"Am I going to die?"

Perhaps a more adequate reaction would have been to wait for the doctor to give all the details, but as soon as he showed her the CT scan, read her file and uttered the diagnosis, she had no longer been able to focus on anything else. She hastily wiped a tear and stood up shaking.

"Tell me, please," she begged trying to control the cadence of her breath as she was slowly approaching a panic attack. "Am I going to die?"

Her doctor rubbed his eyes after a long night shift full of emergencies and yawned completely unaffected by her distress.

"Maybe or maybe not."

If that was an answer meant to calm her down and make her see the bright side of her condition, it surely did not make her feel any better.

"You said I have a rare brain tumour. How is a rare brain tumour a maybe not?"

"I said it's rare in adults, Mrs…"

"Solo."

"Mrs Solo, this type of tumour is indeed malignant and fast-growing and rare in adults and even more rare in females. You are unlucky, but you did great by coming to see me. Women usually mistake any nausea and balance issue for signs of pregnancy, but it's rarely a pregnancy… unless you're a teenager."

He snorted, but Rey was not amused, so he cleared his throat and looked at the scan again.

"You need treatment and most likely a surgery. I will give you a list of other tests you need before we fix a date and something to help you feel better until then. We don't want you on the surgery table already paralyzed or anything."

Rey looked at her hands remembering not being able to use them in the past weeks and her shaky legs. She had been so happy ever since she had married Ben, but especially those past months, and, like those women mentioned by the doctor, she had foolishly believed for a moment that maybe the birth control didn't work. After all, even someone like her knew that certain foods made it less effective and there had been many days when she completely forgot about taking her pill. But pregnancy was not supposed to make the mother feel as if she was dying and now, there were chances she would never get to experience motherhood after all.

"Oh, God!" she broke down in tears. "What am I going to tell my husband? How am I supposed to go to him and tell him 'hey, your dad died, your mom died and I lost our baby, but don't worry, because I will also die.' It will… it will destroy him."

The doctor tapped his fingers on the desk, making her look at him. He was very young and quite… cute and charming in an awkward way. It reminded her of Ben when they first met, though the doctor was more confident and his pretty eyes had no trace of empathy, not even compassion in them. He was the type of man who would look at death and shrug instead of cry. It was… strange and somehow admirable. Had Ben been like him, she wouldn't have worried about his pain in those moments.

"You know, Mrs Solo… I think it's time to be a little bit more selfish and put yourself first."

Selfish? But she had been brought up with the idea that selfishness was a sin that eats one's soul and leaves the body rotten on the inside. And any slightly selfish thought had been excused by her need to protect the ones around her.

"I remember once I told my husband that there were moments when I wanted to escape… leave for three years - one to get used to being far away from home, one to enjoy myself and one to get used to the idea of coming back. Now it sounds like the perfect plan, but I am not even sure if I even have the time to pack my bags."

She sniffed and her doctor finally showed a compassionate smirk. He was probably perceiving her as a silly girl, knowing very well that she would survive the surgery.

"My work hours are over, but if you need to talk, sometimes a stranger is better than a friend. We're less judgemental and very desperate for a cup of coffee."

Oh, he really was charming. Rey gulped not understanding how her misery was suddenly under the anaesthesia of seduction. Whatever he was doing to distract her, it was working much better than his lame jokes. Therefore, a cup of coffee couldn't hurt anyone, though she prefered tea.

Rey touched the scar on the back of her head, looking at her cup of tea. The tea was exactly like Maz's perfect blend of ginger and mint with only one teaspoon of linden honey. She licked her lips and touched the table where her name was still carved - 'Rey Solo', from back when it was only a childish dream of hers to marry that weird tall guy with dark hair and a preference for peaches. He was right somehow. She had been the happiest in that house… as a child, when she had no worries. After her auntie's death, she had to become a full-time adult and her life was never the same. At twelve years old, when asked about her future plans or how she would see herself in ten years, she would have innocently answered something about marriage and a big family. But her twenty-two-year-old self ended up an orphan with an estranged brother, an already miscarried baby and a brain tumour. The only thing she had truly achieved was marrying the man of her dreams and turning her passion for cooking and Maz's legacy into a blossoming business. Except she was rather unsure if her business was going to survive the repercussions of her and Rose's falling out, which left her with only Ben and the baby. Though, ever since he had dropped her at Maz's old house, she had seen him mostly from the window, when he combed her hair each morning and night and when they ate the meals she prepared after Maz's old recipes. For the rest of the day, he was usually either tending the garden, chopping wood for the cold nights or doing the shopping, while she remained inside all the time. At night, he was always sleeping in the boys' old room. It was as if they were playing the roles of a family as seen through the eyes of a child. Furthermore, he barely spoke to her being rather pensive and unwilling to waste energy on small talk. Perhaps he was waiting for something. Perhaps for her to adapt? Were they going to move back there permanently for the sake of their marriage and baby? Or was he still upset about her affair and accusations?

"Thanks, dearie," smiled Phasma taking the strawberry cake for her daughter's birthday party and putting it inside the fridge while Rey was carefully placing the finger sandwiches on Minnie Mouse-themed plates. She just nodded still thinking about what happened the previous day. Now that she was no longer sipping tea with the cute doctor with the green eyes, she was no longer calm. She was once again fearful and desperate. Would it had been better for her to be completely ignorant of her condition and just die in her sleep?

"What's with those?"

Rey flinched and looked at her bruised wrists.

"Oh…"

"Your husband?" she asked on a neutral tone.

"Yeah. We… let's say our night didn't end as planned."

"Is this why you're upset?"

"No," she shook her head slowly feeling rather disgusted by her own food. "I'm… I just feel like leaving this town and never coming back. Which I might eventually do."

Phasma smirked and Rey had learnt from attending some of her private parties that it was her way of revealing without words that she knew more than everyone thought. But as she never enjoyed those parties, except for some things she and Ben got to try out in the intimacy of their home, there was nothing that would make her ask Phasma to open her mouth and reveal God knew what atrocity. However, Phasma needn't be asked.

"Dearie, are you fucking my-"

Rey got up and washed her empty cup of tea, then went upstairs, where Maz's bedroom was just as when she was still alive. The bedspread had many intricate images, the walls were covered in photographs and paintings done by Maz, the small table by the window and the two nightstands had doilies made by Maz's mother and were separating the wooden surface from the many porcelain trinkets gathered in her adventures across the globe.

She pursed her lips with a disgusted look on her face. Maybe it was because she could not remember everything just yet, but despite the joy she felt sleeping in there those past days, there was still something not right about that place. The entire house didn't feel right. She could swear that she had taken many of Maz's belongings when she moved out and sold the house. Even if he had taken them back from their home, then how did he knew exactly where to place each item? Yes, he had lived there for some time, but he was too young to remember such things. It was impossible to recreate them based on her recounts as well. And where did he get the money to buy that house back? Everyone made sure she was aware of his financial struggles and only recently they've managed to get back on their feet to afford more than just monthly bills and a date every now and then.

Slightly bored, she left Maz's bed and entered the old nursery. It was the only room almost completely redecorated. The many cribs were now gone, with only a new white one placed by the open window. But she didn't care about the crib or the rocking chair or the giant plushies, which was odd considering that she was pregnant and that Ben had done that for her and the baby. Instead, her eyes focused on the wallpaper, the only remaining unchanged thing. It had all sort of fruit and vegetables drawn on it and Maz had always refused to replace it or clean it because each drawing represented a child. One big peanut and a smaller one for her and Finn, two cherries for the twins, an orange for her cooper-haired bully, lemons for… Lemons?

"And right here we have your tiny lemon."

Rey covered her mouth and watched fascinated the clear shape of her baby. She had made the appointment for a check-up routine weeks prior, but with her doctor being away on vacation, she had almost forgotten about it. Ultimately, after that terrible diagnosis, she had no reason to further believe that her symptoms had anything to do with anything else except the tumour. But she was told to consider visiting her gynaecologist after her latest test results and now, she was looking at the shape of her baby and was listening to the doctor describing it. It had fingers and toes and a spine and a huge head like its dad.

"What's that?" she chuckled getting distracted from estimating with her fingers the 7,85 centimetres her baby was measuring.

"It's your baby's heart, my dear."

"Can you see if it's a boy or a girl?"

The doctor narrowed her eyes and pushed her glasses back up her nose.

"It's a bit early, b-"

"No, wait!" she grabbed her doctor's wrist. "I want it to be a surprise for when I'll come here with my husband."

The doctor laughed and she carried on with her explanations as Rey kept staring at her… it wasn't a tadpole-like the baby she had lost before. And referring to it as a 'lemon' was not cute at all. She looked at the baby's nose, chuckling at the idea of Ben panicking over their child inheriting his nose.

Oh, Ben… She sighed biting her lip. She couldn't wait to tell him about their baby peach. Oh, yes! Peach! That was so much cuter than 'lemon'. Except there was still an important detail to discuss.

"In case I can't keep the baby, is it too late for an abortion?" she asked masochistically deciding to look at the empty side of the glass once again.

"Would your husband not want the baby after all?"

"Oh, I'm sure she wants it. I mean… he might whine about me being too young, but he's such a big softy. I'm sure he will cry and then carry me in his arms during the entire pregnancy. The problem is… I have a brain tumour," she uttered tearing up more as a reminder to herself, though her doctor was already giving her a compassionate smile.

Rey covered her mouth as she gasped and fell on the floor with her fingers clenched around the crib rail. It made no sense. She had speculated that perhaps it was Ben's baby and she didn't want it or he took it away from her, but nothing added up. She had yelled at her jailer that he was not the father, but her jailer had been Ben or… She had previously mistaken their wild night for him abusing her and now that she was analysing each detail of her returning memories, she could see that he had always worn a mask. But she had also said that she didn't want her baby to be born after being so excited about finally being pregnant. If only she had her diary to help her put everything together!

Feeling her head heavy, she laid on the floor and looked at the tulip-shaped ceiling light, embracing another memory.

"Mrs Solo, what a surprise to see you here again. I was not announced that you have an appointment and my shift is already over for today."

"Oh, no," she shook her head barely hiding her happiness. "I'm here about something else."

"And that something else is making you this happy? I don't think I've seen you smile like this before. It makes me jealous."

Rey giggled a little flattered by his useless flirting attempts.
"Yeah, doc… I just… I'm pregnant!" she clapped joyfully. Though, despite her contagious grin, the doctor did not share her happiness. He pursed his lips looking rather disgusted and Rey lowered her gaze.

"Sorry," he shook his head and smiled. "That's great, I guess, but I hope you're not going to…"

Rey furrowed tilting her head.

"Your health comes first."

She licked her lips and nodded as her eyes were getting watery once again.

"I know, but I want this baby. I need it."

"Risking your own life?"

She ignored her doctor's tone. It was obvious that he could not understand her maternal instinct for that peach and she could never expect him to ever understand her. Though, she was still bothered by the implications of his words. She would not abort that baby, nor she would risk her life.

"Actually," she continued. "My obstetrician said that there have been cases of women in my condition and they've managed to carry the pregnancy full term. Well… not full-full term, but far enough to have a healthy baby and then have the surgery. She told me to ask you for more information as you are the expert, but if you ever suggest that my baby is not important enough or worth any sacrifice, then I can go find another doctor."

The doctor took a step back and his surprised and slightly hurt gaze made her heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry," she sighed.

"No, I 'm sorry. Any other doctor would give you the same answer, Mrs Solo, but you're right. However, it's my job to make sure that I don't lose you. After all, you're my patient. I would be quite a terrible doctor if I let you die."

Rey smiled feeling more relaxed now that he was joking again.

"And excuse me for interfering in your personal life once more, but what did your husband say about all of these… changes?"

"He doesn't know anything yet," she shrugged. "He's been worried about my headaches and he insisted on me coming to see you, but I'm… I'm still not too sure how to tell him about the tumour. I think I'm going to keep it a secret for a little while. I would have preferred going through the surgery without telling him anything, but now that I also have to think about the baby's safety, it's so much more complicated."

"Here," she heard his voice and watched him take out a business card from his wallet. "You have here my number in case you need me for my services when I'm not here. Or if you need a friend."

Rey took the business card and looked at it reading the phone number and the details written in golden cursive letters.

"Thank you so much. I'll tell Ben about the baby tonight, but about the surgery and treatment… Look, my husband mustn't know about this. Ok? It will be our own little secret. At least for a little while. I don't want it to overshadow our happiness."

She was now holding his hand, feeling overwhelmed with a mixture of desperation and joyfulness, while he was brushing his thumb against her skin.

"Just you and I," he chuckled agreeing with her terms. "Our secret."

"I have no idea how much time I've got left on this planet, but listen to me. As long as I am still alive, you better keep your ass out of jail, boy! And your dick away from pretty little women."

Ben looked at his uncle with an empty gaze, then signed the last paper and put the pen down as the officer gave him back his belongings. Once he was handcuffed in Kaydel's apartment, he was sure that it was finally happening and that he would no longer escape jail. However, instead of being informed that he had indeed been in a relationship with her and that he was the actual monster responsible for her and Rey's suffering, his drunk guardian angel came in to announce him that despite his face appearing on the security cameras in Kaydel's building, the DNA traces and fingerprints left by her abuser were most definitely not his.

"Did you find anything about Rey's whereabouts?"

"No… Your pretty little wife has vanished and I don't like at all. Rose said they've argued and that she last saw her the same night you did. But I did get her diary when I went to feed your cat."

Poor Bee, sighed Ben.

"And I also did the research you asked me to do."

Ben's eyes widened and he parted his lips before biting his lower lip nervously. He was not sure he wanted to know.

"There was only one living case and I asked them if we can t-"

"I don't think it should necessarily concern or involve me."

"Maybe it should. Let's go."

"No, Luke! I want to go home, take a shower, take care of my cat and mind my life as if I had never met Rey. If she ran away, then good for her. It will be easier to grant her the divorce."

Already tired of the Solo's drama, Luke grabbed his nephew by the shoulders, ignoring the height difference and squeezed him to keep himself from slapping some sense in his whiny ass.

"I found a camera hidden on your porch. Someone has been spying on you and you won't set foot in that house before my men search the entire house for microphones and other hidden cameras. So you better stop worrying about your cat and start worrying about whoever has been trying to bury you alive. So you either come with me to the hospital or our partnership ends here."

Sometimes a serene face is more heartbreaking than one carrying the fresh marks of abuse. Kaydel's pretty face was still bruised, but now that she was asleep, without any rage distorting her features, she was just an innocent girl. She was not supposed to be there and end up like that. She was just a victim.

She sniffed and mumbled something in her sleep, then turned slightly to her right. She was thirsty, but her hand was being held down by something heavy, not letting her grab the glass of water. However, the weight holding her down suddenly vanished and she felt the cold water glass touching her sensitive skin. She was not alone. She parted her lips and slowly opened her eyes. For one moment, she thought that she was too weak to move, but her instincts were stronger and quicker than anything else and she jumped startled, throwing the glass on the floor and reaching the emergency button.

"Wait, please!" he gently put his hand over her bruised arm. "It's me ."

She narrowed her eyes and noticed the scar and a small tattoo behind his neck, just behind his ear. She exhaled loudly and looked at him with a suggestive look. Ben let go of her arm and cupped his hands between his legs as he leaned in.

"How are you?"

"Fantastic," she snorted, though her ribs were now hurting. "Did come to bring me my bag?"

"Your bag?"

"Yeah, I dropped it when Rey kicked me out."

Ben shrugged.

"I don't know. To be honest, I was in jail."

They looked at each other for a few moments until Ben smirked awkwardly. Kaydel lowered her eyes on his hands carrying no bruises after the punches she had received. She could not admit yet that she had been a fool for believing whoever that other Ben Solo was, because, after all, she did not know Ben that well to notice the differences between the two of them. The scar could have easily been masked with foundation, whereas she had rarely noticed the tattoo and her mind never bothered remembering that detail. However, she should have figured it out that it was more than just hiding from Rey that made their relationship a secret mess. It was the plain simple fact that he couldn't risk being seen at the same time the real Ben Solo was around.

"I'm sorry," she whispered with teary eyes.

"Honestly, I do forgive you, but I need to understand more. What happened, Kay? The fingerprints and DNA were clearly not mine, but the face I saw in that security footage was."

"I have no idea," she shook her head. "At this point, I really don't know anything. He said he was you and acted like you, though more aggressive, as you can see."

Ben looked once again at her scratches and bruises, then licked his lips.

"I heard about your baby. I'm truly sorry."

"I'm not like Rey and you, Ben," she rolled her eyes. "I liked the idea of having a family with the man I loved, who supposedly had been longing to be a father for years. But, after all, I wasn't really in love with him, he was literally not the man I thought he was, and I am not maternal. When my parents adopted me, they did it just to have a kid around, but I don't really know what it's like to experience a bond between a child and parent."

Ben chewed the inside of his cheek and analysed the shape of her lips and her nose, though after the abuse she had endured, it had an odd shape and colour, then her chin and the way her eyelashes curved. He was now visualising three other faces with similar traits. One made him feel sick, one made him feel hollow and one made his heart skip a beat.

"Sorry for asking, but do you know anything about your birth family?"

She raised an eyebrow, once again regretting immediately any gesture that reminded her body of her abuse.

"My parents and two sisters died in a fire. I've never bothered investigating more as I don't care about any distant cousins."

What were the odds?

"I… I need to go back to Luke now, but I promise I'll search the house for your bag."

"Please. I have all the data in my phone stored in the cloud, but I would hate to wait so long to get new papers and cards."

"I know," he chuckled and squeezed her fingers.

"Do you think we can still be friends?" she asked putting her other hand on his.

Ben would have normally told her no, but this time, he felt a special type of warmth in his chest. She was so fragile and an actual innocent victim in whatever was going on. If he were to trust Luke's gut, everything was connected and nothing was a coincidence. They all deserved justice.

"Yes, but I think I might need your help with something."

When another cramp kicked in, Rey got up from the floor and looked around. The old nursery was rather eerie looking now that it was night and the only light source were the light poles outside. She had fallen asleep after crying for hours or maybe she had fainted after the terrible headache that came with the latest memory.

"Ow," she whimpered getting up. She needed to go to the bathroom. Her back and head had been hurting like hell those past days, but now she was getting cramps as well.

She pulled down her jeans and undies, then she gasped staring at the red-brownish stains. She panicked for a moment but fought the impulse to run to wherever Ben was and tell him to take her to the hospital because nothing was signalling the same symptoms she felt when she lost her first baby. Instead, it was rather comfortable in a certain way and the back pain was almost entirely gone. Moreover, she was very calm. After all, she had never taken that pregnancy test and by the looks of it, her late period was nothing but a late period. Indeed, it was disappointing to find out that she had put all of her hopes and dreams in something that never existed, but maybe it was better. She and Ben needed to sort things out. The only reason why he came after her was because he too thought she was pregnant, but, as far it concerned the both of them, they never got to discuss her stupid demand of getting divorced.

She stopped as she was covering her panties with some toilet paper and remembered something. He admitted to having been with Kaydel that day when he saw her with the pregnancy test, but when she got home, Ben had been cooking the entire time. How…

Rey shook her head and went to the staircase, where her jacket and bag were hanging like when she was a kid. She opened the bag to get a pad, but instead of finding her usual stuff, she found a fancy wallet, a different pregnancy test than the one she had bought and a phone vibrating like crazy. She took out the phone, which unlocked immediately, despite not being hers. That was odd. She pressed on the green phone on the screen and looked at the missing calls. Many names she did not know and then two caller IDs with Ben's name. Rolling her eyes, she looked at the one which had a heart by its name but did not recognize the number. Then she looked at the one with the smiley face, which was indeed her husband's number. She pressed on his name and waited.

"Hey, where are you?"

She heard his breath and then a loud whimper.

"Rey?"

"Yes, Ben. Who else?" she snorted, then her smile vanished as she realised once again that that was not her phone, but probably Kaydel's.

"Thank, God!" he sighed relieved, though his tone quickly turned into something angry and desperate. "Rey where are you!? Everyone's been looking for you like crazy!"

She furrowed and licked her lips. He truly sounded desperate and she suddenly felt a pain in her stomach as she stood there frozen while the front door was getting unlocked.

"I'm home?" she said on a low voice.

"Rey, I'm home!" she heard a voice coming from the entrance hallway.

"Rey, I'm home and you're definitely not here! There's something sick going on and I know that we're not each other's favourite people right now, but w-"

"Ben?" she whimpered as her husband appeared in front of her. His smile vanished as he saw her terrified face and the phone she was holding, then his serene face turned menacing. She gulped now observing the missing scar and the many small details giving him away. He was shorter, less well-built, had smaller hands, the tiny freckles were missing, the moles were out of places and even the shade of his skin was slightly different. And his eyes… oh, they were so hollow as if he was wearing contacts. And even though his hair was wavy, it was lacking the tiny curls, the soft thick texture and it was not the same shade of black.

She gulped as his fists clenched and tried to focus on her husband's voice.

"Maz, I think I've been abducted."

As she spoke the last word, the last thing she saw was that man's face approaching her. She tried to run back upstairs, but he grabbed her by her clothes and hair, pulling her back. Her feet no longer felt the stairs beneath them until her body hit the ground and everything went dark.

"Everyone, I know that it's difficult to read the transitions from one scene to another, but the website deletes any dash, asterisk or break. The first chapter had them for a while and then I had the unpleasant experience of finding out that the text is now one huge mass of words. I am already spending a lot of time editing the text to respect the rules and not have any or much adult content here and I'm not willing to spend more time to post each sequence and flashback as a separate chapter. Thank you and sorry," said the writer already done and considering deleting the account and use only ao3.