Thank you for the reviews.
Originally, when I started this fic, I had only planned to go to Series 4 Episode 10... Let's just say that I wanted to have a little more fun and just more ideas came. That is why you are getting this episode. I also felt like there wasn't really a lot I could change from episode 11-19. Mainly because we had everything that we sort of wanted.
Series 4 Episode 20
She had them. He had her.
She had the school. He had the baby.
Her heart was broken. His was too.
He had told her that he loved her. She had said it back.
Why did they have to say it then? Why did that have to be the first time? Why? Why? Why?
It was the question that Rachel had been asking herself since she saw Melissa and it was a question that she knew she would ask herself over the summer before she could throw herself back into her work.
It was going to be a long six weeks.
She could feel her lips start to tremble again as she made her way to her office. Her safe haven for the moment.
She had given her house keys to Philip for him to get his stuff and told him to take Eddie with him to get any of his stuff that was lying around the house. She needed to go back to a house that didn't have anything that reminded her of what she had just thrown away.
But the house would be empty, where she had got used to having two companions to keep her company. The silence would remind her of what she had given up.
She could hear him come after her. She had expected him not to let her give up what they had so easily. It was another reason why she loved him. Because he was always there for her.
You're my first responsibility.
If only that could be true.
"Rachel!"
Why couldn't he just leave it?
"Rachel!"
Why did he have to come after her?
"Rachel!"
Why did she have to fall in love with him?
"Rachel!"
The shouts were getting closer and closer and she knew that even if she upped her pace, he would reach her before she had the chance to get to her office. She didn't know whether slamming the door on him would help her out, but she couldn't do it.
She couldn't do the arguments with her sister. She couldn't do the fact that Melissa and Eddie would have to be close again. She couldn't do the fact that the baby, her niece or nephew, was his. She couldn't. She couldn't be a good auntie to the child if she was with their father.
She couldn't do it.
Because it was the next step that she wanted to take with Eddie herself. Because it was what she wanted for them. Because she had started to plan out her life with Eddie. Because she couldn't see herself with anyone else other than Eddie.
"Rachel."
His voice was softer as he finally caught up with her and grabbed her arm to stop her from walking away from him. He turned her to him and she couldn't deny that she could equally see the love that he held for her while the heartbreak was there.
"We need to talk about this properly."
"Eddie…"
"No. Look what happened the last time you made a decision that you thought was the best for both of us."
"Do you not think I know that?" She said as she pulled her arm out of his grip. "It's fine Eddie. Blame me. I blame myself."
"I… I don't blame you. I just think that this isn't the only way."
"What other way is there? Eddie… you don't… you don't know Melissa like I do." She tried to stop her lips from trembling. "Either way. It was going to end up like this."
"I don't want it to."
"With Melissa, usually what you want isn't in the equation."
"She has gone to the police."
"First responsible thing she has ever done."
"But think Rachel. If she does go to prison, she will have the baby in prison. I've… I've looked it up. There are no prisons in Manchester that have mother and baby units. Maybe because I will be on the scene, she might be able to hand him or her over to me but still… I… I'm going to need help and… Philip's been through enough without having to help look after his sibling."
"Oh yeah. Because that would make everything right. Melissa comes out of prison to us playing happy families. Her child having more of an attachment to me than her." She paused. "Eddie… I've fallen out with Melissa many times. I… don't care what she thinks of me. And I might have brought you and Micheal back together but I am not… I am not allowing you to waste this opportunity."
"But you would throw away what we have."
"You… don't understand."
"What?"
"Everything with Melissa. I… I now want the spontaneous proposal and I want a baby and a family and I was starting to see it all happen with you and Eddie, I don't just love you but on occasions, I need you and this… This reminds me why I shouldn't dream. It reminds me that I can't have what I want."
He cupped her face and she wished that his touch didn't give her the comfort that she was craving for. It wouldn't help when she had to push him away again.
"You deserve all that and more, Rachel. You deserve to be happy."
"Life doesn't work like that, does it?"
She grabbed onto his blazer and there was a moment, in the silence, where she could make herself believe that this was just a bad dream. That she was going to wake up any moment to Eddie's gently snoring next to her, still away in the land of nod.
"Can I give you them?" She whispered.
"Give me what?"
"I love you. I want to give you my I love you. Because I don't want to say it to anyone else. Because no one else is going to deserve those words coming from me. Those words are now yours. Forever."
"I'll only take it, if you will allow me to give you mine."
She thought that their last kiss would be as she got on the coach but she allowed herself to believe that there might be more. The slow kiss told her everything that she needed to know from him and it made her think that this could be fixed. That it didn't have to end that way.
"Let's go and find Melissa and talk about this. Please, Rach."
She nodded at him. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe they could work through it. Maybe she could still have the life with Eddie that she wanted.
Only time would tell about what the future had in store for them.
She just hoped hers was with Eddie.
