Chapter 34

Hope and the girls woke around 10:00 the next morning, anxious for breakfast. Hope was spreading strawberry jelly on toast when I entered.

"Okay and with the toast you wanted what, Deanna?"

"Milk please."

"Milk, no eggs or bacon?"

"No thank you!"

Hope turned and pulled a strand of loose hair from her messy ponytail behind her ear. I ran my hands from her shoulders down to her waist and kissed her cheek.

"I want cereal." Harmione exclaimed.

"Okay sweetie."

I helped make breakfast and watched the girls while Hope went to work. It was my day off. Playing beauty pageant wasn't as embarrassing as I thought. Hope arrived back home around 4:30 that afternoon. Deanna's mother came by to pick her up about the same time. Harmione had a such a good time with her, she said couldn't wait for the next time. As she sat happily watching TV by herself I thought it might be a good time to tell her about the new baby. I turned the TV off and got on my knees in front of her.

Hope sat down on the couch next to her. I grabbed Harmione's hands.

"Harmione...honey...we want to tell you something important."

She looked at Hope.

"Is it about my powers, Mommy?"

"No...not that...but you know how cousin Gwen and Kevin have Genesis?"

Harmione shook her head, and her eyes widened.

"Is Genesis going to spend the night?!" She grinned.

"No pumpkin." I told her. Her eyes met mine again. "And I'm glad to see you so excited about Genesis...because Mommy is expecting a Genesis...you know how small Genesis is compared to you right?"

Harmione nodded.

"Well I'm going to have something smaller than her...I'm going to have a baby."

Harmione just stared.

"Which means you would get a little brother or a little sister." I added.

"Can I play with them?" Harmione asked.

"Of course you can!" Hope smiled brightly. "But you'll have to wait until they get a little bigger...like Genesis."

Harmione pulled her hands away from me and covered her mouth. She giggled softly to herself.

"Huh?" I asked. "Would you like that?"

Harmione nodded.

"I'd love that a lot!" She screamed.

"You would?" Hope asked promptly. Harmione just nodded quicker and giggled.

"Okay...okay, but listen Har..."

Harmione looked at me.

"There's gonna be a lot of changes around here...you'll be the big girl...the older sister..."

"I'll take care of them like Mommy would!"

"That's great sweetie, but the new baby will need Mommy and Daddy a lot to get he or she ready to play with you."

"I'll wait Daddy..."

Hope smiled. I grinned at her.

"How did we get such a wonderful kid?"

I looked back at Harmione.

"Well...we won't overlook or forget about you...we couldn't if we tried...and you can help with fixing up the baby's room and picking out clothes and stuff."

Harmione smiled the more I spoke.

"And you can come see the new baby at the hospital when he or she gets here...okay?

"Okay."

"Give me a kiss."

Harmione pecked my lips and hugged me tightly around the neck. Hope pecked the side of her head.

"What is the baby a boy or girl?" Harmione asked.

"We don't know yet, have to wait and find out." Hope replied to her. Harmione just grinned from ear to ear.

I spoke with Hope later that night about Harmione. I still felt unsure about her emotions. Hope actually thought the same thing every once in a while. Harmione was strong willed, brave, daring, bold, and generally happy. It felt odd to see her any other way. I pulled the blanket down to the bottom of the bed. I had our thermostat set on 72. It was far too hot to sleep with a blanket. I took off my shirt and unbuttoned my jeans as I spoke to Hope.

"Do you think Harmione hides her feelings?"

"If she does, she does it better than I ever could." Hope replied and removed her bra and put on one of my t-shirts over her panties.

"I just feel after everything she'd shatter...but it's like she's made of steel or something."

Hope put her hair in a bun on top of her head.

"Well she didn't cry much as a baby either...not until she started teething."

"And Ghostfreak was with her for a while, you think that'd be enough to scare her."

I lied down under the sheets next to Hope in my boxers.

"The only time I can remember her heart ever being truly broken is when she lost Juju."

I sighed.

"Yeah...that was really hard on her..."

"I think death scares and upsets her the most...and living just excites her...be that with her powers or a new baby; it's all one big adventure to her and she's truly thankful for it."

I wrapped my arms around Hope and kissed her head.

"Me too, Angel...Me too."

The next afternoon I came home from work to something I didn't expect.

"Hey Hope, Har..."I'm home!" I yelled with a smile.

"Daddy!" Harmione screamed and came running down the hallway but she wasn't happy or excited. As a matter of fact she was crying, and by the look on her face she had been crying for a while. Her face was red, her eyes were puffy and her cheeks tear stained. She had problems breathing and it took all she had to scream for me. I quickly got to my knees and she ran into my arms.

"Harmione?!" I shouted over her cries. "What's the matter baby!?"

"Momma!" She screamed.

I picked her up and got to my knees. I stroked the back of her head. She cried loudly into my ear.

"Alright...Alright."

We heard a loud crash and I ran to the back bedroom, with Harmione in my arms. Our master bedroom was in shambles. Hope had picked up just about everything and threw it across the room. I put Harmione down and raced over to Hope as she picked up her make-up from her vanity and started to toss it. I met her halfway and grabbed her wrists.

"Hope!" I shouted. She was also in tears. She was hysterical, and continued to scream. I fought with her to put the make-up down and as I did, she scrambled away from me and tried to grab something else. I knew she was pregnant but I had to calm her down no matter what that meant. I tried to be as gentle as possible but it was very difficult. I picked her up around the waist.

"Hope stop!"

I felt in my heart that I'm probably the only one that can soothe her from whatever pain she was feeling.

"Nn..No!" She cried. "Let go of me!"

She punched at me and kicked me but I ignored it. I finally got a decent grip, and turned her around to face me. I just hugged her. My embrace was tight. She tried to pull away but she wasn't going anywhere.

"Hope it's me it's Ben!" I shouted.

She cried into my hug and squealed.

"Ssh!" I shouted. I ran my fingers through her hair and stroked her back.

"It's okay...I'm here now..."

She continued to cry but her cries became softer. She trembled.

"It's okay... Think about the baby."

As I said it she cried harder and louder. She shook violently trying to get away from me. I just held on.

"No, it's okay!" I yelled. "Ssh..."

I pecked the side of her head, and began to sway with her.

"It's alright now..."

I knew she wasn't ready to tell me what happened so I picked her up and put her to bed. She cried herself to sleep. It was just me and Harmione for the remainder of the evening. I took Harmione to a burger place and we sat in the car eating together.

"Harmione...do you know what happened?" I asked softly. She ate her fries in silence. She then slowly shook her head.

"Well...do you know what your Momma was doing before she...she started crying and screaming like that?"

Harmione nodded.

"Well..."

"Me and Mommy were outside playing and practicing my elemental power over water...she got hot and said she felt sick."

"Did she ever go back inside?"

Harmione nodded.

"She went to the bathroom and I went to watch TV...while I was watching she screamed...it scared me so I hid."

"Did you check to see if she was okay?"

Harmione sipped her soda. I allowed her to finish up drinkng before she started speaking again.

"Thanks for the food and the soda Daddy."

I smiled.

"You're welcome...now back to Mommy...what happened then...did you see anyone or hear anything...was she on the phone with someone before she got upset?"

Harmione shook her head.

"She screamed and then I heard something break...She was scary."

"She was?"

I sighed and sipped my own soda. It didn't really give me an answer but at least Harmione was safe and Hope was home asleep. Back home, Harmione went to her room, and I brought home a meal for Hope too. I knew she wasn't ready to eat it, but she had to be hungry. When I entered the bedroom she was gone. I ran down the hall in a panic past the bathroom. There she was, with a broom and a dustpan; cleaning.

"Hope?"

She got to her feet and stood in front of me.

"Ben...I..."

Her face distorted as tears came back to her eyes.

"I'm sorry!" She cried and dropped everything and hugged me. I ran my fingers through her hair.

"No...it's alright."

She sniffled and cried harder. I placed my hands on her face stroking her cheeks with my thumbs.

"Hey...hey...I'm here for you okay."

"Would you...would you still be here for me even if I did something bad?" She cried.

I had heard that question before, just phrased differently. I heard it before this all even started. Was the abuse she suffered all those years ago really stronger than my love for her? How could she even think that? Maybe I was too soft on her and too open, maybe I needed to be harder and shut her out. Maybe if I gave into her depression and told her off, she'd have a better life than before. If I told her to forget about the past maybe she'd breathe better. I don't know. Just after all this time I though she found something good and permanent. Something she could hold on too. Asking me that question now was like asking me if I loved her or not. And to be honest it hurt.

"How can you say that to me?" I replied back sternly. I had never used this tone of voice with her before.

"Ben...honey I just want the truth...I'm tired of hurting you."

I sighed heavily. I wanted to explain it to her one more time in a decent manner. Of just how much I loved her, and how she's added charm to my life. She's given me everything I didn't have before. I wanted to explain it again gently and properly, but I didn't. Instead; I blew up.

"Damn it Hope!" I forcefully grabbed her shoulders and shook her. She turned her face away.

"I love you, you hear me?!" I shook her again. More tears came to her face. She sniffled.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you that, what do you want me to do?!"

She sniffled.

"What can I do to get that through to you!?"

My voice got louder with each passing word. This was to be our first fight.

"So what if it's bad, bad or good, for better or worse...I'm here for you, I'm standing here for you!

She finally looked at me.

"Ben..."

"Have I not done all I could for you, are you afraid I really will leave you?!"

"Ben...you're hurting me."

"Hope talk to me please!"

"I am!" She screamed. "And you're hurting me!" She screamed louder through gritted teeth and pulled away.

"Yeah?!" I shouted back. "Good!"

She looked me in the eyes deeply.

"I never thought you of all people ever would..." She replied softly and rubbed her shoulder.

"Same."

"What?"

"Hope, you asking me that question...you know how painful that is for me to hear?"

She sniffled again.

"Huh?" I retorted. "I don't know how you feel all the time sweetheart, but if you think I'm going to abandon you when things get rough or just because you did something bad, you need to think again...and if that's what you've been thinking then.."

"Then?"

"Then...I don't know...but I do know I can't handle life without you, so either get on board with our marriage or be prepared for me to stalk you for the rest of your life...because no matter what you say or what you do I'll love you until I die, and the worms have eaten my flesh, okay?"

She nodded slowly.

Okay." I muttered breathlessly. "Now come here Angel."

She smiled at her pet name. I gently took her hands and placed my forehead to hers.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you...I was just upset and frustrated...but still that's no excuse for-"

"I'm sorry too."

"Hope, Angel you mean everything to me."

"I know...I'm so sorry...you mean everything to me too."

She touched my face and stroked it.

"I just love you too much to for your life to faulter, and be faulty for my fault...Sometimes I feel like a blessing to you..."

"You are-"

"But...sometimes a curse... Like darkness follows me no matter how hard I try to cast it away."

I pecked her lips.

"It might feel that way...but you're not alone in that, ever since I put the Omnitrix back on my wrist it's been one thing after another...but it's our darkness that brought you and I together."

She smiled slightly and frowned.

"Ben...I...I...something happened today...that I thought you'd be really upset over...and I didn't want you to be as upset as I was...I never want to hurt you."

She stroked my face and nuzzled my fringe with her own.

"I just thought you'd smoke..or...hurt yourself...or...I don't know, but I thought the worst."

"Angel...what happened?"

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Ben..."

"What?"

I stroked her shoulders I didn't mean to bruise, and spoke sweetly to her.

"I don't want you to hurt alone...Always remember that."

She nodded as tears left her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She hugged me tightly. I held her in my arms as she sobbed into my chest. I rubbed her back and placed my hand on the back of her head. She shook as she cried.

"It's alright." I whispered softly. "It's okay..."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, sniffiling. I moved my hands down her back and held her at the waist. As she cried I rubbed her stomach.

"You shouldn't be this stressed with the baby." I told her and she sobbed harder.

"Angel..."

"I lost the baby this morning!" She cried.

"You what?"

"I did...I...I felt...I felt sick, and I couldn't stop cramping...and there was so much blood Ben..."

"You...you miscarried?"

She sobbed loudly. I grabbed her face.

"Hey...look at me, look...are you okay?"

She nodded then shook her head.

"Are you hurting?" I asked. She nodded again.

"Where Angel?'

She couldn't speak and took my hand off her stomach and placed it on her chest.

"Ben...it hurts right here...my heart's broken."

I quickly embraced her and held her once more as she cried.

"And I'm so sorry!"

"No...ssh...it's not your fault..."

"Our baby, Ben!"

"I know...but it's gonna be alright...It'll be fine...come here."

I picked her up bridal style and carried her back to bed. I got her, her food from the kitchen and while she ate I cleaned up the bathroom. Then cleaned up a small bit of our bedroom. I put Harmione to bed, and kissed her goodnight. From there, I got in bed myself next to Hope and held her. She calmed down somewhat and lied still in my arms.

"What do we tell Harmione?" She asked.

"Nothing...she doesn't need to know just yet...and when you feel better, and ready...I promise we can try again."

She pulled her hair behind her ear. I leaned in close to her face.

"I'll give you a baby, I promise..." I told her. I kissed her cheek. "We'll go to the doctors first...just to make sure you're alright."

She held my hands tightly.

"Ben I...I'm so sorry."

"No." I immediately replied. "No, don't cry anymore Angel...you don't have anything to apologize for..."

We drifted off to sleep. The next day at the clinic Hope spoke with a our primary care doctor and a OB-GYN doctor. They proved to us that Hope did miscarry at six weeks. They explained that sometimes it is unclear why this happens, and why it happens to certain people. They said her physical health checked out, and she may continue bleeding for another two weeks. In regards to her mental health they were very afraid she may spiral downwards in a deep depression. Which is common and normal for a mother that lost a child. They recommended special classes to perk her spirits. Hope didn't want to attend them and has decided to fight her loss and burden alone. But I'm not about to let my Angel do that.