PART III
I couldn't leave you right now if I tried.
March 23rd, 2018
Time passes somewhat quickly when you know you're never going to die. Every now and then the days will drag, but a week will often be gone in the blink of an eye. Bella is now sleepless more often than not, sometimes for days on end, and she'll watch the sun rise and set over and over and time will lose all meaning.
One night, she asked Rosalie if this is what it was always like for them. Rosalie told her that she would get used to it after a while.
Bella's first semester at PC was winding to a close. The coming weekend marked the start of spring break for the community college, and Jessica Stanley had made sure that they would all be occupied. She had spent the past month planning out a weekend stay at the Quileute Oceanside Resort—the very same one that employed Jared Cameron.
The Cullens would be splitting a three-bedroom cabin while the human girls took a two bedroom for themselves, as would the boys. All of them were close together and, more importantly, close to the beach. Jessica had booked all the surf gear and secured all the fire permits that they would need for the next four days.
Needless to say, the Cullens were excited about the trip. The weather was going to be in their favor: overcast but not too cold or rainy. All of them had spent different amounts of time on the reservation, but, for some of them, this would be their first extended stay. The thrill of being involved in a spring break trip was enough to get Alice riled up; Jessica might have planned the trip, but Alice put herself in charge of making sure everything went absolutely perfect on the Cullens' end.
Currently, Alice was sitting on the counter in the garage, double-checking her meticulously crafted checklist to make sure they were bringing everything they needed.
"Did you get the booze?" she asked Edward.
"It's in a box that's been buried under everything else. Do you really want me to take all this out to make sure?"
He pointed at the backs of the Jeep and the Volvo, both of which were jam packed with everything a person could need for a spring break on the beach. To be truthful, most of the stuff they had packed were things that vampires wouldn't need, but Alice had been particular about keeping up appearances. In this chaotic mix, Bella had managed to cram in all the things that Charlie had lent her for the trip, including some of his old fishing gear (though she wasn't sure if she would make it to the marina to actually use it).
"How much alcohol are we illegally taking with us?" asked Rosalie, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You act like you didn't buy several bottles of wine for this trip," said Edward.
"I'm just reminding you that your actions have consequences."
"Pfft. Who's gonna stop us?"
"Maybe not the police, but there is an entire pack of werewolves running around whose express purpose is to keep us in line."
Edward pursed his lips. "Fair point. But we'll be fine! One of those wolves happens to be infatuated with me."
"'Infatuated' is an extremely strong word, Eddie," said Bella, giving him a pat on the shoulder.
"What? It's been like, four months. We're making progress."
"I'm not saying that you're not, but Jake isn't your 'out' when it comes to getting in trouble on the rez. I can't believe I'm saying this but… we gotta behave, bro."
Edward raised his hands, admitting defeat. "You're right, you're right. We shouldn't cause any trouble, but, honestly, I don't think we will. This is just a good ol' college spring break!" He pumped his fist in the air.
Bella looked at him, and then the rest of the family.
"And none of you have ever been on one of those, have you?"
Emmett tilted his head side to side. "Well, we've done some equivalent things."
"Just a fair warning—this might get kinda wild."
"Like in the movies?"
"No, Emmett, not like in the movies. Like, real life wild. Trust me."
Bella hadn't been on a college spring break trip before, but she considered her high school spring breaks to be on the same level. Of course, the human gang wasn't anything like her old high school friends, but she knew what people were capable of when they were inebriated on vacation. Thankfully, this was a vacation in a very familiar locale, so Bella wasn't too worried about what would happen. She would dare to say that she knew La Push better than she knew Forks, having spent a large part of her formative years in the Pacific Northwest on the Quileute reservation as a child.
Esme chose this moment to pop into the garage to make sure that their packing was going smoothly. Alice assured her that things were alright, and the matronly vampire went from child to child, giving them hugs and telling them to stay safe. It was an unnecessary gesture considering that they were a group of immortal beings, but her caring nature was touching nonetheless. When she reached Bella, she gave her a kiss on the forehead before hugging her.
"You've been doing great these past few months, Bella," she said quietly. "I hope you have fun this weekend. You deserve it."
Every time Esme said anything to her, Bella had to hold back tears. If she was being honest, it was a bit embarrassing, to get so worked up over the idea of having a mother.
"Thanks… I'll, uh, do my best!"
Bella gave her an awkward thumbs up, which Esme returned with a smile.
"Alright, everybody, have fun! I'll see you back here on Monday!"
"We will!" they all said in unison, waving goodbye as they packed themselves into the two cars.
The drive out to La Push was filled with meaningless chatter. Bella rode in the Volvo with Edward, Rosalie, and a bunch of bedding piled into the backseat. As the pine trees lining the sides of the road started to give way to cliffside views of the ocean, Bella began to feel like a child again, riding out to the rez with Charlie for the weekend. She pushed her face up against the glass, watching the coastal scenery fly by the window.
Rosalie noticed this, and she chuckled a little at her mate's childlike glee.
"Excited?" she asked, reaching back from the front seat to touch Bella's shoulder.
"Yeah, I guess I am. We haven't done anything this… mundane? In a while."
"We haven't," said Rosalie, turning her attention back to the road ahead.
When they pulled into the resort, Jessica and company had already arrived and were in the process of checking them in. Bella hadn't though they would run into Jared this early on, but there he was, going over the resort policies with them. As they parked the cars and walked over to join the rest of the group, he gave them a nod and a cordial smile.
"Alright, is this everybody?" he asked the group.
Jessica did a quick headcount. "Yep! Got 'em all."
"Great. I'll just give everyone a copy of our policies. Check out for you all is 11AM on Monday morning. If you need anything, stop by the Resort Office. We don't do daily housekeeping for the cabins, so drop off your linens at the laundry room by the office if you need them exchanged. Before I let you go, a quick reminder to keep things clean! If you leave a big mess behind, we charge an extra $250 bucks. Keep that in mind." Jared pointed his pen at them. "Most importantly, have fun!"
Bella gave him a salute as they walked back to their cars to drive down to the cabins proper. Everyone was excited to get inside; even the Cullens couldn't help themselves, dropping their bags and running around to see what their weekend lodgings had to offer. There were no TVs, no wi-fi, but they wouldn't need such things. They were well equipped to entertain themselves for the weekend.
Once they had gotten the lay of the land, they started carrying in the rest of their things. Edward took it upon himself to stock the cabinets with the booze they had brought along while Rosalie unloaded the small amount of food they had packed for Bella.
Jasper and Alice took one bedroom for themselves, Rosalie and Bella took another, and Emmett and Edward would share the last. It would've been an annoying arrangement if any of them actually needed to sleep.
As they all wrapped up unpacking, Jessica walked by the Cullens' cabin.
"Hey, I think we're all gonna head to the beach for a bit. Test the waters, y'know?" she said.
"I keep telling her it's going to be super cold but she wants to get in anyways," said Angela, smiling and rolling her eyes.
"Hey, I'll get in!" said Emmett, his eyes lighting up. He turned around and waved to the rest of the family. "C'mon, let's go!"
"We have to get changed first, dumbass," said Edward, punching his arm. "Don't go running into the ocean fully clothed."
"Oh, right."
Bella leaned over the deck's handrail and said, "Go on ahead, we'll be out in a bit."
Everyone went back in to change into their swimsuits. Alice remarked that the water was going to be very cold—at least, for the humans. They would all be just fine.
As Bella changed, it was impossible for her not to stop and stare at the massive scar on her left shoulder, as well as the much lighter scars on her right arm: one circling her bicep, from the truck incident, and the other bite scar on her wrist. She sighed and pulled a t-shirt on over her bikini top.
The Cullens reconvened with the rest of the group on the rocky shores of First Beach. As they approached, Bella spotted two new, familiar figures amongst the humans—Jacob and Leah. Bella picked up speed, waving as she jogged down the shore.
"Jake!"
Jacob smiled wide and bright. "Hey there, Bells!"
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh, you thought we'd just sit back and let you guys have all the fun, huh?"
Jacob grabbed her under his right arm and gave her a noogie. She laughed and squirmed out of his grip.
"So you're not just here because Leah wanted to come say hi to her girlfriend?" Bella asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
A few feet away, Leah and Angela were holding hands and staring into each other's eyes as they talked.
"Well, maybe that was part of it," he said.
Bella's eyes darted from side to side, and she pulled Jacob away from the human group. "Leah still hasn't told her yet, has she?"
"No, not yet. I think she's decided to wait for the pack bonfire this summer. It'd be the easiest way."
"Pack bonfire?"
"It's something we do with the tribal council. Everyone gets together for a little cookout and we sit around a fire and tell the tribe's histories. So, instead of just being like 'Hey, vampires are real and I'm a werewolf!', Angela can sit down and hear, I dunno, someone like Sam explain why we can turn into giant wolves. It's a… gentler approach."
"That does sound like a good idea, actually."
Their quiet conversation was interrupted by a volleyball bopping against Bella's head.
"Woops!" said Emmett, stumbling over to grab the ball. "Sorry about that. Hey Jacob!"
"Emmett," he said, nodding.
"Come on guys, let's get in!" shouted Mike from across the way.
"It's gonna be so cold!" said Lauren, arms wrapped around herself. She hadn't gotten anywhere near the ocean and she was already freezing.
"She's right," said Jacob to Bella. "It might have warmed up a bit this weekend, but we haven't gotten any sun. That water's gotta be frigid. At least, to the average joe." He elbowed her. "You'll be fine."
Bella left Jacob behind to walk up to the line of people gathering at the water's edge. Mike tip-toed up to the waves lapping against the shore and gingerly dipped one foot in the water. He gave them a thumbs up, but the twisted, uncomfortable smile on his face told another story.
"Chickens," muttered Emmett, tossing aside the beach ball.
He took off sprinting (at a normal human speed) and tore into the water, waves crashing against his torso before he jumped and dove into the surf, resurfacing moments later, laughing with his whole chest.
"Water's fine!" he shouted, knowing, of course, that it was not fine for their human companions. Nevertheless, some of the other boys started to step closer to the water, emboldened by Emmett's masculine boldness.
Rosalie stepped up beside Bella, looking out over the choppy, dark water. "You gonna get in?"
Bella's fingers toyed with the hem of her t-shirt as she watched Mike bravely wade into the chilly water. "I'm just, uh, worried."
"About the temperature?" Rosalie made sure no one was close enough to hear them before saying, "I mean, you can't feel it. Right?"
"No, that's not it. I just… Um…" Bella's right hand slipped under the collar of her shirt, rubbing against the scarred flesh of her left shoulder.
"Oh. Oh. I mean, you don't have to get in if you don't want to! That's totally fine. I just want you to have fun."
Rosalie's fingers naturally slipped between Bella's, and she gave her mate's hand a small squeeze. Bella's eyes remained on the growing number of people in the water, laughing and splashing each other. Jessica caught her eye and waved at her, urging her to get in as well.
Jasper could feel Bella's growing tension. Without saying a word, he walked up in front of her, pulled off his t-shirt, and tossed it aside.
There were many things Bella had yet to learn about Jasper. He was tight-lipped about his past, about how he became a vampire, and how he joined the family. Slowly, he had opened up to her—especially since she had died. With his empathetic ability, he had helped her work through a lot of her trauma, but he had never truly opened up about his own.
Jasper's entire body was covered in scars. There was nary an inch of skin that was unmarred. Bella had noticed something about him before, that there was a strange pattern on his arms, that it seemed as though there were indentions in his skin. Now, more than ever before, she saw those markings clearly for what they were. They were bite marks. Hundreds upon hundreds of bite marks, as well as a few claw-like scrapes and thin, jagged webs of fissures, like cracked marble.
These marks were only barely visible to the human eye, appearing as light scarring. None of their human friends would be able to see the full breadth of Jasper's scars, or even process what they were.
Jasper looked over his shoulder at Bella, who had put a hand over her mouth in shock, and smiled before turning and running into the water, making a beeline for his brother.
"Wh… What happened to him?" she asked, breathless.
"You can ask him later," said Rosalie.
Bella watched as Jasper pounced on Emmett and pushed him under the water, tossing his head back and laughing as he did. She watched Mike hoisting Jessica up onto his shoulders to play chicken against Ben and Lauren. Down the shore, she saw Leah sweep Angela off her feet and run into the surf, tossing her girlfriend into the chilly water.
Bella took a deep breath, pulled off her t-shirt, and charged forward into the waves.
-X-
As the sun started to go down, the cold water became even colder, and the humans decided it was time to dry off. Jacob and Leah had to dip out to go run patrols, so Edward offered to go pick up pizzas at the General Store.
"Trust me, the best pizza you can get out here is from Ateara's. I've been eating it since I was like, a baby," said Bella.
They all went back to their separate cabins to shower and change clothes, and they reconvened on the beach around a small campfire that Tyler had set up. Edward returned with three large pizzas and a case of PBR.
"Joy let you buy that?" Bella asked.
"Of course she did. She loves me," he said, raising his nose.
"Yeah, right."
"Listen, we've talked it out. We've got a thing going on. It's chill."
Greasy, delicious pizza was passed around on paper plates. The Cullens all awkwardly dismissed themselves for one reason or another after eating. Rosalie managed to avoid any discomfort by sneakily feeding her slice to Bella. Once dinner was done, the sun had set completely, and the only light left was that provided by the roaring fire and the stars above.
"Seems like a good time for some ghost stories," said Angela, holding a flashlight to her chin. "Anybody got anything good?"
They all looked at each other until Rosalie awkwardly cleared her throat. "Um, well, I might."
"Go for it!" said Mike, raising a beer in her direction.
All eyes turned to Rosalie. No one was sure what she would say—except Edward, of course, who had a knowing smile on his face.
Rosalie cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter.
"Once upon a time, there was a girl."
And she proceeded to tell the story of a beautiful young woman who was betrothed to a charming young man, and how she had such high expectations for their marriage, and how it all came crashing down around her, and how she died by his hand.
"But that's not the end," she said, unable to hide her smile. "No, it can't end there. See, a year or so passed, and suddenly the man's friends started dying. The first one looked like a suicide, hung from a tree just outside town, swaying in the wind by his necl. Then the next was strangled to death in his sleep—definitely not by his own hand. Delicate, feminine handprints were found on his neck. And the next…"
Rosalie continued in gruesome detail, laying out every murder just as she had remembered it. Bella hadn't heard this version of the story; perhaps she was heightening some parts for the thrill of it all, but the gleam in Rosalie's eyes served to remind her of exactly what vampires were capable of.
Unbeknownst to Bella, the humans were even more aware than her. Something dark was coming out of Rosalie, something terrifyingly mesmerizing. They were held there by her tale, unable to look away as she weaved a bloody narrative of posthumous revenge, the hair on the backs of their necks standing at attention.
"No one saw what happened to the man, but people say that, on the night of his death, they saw a woman in a bloody wedding gown walking the grounds of the hotel. It's said that she still walks the earth to this day, hunting down any man who dares to lay their hands on a helpless young woman."
In the moment of silence that hung in the air after Rosalie finished her story, the humans truly felt that the girl's ghost was right there with them. The vampires knew that she was.
"God, I… I don't think any of us can beat that," said Lauren, looking around the circle.
"Yeah, honestly, I'm kinda worn out. I think I might go to bed," said Mike, standing up so abruptly that he knocked over his chair.
"Early to bed, early rise! We can catch the morning surf," said Emmett, slapping Tyler on the back so hard that he almost spit out his drink.
The fire was put out and everyone collected their things and headed back to their respective cabins.
"You tired?" Rosalie asked Bella.
"Not at all," she said, flopping down on the couch. She saw Jasper walk out of his and Alice's room, and her eyebrows went up. "Hey, Jazz!"
"I know just what you're gonna say." Jasper grinned and put on his best Joker impression. "Do you wanna know how I got these scars?" He pushed up his left sleeve, exposing some of the bite marks.
"I really, really do," she said.
"Alright then, looks like storytime ain't over yet!" He slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a fifth of whiskey and a few shot glasses from the cabinet. "Shots first."
"I'll pass," said Rosalie.
"Oh, c'mon," he said as he sat the glasses down on the coffee table and started to pour.
"Fine," she sighed, reaching for a glass.
"Anyone else?" he asked.
The others came out into the living room, and Jasper poured a few more glasses. Everyone took a shot and raised it high in the air.
"To Jasper," said Edward, winking.
"Right," said Jasper, knocking back the shot.
Rosalie's face screwed up at the taste; she wasn't a whiskey fan. They all got comfortable, and Jasper settled into his chair, eyes closed, thinking deeply. When he opened his eyes, he exhaled loudly and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
"It all began in 1863, in the heat of the American Civil War. As you already know, I was a Union spy embedded in the Confederate army. The Confederates were attempting to recapture the city of Galveston, Texas. Despite my best efforts to warn the Union soldiers occupying the city, they succeeded." He threaded his fingers together in front of his face. "My status as a spy was discovered, and I was forced to flee from my Confederate station on the journey back to Galveston from Houston. I was in unfamiliar territory. I got lost. In my wandering, I came across three women. I assumed they had been fleeing from the battle in Galveston, so I offered them my aid."
Bella was on the edge of her seat, hanging off his every word just as the humans had been with Rosalie earlier.
"Maria, Nettie, and Lucy. Three women who had lost everything. I remember approaching 'em and thinking that something was off. They seemed so… calm. And they were beautiful. Unnaturally so." Jasper sat up, straightening his back. "Maria saw something in me. That was why she changed me. To be so young, I was a model soldier. I carried myself well. She wanted someone like that by her side."
"Who… was she?" Bella asked, eyes wide.
Jasper didn't answer right away. Instead, he poured another round of shots for everyone, which they took silently.
"Bella, it would do you well to know that in some places, the lifespan of a vampire is measured in days, not decades." He paused, allowing time for his words to sink in. "Long ago, in the early 1800s, there was a vampire from Texas named Benito. He figured out how to control a large army of newborn vampires and used 'em to control large pieces of territory—hunting grounds. Others followed suit, and things quickly got out of control, developing into what we call the 'Southern vampire wars'. The Volturi stepped in. Everything was shut down, and these massive coven-armies were wiped out. Maria, Nettie, and Lucy were all victims of their cleansing, lone survivors of their covens. The three of 'em banded together, seeking strength in numbers, and they began building their own army. Smaller, this time, so as not to attract the Volturi's attention. Maria chose me to be her right hand man, to help her manage the whole operation. I was her… lieutenant."
Unable to keep quiet, Bella asked, "What happened? Why did you leave?"
Jasper chewed on his lower lip. "Lots of reasons. Lots. You know how you have to maintain a newborn army?" His expression grew dark. "Newborns experience a period of increased strength and bloodthirst that lasts for about a year. It was my job to kill the ones that had outlived their usefulness." He lowered his head into his hands. "So many of 'em… Even women and children. I felt the fear, the pain, just as they did." He raised his head. "At first, I was drunk on the power that came with my position, but the culling process quickly sobered me up. I was living in a never-ending nightmare."
Alice reached over and began rubbing circles on his back.
"One day, I was pulling people aside to… dispose of 'em, and I called out for someone. A woman named Charlotte. Another newborn, Peter, one of my closest friends in those days, broke rank and grabbed her. The two of 'em fled. I could've chased 'em down, but I let 'em escape. Watched 'em go, kinda wishing it was me running away. I was tired, Bella, so tired of having to kill everyone I got to know. It was brutal. No one could be trusted. Even Nettie and Lucy, they tried to rebel against Maria, but I caught wind of it and gave her a heads up. She… She killed 'em without remorse. The minute they turned on her, they were nothing."
Jasper leaned back in his chair.
"Maria played me like a fiddle. I was her darling little soldier, but I never really meant anything to her. If I showed any signs of discontent, I would end up just like her 'sisters'. Truly, she would've killed me if not for Peter and Charlotte coming back for me. They told me life was different up north. Vampires lived without meeting each other on the battlefield. It was peaceful—as much as it could be for a bloodsucking monster. They urged me to leave, and I did. I followed 'em for a while, but I wanted to go out on my own, so I did. I wandered wherever I pleased, and, eventually, I found Alice." He smiled. "You know how the story goes from there…"
"If you could've left at any time, why did you stay for so long?" Bella asked.
"It wasn't as simple as just getting up and leaving. Maria changed me. She taught me everything that I knew and, as far as I could tell, she was taking good care of me. The work I had to do, the battles I had to fight? They were horrible, but I assumed that was just what life as a vampire was like. I didn't know there were any alternatives. I thought that if I left, I would just get sucked up into another war. Down south, that kinda stuff still goes on now. Maria's still out there somewhere, playing her war games. Maybe she's found a new ear to whisper sweet nothings into." He pulled up both of his sleeves, exposing the matrix of bite scars on his forearms. "Our life looks nice and idyllic now, Bella, but it can be much worse. Many of us aren't so lucky to have someone like Carlisle to guide us into the night. Some vampires have to fight for survival every single day."
Jasper held out his arms towards her, and she lightly touched him, running her fingers over the crystalline divots in his skin. She pulled up her right sleeve and held her bite scar up next to his, comparing their flaws.
"We've both got battle scars," he said. "Wear 'em proudly. The fact that you got 'em means you're still here. You can still tell your tale."
"Not to people like Mike and Jessica," Bella scoffed.
"No, but they don't need to know, and they don't even deserve to ask."
She smiled. "Thanks, Jasper. And thank you for telling me your story."
"No problem. I only waited so long because I didn't wanna scare you. It's heavy stuff." He pulled his sleeves back down.
"It's important stuff. I need to know about these things," said Bella, leaning into Rosalie's side. "Life's never all sunshine and roses, as much as I wish it could be."
Rosalie smiled and kissed the top of her head. "It'll be roses as much as you want it to be, my love."
Emmett made gagging noises, and Rosalie glared at him, though she was smiling a bit, aware of how cheesy she sounded.
Edward stood up and clapped his hands together. "Alright folks, what about a drinking game?"
"Edward Cullen? Proposing a drinking game? On spring break? Groundbreaking!" said Alice, tossing her head back. "I'm sold."
Edward pranced across the living room and back into his and Emmett's room, from which he returned holding something behind his back. He dramatically tossed the game of Monopoly onto the coffee table, and Bella's eyes lit up while the rest of the room groaned.
"We can't do this! This is our first night here!" cried Rosalie.
"We absolutely can. I know Bella wants to," said Edward.
"I do, I really do. We got so trashed the last time we did this," she said, leaning forward to open the box.
"Didn't we end up changing the rules?I think it got to the point where we would just drink when we did literally anything except roll the dice. And sometimes even then."
The others acquiesced, but Rosalie remained skeptical. Bella noticed her hesitation as they were picking out pieces.
"C'mon, babe. I'll take your drinks for you, if you want."
"I do not want that," she said.
Rosalie bit her lip and looked around the room. The rest of the family was quickly warming up to the idea of the game. Emmett was making drinks for everyone in the kitchen. Jasper had offered to be the banker and was laying out the money in neat little piles. Edward had produced a bluetooth speaker and was queuing up a soundtrack for their game night.
For Rosalie, there was always hesitation when things involved alcohol. She had to double check everything, including herself. Was the situation safe? Was everyone else okay? Was she okay?
Just an hour earlier, she had laid bare her dark past to a group of humans under the guise of a ghost story. It was something she never would have been able to do before she met Bella. She had rarely talked to anyone other than Esme (and, to a certain extent, Carlisle) about what had happened to her. She had lingered on her trauma for almost eight decades, and Royce's ghost weighed heavy on her soul, the chains of his abuse still keeping her bound to his memory.
With Bella, Rosalie was almost able to forget. No, not forget. She couldn't ever truly forget what happened to her, and she shouldn't. Her trauma was not a thing to be ignored, but a thing to be accepted and dealt with.
Tonight had been a huge step forward in that regard. When telling her story, she had not been uncomfortable. She felt the power in her words as she reclaimed the event and told the story in her own way.
Rosalie felt… good. Happy. She was surrounded by her family, with her girlfriend by her side, and they were going to play a silly game and get very drunk.
The situation was safe. Everyone else was okay.
Rosalie was okay.
UPDATE: if you're wondering why you got notified that this chapter was posted AGAIN, there is now an interlude in the place of chapter 33! it's very short, but i felt like it needed to be put there, so just go back one chapter and read it!
hey folks! i know it's been an obscenely long time. i know i finished a mass edit of this fic back in... january? i tried to get back to work and hit an instant roadblock because i wanted to try to write another intermission between parts, but i hated every idea i came up with. maybe, if i get a good idea, i'll go back and insert it between parts II and III, but, for now, we're just moving on, full speed ahead!
i fully intend to finish this fic, if only because i'd love to be able to write the sequel i have planned. i can't say for sure that it'll happen, but know that i REALLY want it to. i've been going back and reading reviews and comments and messages i got on tumblr (find me as ultward!), and i know that some of you guys have really strong feelings about this fic, and that's a huge part of what drives me to keep coming back to it.
thank you so much for all of your support! i hope you enjoy this update!
(as a small note, you may see some chapter titles changing because i want to go back and make them all some kind of song reference. music inspires a great deal of this fic, and i want that to be reflected in it somehow! also i hate some of the chapter titles lmao)
