It was decided: Kylo Ren and I were set to leave as soon as I had recovered. The two of us would take a TIE Fighter and secretly go to Dagobah, where we would be safe from both the Resistance and Starkiller base.
At least, I'd hoped we would be safe.
Kylo told me, again and again, that the plan would work. He tried to convince me every day that everything would be fine, and that the two of us would be able to live in peace. But I couldn't possibly imagine that there would be any peace. I had seen what the First Order would do to those who didn't cooperate with them; they would kill, pillage, and torture relentlessly until they got what they wanted, and then continue to do that for their own amusement. They completely ignored the treaty they made with the New Republic, throwing it aside as if it were rules to a child's game. But this didn't seem to waver Kylo's decision one bit.
I knew that I was the sole cause for his choices. Even though leaving his post to live in hiding would be better for the Resistance, and for the whole galaxy, I was still angry at myself for being manipulative. I wasn't trying to be, but I still hated that I had this effect on him. As if he wasn't able to determine his own actions because of my presence.
Which brought me to a whole other set of questions: Why did I love him? And was it even a real love? I only fell in love with him because I had nothing holding me back, but was that selfish? Was I brushing off the deaths of my friends and comrades to save my own life? Kylo Ren was right - everything in this situation was about me, no matter how much I tried to change that fact.
As I violently shunned myself, I stared at my surroundings. I was leaning against the rail in a massive room, which had a tunnel boring down into the ground. The walls of the tunnel were lined with what looked like engine packs, and for what the First Order needed so many of them, I didn't know. In all actuality, I didn't care. Why should it matter to me, when I couldn't do anything about it, even if it did concern my attention? The only interesting thing in the room were the Stormtroopers slowly pacing along the sides, blasters in hand, guarding whatever the room had in store.
I sighed, resting my chin on the railings. As selfish as it sounded, I were bored - I hadn't seen anything but black and gray walls, the outside world only visible to me through a single, frosted window in Kylo's room. Besides him, and a few Stormtroopers, there was no one to speak to, to share with. The lack of communication often had me mumbling to myself, pretending that there was someone in front of me, listening to everything I said; in all, I believed that I was going insane.
So it didn't surprise me when I spotted a small, tan figure climbing across the engine packs.
At first, it blended into the slow movement of the other Stormtroopers, pacing back and forth along the side paths; slow, consistent, and boring. Like a speck of sand slowly rolling across a piece of paper. But as my eyes casually wandered to look at it, I noticed that it was definitely out of place.
I craned my neck to get a closer look: the figure - a girl, maybe? - was obviously human. She was wearing tattered scavenger's rags, and her hair was pulled back into three tight buns. I couldn't tell what she was trying to do, watching her crawl along the inner walls. But I knew, whatever her intent was, it couldn't be beneficial to the base.
Coming to a conclusion, I realized that I had to tell him.
As my mind took off in a slight panic, I turned on my heels and began to make my way down the corridors. Though the situation was practically harmless to me, it was strange, nonetheless. On top of that, I couldn't help but remember that a girl named 'Rey' was on the loose in the base, and assumed that the person I had just seen was the girl in question.
Just as I had rounded the corner into another hallway, I came to a halting stop. I found General Hux, quickly striding down the hall in my direction, followed by a Stormtrooper.
My heart began to race. Should I run? Was he here to kill me? Afraid, I stumbled back a few steps, getting ready to turn on my heels and sprint away.
"Good morning!" he said... cheerfully.
I narrowed my eyes at his gleeful expression. I wasn't able to reply to him, due to the fear rising in my chest. The Stormtrooper continued to stare at me, and I felt hatred in its gaze, though it showed no emotion.
"And where might you be going?" Hux's voice startled me. Looking at him closer, I saw that he looked... smug? Prideful? Something was off; whatever he was feeling now, it looked to be far from the emotions he expressed to me not two weeks ago.
I tried to regain my composure, straightening my posture and looking Hux in the eyes. "I was going to find Kylo Ren; I need to speak with him urgently."
General Hux nodded. "I understand. Currently, he is in a meeting with our base lieutenants - but if it is of extreme importance, I could escort you to him."
For a moment, I faltered; was it safe to trust him? After all, he did try to kill me. There was no reason for him not to do it again. Still, I needed to get to Kylo; not knowing where he is, I had no other option but to have Hux take me to him. I reassured myself, saying that if Hux were to try and harm me, there were plenty of other Stormtroopers who would stop him, and Kylo Ren, who would most likely kill him for it.
I slowly nodded my head, walking up to the General's side; my eyes never left his face as I tried to predict his actions and thoughts.
Hux matched my stride, and the Stormtrooper followed behind us. His position made me feel vulnerable, since he was hidden from my field of view. Then I remembered that, currently, I was counting on him to possibly protect me from Hux. However, that brought me to a conflict: wasn't every personnel on this base supposed to be the enemy? How could I put faith in a soldier of the dark side? As hypocritical as it sounded, I couldn't help but pray that the Stormtrooper's presence would keep me safe.
"If you wouldn't mind-" Hux's voice made me jump as it broke the silence "- since I am second in command of this base: what is it you saw?"
I nervously cleared my throat. "Well, there was a girl - I saw her climbing on the engine packs. She was dressed in a scavenger's clothes, and from what Kylo Ren had described to me, I think... I think that she is the 'Rey' that escaped."
General Hux nodded as he listened. "You have a good eye, I must say. This is indeed troubling news, but now that we have her location, it will be easier to restrain her once more."
I were intrigued by the importance of this person. This single girl, who looked completely vulnerable in my eyes, was treated as a serious threat to the base. I saw no weapon on her. Could she have been a Jedi? I pushed that thought aside, seeing as she didn't have a lightsaber. Curious to know more, I tested the waters and broke the silence.
"Why is Rey so dangerous?" I asked, my voice cracking in anxiety. "She looks harmless, and she wasn't fighting anyone - she was deliberately trying to hide."
General Hux waited a moment before answering. "You're right: she looks harmless, and lost as well. But we have evidence that she has the Force within her. She used it to manipulate a guard into releasing her, and even to counter Commander Ren's attempts on retrieving information from her. What makes the situation more dangerous is that she is only just beginning to discover her powers. That is why it is important that we find her as soon as possible, before she figures out her full ability."
His words confused me. Does this mean that Rey is a Resistance member? Or does she work alone, and is against the First Order? Does that make her an enemy of me?
"Here we are." Hux said as the two of us rounded the corner. I felt relieved, now that I would be in Kylo Ren's presence. Realizing that my jaw had been clenched the entire time, I relaxed them with an exhale.
He stopped in front of a door, motioning that I go inside. "I'm positive that he will break the discussion to listen to your situation."
Quickly, as I were eager to see Kylo, I opened the door. I expected to see him in full uniform, wearing his mask and his voice being distorted through the vent. I expected everyone in the room to face me, as I would interrupt the conference.
But as my eyes scanned the room, I saw that it was empty. I faltered. "Where- "
Suddenly, I felt a kick to my back, causing me to lurch forward. I gasped as I hit the floor, my skin screeching against it. It all happened so fast - before I knew it, I was looking at the ebony ground, trying to regain the air that had been torn from my lungs.
I heard the door slam behind me; turning to the sound, I saw General Hux fiddling with the lock on the other side. I quickly pulled myself to my feet and ran to the door, pounding my fists on the glass.
"Stop!" I cried. "What are you doing?! I need to speak with him!"
"You have distracted Commander Ren from his duties long enough!" Hux said, while making sure the door was securely locked. "He is finished with you!"
"But we have to tell him about- "
"I shall tell him myself, and you will remain here until I figure out how to deal with you." He looked back at me with the same, smug look on his face. "Thank you, so much, for all of your help!"
I shouted at him as he left the door, the Stormtrooper following close behind him. The other guards continued to pace up and down the corridor, ignoring my cries, as if nothing had ever happened. I kicked the door as hard as I could, even though I knew it wouldn't budge - and the fact that my feet were bare only caused more pain and frustration.
Realizing the door wouldn't open anytime soon, I turned my attention back to the room; there had to be some way to get out.
I ran over to each panel of the walls, searching for a control panel or emergency code. I had to escape, to find Kylo Ren and tell him about Rey and General Hux - this motive made me frantic for an exit as I searched everywhere else, after finding nothing along the walls. The conference table was void of anything but it's sable color, making me scowl. I then crouched onto my knees and ran my hands along the floor for any sign of a compartment, maybe even an emergency exit that led out of the room.
The tears continued to flow down my face as I came to realization - there was no way out.
I gave up searching, and instead slammed my fists onto the ground. There were too many emotions swimming through my head, from frustration, to guilt, to desperation, even to fear. Why was General Hux doing this in the first place? After he had figured out that I wasn't a threat, why did he want to keep me from Kylo Ren?
You have distracted Commander Kylo Ren from his duties long enough!His words answered my questions. I had derailed Kylo from his job. I had distracted him into loving me, luring him away from what he had set out to do. It would eventually lead to Starkiller Base being void of a commander, which could cause enough trouble to delay anything they had planned. Hux had probably assumed that I was trying to thwart as much as I could; meaning that he thought I was manipulating Kylo Ren to the point of making him abandon his duties.
It was everything I had assumed. Everything that was happening at this moment was what I had told myself would happen; what Kylo Ren had assured me was just a bunch of worrisome nonsense. I had manipulated everyone, including myself, just stay alive. And it cost me the life of my entire squadron, my place as a pilot in the Resistance, Kylo's loyalty to his role, even my own peace of mind. And now, it was most likely going to cost me my life.
"This is all my fault..." I said, making aimless statements as I curled into a ball. "I've done more damage than I would have if he had just killed me months ago... none of this should be happening... I shouldn't be here... I shouldn't be here..."
I continued to mumble to myself, keeping my mind from interrogating myself by filling the empty air with noise. I just had to wait until General Hux would return, and finally 'deal with me,' once and for all.
What have I done... I'm going to die... Why did I do all this... I don't want to die... I need to talk to him.
I head shot up from it's cradle in my arms, and I wiped my eyes on the back of my sleeve. Even though the clothes I was wearing covered my entire body, I still managed to shiver violently. I looked towards the glass hole in the door, wondering if I should even bother to see what the commotion was. There was a possibility that 'Rey' had just been found, and was now being shot to death.
But the more I listened, I was able to tell that multiple people were screaming. Therefore, it was some sort of attack.
Slowly, as my muscles were stiff from being immobile for so long, I stood up from the floor and walked towards the glass. I saw several Stormtroopers on the other side, stumbling and falling to the ground as blaster bolts were being fired into them. I couldn't find the source of fire, making me nervous as to what type of person, or creature, could be causing all of the havoc. I craned my neck a bit further to see if they were nearing me.
Suddenly, a face abruptly peered into the glass - a woolly, animalistic face.
I screamed in fear, falling back to the floor. "What the hell?!"
The creature's eyes followed me as I scooted myself away from the door; he then let out a beastly cry, before disappearing again. Moments later, I heard two different voices approach the door, eventually met by two other faces in the glass.
For a moment, I were terrified. I had no idea who these things were, but I figured they had the skill to wipe out twenty or so Stormtroopers in less than a minute.
"Hello?" I heard the muffled voice of the dark-skinned man, staring at me with concerned eyes.
Cautiously, I picked myself back up off of the floor and moved towards the man. I was able to see the other one as well, who looked more weathered and weary than the first. I also realized that the creature I had seen moments ago was a Wookiee, holding a crossbow of some sort.
"Who are you?" I spoke with a hoarse voice.
"You tell us first!" The older man stared at me with suspicion from my dark attire. "What side are you on?"
A lump formed in my throat at the question. What side were you on? Or was I just balancing on a thread in between?
"I, uh..." I answered, biting back the reoccurring tears. "I used to be a pilot on the Resistance."
The first man looked to the older one, who nodded in assurance. He then turned back to meet my eyes with determination. "Ok, we're gonna bust you out of here - just stand back."
I nodded, pressing myself against the side wall. After a few seconds of silence, the door was blasted open, sending pieces of metal across the room. I quickly shielded myself with my hands before the three of them entered the room. Getting a better view of them, I immediately recognized the older man as Han Solo - General Organa's significant other.
The younger man hurriedly walked towards me. "Are you ok?"
I nodded. "As far as I can tell, yes."
The Wookiee let out another cry, shooting at several Stormtroopers outside of the room.
"Just keep 'em busy, Chewie!" Han yelled at him, before turning back to me. "Why were you in here?"
"I had - I had a run-in with Hux." I had to force the words out of me mouth; the very image of the vile ginger-head made I want to plant a bolt in between his eyes.
Han cringed. "Sounds fun."
Suddenly, the room went dark, and red emergency lights began to flash rapidly. Panic instinctively rose in my throat, and my mind turned to Kylo.
Where is he?
The younger man grabbed my attention pulled a small blaster from his jacket. "Can you work one of these?"
"Yeah," I replied, "but do you have anything that will do more damage?"
He shook his head. "We're limited right now."
I reached out my hand to take the blaster, but then stopped. The jacket... I know that jacket... It belonged to none other than Poe Dameron. I had seen him wearing it almost every day on the base, lending it to some of the other female workers when they were cold. I remembered him using it to try and put out small grease fires while fixing his X-Wing. There was no mistake that it belonged to him.
So what did that make of Poe? Why was this stranger wearing his clothes?
"Where did you get that?" I asked in a small whisper.
The man looked at me with confusion. "What?"
"The jacket." I answered sharply.
Han sighed, impatient with the two of us. "Fin helped Poe escape, they crashed on Jakku, Finn took his jacket, Poe found him back on D'Quar, told him he could keep it- look, we can tell you the rest later, but right now, we need to go."
A sigh of relief escaped my lips. "So Poe's alive? He escaped?"
Finn (I assumed) nodded. "Yeah, the whole squadron did, too."
I furrowed my brow in confusion. Squadron? "What squadron? I thought Poe was the only hostage."
"You didn't know? The entire yellow squadron was taken back to Starkiller base. The First Order caught them right before General Organa was going to give them confirmation that Poe had been found."
Yellow Squadron. My squadron.
"The other pilots who were taken from Takodana escaped with Poe." he continued. "They all had to be taken to the ICU, it was really bad- but everyone lived. One of the Flight Instructors was asking about his students - said he had two, but only one of them was brought back. Everyone assumed the... second one died on... Takodana... Oh god." He ended there, realization flooding into his head. "That was you, wasn't it."
My entire body froze as I processed the words. Flight Instructors... Students... escaped..."What was the other student's name?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
Finn sighed. "I can't remem- "
"Was it Kiera?" I asked frantically. "Kiera Alavai?! And the Flight Instructor was Delmi Jaxx?!"
Han nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right. Why?"
Realization melted in. "They're... alive?" The words left my lips painfully.
My mind was filled with visions Delmi, broken and bleeding on the other side of the glass; Kylo entering the room, telling me that all of the pilots had been murdered because of my resilience.
Dead. All of them! They're all dead because you wouldn't speak!
"No, they can't... he said... he said he had killed all of them..."
My mind ignored the current situation surrounding the entire base, now focused on my friends. Tears began spilling down my face, though I was neither happy nor sad. I was angry... All of my promises to Kylo Ren, all of the torture I had put myself through for my comrades was a wasted effort. I had only allowed myself to love Kylo back because I believed that I didn't have any ties to the Resistance anymore: two of those ties being Delmi and Kiera. And now they're alive?
Impatient, Han grabbed me by the shoulders, bringing me out of my state of panic.
"Look - I know you were lied to, and that's not a fun experience. I know this is a lot to take in; but what's more important is that we need to get out of here, quickly. We both have people we need to get back to on D'Quar, but we're not going to be able to do that if we keep standing here. You want to see them, right?"
I stared him in the eyes, my own brimming with tears. I quickly nodded in reply.
"Well, you can do that after we all get out of here, ok?"
I nodded again, urgently wanting the honest answer in the question of Delmi and Kiera. I didn't remember my promise with Kylo, to leave to Dagobah, to hide from both the Resistance and the First Order. I didn't remember his gentle touch, his reassuring words, the way his eyes softened when they landed on me - my mind was distracted, trying to revive the people I thought were gone forever. And in my need for the truth, I heeled behind Han Solo and Finn with desperation.
