Author's Notes:
Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy
There is still no mature sexual content ahead
A HUGE thanks to my two beta readers for this chapter, RozamarieH and TheTrebledMom.
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Flashback:
I was sitting at my desk in my room at home - my real home, not at Randall's. Just yesterday, I had lost the bet with Ivan about whether to call Rose the day after our date or if she would call me when I didn't, and my arms were already aching from my first day of lifting.
Ivan had been right. He knew women more than I did. I tried to keep my mind from reconciling the fact that he might've been right about telling Rose the truth about my age.
Rose had told me Saturday night, "I'm willing to wait until we're both ready, but I'd like to be your first, Dimitri." Perhaps that meant she was willing to be understanding and patient about the other things that were standing in my way, too.
I pulled out a sheet of paper and began writing a note to her:
Roza,
I am writing this as a note because I am too afraid to tell you what I have to say in person. If I'm really honest, I think I've loved you since the moment I met you. I know it's too soon for that and I'm probably just being naive and irrational, but I can't help the way that I feel. I've only known you for a little more than a week now, but there's no other word for how I feel about you. That love is why I'm so afraid to tell you what I'm about to say; because it would absolutely break me if this was the reason that you chose to end things with me.
I'm not a kid, but I am still in high school at St. Vladimir's, Roza. I am eighteen years old. My birthday was in November. I'll be graduating at the end of this school year. I'm sorry to have to be so blunt to tell you this way, but there's really no right or easy way to do this, so I am just trying to rip the bandage off and tell you.
I never meant to lie to you. I never told you I was older than eighteen. I just didn't correct it when you assumed I was older than I am. I wanted so badly to be the man you thought I was; the man you wanted me to be. I wanted to be whatever you wanted - because I wanted you. You're all I will ever want. Please don't hold it against me that I wanted you badly enough that I tried to let you think I was what you wanted.
I love you without reservation. I feel like we could have a future together and I want that more than anything. Please don't let this come between us.
Love,
Dimitri
After I finished writing it, I took the note and sat on my bed, staring at it for around ten minutes, reading and re-reading it. Then I folded it, held it in my hand, and sat with it, staring at it as if it were either the cure for cancer or my execution order, just feeling the weight of it for another ten minutes.
Finally, I decided it was a stupid idea and it would never work. Roza would never care for me if she found out how young I really was. She'd be mortified and embarrassed that she had ever even kissed a high school student. I growled and balled the letter up, throwing it in the air, watching as it landed in the hallway. I laid back on my bed, just wallowing in the moment of shame and feeling the ache in my tired arms. I'd pick the note up later.
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Today:
I was putting on my suit for the graduation ceremony. It was one of the few times when both of my parents would be in the same room, so I tried to focus on my family and not on the gnawing hole in my heart from knowing that I wouldn't be going back to Randall's house after this - and therefore I wouldn't be next-door to Rose's again for the rest of the summer while she was living next-door to him.
I began fixing my tie, which was always a complicated process. I was jealous of my friends who had internet access at home to watch videos and look up instructional diagrams to tie a tie. Randall never showed me how, so I had learned on my own. Often, I would just leave it fastened loosely over a hanger so that I just had to put it on and re-tighten it. This particular tie, however, had been the one I had been wearing when Rose pulled it off of me the afternoon we'd made love. I frowned at the bittersweet memory of our time together, trying to get my brain to focus on the task at hand and not the memories it brought back.
My phone, sitting screen-up on the bedside table, chirped as the sound of a new text message came in. The screen showed it was from Mason. He'd been texting me all week as he worked out the details of my admissions and scholarships at State. Surprisingly, my grades and test scores were good enough that academic scholarships had covered a lot of what financial need didn't pick up, but the track team had still picked up a considerable amount, including my room and board. I hadn't even realized until I had picked up my cap and gown on Monday, but I was graduating with honors today.
I clicked on the new text message. I'll be at the ceremony today. I know things are hard, but remember that you only graduate from high school once.
As I went to set the phone down, he sent a second message. You've done amazing, Dimitri. You should be proud of your accomplishments.
"It's meaningless without Rose," I said to myself, scowling at my phone. I texted back: Are you any closer to getting through to Rose?
I didn't get another reply, so I put my suit coat on and my phone in my pocket, then exited my room. The whole family, except for Viktoria, was standing in the entryway, wearing their Sunday best and waiting for me.
"Are you ready, Dimka?" Mama asked.
I nodded and asked, "Where's Vika?"
Over the past week, Viktoria and Ivan had been working towards becoming a couple. I felt awkward in the middle and Ivan wasn't sure what to tell me, since he had always been one to kiss and tell when it came to what he shared with his best friend, but they both seemed happy. Many nights, I'd see Vika texting away back and forth with Ivan on her cell phone, and many days at school, I'd see Ivan pulling out a picture of Vika or biting his tongue as he began to talk about her.
"She said that she had some errands to run," said Mama, "something about a special graduation surprise. She said she'd meet us there. She assured me that she is with Ivan Zeklos and he wouldn't miss his own graduation, so she was sure they'd be on time."
I shuddered, thinking that it was probably another personal thing between her and Ivan. If she had a special graduation surprise for him, I didn't want to know about it.
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The drive to the graduation ceremony was to happen in a caravan, since the seven of us couldn't all fit in one car. I was planning to ride in Mama's car with Mama and Babushka when I got a cryptic text from Ivan telling me to drive separately. He wouldn't go into any further detail, but he'd never intentionally steered me wrong before, so I did as he asked and drove my own car by myself.
When I arrived in the parking lot, I saw Mason Ashford's car there, recognizable by all of the State University stickers on the windows. I smiled a weak smile, knowing that he would be in my corner as I tried to find a way to win Rose back, and walked over to the area where the graduates were supposed to gather before the ceremony.
Just as I was about to duck into the graduate-only area, my mama stopped me in my tracks. "Dimka," she called, "Come here and let us take some pictures of you!"
I turned, glancing at the clock on the wall. I had ten minutes. Going over to Mama and Babushka, Mama grabbed me in a tight hug and pulled my face down to give me a giant kiss on the cheek.
"Dimka," Mama said, "You wouldn't believe how proud I am of you for how well you have done! You are an amazing boy and I never could've dreamed you would be standing here today like this, graduating with honors, with a full-ride scholarship!"
"Thank you, Mama," I told her, returning her embrace, "I couldn't have done it without you."
Mama smiled and Babushka, with a knowing grin, said, "Today is the day, Dimka. You'll see."
"See what?" I asked her. Why all the cryptic nonsense, Babushka? Are you senile or seein'-all?
Babushka kissed one of my cheeks and patted the other as she said, "That she will come back."
I frowned and looked at her. Definitely senile.
I put an arm around both of them as Sonya took some pictures, then Mama took the camera from her and I took a few more pictures with each of my sisters that was present.
I sighed. Still no sign of Viktoria and Ivan.
"Mama," I said, looking at my watch, "I have to get backstage in the next five minutes."
Mama looked so sad that I had to try to do what she had asked. "Dimitri, can you wait two more minutes? Please? For me?"
I nodded and stood waiting with my family. Just as I was getting ready to turn and walk away, Viktoria and Ivan came running up.
"One more picture with you and Vika, then another one with Ivan!" Mama cried.
We quickly got in position and snapped the two more pictures. "Now, really, Mama," I told her, "I have to go now."
"Okay, Dimka," Mama said, dragging my face down to her level and then giving me a kiss on each of my cheeks and my forehead, "I am so proud of you, my boy. I love you so much!"
"I love you, too, Mama," I said, as I hauled Ivan away with me.
I smiled for a moment, then realized that 'I love you' were words I would never hear from Rose again. I ached.
As we were making our way to the double doors where the graduates were to meet, I saw Mason Ashford out of the corner of my eye, standing with a willowy platinum blonde and a shorter, curvy woman with dark, flowing almost-black curly hair. Both women had their backs to me where I was standing, but if I hadn't known better, I would've sworn that they were Rose and Lissa.
"Is that …?" I asked out loud, stopping to stare.
Ivan turned and grabbed my arm, pulling me along as I had to him a few minutes ago. "C'mon, Dimitri. I think you're seeing things."
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I sat in my seat waiting for my name to be called. The seats we had to sit in were the most uncomfortable seats I had ever sat in for a long period of time, which is really saying something, considering I was used to sitting in a high school desk for six hours a day. Unfortunately, they didn't pick any sort of conventional order, such as alphabetical, to the way we were being called. Instead, we were called in the order we seated ourselves, each student handing their names in a stack to the announcer as we found our seats walking in. Since we were so late walking in, Ivan and I were going to be the last to be called. Jill sat two rows before me and she was next to be called. Ivan would be called right before I was, making me the absolute last graduate that would be on stage.
"Jillian Mastrano," the announcer said. I heard cheers from three sections of the arena and turned to look. In one section was a couple who appeared to be Jill's mother and step-father. In another, I saw a man, his wife, and a blonde boy I recognized as Andre something-or-other who had graduated from the basketball team a few years ago. With a start, I realized that this was Lissa's family and Andre must've been Lissa's younger brother.
In the third section, I saw Lissa, Christian, a black-haired girl who must've been Christian's niece, Mason Ashford, and … Rose?
My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her in awe. It was definitely Rose, and she was every bit the woman I had fallen in love with as the day she set foot on Randall's doorstep. She was breathtaking.
She appeared to have lost weight. The look in her eyes was almost forlorn. There were dark circles under her eyes. No amount of weariness could dull her radiant beauty, but it made my heart ache even more to see her like this.
I kept staring at Rose as the announcer continued to call out names from the audience, willing her to look - or not to look; I really wasn't sure - in my direction. I had wanted to see her. I had wanted her to see me. But at the same time, I didn't think I could survive seeing the look of disdain - of pure and utter hatred - in her eyes that she had given me the last time I had seen her. If I never saw that look again, it would be too soon.
And yet, if she never looked at me again, we could never reconcile. After continuing to stare for long moments without her looking back, I took a deep breath and I looked away.
A few minutes later, I heard Ivan's name called. I could hear Rose's voice gasp as she heard it; probably learning for the first time that my best friend was related to her deceitful ex-boyfriend. I shook my head and frowned, furrowing my brow. She would never trust me again.
"Dimitri Belikov," the announcer called. To my startled amazement, I heard three sets of cheers again. I looked around the room. Rose was … cheering for me?
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Author's Notes:
If you look out there, I put a preview for this chapter on Facebook (page on profile). I'll be putting a preview out there for chapter 29 soon.
It has been nearly twenty years since I graduated from high school or college and when I did, it was in a university basketball arena with a stage in it both times, so my experience might differ slightly from the norm, both in this chapter or in the next Dimitri chapter. If I've strayed too far off the path, let me know.
