Chapter 35
A month passed. It was getting closer to the 4th of July. Hope was doing better. I noticed that she stopped crying in the early hours of the morning, and even more so in the late hours of the night.
Harmione seems far more advanced than most children her age. Most kids her age have strong hand-eye coordination and balance. Harmione seems to be more coordinated. She also uses strong vocabulary. She understands and uses bigger words than most children her own age. I think part of it stems from her reading most of the time. She can understand the most complex of problems and has developed her own learning style.
As far as her powers go she's learned her basic magic, and has been able to control it. She's mastered most of Hope's old spells and tends to practice and play around with mana manipulation. Hope taught her offensive and defensive magic should she need to protect herself. My daughter still is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. She's got a lot of my flaws. From laziness to clumsiness she's me made over. She can be a little childish and immature sometimes but I expect nothing less. She can also be a little smart alec.
Above all with Harmione though, I still honestly believe that while she is strong I feel she bottles up her emotions. I feel she uses happiness and jokes to cover up the fact she's scared and sad. I think she gets that from me as well. I think the Momma side of her balances out the hurt she often must feel. It's hard to read my little girl. I knew though that telling her about the baby would only upset her, so I refrained from telling. The only other person that knew was Gwen.
I was hoping to return to a state of some normalcy after the loss of our baby. I knew things would be hard for a while. I didn't expect things to go back to the way they were right away. In fact I didn't expect things to ever be the same again. Even so I wanted to bring a warmth back into our lives.
I invited the family over for a 4th of July celebration. I was going to have grilled hotdogs & hamburgers. BBQ - ribs, chicken & more. Plus potato salad and baked beans.
Mom and Dad came over to help. Gwen, Kevin, and Genesis came by later and brought soda and chips and dip with them. After them, came Uncle Frank and Aunt Natalie with some ice and deviled eggs.
It was just a small get together but I thought family time would help Hope the most. Let her relax and let go.
"Aweeee Genesis!" My mom screamed. "Come here to me!"
Mom wrapped Genesis in a hug and gave her a thousand kisses. Gwen took this moment to pull me aside. We talked outside on the patio.
"How is she?"
"She's doing better...much better than she was."
"And you?"
"I'm fine."
"Ben..."
"Really I am...I just feel indifferent...I know we lost our baby but I just couldn't bring myself to feel sad about it...I was more upset because she was...is that bad?"
Gwen shook her head.
"You could be in denial...or you just skipped that part and went straight to acceptance...to be perfectly honest you really weren't ready."
"After talking with Hope, I feel I am ready now, Gwen...I feel we both are."
"It's really none of my business but have you tried for another baby yet?"
I shook my head.
"Not yet..."
"Ben!" My mom called. "Someone's at the door!"
I gave Gwen a confused look as I left her to answer the front door. Everyone was here already so I wasn't sure who it could be. As if the timing couldn't have been worse I didn't expect to see Julie standing there.
"Ben..."
I shut the door behind me as I stepped out.
"What are you doing here Julie?"
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to ruin your party or stop by but I couldn't leave things the way we did."
"This isn't a good time Julie."
"But I have to talk to you- I...err...no...you're right, I'm sorry...I just you were right I do only think about myself and I was wrong to treat you the way I did."
I folded my arms.
"I mean I didn't mean for it to go that way...or sound that way...but in all honesty I truly thought I was helping you."
"Julie...you've given me your trust, your word, your ears, your mind...but the one thing you have never given me is your help."
Julie looked down.
"Maybe you don't mean to hurt me...but then again...maybe you do...and maybe I deserve some of it."
Julie looked back up at me.
"It's all in the past now...but as upset as I was when you broke up with me...as hurt...and as destroyed I... It really didnt give me the right to hurt you back."
"I deserved that though Ben."
"Yeah...you did...I think now Julie we've learned two things...we just can be together romantically and we can't be friends."
"Ben..."
"I accept your apology and you have my forgiveness but I just can't accept our friendship..."
"Ben please..."
"Not yet anyway Julie...I never know when your serious and sincere or when you're just playing with me...and love is just so close to hate as a friend that is undistinguishable."
"Ben...no, don't shut me out!"
"I think it would be for the best...for both of us if I did...Goodbye Miss Yamamoto."
"No, no Ben!" She screamed. "I value our friendship really I do, I wouldn't have come here if I didn't!"
"That's a good point."
She gave me a smile.
"Have a good day."
She frowned.
"Ben!"
"Happy 4th of July!"
I shut the door behind me as I entered the house. I sighed heavily. I felt a huge load remove itself from my shoulders. I couldn't be friends with Julie at the moment. In the last seven years she hasn't done anything to prove to me that she really was. Though that was one less problem for me and I could now breathe easier.
That same afternoon after we ate, Dad made his famous homemade ice cream. It would be a little while before it was done so we entertained ourselves with some firecrackers instead.
Mom sat back in a lawn chair with Genesis and waved her hands about when a firecracker would go off. The noise didn't seem to bother Genesis, actually she looked hopelessly confused.
Kevin lit and fired off a few colored smoke bombs while Gwen and Harmione threw snap dragons. Gwen started one nasty fight when she accidentally threw one near Kevin's foot. Gwen laughed as Kevin chased her around the vehicles in the driveway trying to get her back.
Hope took out a few sparklers from a bag, and it peaked Harmione's interest.
"Mommy, Mommy, can I have one!"
"Okay...hold on a minute."
She gave one to Harmione.
"Ben!"
"Yeah?!"
"We need a light!"
I ran for the house and got my lighter out of its hiding place. I returned and lit Hope's sparkler first.
"Okay...Har, now hold it away from you...there you go."
"I can do it Daddy!"
"Better let me-"
Hope lit her own sparkler with her powers. Instead of a white glowing flame like Hope's it put off a dark purple flame and sparked out pink embers.
"Okay but be careful baby."
Harmione giggled as she wrote her name in the air with the sparkler. Hope and I smiled. After Hope's sparkler died out we joined Kevin and Gwen in there snap dragon war. It was very innocent fun, a time I missed having with my cousin and Kevin.
We brought out the bigger fireworks to watch when night time grew near. We ate our ice cream and brightly smiled at the rapid colors illuminating the sky. Genesis was much more afraid of the larger fireworks. She, Gwen, and Kevin didn't stay very long after that. Uncle Frank and Aunt Natalie took Genesis to their house for the night. When Harmione heard that she desperately wanted to spend the night with my parents.
"Please Daddy, please?!"
"You better ask your Nana and your Pawpaw first."
"Nana can I please spend the night at your house?"
"I don't see why not, right Carl?"
"Sure, princess and you can stay as long as you want too."
Hope packed Harmione and overnight bag, and I cleaned up the kitchen and the house. Something about today was just a relief after everything we had been through up until this point. I wish it could have lasted forever. It felt comforting for the first time in a while. It felt right. It felt like we had everything put together. A place for everything and everything in its place. The best part was hearing Hope laugh and seeing her smile.
When Harmione was gone the house grew quiet. I turned out the lights and turned the air up. It was a scorcher today. I think we were under a heatwave. I turned out the hall light and entered the bedroom.
As I sat on the bed taking off my shoes, Hope entered wearing nothing but a towel. Her hair was wet.
"I had to take a cold shower...I can get you a towel if you want to take one."
"I'm fine dear."
She smiled and opened a drawer to our dresser. I walked up behind her and placed my hand on top of the dresser. She paused.
"Angel..." I said in a very airy tone with my breath hot.
"Hm?"
"I want to give you what I promised you..."
She stood still as I removed the towel from her body. When it hit the floor I hugged her from behind. She held tight to my arms with one hand, and reaching up, she ran her fingers through my hair with the other.
"Ben...I'd want nothing more now than to finish what you and I started...the loss I feel and felt won't ever go away...I know that now...but I want to make it up to the child we could've had...if we do this now...I want you to promise me something..."
"Anything Angel."
"Promise me that at any time during this...if I cry...don't stop...I want to give life to a new baby by giving it everything the other one would have deserved...I want to make new memories so that the loss won't hurt as much...I'll probably cry for what could have been...but I'll cry harder knowing what will be...I want to be happy."
"You will be...I'm going to make you the happiest woman ever Angel."
"Then promise me."
"I promise."
"I'm not ready...but I'll never be ready...If I waited until I was..nothing would happen...but this is something I want more than anything right now."
"And I'll give it to you."
She turned and faced me, as she did almost seven years ago on our honeymoon. She already had tears in her eyes. Though as promise I didn't stop. I didn't back down. With Harmione out of the house this was the perfect opportunity to make things right again. I took her face in my hands and kissed her intensly. She whimpered into our kiss. When I pulled away she sobbed softly to herself.
I wanted to stop then, but I promised. I kissed her again. Her tears fell onto my face. I gently picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. We continued to kiss.
When I got her on the bed, I removed my shirt. She sniffled and smiled shyly. I thought it would be better for her to be in charge for a little bit. I stripped down and lied bare next to her.
She rolled over on top of me. Her eyes glittered. I placed her hands on my chest.
"Do whatever you want to me Angel...it's okay."
She nodded at me and leaned down closer to my face. She fondled my crotch as she kissed me. I could still feel her tears. My hips bucked and I groaned into her kiss for obvious reasons. She held my hips down and stopped kissing me. I grimaced my face and tightened my fists on the blankets. She continued to have her way with me and I just had to endure it. I shut my eyes tightly, so I'm not sure if she was still crying at this point. I felt pressure building. I grew even hotter, and desperate.
"Ah...Hope." I panted. Sweat rolled down my chest. I couldn't say anything else.
I felt her hair near my face.
"Save it for me...for us." She whispered.
I knew what she meant but it was easier for her to say then it was for me to do. Without thinking I kissed her again and rolled over on top of her. We interlocked our fingers with one another. Sweat dripped from my fringe. It took all I had to hold back. I gave myself a squeeze and began to finger her. We then made love. As we did, she closed her eyes and tears ran out of the cracks of her eyelids over her ears. It only made me move harder and faster, so I could keep my promise.
Of all the other times we ever made love, this time was emotionally the hardest. The bed may have squeaked, her breasts may have bounced in my face, and it might have looked passionate and hot to someone else, but to the two of us it meant so much more.
Doing this act would be undoing the pain that came before. Doing this would add a sense of new beginning to something that could have been and would have been unforgettable for us both. It was for our future happiness, it was the only way to mend our broken hearts. It was an act to undo a type of abuse we suffered at the hand of cruel fate, that we vowed and planned to wash away with our love. Our love was and has always been found upon that. Adding a spark of light and life that could be dark and dead for us both. Doing this, and doing it successfully was our only chance to move forward. We both knew that.
As we finished I collapsed on top of her breathing heavily. She was out of breath as well, and we were drenched in fluid and sweat.
"Ben..." She said finally, taking in large amounts of air.
"Y...Yes Angel." I could hardly speak.
"Thank you..."
She wrapped her arms around my head and held me close to her chest. She ran her fingers through my hair. I could hear her heart beating fast.
"You...you're welcome."
She teared up again. I sat up sluggishly and placed my hand on the side of her face, revealing the Omnitrix on my wrist.
"You shouldn't hold it all in though." I told her and stroked her face.
"It's okay to cry and miss our baby Hope."
"I...I do...but I'm not crying because of that."
"Then what?"
"I'm crying...thinking about Uncle...and where I was before you found me..."
I pulled her hair behind her ear.
"I don't deserve you..." She sobbed.
"Hope..."
I sighed and ran her hand down my chest, past my stomach. I closed my eyes and she gasped as I placed her hand on my crotch. I gave out a grunt in reaction to the sensitivity.
She looked me in the eyes. I closed my eyes tightly as I used her hand to stroke myself.
"Ben..."
I could feel the heat again. I exhaled heavily and trembled.
"You deserve every bit of me...as much as I can give you."
I panted heavily.
"Ah...All of me is yours Hope...and...mmmm."
With my thoughts elsewhere it was difficult to talk.
I dropped her hand and placed my hands on the pillow behind her head. She continued to stroke without my guidance.
"I want to be able to give you...the happiness you gave me...Mmmm oh...ahh...ha..."
She stared and continued to stroke. I had to tell her and tell her fast despite the pleasure. If I timed it right I could say what I wanted and give my everything to her all in one go.
"Hope I!"
She realized I was close so she slowed down her hand.
"Hope, you're one in a million, okay! Ah!...Oooo. You...Mmm...You have your own ways of dealing with life and that is one of the reasons you're an inspiration me!"
I grunted furiously. She had tears in her eyes again, but only smiled. I whimpered trying to hold on, and she kissed my head when she realized what I was doing for her.
"I think...Ahhh!..."
She gave me a squeeze and I panted heavily.
"Hope, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever known...Ha! Ahh!"
It was getting harder.
"I admire you for every quality that you own!" I screamed. "Hope!
My breath became stuck in my throat. My stomach tightened, and I felt a rush. I couldn't take it anymore. My hips bucked madly and I grunted furiously.
"You don't just deserve me, you deserve the world!
I let out a scream and my voice cracked. I fell back on top of her sweating and breathing heavier than before. She only wrapped her arms around me and held me.
"Hope...I...love...you." I said hyperventilating. I sighed heavily and licked my lips. She stroked my hair I began to drift off to sleep as the ecstasy hit.
Her holding me was enough of a response and a better I love you than if she said it herself. I kissed her wrist. I then began to cry. Thinking just how lucky I was to have her. To have someone I could give my all too with no regrets. I sniffled into her wrist. To have someone see and understand all of the darkness, and the pain and fight it with me. I wanted her to always prosper like she dreams in life, and let the Earth see this angel and all her magical sides; just as I saw her.
