Hey guys!

Like I said once before this story revolves heavily around sexual abuse and this chapter in particular is probably one of the toughest regarding this matter. I just want to say it in advance.

Also please leave a review, I´ll be very happy about it.

Other than that enjoy

Liv strolled along the beach, her head in the clouds and her feet throwing some sand in front of her with every step. She was still shaken up by the events of the day before and her elbows and the cut on her face hurt her.

"Morning Kid." She looked up to see a wet and shirtless Sawyer in front of her. The salty water dripped down from his hair and he had a grin on like nothing happened the other day. "Got some sand on my things there." He pointed at a pack of cigarettes and a book which were covered with the sand Liv threw around her when walking.

"Sorry." She murmured as she turned towards the forest to leave and Sawyer sighed.

"Damn you still mad at me for yesterday? That was nothing, really." He ran after her, quickly grabbing his belongings but Liv didn´t turn around or wait for him to catch up which he eventually did. "Oh come on Kid, don´t be such drag."

"Yeah, well, I get to be pissed. You really hurt my feelings." She stated angrily but Sawyer didn´t lose his smugness and tried to convince her he didn´t mean it that way. "Yeah, maybe you didn´t but you have no idea what I´ve been through and you have no idea who you´re talking to, Sawyer…or whatever the hell your real name is!" Were her final words as she picked up a faster pace and joined the rest of the camp, leaving Sawyer behind.

After she grabbed a banana for breakfast, Liv went back to the caves. She wanted to avoid Sawyer and knew the caves were the best place for that – he barely went up there. The girl listened to Sayid telling Jack how he got injured on the mission to finding a distress signal when suddenly Shannon came in, carrying Boone – who was in a terrible state and bloody all over his face – asking for help. Jack and Sayid rushed to her aid and put Boone down onto a rock.

"What happened?" Jack asked worried as both Shannon and Boone were gasping for air. It took Boone a while to get a word out, but it was enough to set Jack and Sayid off – Sawyer. Jack cleaned the wounds on Boones face, who insisted that it was fine. They discussed why Sawyer had done what he had done as the wounded explained he was looking for his sister´s inhalers and going through suitcases Sawyer added to his stash. Liv rolled her eyes. She was sure Sawyer wasn´t the man the letter was addressed to but he still had a bad temper. As she listened to the men talking, she watched Shannon who was really pale for always lying in the sun and tanning. Her body was shiny from cold sweat and her lips shivering with every breath. Suddenly Jack took off and Liv could only guess that he was walking to Sawyer to confront him.

"Hey how are you?" Liv sat down in front of Boone who had a painful expression on his face. She took a towel which was dunked in water and pressed it onto the wounds Jack hasn´t stitched up and bandaged yet.

"Don´t remember you communicating with me much." He replied with a wince when the cold water touched his open scrapes. Liv just shrugged and sighed as she put some fresh water onto the towel.

"I couldn´t help but overhear your conversation with Jack…Sawyer shouldn´t have jumped you like that." The girl admitted and Boone scoffed.

"You can stop playing nice…you don´t have to try and defend your boyfriend." He softly pushed her hand away and turned his head to the side.

"Hey!" Liv retorted. "I´m not playing nice, I´m actually being nice…also Sawyer´s not my boyfriend. And we had a fight so…I´m on your side now." Boone glanced at her from the corner of his eye and sighed, apologizing for his behavior.

"I´m just really worried about Shannon, you know?" he meant and Liv nodded, dabbing some more water on his forehead to clean the wound. "First thing I´ll do when they save us is getting her to a doctor."

"You still think they´re gonna save us?" she asked sarcastically but soon realized he was being serious. "Boone, it´s been over a week…I don´t think they´ll get to us."

"You may have lost hope, but I have enough for the both of us." he gave her a soft smile which she replied in instantly.

Some hours went by in which Boone didn´t take his eyes off of Shannon and Liv helped him get her water and keep her calm, whenever her breathing´s got rough. Jack has informed them that Sawyer wasn´t willing to cooperate and give him the much-needed inhalers. Shannon was close to getting an attack. Boone and Liv tried to calm her down, get her to breathe normally whilst Jack was frantically looking for anything useful in his bags. Suddenly, Sawyer walked by, giving the group a side-eye while walking to the small waterfall to get water. Jack followed swiftly and demanded the inhalers once more. Sawyer, cocky as he was, made a dumb comment, causing Jack to throw a punch, making the Southerner fall back a little. Jack groaned, his shoulder still not fully recovered from the dislocation and Liv watched them in disbelieve as Sawyer dabbed his lip, standing up again.

"Didn´t think you had it in you!" he meant with a smug when another punch landed against his face.

"Jack!" Liv shouted standing up but staying with Boone and Shannon. Sawyer looked up, blood running out of his mouth as his eyes met Liv´s. She looked at him, worry in her eyes, but feeling conflicted about helping him or not. Sawyer looked away, feeling the resentment from her side, and turned to Jack.

"That all you got?" he asked and Jack was about to completely go off on him when he realized everybody staring at them and looking scared. He simply shook his head and went back to his patient, leaving Sawyer on his knees. The blonde man looked back to Liv, who sat down next to Boone again. She glanced over once more but quickly looked away when their eyes met.

Liv was sitting by the water, splashing some in her face to cool down when she heard someone inhaling sharply.

"Help! She´s not breathing!" Boone´s voice rang in her ears and she quickly ran to the siblings again, arriving together with Jack. The doctor tried to calm her down, telling her it was mostly anxiety and all in her head, while spectators watched them worried. Liv felt overwhelmed. She didn´t know what to do or say and looked at Boone who had tears in his eyes and seemed scared to death. Fortunately, Jack got her to calm down and control her breathing again, pulling Boone to the side, leaving Liv alone with Shannon.

"Just like he said okay?" she tried to continue Jack´s approach. "In through the nose, out through the mouth okay?" Shannon closed her eyes and Liv grabbed her hand to give her some comfort. She watched as Jack ran out of the caves, Sayid following, but quickly put her focus on Shannon again.

Liv feared for Shannon having another attack and went on the search for Jack. She met Kate on the beach.

"Have you seen Jack?" she asked but the second Kate opened her mouth Sayid approached them.

"Liv? We need you." The two girls looked to the Arab and then Jack who was standing a few feet behind him, his arms crossed and his expression guilty.

"Need me? For what?" the girl replied anxiously and Jack looked up.

"You need to talk to Sawyer." He explained but all Liv did was scoff. "Please."

"I´m sorry, but talking to him is the last thing I wanna do right now." She turned to walk away but Jack´s voice held her back.

"You need to find out where the inhalers are. Or are you gonna let Shannon die?" Liv turned in shock and Kate didn´t look less surprised at what statements Jack gave from him. She exhaled deeply before joining the two men. Jack and Sayid accompanied Liv to the place they kept Sawyer and as soon as she saw the blond man tied to the tree with blood on his face all her anger went away.

"What…the actual hell? Did you torture him?" she turned to Jack who glanced over to Sayid.

"There was no other option." The Arab meant and Liv huffed in disbelieve.

"There´s always another option than torture. Couldn´t you just have…I don´t know asked?"

"You saw what happened back in the caves." Jack was almost amused by her naivety and Liv rolled her eyes. "He said he´ll only talk to you." Liv looked at Sawyer who lifted his head and looked at her with a smirk.

"Leave us." He demanded but the other men stood their ground.

"Don´t worry Liv, we won´t leave you. He can´t hurt you." Sayid promised and got a mad look from Liv who pointed at Sawyer.

"Look at him! He´s tied to a tree and injured. He won´t hurt me…leave us for god´s sake." She insisted and after a second of resistance Jack and Sayid walked away and Liv got a bit closer to Sawyer. "So? Where are the inhalers?"

"Mh…did you really think it gon´ be that easy?" he huffed to Liv´s annoyance and nodded at the space in front of him as an invitation to sit but Liv didn´t move. "I want a deal."

"Fine!" Liv shot out and Sawyer was surprised she agreed so fast. "What do you want?"

"The truth. About you. About your past. About why you´re guarded." He explained and Liv swallowed and breathed in for a moment. She knew this day would come where she had no chance but to tell him and she knew he wouldn´t change his mind. Liv eventually took the place in front of him and exhaled deeply.

"My father was from Austria and he met my mum during an exchange year in Brighton. They fell in love and he moved to her, they got married and got three kids. My two older brothers and me." She started and again Sawyer was surprised that she agreed. "When I was six, he got this amazing job offer back in Austria so we all moved there. My mother also got an amazing job and…I mean we´ve been there on holidays and knew the language but not flawlessly and it was still different. My unc-" Liv choked as her eyes welled up and she started fidgeting with her fingers. "My dad´s brother helped us…getting accustomed. Um…I always knew I was his favorite." Liv´s voice was shaky and she couldn´t look Sawyer in the eyes, thus not seeing his worried expression. "He got me presents without any special occasions and when there was one, I got better presents than my brothers. I always thought it was because I still played with him unlike Tim and James who were always hanging out with their friends. Took me a while to realize that I was his favorite because I was a girl." A tear streamed down the girl´s face as she pressed her eyes together and forced the words out of her mouth. "An innocent, vulnerable, little girl he could manipulate. It started when I was eight. My parents often had to work late or were on business trips so he stayed over and tucked me in at night. But after I turned eight, he started to touch me…in places my father didn´t touch me and…I was confused but he assured me that this was normal. Once he watched me bathe…you don´t have to watch a nine-year old taking a bath but my unc-" her voice broke again by the very thought of it.

"Your uncle?" Sawyer whispered and Liv looked at him, the tears making her green eyes pop. She nodded softly.

"He said he just didn´t want me to drown. And then he meant that I had to get clean everywhere and he…helped me." Liv lost her voice and continued talking hoarsely and quietly as the lump in her throat felt like it stripped off her trachea. "He always told me that this was normal and every girl my age was doing this but it had to be kept a secret…and I believed him…because I was a young child…because this was my…my uncle…why would he do something to hurt me?" Sawyer looked at her very carefully, examined her face. She was sitting in a crouched position, eyes locked to the ground and her hands hugging her arms loosely.

"On my tenth birthday, my mum got a raise, so she and dad went out that night. Tim stayed over at a friend´s house and James was on a field trip with his class. It started like every other evening, he brought me to bed, tucked me in…but instead of touching me he wanted me to…to touch…him. And I did. Until he was hard." Liv let out some soft whimpers as she tightened the hug she gave herself and her muscles tensed up. "I don´t remember much of that night. Just how painful it was. How much I bled. How it felt like he was ripping me up from inside…I cried, begged him to stop but he…he just assured me that this was normal and that he loved me and it was for my own good." The girl now couldn´t hold back any longer. She cried, tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably and Sawyer wanted to hug her and comfort her so bad, if he wasn´t tied to that tree.

"He raped me…a 98 times until I was thirteen. Until I learned at school that what he did wasn´t normal and wasn´t for my own good and was illegal. That same night we were alone again and he came into my room. I confronted him; told him I would tell my parents. And he got so angry. He yelled at me, told my he only did it because I wanted it, said I was a whore and that no one would believe me because I was just a child and that my parents would hate me and send me away. And I believed him – again!" Liv´s face was covered in tears as she relived the horrors of her childhood.

"That night…was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. He pinned me down and I tried to fight him off but he was stronger and bigger and he smelled like Whiskey and his weight on me made it hard for me to breathe. I screamed but he put a little stuffed animal into my mouth which made breathing even harder. I was bleeding…a lot and it burned…everything burned like it was on fire while he was assaulting me the whole night." Liv added a pause to breathe and calm down. She scratched her arm, leaving red marks and opened her eyes to look at Sawyer. "A few days later my dad and him got into a fight and I never saw him again. I was free." She offered him a weak smile and could swear that he tried to blink some tears away.

"That was up until about two months ago. I came home from school and there he was. Sitting on our sofa as though he had never left. I went numb. My dad explained that they had made up and if I wanted to join them for tea but all I could see were his eyes on me. His smirk. And I could see right there that he was going to do it again. And I could feel all the pain I had all those years ago like the wounds were fresh. I went to my room, packed everything I could think of into my backpack, went to the nearest bank and got all the money I had on my card in cash, drove to the airport and as I sat there and thought about what to do, how to flee from him, the place that seemed the farthest away was Australia. So I got my ticket and 48 hours later I landed in Sydney. But I soon realized the only place where I was safe and where I could become someone new were the States. And the rest of the story…you know." She finished her story. Some tears had dried already and she has calmed down. A long silent pause ruled the atmosphere between them.

"Liv I am so sorry this happened to you." Sawyer meant quietly and she could see he meant it and suddenly she started laughing as new tears came to her eyes.

"You know the funny thing is that I wanted to be as far away as possible from him and now…No one knows we´re on this island. Nobody has an idea where we are – hell, I don´t even know where we are. I am free of him. Yet, I can still see his grin when I close my eyes and I can still feel the pain he caused inside my body at night and every time someone touches me…every time a man touches me…I can feel his hands all over my body. I want to be free but he is still there…I am still his victim." She whimpered quietly into her hands when Sawyer sighed.

"I don´t have ´em." He admitted after a pause and Liv looked up, not understanding what he was trying to say. "The inhalers. I don´t have them. Never did."

"But…but Boone he said…he saw you with his book." She stammered as she stood up looking around, waiting for someone to wake her up from that bad dream.

"Book got washed up, I never had his-" Sawyer got cut off by Liv´s hand slapping him hard across his face.

"You are a bloody bastard, Sawyer. We are done! You are the worst!" she yelled at him and stormed out of the jungle to where she came from, tears rolling down her cheeks as she ignored him calling her. She finally found her way out, passing Sayid, Jack and Kate who apparently joined them, waiting impatiently and shocked by how she looked.

"He doesn´t have them." She informed the men not stopping, her voice although, breaking and shivering with anger.

"He´s lying!" Sayid stated but Liv turned around and looked at him sternly.

"Sawyer may be whatever he is but he wouldn´t lie to me. Not after what he made me do." She assured, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes watering. Jack was just about to comfort Liv when Sayid stormed back into the forest and the doctor and Kate had to follow him before he did anything rash. Liv thought about leaving and letting them hurt him even more, but some very twisted part inside of her still cared for him and so she followed them. What she saw once she arrived at the place was dreadful. Sawyer had managed to free himself and him and Sayid were fighting, rolling on the ground, Jack trying to get them apart. Suddenly a loud, painful groan escaped Sawyer´s mouth and Sayid pulled back. The girl gasped at the sight of a knife sticking in Sawyer´s arm. Jack pushed Sayid back and examined the wounded. He pulled the knife out, making Sawyer wince even more and blood ran all over his arm. Liv swallowed, but didn´t look away like Kate did.

"You hit an artery." Jack gasped, pressing down on the wound to stop the bleeding. "Keep still damn it." He meant as Sawyer moved around in pain. Liv stared at the wound and the blood, all those memories she talked about with Sawyer before, were stuck in her head and she felt sick by the sight of the blood and what she associated with it. Jack sent Sayid to the caves to bring him his medical supplies while Kate kneeled down next to him asking if he can make it stop bleeding.

"Let go." Sawyer suddenly whispered in pain and Liv switched her gaze from his wound to his eyes. He looked up from Jack and met her gaze and in an instant her expression changed from worried to furious. "I know you want it." The victim said with a stern look to Liv but she could of sworn that he seemed sorry or at least a bit sad.

"Shut up!" Jack ordered and Liv turned around. She couldn´t stand to watch him suffer even if she tried to convince herself that that´s what she wanted. She heard the voices of them fade out as she headed towards the caves where she retrieved to her little corner and sobbed into her pillow, hoping no one would approach her.

Some time has passed and Liv was sure Jack patched Sawyer up and didn´t let him die like the man told him to.

"Hey." Liv suddenly heard Kate´s voice behind her and turned around, her eyes puffy and her cheeks red. "How are you doing?"

"Did Jack send you?" Liv didn´t answer Kate´s question and looked up to her with a monotone, emotionless expression. Kate shook her head slightly and sat down in front of the young woman reaching out for her, but Liv pulled away.

"Did he do something to you? Did he make you do something you weren´t comfortable with?" she asked worried and Liv scoffed, turning her head away so Kate wouldn´t see her tears.

"I get it okay? Jack sent you to find out what happened with me and Sawyer. Well, you can tell him that it´s none of his business and actually it´s none of yours too. Just…he has been bumping heads with Sawyer since we crashed here and hasn´t said one nice word about him. He doesn´t know him the way I do." Liv answered in a harsh whisper, looking back at Kate and biting her lip anxiously.

"You think you know him? Have you seen the piece of paper he´s always carrying around with him? Because I did. I read it. He´s a bad man Liv." Kate snapped at her and Liv furrowed her eyebrows and a small smile formed on her lips.

"Apparently you didn´t read very carefully." She simply said and laid back down.

"Hey! I´m still talking to you!" the brunette retorted and Liv rolled her eyes, not bothering to pay attention to Kate.

"I don´t care. You´re just here to spy on me or get information out of me for Jack so he has more reasons to hate Sawyer. I don´t need your fake friendship and pleasantness."

"You know, I get that you´ve been through something and that you´ve got trust issues, but at some point, you gotta see who´s just genuinely trying to be nice to you." Kate stood up angrily and walked away. Liv stared into the blank, wondering if she was wrong about Kate and immediately regretting her actions.

The sun started to set and so did the survivors. Sun has found eucalyptus to help Shannon and her asthma. Claire has moved to the caves with Charlie and Liv spend time with them. She enjoyed their company, not having any hard feelings against Charlie because of his addiction and helping him in his recovery. The sweet blossoming love between the Aussie and the Brit was cute and Liv felt like a matchmaker every time the both of them blushed and snickered at each other´s jokes. They told her the story of how Charlie convinced Claire to move, with pretending to have found peanut butter. Liv´s thoughts slowly drifted away to Sawyer and how he was doing and once she saw Kate and Jack talking, she took the chance to find him and talk.

"Hi." She greeted him quietly once she arrived at his tent and found him sleeping shirtless and a thick bandage around his wound. Sawyer opened his eyes and quickly looked away from her. "I made you some tea. Sun gave me some herbs. It´s surely not the best but…my mum always made me tea when I was sick."

"I´m not sick." Sawyer simply replied, turning to the other side. "And I don´t need your pity."

"Don´t worry I don´t pity you. I actually enjoy seeing the pain making your cocky smile disappear." She giggled and Sawyer couldn´t help but smile a little. "So…? You want the tea?" Sawyer turned back to her and she helped him sit up a little.

"So…" he took a sip of the hot beverage. "You not mad at me anymore?"

"Oh no, I´m furious with you." She explained. "But I realized that you shouldn´t push your friends away and…and that I really like…you." Sawyer choked on some tea on the last part, making him cough and spilling some of the hot water on his bare chest, making the spot burn. "I am so sorry!" she quickly stood up and dried his skin with a piece of cloth that was lying around. Once he got dried up, she started dabbing it slower and they locked eyes.

"I like you too." He whispered and they stared at each other for a moment longer before Liv pulled away.

"Anyway, I hope you´ll feel better soon." Liv stood up and straightened her clothes awkwardly as she was eager to get away from this uncomfortable moment.

"I will as soon as I find that bastard and kill him." Sawyer tried to sit up, but Liv quickly put him down in a lying position again.

"No one´s gonna kill anybody…also Sayid left." She informed him and Sawyer sighed angrily. "And you should get some rest so, I´m gonna leave you to it and…I´ll see you around alright?" she smiled friendly as her hands were still on his shoulders and her brown her was flowing in the soft wind. Sawyer put a hand on hers and replied the smile before she pulled away softly and left into the forest.