A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you're doing well. Thanks to everyone who's read the story recently, I'm glad it can provide some distraction while people are self isolating. Thank you to Harmony, SPQR-Alan and 27gutzwillriley for reviewing, I'm so glad you're enjoying it! See you all next week :) ~ Emma


"What the hell was that?" Austin's dark brown eyes bore into hers. His hand gripped her arm tightly as she felt her heart quicken. He had her right arm. Sure, she could reach for her dagger with her left, but weapons would be useless against him. She tried to tell herself that he was just human, that he wasn't a part of the world she had reason to be afraid of, but she knew that wasn't true. The only reason she had to feel safe was the hundreds of students pouring out into the school parking lot. Though Austin had pulled her to one side, they were still very visible.

She kept her face blank. She couldn't let him know that he made her afraid; she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Careful now." She glanced down to his steel grip on her. "People may think you're trying to win back two girls at the same time."

Her voice didn't stay as steady as she'd hoped.

His jaw tensed, but he let go. "I never got back together with her. She showed up at my house on Friday out of the blue."

Emma stared at him. She wasn't sure why he thought that would make her feel some semblance of sympathy. His treatment of Betty seemed nothing short of manipulative, since he discarded her at will. "But you saw no harm in making the most of it, I'm sure."

"Does it matter?" He raised his hands.

"Of course it matters!" She hissed. "Everything you do matters, because it all piles up in a mound of awful actions that prevent me from ever wanting to talk to you again. The fact I actually kissed you makes me sick."

Hurt flashed across his features, plain and raw on his face. She might as well have plunged a dagger into his gut with the way he reacted. Just like the one he'd planted in her back.

For a moment he just searched her face, perhaps looking for a sign of insincerity; something she did not give him. Austin shook his head and laughed darkly. There was a razor-edge sharpness to his words. "You are beyond the line of crazy."

Emma cocked a tight smile. "I'm so glad you noticed."

"Why do I even waste my time on you." His eyes grew darker each time he spoke. "I could have any girl in this school."

"And even if you had all of them, I wouldn't complain because at least then you'd leave me alone." She tilted her head up at him in defiance.

She could not shrink in the face of the fear that grew in her. She hadn't really planned for the consequences of her actions, she'd just wanted to hurt him. Repay some of the large deficit of torment he'd provided her with over the years. She'd been such an idiot allowing him back into her life as if it had never happened. She wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Yet she found that every time they spoke some deep part of her ached. It wasn't the anger or hatred, it was caring. Some part of her still wanted to be his friend. Pushing that feeling down only fuelled her rage.

"What changed?" There was a heavy bitterness in Austins voice. "We were doing great, and I know made a mistake not just pushing past her and coming back out or realising how much what happened with Evan affected you, but giving those flowers to Betty? That was low. Especially for you."

The blow of his words were not nearly as soft a slap in the face. More like gunshots against her defences, weakening them to breaking point.

"I used to freaking idolise you. My stupid pride was the only thing that kept me away from you. You didn't give a damn what people said about you, you were kind to everyone. You couldn't help but be kind to people, even if you did judge them for their dumb actions. But that stupid stunt didn't just mess with me, that messed with Betty's emotions too. That's not the person I used to know."

The wildfire of emotion that had been burning through her froze. Each vein in her body crystallising one after the other, her words as frosty as ice. "I'm sorry I let you down. I didn't realise I was meant to freeze in time as your life moved on. I've changed, Austin, it's been years. The person you knew lost the fight with the hellhound when she was twelve. She died then. I've only made it this far because I've kept everyone at arm's length for their own safety. But you? Well you wouldn't know the first thing about wanting to keep your friends safe."

Her last word was laced with as much venom as she could muster, but as soon as it left her lips she knew she'd said too much. Her heart dropped in her chest and shattered into shards on the floor. There was no going back now, she couldn't stop her lips moving if she'd wanted to.

"You think that because everyone else acts like you have this status above the rest that you can play with their emotions. You prey on Betty's total lack of self worth, your attempts at getting me back revolve around pestering me or guilt tripping me and you would never even dream of sticking up for someone instead of laughing at them when they're hurting. You have the empathy levels of a psychopathic child. Perhaps that's why you seem to think you should be a god. Because what part of being one of the cool kids and playing basketball and being an arsehole would ever differ from being a divine being who can cause harm at will."

Her heart thundered in her chest as she caught her breath. She couldn't read Austin at all. His look was intense but she didn't know if he was hurt or angry or frustrated that she knew he'd betrayed her.

"And you're so perfect? You act like you're so much better than everyone else just because you don't care what other people think of you. This isn't one of your stupid books where you're the only person who has problems and we're all just dumb shallow kid's who only care about the latest shitshow someone caused or the next party."

Austin's anger was usually like the burning heat of a forest fire. Wild and uncontrollable. But he wasn't angry, not in his normal way. His words were not from anger, they were from truth. It only made each lash of his tongue more like a shard of glass carving into her skin. She'd brought out the knives and he wanted her to bleed. How much blood did she have left before she bled out?

His face contorted into a sneer. "If you hated me so much, then why date me at all?"

"Because, as you said, I care about people. And I still care for the boy who befriended me when I moved from another continent. I hoped you could be that boy again. I was wrong." She felt tears welling up in her eyes. As soon as she realised she tried to blink them back, look away, anything just to hide them, but it didn't matter.

"Em." His gentle tone was a trick she knew far too well. She couldn't get sucked back into it again.

He raised his hand to touch her face and she flinched. Hurt flashed across his face but she couldn't look at him.

"Just please, please leave me alone."

When she walked away the only thing she let herself feel was the cold.


"So," Rory drummed his stating wheel as Emma climbed into the passenger seat, "are you planning on coming to Liam's Halloween party on Friday or-"

The door slammed shut with such force that it made Rory feel the need to apologise to his car on Emma's behalf. He looked at her to make a comment but he stopped dead when he saw the shine in her eyes.

She stared intently at the dashboard as her teeth slid over her lip, chewing it so hard Rory worried she'd make it bleed. With each time she knotted her hands in her hair he felt another knot grow in his stomach. He wanted more than anything to ask what had happened, but he knew she wouldn't want to talk just yet. Emma liked to think she was hard to read, but it wasn't really true. When she wanted to talk about what was on her mind, she made eye contact, too afraid of bothering someone to actually ask for help. If she wanted you to pretend you couldn't tell she was upset, she would look at anything but you.

They drove silently back to her apartment. When they pulled up outside he asked if she wanted him to stay. Emma hesitated, but eventually nodded but she still wouldn't look at him.

He kept his distance as he followed her in. As soon as she was through the door she flopped down onto the couch, curling up like a cat. He resisted the urge to go straight to her, putting the kettle on instead. He was finally starting to wrap his head around all the different teas. Earl grey was her favourite, but it was caffeinated and sometimes she had to avoid it because it would set off her ADHD. As she was already in a bad mood, he thought it would be best to go with something herbal. Once he'd poured it he went round and sat on the coffee table, putting the mug down beside him.

After a moment she sat up, but it wasn't when her eyes flicked up to him. Nope. It had been when they landed on the tea. She picked it up.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" His attempt at an inviting smile probably looked more like a grimace.

"Not really." She took a sip. "No."

He sighed, lacing his fingers together and rubbing his palm with his thumb. "Is it selfish to ask you to tell me, because otherwise my mind is going to keep coming up with worse and worse things and I'm going go crazy."

She closed her eyes, letting her eye lashes rest against her reddened cheeks. It was the way they always went when she cried, even if the tears never left her eyes. She didn't open them as she told him what had happened.

When she was done, he reached out and put his hand over hers. "Austin's a jerk."

"Austin was right." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I thought I had it all worked out. I thought I knew how to look after myself and everyone else. I thought that knowing that made me better than everyone else. I thought I didn't need people because I had my books to teach me good from bad and that would be enough. But all it meant was that I became so out of touch with tangible people that I forgot how grey the world can be."

Her eyes shone as she looked up at him in a way that made his heart swell. She reached out and traced her fingers down the side of his face in a way that sent shivers down his spine. There was so much affection in the gesture, so much warmth.

"And in doing so I misjudged you."

But she was wrong. He hadn't been anything but what she imagined when they met. He dropped eyes as the guilt started to twist its way around him.

"No you didn't. I was rude and arrogant and thoughtless. I walked around like I had something to prove, because that's what it felt like. Sure, I had my problems. That didn't make it okay. I was just too blind to see that I wasn't the only one."

He took a shaky breath and looked at her. Her delicate features and big green eyes. It was impossible to resist the urge to trust her. She had been honest with him, maybe it was time to repay the favour.

"As you know, my parents are separated. They got divorced when I was eight because my dad was cheating on my mom with my now step-mom. He moved out but stayed in LA. My mom... she didn't handle it very well."

Her face softened with what was almost pity, but that wasn't quite the right word. She just looked at him like she understood.

"It started off with her saying dad was going to come back soon and when I asked how long, she'd say she didn't know. He used to take me out every weekend and drive me to swim lessons. He looked so proud every time I did well that I thought if I swam well enough, he just might come back. He didn't. A year later he got a new job in New York and he moved.

"He didn't pick me up on weekends anymore, or drive me to swim lessons. Every day I would ask my mum when he was coming back. She used to brush me off, she'd say 'soon' or 'maybe next week'. Then, one night, I'd been round to Julians after school and his mom was dropping me off. When I walked inside I found her sitting on the couch, empty bottle of whiskey in hand. I asked if she was okay and she just laughed at me. I asked when dad was coming back and she snapped. She yelled at me, told me he never would. That he had left us and didn't care about me at all. That was the first time I'd seen her drunk. The next morning she cried in my room apologising over and over for what she had said.

"Over the next few years it got worse and worse. I started learning how to look after myself. That's how I got that scar on my wrist. I burnt my arm trying to make lunch when I was ten."

She absently traced the scar with her fingers as he spoke, drawing the words out of him.

"Every time my dad came to visit we had to hide the empty bottles and she played sober until he left again. She kept promising to give it up, but she never did. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but..."

"But she didn't make things easy?" Emma offered, her kind eyes looking up at him. He nodded in response.

"It was around then that I started seeing things that others couldn't. It didn't take long for me to shut up about them, but it led to a lot of fights. So many that my dad came back over for a little while. I tried to open up to him about the things I was seeing but he wrote me off as crazy. It made me so mad that I ran off and got lost in the city. Had to get a police escort home. After that he put me in for counselling, told me I couldn't swim unless I went. Some part of me just wanted to go to prove to him that I didn't need it."

She curled her fingers around his hand. He'd never told anyone what he was telling her, but it felt so freeing. Like opening a cage and letting his monsters out, only to find that in setting them free they lost their anger and didn't scare him quite much.

"Last summer my mom ended up in hospital from alcohol poisoning and after that we couldn't hide it from my dad. He took it to court and ruled for me to be taken into his custody. I wasn't even given a choice, I had to pack my shit and move in with him and his wife. It makes me sick just to see them together. Knowing that they are what caused my mom to get so bad."

He felt the tide of resentment he held for his father rise. His muscles became rigid and his jaw tense. He dug his fingernails into his palm to try and calm himself, but it wasn't until her hand rested on his arm that he felt it all drain away. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry I judged you so harshly." She said quietly. "And I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I can't even imagine what that must have been like."

"Going through shit isn't an excuse for being an ass. It's not like you had it easy."

She squeezed his hand, sending shockwaves of warmth through his body. "No one's pain lessens that of another. Things can be hard in different ways."

His eyes traced her face the way his hands wanted to. He imagined pushing her hair behind her ear and gently pulling her toward him. More than anything he wanted to give in to the magnetic force that pulled them together. It would be so easy to give in and finally know what it was like to feel her lips against his, to know what she tasted like, to finally be as close to her as he could be.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" She said sheepishly, drawing back and shattering the spell into a thousand shards. All he could do was blink at her in shock. "My grandma always used to say that there was no point in warming a soul from the outside in when a cup of tea gets straight to the point."

Of course she was thinking of tea. Rory was beginning to doubt that anyone could love another person as much as Emma loved tea. He shook his head as a smile worked its way onto his lips.

"Sure. That'd be great."