," Lily conceded, though she didn't like the idea at all. At least she had the power to choose who she shared a side-cavern with; most of her guards, Crystal's family… She could arrange a fairly tolerable living space for herself, with good people to share it. There was no chance she'd get stuck with someone like Diora.
O-O-O-O-O
"Why do I have to share a side cavern?" a large female with three fledglings on her back demanded. The fledglings whined in unison, adding a very distracting undertone to her words that made her sound even more petty than she already did. "Me, my mate, and our children. That makes five, and five is more than enough for that dinky hole. Maybe if you put is in a better one, or let us choose for ourselves-"
"There are too many of us, we have to be efficient, there is no space going unoccupied," Crystal replied by rote, speaking on Lily's behalf. "You can ask to change spots with another tomorrow, once everyone has their places, for now just do as Lily says."
Lily nodded in support of her friend before turning away, addressing the next disagreeable light wing. "You will be sharing with her," she said ruefully, pointing her tail at the annoyed Dam in question. "It'll be tight, but we just don't have a lot of space to fit everyone into."
"If you say so, alpha," the female sighed. Her use of the title was probably not meant to annoy Lily, but it did anyway. "But if I have to be here, surely my friend can squeeze in too? She does not take up much space, and she can have her mate sleep out in the corridor."
"Nobody will be sleeping in the corridor," Lily replied firmly. "We need to keep an open path for everyone to get to their side-caverns without stepping on others. There isn't any more space in this side-cavern for your friend. You will be able to see her all day, this is just where you'll be sleeping this cold-season."
"Fine," the female huffed.
Lily looked around, realized there were no more complaining light wings clogging up the corridor, and turned to Crystal. "Is that everyone?"
"If you do not count the whining, complaining mass of fledglings bothering their Dams, Sires, and anyone within earshot," Crystal answered, nodding at the main chamber behind them, and the clamor they could hear coming from that direction. "Do you think Pina and Flare have finished up their parts in assigning places to sleep?"
"I hope so," Lily said, "but probably not." Half of those complaining seemed to think that those Lily had publicly named as her intermediaries for this arrangement were lying to them, or that she'd surely see reason if they could just speak to her personally. She expected to spend the rest of the day telling people 'no' in one way or another, and depending on how stubborn her people were, possibly the rest of the season.
