Chapter 25: The Parlour
"Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" Hosea said to two men outside the saloon as Sam went walking after him with a case of moonshine. "Quite the town you have here! We just rode in from up north!"
"Hey," one of the men said.
"Hello, hello, I'm Melvin. This my nephew, Fenton. Don't mind him, don't madden him, he's turned idiot. Heh heh, killed his mother but it weren't his fault."
The two men looked at Sam skeptically. "What, him?" one man asked.
She gave a sort of guttural noise with her eyes narrowed, giving them her meanest look.
"There there, Fenton, there there," Hosea said, patting Sam on the shoulder. "Don't be like that now, ya hear?"
Sam gave another groan and kept her eyes squinted. One of the men gulped and turned away from her to look at Hosea. Damn, this was easier than she thought it was going to be.
"How'd you boys...how'd you boys like a couple of bucks?" Hosea handed the men some money. "I bet you would. One for each of yas. We're in the new trade of advertisin' which is an American art form about ensurin' people buy the correct things."
Sam almost nodded in approval. That pretty much was advertising. At least in this time, advertisements were actually related to the product being advertised, unlike the commercials she used to see on tv. Like that one with Jason Mamoa stripping down his arms and chest to look like a feeble boy. She had no idea what that commercial was actually about.
"I don't know," one of the guys said hesitantly.
Hosea handed them each another dollar. "One more dollar says give us a half an hour, what harm can we do in half an hour?" Hosea wheezed a little chuckle. "Go on now, enjoy the money!" The two men left and Hosea grabbed his jug. "Come along, Fenton. Just hand out the liquor."
Hosea opened the door and Sam walked in after him. "That was pretty good, Hosea," she whispered.
"Lesson number one, kid. Bribery goes a long way. And nice job actin' like a grumpy turned idiot man. Just don't overdo it." They walked down the hall and Hosea opened the door slightly ajar. "Okay, go behind the bar and get ready," he said in a hush tone.
"Will do," she replied.
Sam walked away to the middle of the hallway to the opening of the bar. "Gentlemen!" Hosea shouted while he put the jug on the bar. "Gentlemen!" The music stopped and every man turned and looked at Hosea while Sam started grabbing shot glasses to line up. "My name is Melvin. This is my nephew Fenton. He's a bit funny, but boy can he pour drinks fast. For the next thirty minutes, the drinks in this bar, in this here town, are entirely free!"
The men started cheering and Sam wanted to smile. The man sure knew how to put in a show.
"The only rule is that you gotta drink them, so hurry up, put old Fenton to work!" The men started lining up. "Don't get him mad, though. His momma made him mad and we buried her, poor thing." The men laughed as "Fenton" started pouring drinks. "Now come up to the bar, everybody."
The piano guy started playing again and Sam began pouring drinks. The men took shots and some shuddered, making random comments.
"Ah, that's some strong stuff."
"Just keep 'em comin'!"
"Haha, Mr. Gray won't be happy about this."
The bottle Sam had was now empty and she grabbed another one. She uncorked it and began pouring once more. As time went by, everyone was getting drunker and more demanding, so she quickened her pouring pace. When that was gone, she reached for another bottle. Suddenly she heard a very familiar cackling and she looked at the door. It was Arthur, and he was pointing and laughing at her. Sam growled and narrowed her eyes, trying her best to convey an expression that said, "shut the fuck up or I will kill you".
But he kept laughing and eventually made his way over to "Melvin". The two started talking and Arthur started laughing again. Sam growled as she poured another drink. One man noticed and leaned in closer.
"What's wrong, Fenton?" he asked. Sam merely grunted and poured him a drink. The man smiled and took it. "You're a fine man, Fenton. A fine man. Don't listen to what your uncle says."
Sam almost smiled as she poured more drinks, then she took a smoke from her pipe and blew out smoke. Arthur made his way over with a grin. Sam squinted an eye more and poured him a drink. Slowly. A small smirk formed on Arthur's face and he drank the moonshine. Sam just kept pouring for her patrons and Arthur grabbed another, raising it in the air.
"To Fenton!" he yelled.
"To Fenton!" the men said before cheering his name.
Sam looked at them all and grunted happily. Some of the men laughed and drank more. Time went by and soon people were wobbling all over the place. One man was playing the piano quite harshly.
"Hey, send a couple this way, will ya?" someone yelled.
Sam poured two drinks and slid them down the counter. She always wanted to do that.
"Come on, Fenton! People are dyin' of thirst over here!" Hosea yelled.
Sam eyed Hosea in irritation. She wanted to smack him so much right now.
"My wife's gonna kill me. I only went out for milk," a drunk man said.
Men started dancing with each other. Man, they were really getting drunk. This moonshine was very strong stuff. Sam took a drink herself and almost hacked. Jesus Christ. She put the pipe back in her mouth and went back to filling glasses. When she noticed all the glasses were empty, she left the bar to go outside and grab more moonshine. However, she was pressed against the hallway wall and the pipe was removed from her mouth before Arthur kissed her vehemently. Sam giggled into his mouth and kissed back before shoving him off.
"Stop it before someone sees, you goofball," Sam chuckled.
Arthur stroked the side of her cheek as he leaned back in. "I can't help it. You're my woman and you need to be kissed."
"Be that as it may, I need to go grab more drinks."
Arthur sighed and backed off. "Alright, but I'll help you bring more in."
Sam inserted the pipe back into her mouth and Arthur smacked her butt. She laughed and the two walked outside towards the wagon. They each grabbed two jugs and brought them back in. Sam resumed serving the patrons and soon nightfall was upon them. Sam swore it had been more than a half an hour. Suddenly the front doors slammed open and Sam looked at the door.
"It's the Lemoyne Raiders," someone said fearfully.
Well, shit.
Sam saw Hosea on the stairs and gulped. Everyone's attention was either on the Lemoyne Raiders or Hosea, so Sam slowly reached behind her and put her hand on the revolver Hosea gave her.
"Good evening, gentlemen. Quiet libation?" Hosea asked.
"You," a raider said.
"Me?"
"You're the bastards who stole the liquor we was gonna buy!"
"Gentlemen, we're in advertising. Come on in, have a drink."
"That's our god damn liquor!"
Arthur turned to Sam. "Get down. Now." Sam nodded and ducked behind the counter. She didn't hear much else until the shooting started. She covered her ears and shut her eyes as Arthur jumped behind the counter. "Just stay down, sweetheart," Arthur said while shooting.
Sam curled further in on herself and squealed as glasses broke above her. Shots were still being fired but then there was a gap and Arthur pulled Sam up. "Go out the back!"
Sam started running through the hallway towards the back door but as she got outside, raiders were everywhere. Sam immediately went back inside as shots were fired at her. "I can't get out, Arthur! There's too many raiders out there!"
She ran back to the bar but Arthur was already running up the stairs. She pulled out her revolver and started shooting at men on the second floor but each bullet went wide. Shit. This was nothing like shooting a two handed gun.
"Sam, shoot someone!" Hosea shouted.
"I'm trying, but I'm not exactly Doc fucking Holliday with this god damn gun!"
"Didn't Arthur teach you how to shoot?!"
Sam ducked behind the bar and reloaded. "Not with a fucking revolver!"
"Arthur, shame on you!"
"Shut up, Hosea!" Arthur yelled.
Sam looked around and spotted a repeater on one of the dead Lemoyne Raiders. Aha! Sam jumped sideways over the counter and yanked the gun off the body, inserted the revolver back into her pants. She grabbed whatever ammo he had and stood back up.
"Arthur, help!" Hosea yelled. Arthur was busy with shooting other men, so Sam aimed up at the raider choking Hosea, took a deep breath, exhaled, and fired. She shot the man in the back and he went down. Well, so much for not killing any more people. Hosea looked down at her and waved. "Thanks, Fenton! Come on, this way!"
Sam raced up the stairs towards Arthur and started shooting at the balcony at the back of the building. She shot another man in the head and almost grinned at her marksmanship. Still, it was harder to kill things that were shooting back at her. Sam kept shooting as she walked across the floor, killing men as she went. Hosea went onto the balcony and Arthur and Sam followed. Hosea was tackled by a man and they both went over the railing.
"Shit! Hosea!" Sam shouted.
As she and Arthur looked over, they saw the two struggling in the wagon before Hosea shot the raider. "C'mon Fenton! Arthur!"
Arthur looked at Sam with a grin. "Ladies first."
Sam growled at him before leaping over the side and jumping into the wagon. She fell as she landed. "Ow! Son of a fucking hoochie momma!"
"You okay?" Arthur shouted.
"Yeah," she groaned as she got up. "Just fucking peachy!"
While she climbed into the front seat, Arthur landed in the back then jumped off and shot around with his guns as he went running to his horse. Sam reloaded the repeater as the wagon started going out of the lot and through Rhodes.
"I'm gettin' us outta here," he said calmly.
"How can you be so god damn calm at a time like this?!" Sam exclaimed loudly as she started shooting at men again.
"I just am. How many are there? They're really not happy about this."
"No shit, Sherlock! And if I count, we'll both be dead!"
"I was just asking!" Hosea snapped at her.
"Then stop asking dumb questions, you old fart!"
Sam and Arthur kept firing upon the raiders that were chasing them. There were so many of them. It was like a pack of New York City rats.
"There's more to your right! Dammit, they're still comin'!"
"I know!"
A bullet hit one of the moonshine jugs and it burst into flames. "Shit, that hit the liquor!" Hosea said.
Arthur and Sam were doing a good job thinning out the herd of Raiders on their tail. Raiders were driving a wagon full of dynamite that they passed by and Sam shot at it. The dynamite and wagon exploded and Sam's eyes went wide.
"Holy shit balls!" she laughed. Suddenly Sam heard a train and she looked to her right. Were they going to make it? "Train!"
"I see it!" Arthur and the wagon ran over the train tracks and just barely made it. Sam sat down and sighed in relief, but then more enemies came into vision and she started firing upon them once more. Arthur and her shot a few more and eventually they were by themselves. "You see any more of them?"
"No."
They made it back onto the main road and Arthur came up alongside them. "Jesus, all this over a few bottles of booze," Arthur said.
"I reckon it's more they don't want another gang on their patch," Hosea observed.
Sam put her rifle down and held her head in her hands, bending over at the waist. She didn't feel so good all of a sudden, which wasn't surprising. She just killed a whole bunch of people, albeit that were trying to kill them. Still...
"You okay, Sam?" Arthur asked.
"No. I think I'm gonna be sick," she replied.
"Hosea, pull off the road here."
Hosea made a left off the road into a small patch of what used to be buildings, but only the outer foundation had been left. He stopped the wagon and Sam immediately jumped out. She bent over and her stomach began to heave, puking all over the grass. Sam felt a hand patting her back gently as she continued to hurl up her stomach's contents.
"It's okay, Sam. You're alright," she heard Arthur say to her.
Sam finished throwing up and stood up abruptly. "No, I'm not alright! I just killed a bunch of people!" she shouted. Sam began pacing back and forth as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I can't believe I did that! Oh my fucking God! I'm a...I'm like a fucking serial killer!"
Arthur tried to calm her down by hugging her but she wasn't having any of it. She shoved him off and walked away from him, holding a palm to her forehead. This was insane. Why did she do those things? What was happening to her? She started hyperventilating and fell to her knees. Arthur suddenly appeared in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders.
"Sam. Sam. Just breathe, sweetheart. Take deep breaths."
Sam sobbed and covered her face, shaking her head as she did. "I can't," she sobbed.
Arthur pulled her trembling body close and kissed her forehead. "You're goin' to be okay, I promise. Just breathe."
Sam slowly began to calm down and she inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I-I-I need a cigarette."
Arthur was quick to oblige. He handed her one and lit it for her, taking in a puff and shutting her eyes. Now she was really starting to calm herself down. She plopped down on her butt and Arthur sat in front of her. Hosea walked up to the both of them as a shaking Sam took another drag of her cigarette.
"I'm uh...ahem...I'm sorry I got you into that mess, Sam," he said.
"Wasn't your fault, Hosea," she replied calmly. "We didn't know those guys were gonna show up."
Hosea put a hand on his hip and sighed. "I still feel bad, though. But thank you for savin' my life anyway."
Sam chuckled a little. "You're welcome."
Hosea handed Sam her hat, her bow and her rifle. In exchange, Sam gave back the revolver and straw hat, then Sam took out the hair binder and shook out her hair. Hosea turned to Arthur as Sam out the rifle and bow on. "I'll go visit old Ma Braithwaite, see what's what."
"Why?" Arthur asked him.
As the two talked, Sam's world focus in on herself and she bowed her head, resting her elbows on her knees and grasping her forehead with one hand. She inhaled the smoke from her cigarette, then slowly exhaled. At least she wasn't shaking any more. She heard the wagon drive off and she looked up at Arthur who had a very worried expression on his face.
"What?" Sam asked Arthur.
"I think you shouldn't go on any more jobs right now. Just stick to huntin'."
Sam nodded in agreement, then took another puff. She handed the cigarette to Arthur and he took a drag from it. "I wanna go home," she said.
Arthur inclined his head. "Alright, well, camp isn't too-"
"I mean, I want to go home. To my own time." She felt tears fill her eyes again. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay here."
Arthur frowned at her but he then nodded. "I understand. But for now, let's get you back to camp and put you to bed."
Sam agreed and they both stood up. Arthur wrapped an arm around her waist as they walked towards Boadicea II. He jumped up into the saddle and Sam rested herself on the horse's backside, hanging onto Arthur's waist as she settled in. The ride back to camp was quiet and all Sam could do was bury her face into Arthur's back. Soon they arrived at their destination and Arthur helped his woman off the horse. Sam clung to Arthur like a lost child but he didn't seem to mind.
"Will you spend the night with me?" she asked shyly.
"You know I will, sweetheart," he replied.
He kissed the top of her head. Dutch came walking towards them with a smile but when he saw the look on their faces, his smile faded. "What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Sam said with a soft and unsure voice.
They passed Dutch to Sam's tent and they walked in. Arthur helped Sam take off her gun and bow, then her satchel. They both crawled into the small bed and Arthur wrapped them up in Sam's blanket before his arms surrounded the blonde woman. He kissed her gently.
"Get some sleep, okay?"
Sam nodded and buried her face into his shoulder. She wasn't sure if she could even manage to fall asleep but she was very tired, and soon her tiredness won out and she drifted off to sleep.
