warnings: capslock, mentions of guns (given that Snipe exists as a character)

YEAAAHHHH LET'S GO LESBIANS I'M SO EXCITED TO SHARE THIS CHAPTER

"NOW, ELEVEN TEAMS LINE UP TO TAKE THE FIELD FOR U.A.'S BLOODY BATTLE!"

Izuku glances to his left and right. There's Shinsou and Mashirao, and he can feel Jirou's weight above him. Maybe they're not the most impressive team when it comes to their quirks, but hopefully, that will be their most effective weapon. If everyone's looking elsewhere, then they won't be looking at them.

They're nowhere near Wakana's team, thankfully. With Wakana herself as the rider, there's no doubt that she's planning on using her quirk in this event. She can only project her voice so far, so as long as his team stays well away from her, they should be safe.

Their team is actually at the end, next to only one other: Team Tokage, one of two three-person teams. They'd have to keep an eye out for Tokage's limbs, especially with her as the rider. The other two on her team were Kendou and Kodai.

The arena held their breath as Midnight counted down, finally snapping her whip down and yelling, "Begin!"

Everyone's first move was to rush Team Todoroki. Everyone, that was, except for two teams: Team Monoma and Team Jirou. Izuku could see Tokage's tunnel vision as she ran in, and it was simple work for Jirou to snatch Tokage's headband as she was distracted.

Further away, the first confrontation between Team Todoroki and Team Bakugou began. Iida, Kaminari, and Yaoyorozu's legs had sunk into the ground, likely thanks to Honenuki of 1-B's quirk. In response, Todoroki sent up a wall of ice that was summarily blasted through by Bakugou. It bought them enough time, however, for Todoroki to freeze the softened ground, allowing Iida and Yaoyorozu to break through it.

"Let's lay low for now," Jirou says. Her weight shifts as she looks around the field. Aside from Team Bakugou and Team Tetsutetsu, Team Asui and Team Shiozaki are also going after Team Todoroki. At a quick glance, it appears that Team Monoma is using the same strategy as Izuku's team: while they're watching, Monoma snatches a headband off Yanagi.

Fukui, Yanagi's left, is not stupid. He reaches out and wraps a blue-scaled tail around Kuroiro's leg and yanks.

It's a lucky strike: if he'd had Kaibara as the closest to him, it hardly would've worked. Kuroiro falls, as does the rest of the team, and Yanagi takes her headband back, along with Monoma's original.

"We have incoming," Mashirao says. "Team Kamakiri is coming, followed by Team Yanagi."

"Let's wait," Izuku says, "let them come to us. Jirou, as they approach, can you make feints at Satou's eyes?"

"Yeah," Jirou says. Her hands on Izuku's shoulders tighten.

She does as she says, and Satou's resulting flinch unbalances his team, tearing their hands apart and sending them to the ground. Jirou snatches Kamakiri's headband.

"Head for Team Todoroki!" Izuku says, stepping off. Hopefully they can outrun Team Yanagi, but if anything, the chaos around Team Todoroki should provide enough distractions for them to take advantage of.

Team Yanagi isn't the only one chasing them. It takes a few moments for Team Kamakiri to reassemble, but when they do, they're also coming for them.

"Those teams are slowing down!" Jirou shouts. "It's Team Nakano!"

"Leave them!" Izuku replies. "Let her have Yanagi's headbands!"

"Wait, I have an idea!" That's Shinsou, breathing hard, sounding strained. "Nakano knows my quirk, but none of the others do! How long does it take for Nakano to sing us to sleep?"

"Depends!" Izuku replies. "Thirty seconds to a minute!"

"That's long enough time! As soon as they go down, Jirou, you grab Nakano and Yanagi's headbands!"

"Go for the ones Yanagi has, they're higher points!" Izuku adds, seeing Shinsou's idea taking shape in his mind. Team Kamakiri is already down, succumbing to Wakana's quirk, but her team blows right past him, heading for Team Yanagi, which is falling. And, as Izuku begins to hear that unearthly tone of Wakana's voice, Shinsou yells.

"HEY! ADACHIHARA! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO JOIN THE HERO COURSE?"

"WHAT ARE YOU EVEN—" Adachihara stops as Shinsou's quirk takes effect, sending the whole team to the ground. Wakana stops singing, and the heavy, tingling feel in Izuku's limbs vanishes. Team Kamakiri and Team Yanagi both stay asleep, and Jirou is quick as a whip pulling Yanagi's headbands with one jack while she sends the other for Wakana's.

The trifecta is complete, Hamasaki too slow to try and snatch them back, and Team Jirou runs off with three more headbands and an even bigger target.

"It'll take them a while to regroup," Izuku says, "and Teams Kamakiri and Yanagi have to wake up, too. Let's put some distance in!"

The bloodbath situation has changed. Team Bakugou is now fighting Team Monoma, while Team Shiozaki, Team Tokage, and Team Tetsutetsu maintain their chase of Team Todoroki.

Team Asui, however…

"We have incoming!" That's Shinsou. "They're a fucking tank!"

"There's no way we can get in there, even with Jirou's jacks, and Shouji won't rise to any bait," Izuku says. "Let's just run and avoid Asui!"

"Jirou and I can take care of keeping her tongue away!" Mashirao says, the team shifting directions at Jirou's shifting weight.

It only takes a couple failed tries on Team Asui's part for an idea to bloom in Izuku's mind.

"Hey! Team Asui! Hang on, I think we can work together!"

"Wait, what?" That's Jirou, sounding startled.

The two teams come to a stop, facing each other.

"Midoriya. Explain," Yamazaki demands, peering out from the depths of Shouji's arms.

Izuku explains, panting. "We have three angry teams after us. There's only six teams with headbands right now, and four of them are in the middle of the bloodbath. We lead those three," he jerks his head at where Teams Kamakiri, Yanagi, and Nakano have finally regrouped, "into the bloodbath, and in the chaos, Asui—"

"Call me Tsuyu."

"—Tsuyu and Jirou can take whatever headbands they can get their hands, er, tongue and jacks on, and we can split points if necessary."

"EEEHHH? WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE? TEAM ASUI AND TEAM JIROU HAVE PAUSED!"

Please, let no one on the field be listening to Present Mic.

"Midoriya's good for his word," Yamazaki says. "Let's do it."

"Okay!" Izuku grins. "Let's go right into the bloodbath then! Plus ultra!"

Jirou shifts her weight, and her team takes off running, followed by Team Tsuyu.

There's only a little bit of time left on the clock. If this is going to work, it needs to work quick. They have to dodge glaciers, soft spots (oh, Yamazaki is so helpful for that, with her quirk), tangles of vines… The spot that the bloodbath's been happening in is a mess of torn-up ground and it's honestly a bit of a second obstacle race, except the finish line is the clock.

Team Yanagi breaks off from the pursuit and seems to zero in on Team Tetsutetsu instead. Izuku watches Tsuyu's tongue flick out and snatch the headband off Tetsutetsu's head and then vanish back into the shadows of Shouji's limbs.

Tetsutetsu doesn't notice, but Yanagi does, yelling something at her team and pointing in the direction of Team Tsuyu and Team Jirou.

Team Nakano, meanwhile, is sedating Team Bakugou and Team Monoma.

"Tsuyu!" Izuku yells. "How long is your tongue?"

"20 meters!"

That's enough.

"You have an opening for Bakugou's headband!"

Her reaction is immediate, her tongue snapping out while Izuku, Shinsou, and Mashirao continue to carry Jirou away from Nakano.

"I SEE WHAT THIS IS! TEAM ASUI AND TEAM JIROU HAVE CREATED AN ALLIANCE! IS THAT ALLOWED?!"

"There's nothing against it in the rules."

The clock is still, still ticking down. Team Bakugou is asleep, lucky for Team Tsuyu, which is running at top speed away from Team Nakano. Team Monoma is also out, while Team Kamakiri is beginning to catch up to Izuku's team.

That's when a glacier goes up, cutting Team Kamakiri off while trapping Izuku's team in with Teams Todoroki and Shiozaki.

Wow, they don't even notice Izuku's team, completely tunnel vision on each other.

"What's the play, Midoriya?" Jirou asks.

"We wait," Izuku replies. "Can you hear what's happening on the other side of the glacier?"

Jirou sticks her jack into the ice. "Team Tsuyu is getting chased to hell and back, but they're doing fine. I think Bakugou's blowing his way through one of the other walls, and that weird… quicksand quirk is also being used."

"Softening," Izuku says. "That's Honenuki in Class B's quirk."

"Tsuyu just… threw something? Oh! She threw a headband out! Team Yanagi picked it up, but now there's two targets, so not everyone's going for Tsuyu anymore!"

"Oh, that's smart," Izuku breathes. He glances up at the screens displaying the time, thankfully still visible. There's a minute and a half left. "Let's move. Let's see if we can grab Todoroki's headband first."

"Wait! Todoroki just grabbed Shiozaki's!" Jirou says.

"Then now's the time to strike! Move!"

The team moves. Team Shiozaki is doing whatever they can to grab their headband back, but it's just a plain bad matchup. Todoroki freezes every vine send his way, and Dark Shadow can do nothing against Kaminari and Yaoyorozu.

(It would be a complete curb stomp if Todoroki would use the other half of his quirk, so why doesn't he?)

Last minute. Bakugou's team breaks through the wall, and now Team Todoroki has two teams to fight off.

"Shinsou, as soon as Jirou grabs the headbands, I want you to just start insulting the shit out of everyone on their teams! Okay? Insult Hatsume's babies, anything will do with Bakugou, and ask Todoroki why he won't use his fire! Okay?"

"Got it!"

Jirou reaches.

Jirou grabs.

"HEY HATSUME! YOUR BABIES? THEY'RE NOTHING!"

"Whaaa—"

"BAKUGOU, YOU'RE SHIT!"

"OI, FUCK YOU—"

"TODOROKI! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN ON US? USE YOUR FUCKING FIRE! BITCH!"

Todoroki says something, too quiet for Izuku to hear, but it's enough. Todoroki and Bakugou both go still, and Hatsume stops, sending Team Shiozaki crashing to the ground.

From the corner of his eye, Izuku can see Team Tetsutetsu running for them just as Jirou finishes pulling back. "Pivot right!"

They move, and the ground starts softening below them, when—

"TIME!"

They drop Jirou, as gently as they can, and all four lean on each other, panting. There's quite the collection around her neck.

"Shiozaki," she pants, leaning on Izuku's arm. "She grabbed her headband back—but," Jirou holds up a piece of white cloth. "We got the ten million."

"FUCK YEAH!" Izuku screams, punching both fists towards the sky.

"LET'S LOOK AT OUR TOP FOUR, AND WHAT A TOP FOUR THEY ARE! IN FIRST PLACE, TEAM JIROU WITH 10,002,090 POINTS!"

Izuku can't help it. He screams again, this one wordless, this time, joined by his teammates. He feels Mashirao's arms wrap around him, and then Shinsou's joining the hug, and then even Jirou.

"That was amazing," Jirou gasps.

"IN SECOND PLACE, TEAM ASUI WITH 1,210 POINTS!"

Izuku turns, seeing Shouji lifting a waving Tsuyu and Yamazaki up.

"THIRD PLACE GOES TO TEAM SHIOZAKI WITH 700 POINTS!"

Team Shiozaki themselves are all laid flat on the ground, but when their name is called, they still manage to throw their hands up.

"AND FOURTH PLACE BELONGS TO TEAM YANAGI, WITH 305 POINTS!"

The members of Class B who are on the field flock to Yanagi's team, cheering and lifting the members of it, including Fukui, on their shoulders.

"NOW, THERE'S A BIT OF A PROBLEM HERE! WANNA HELP ME OUT, ERASER?"

"There's one team of three in the top four, and every other team is tied for fifth place."

"EXACTLY! NORMALLY, WE'D JUST HAVE THE FIFTH PLACE TEAM ELECT A MEMBER TO MOVE ON TO THE TOURNAMENT! HOWEVER, WE CAN'T REALLY DO THAT. IT WOULD PROBABLY CAUSE A FIGHT TO BREAK OUT, AND WE DON'T REALLY WANT THAT!"

"SO, AS A COMPROMISE, THE FIRST PLACE TEAM WILL SELECT A STUDENT FROM THE FIFTH-PLACE TEAMS! YOU'LL HAVE HALF AN HOUR TO MAKE YOUR DECISION. WHEN YOU'VE DECIDED, PLEASE FIND EITHER ME, MIDNIGHT, OR ERASER TO GIVE YOUR ANSWER TO!"

"Oh boy," Jirou says, looking over at the fifth-place teams, who seem to have locked on to their team. "I think we should leave."

Team Jirou reunites in a side room with their food.

"Our classmates are all cut-throat little backstabbing bitches, huh," Jirou says as she unwraps her sandwich.

"Except for Tsuyu and Shouji," Mashirao says. Jirou nods.

"Except for them. They're cool. Hey, who was the other girl in with them?" She directs this question at Izuku and Shinsou.

"That was Yamazaki," Izuku replies. "She's Class C's Vice Rep. I don't think she wants to join the hero course, so I wonder if she's staying in the—" His phone buzzes. It's Yamada, telling him that Yamazaki's dropped out, so now they have two people to select. "Well. That answers that."

Jirou frowns. "Did you just get a text from a teacher about that?"

"Maybe," Izuku replies, shrugging. "We have two people to pick now, then."

"I think Nakano should be one," Shinsou says.

"Well, obviously," Izuku agrees. Jirou looks a little confused.

"She was the one singing, right? Her voice puts people to sleep?"

"Yes," Mashirao replies.

"She can also implant suggestions while they're asleep, but she doesn't really like to do that," Izuku adds.

Jirou nods. "Okay. I agree. She wants to be a hero?"

"Yes," Mashirao says. "She actually trains in a group with Shinsou, Izuku, and I." He points at Shinsou and Izuku as he says their names.

Jirou's hand comes up to cradle her chin. "So that's how you know each other."

"Well, Shinsou just joined," Mashirao replies, smiling and shrugging. "But we're happy to have him!"

Jirou raised an eyebrow. "I didn't take you for the friends type."

"Just try and get Izuku to change his mind once he's set it on something. I dare you." Shinsou's voice is flat, and Izuku grins.

"Anyways, our second one?" Jirou steers the conversation back on track, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Do any of the other general studies students in the competition want to join the hero course?" Mashirao asks. His eyes… are so kind and earnest.

"Well, Oshiro just wants to show up everyone. I doubt she's actually interested in transferring," Izuku says, frowning. "That leaves Hamasaki and Adachihara. Adachihara's kind of… He's kind of an asshole. I'd rather give the spot to Hamasaki, honestly. Not to mention, Adachihara probably could've made it in through the hero exam, given his quirk. He doesn't seem like a slacker to me, but he kicked through those robots at the beginning of the obstacle race easily enough."

"So, Hamasaki, then?" Mashirao asks. Jirou and Shinsou both nod.

"Alright, I'll text that to Present Mic," Izuku says, pulling out his phone. Jirou let's out a quiet "a-ha", and he takes a moment to smile at her. She smirks back. "And… sent."

"I'm going to message the 1-A chat and let everyone know that we've made our decision, and stop blowing up our phones, please," Mashirao says.

"Oh, thank you, that's great," Jirou replies, shuddering. "I kind of hate them all right now."

heroes or bust!

Roka Aomi

that was fucking great!

holy shit you wiped the field with them!

me

It was all Jirou, honestly

Shinsou Hitoshi

don't undersell yourself

you're the one who thought to team up with team tsuyu

Koizumi Hiraku

Yeah! That was super cool! We've all been watching and my classmates were super psyched when I was like "yeah three of the first place team are my friends!"

Nakano Wakana

You did great :)

It's going to be fun watching you fight in the tournament

me

I'll see you there :)

Nakano Wakana

:O

Ojiro Mashirao

Did you think we weren't going to choose you to move on?

Nakano Wakana

I didn't want to presume

Shibayama Ichihei

Wakana's moving on to the tournament? That's great!

Meanwhile the teachers of U.A. were having an exhausted meeting of their own sort.

"What an upheaval!" Kayama gushes. "I was not expecting that at all! For not one, not two, but four general studies students to make it to the tournament? I don't think that's ever happened!"

"It hasn't," Aizawa says. If he could, he would be laying facedown on the couch. Alas, his orbital floor would not appreciate that.

"And it's about to be five!" Yamada pipes up. "I just got a text from Midoriya—they picked Nakano and Hamasaki of Class C to move forward!"

"I have lost," Kan whines, "so much money."

Snipe, from where he's sitting in a corner with his feet up on the back of a chair, speaks up. "My money's been on Midoriya making it to the tournament the whole time."

"My money's on Midoriya winning the tournament," Kayama snaps back, winking at him. "I'm thinking that's very likely. Only two of Shouta's powerhouse students made it through, and those were through almost sheer dumb luck!"

"I thought for sure Monoma, or Kendou, or Tetsutetsu would make it through," Kan says, staring into his glass of orange juice like it'll answer the unanswerable.

"A lot of people were sure Todoroki or Bakugou would make it through, yet here I am, quite a lot richer," Majima says, glancing at his phone.

Kayama sighs. "Ah, you always bet on the underdogs, and finally, you won."

At that moment, the door opens, revealing a small-form Yagi Toshinori who looks like he just saw death come for him and escaped by the skin of his teeth.

"Endeavor is not happy," he says.

"Did you just see him? I'm surprised you're not fried," Kayama replies.

"I wasn't powered up," Yagi replies, shaking his head. "He ignored me."

"Augh, I bet a lot of people beside just Sekijirou here are upset," Yamada says, playfully poking Kan's shoulder. "We haven't had that kind of second round upheaval since Shouta's first year!"

"Well, that was Shouta's protégé throwing those wrenches, so I'm not surprised," Kayama replies.

"Wait," Yagi says, blinking, "Aizawa has a protégé?"

"Yes," Aizawa replies.

"His nephew!" Yamada adds, grinning, and suddenly Yagi's eyes widen in recognition. "The one you found covered in sludge in a tunnel with a naked man about a year ago, if I'm remembering the story right!"

Snipe drops the gun he was cleaning. "Excuse me, what."

Snipe lacks some Important Context

this chapter is the one where i was possessed by the spirits of everyone in Class C who were like "anyways fuck the hero course, let's throw some wrenches in that machinery"

i have been so excited to share this chapter and see everyone's reactions. rereading it to write the warnings and do some quick editing is such emotional whiplash from the chapter i wrote last night, though. like wow. i'm currently working on the aftermath of the upcoming character death and y'all. y'all. it hurts so sweet.

anyways, thank you to everyone who's read, reviewed, followed, and faved! i appreciate y'all so much.

catch you next time :)

(x-posted on ao3, username: orkestrations